A Question of Trust
by RED5
Summary: When Dylan and Kelly choose to rekindle their relationship whilst Dylan is still seeing Brenda the scene is set for some dramatic revelations. Story Complete!!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. All the characters are borrowed for the purposes of this story. They belong to Aaron Spelling.  
  
Title: A Question of Trust  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: When Dylan and Kelly choose to rekindle their relationship whilst Dylan is still seeing Brenda, the scene is set for some dramatic revelations. Meanwhile on assignment for the 'Blaze' Brandon is hot on the heels of the 'Legacy Key trickster', little realising that the man in question is actually his best friend Steve Sanders.  
  
This Story is set towards the end of season three just after 'The Back Story'. Although it stays true to some elements of the story as depicted on screen, some poetic licence has been taken. I have altered the chronology of some events, missed out some all together and changed various elements of the story. Basically this is how I would like to have seen the story play out. Since I am English and do not have access to sky, I have only seen the first four seasons of the show.  
  
The gang are still at high school but about to make the leap to College. The SAT's have been taken but the results have not yet been revealed. Decisions are still being made regarding College choices. Brenda and Dylan are still together but Dylan and Kelly both wish that they could turn their summer fling in to something more. Brenda has come clean to Dylan about her 'relationship' with Rick in Paris. Dylan has confessed to a summer romance but has not admitted that it was with Kelly. Brandon has recently started seeing Nikki Witt a sophomore who has had a crush on him for some time. Steve has not yet received the legacy key.  
  
1.1 Chapter One  
  
Dylan McKay sighed heavily and put down the wrench that he had been futilely using to tighten the nuts on his motorcycle. He checked his watch, man it was later than he thought. Brenda had been gone for almost three hours and yet he was still angry. Leaning back against the wall, he ran his hands through his dark hair making it stand up even more than usual, and rubbed his tired eyes. Brenda, he'd never met anyone who could make him feel so annoyed and yet so alive at the same time.  
  
His relationship with Brenda Walsh had always been complicated not least because she wasn't your typical Beverly Hills rich kid. Brenda had something that a lot of the Beverly Hills kids, including Dylan, didn't have. She had a close and loving family. Dylan thought that the Walsh family was pretty amazing. Jim and Cindy Walsh had been together for nearly twenty years, they cared about each other and they loved Brenda and her twin brother Brandon. They were definitely something of an oddity in Beverly Hills. Sometimes Dylan resented what Brandon and Brenda had but mostly he just envied them. His own father Jack McKay had been pretty short on love for his son, too busy with his floozies, his business and his expensive holidays to spare much time for Dylan. His mother Iris was just as bad, a flaky new age hippy currently residing in Hawaii. She was more interested in her crystals and her mantras than she was in her son. Now his dad was in jail and he hadn't had more than a postcard from his mother in years. Dylan had been on his own for over three years and he was dealing with it.  
  
But that wasn't quite true; he wasn't alone, not anymore because he had Brenda. Since she had come in to his life things had changed for the better. Dylan was a loaner, he kept his distance from most people, didn't let anyone get close, was too afraid of getting hurt. But little by little Brenda had changed that, she'd brought Dylan back in to the world, helped him to connect with people again. Ok most of his friends would probably say that Dylan remained a mystery to them; they didn't really know what went on in his head. But Dylan knew that things were different now. Now he had friends, before he had merely had acquaintances, people to pass the time of day with but nothing more. Best of all, the Walshes had accepted him in to their family. He liked to think of his bond with the Walsh family as 'special' but it hadn't all been plain sailing. Dylan grimaced at some of the arguments he had had with Jim Walsh over his relationship with Brenda. But in the end Jim cared about his daughter and just wanted the best for her, and Dylan had to respect the guy for that.  
  
He and Brenda hadn't exactly parted on the best of terms tonight. Perhaps he should call her, talk things out rather than let the sun go down on their argument. He reached for the phone but a glance at his watch made him rethink. It was late and his fragile relationship with Jim Walsh wouldn't be helped by a late night phone call that woke the entire house.  
  
Still he was feeling edgy and irritated by the fight with Brenda. Usually when he was in this kind of mood working on the bike helped to calm him down. Focusing his mind and his energy on something constructive distracted him from whatever was troubling him. In the past he had found his distraction at the bottom of a bottle. Dylan had been a recovering alcoholic for two years now, something else Brenda had helped him to deal with. It was a constant battle, one that he would always have to fight. Most of the time he kept his addiction in check but sometimes it was more difficult. His friends were all aware of his problem but he hardly ever talked about it not even to Brenda. Perhaps he should go to a meeting. There were always meetings going on in LA no matter how late it was.  
  
Dylan sighed; he and Brenda had been fighting a lot lately. Tonight it had been about the College issue again. Typical Brenda she was all fired up by the prospect of college. Her passion was one of the things that he loved most about her but right now it was driving him crazy. Why couldn't she understand that he didn't want college? She just wouldn't let it go. Dylan had never spent much time considering his future. With all that money waiting in the bank it had never been a pressing issue. His 12- step programme had taught him to take life one day at a time and he preferred to keep it that way.  
  
But he knew that wasn't the real reason why he didn't want to talk about college. He didn't want to have these discussions with Brenda because although they were officially talking about college what they were really talking about was their relationship. In pushing him to apply for college, Brenda was asking him to commit to her. She couldn't understand why he didn't want the same thing that she did, for both of them to go to school together, to take their relationship to the next level. After everything they had been through in the last two years, escaping to college together seemed like the obvious next step. He could tell she was frustrated and upset but that didn't stop him arguing with her.  
  
Tonight she had asked him what would happen if she went away to school and he stayed behind. It was a question that neither of them really wanted to answer, and he had stalled as best he could. But he knew that sooner or later he was going to have to give her some answers. How could he tell her the real reason he didn't want to deal with the college issue? He didn't even know if it was a reason, wasn't even sure himself what he felt. But it was enough to put doubt in his mind and to complicate his life. Suddenly the prospect of a drink seemed more inviting. Perhaps he should go to a meeting after all. No, he knew a much better cure for his current troubles. He reached for the phone.  
  
2 Chapter Two  
  
"Hey guys I'm home, anybody in?" Brandon Walsh greeted his family with slightly more exuberance than he felt as he shut the front door to Cassa Walsh. Usually he didn't mind his part time job as a waiter at the Peach Pit, a fifties style hamburger joint and the main hangout for Brandon and his friends. Nat, the owner was a great guy and had become a close friend. Brandon was good at his job and it provided the extra cash that he desperately needed. Compared to his friends Brandon's family were not exactly rich. Jim Walsh wanted his kids to know the value of money, which meant that Brandon's income from the peach pit was vital if he wanted to keep his car on the road and still be able to go out with his friends.  
  
Usually the pit wasn't too busy and Brandon got a chance to hang out with his friends in between orders. Tonight there had been a rush on and he had hardly had chance to acknowledge his best friend Steve Sanders when he'd brought Steve's mega burger.  
  
"In here honey" Cindy Walsh called from the kitchen. "So how was work?" "Greasy, hot, and incredibly busy. Man I'm beat, I've been fantasising about hitting the shower for the last two hours". Brandon didn't like the expression on his mom's face and he knew what was coming next. "I'm afraid you'll have to wait, Brenda's taking a bath".  
  
"Again! Is she deliberately trying to drive me crazy?" Brandon asked in frustration. This was the third night in a row he'd gotten home from work and had to wait for his sister to get out of the bathroom.  
  
"Well she's got a lot on her mind at the moment. You know how she likes to soak in the bath when she's upset". Cindy tried her best to placate her son.  
  
Brandon did know, he'd lived with Brenda long enough to know what to expect. Much as he loved his sister she had a tendency to melodrama that could be infuriating. Brenda was always 'going through some stuff'. More often than not it was something to do with her relationship with Dylan McKay.  
  
Brandon reflected on how different twins could be. Brenda had ambition as an actress and possessed an intensity that Brandon did not share. In his more cynical moments Brandon couldn't help but wonder if she invented these mini crises to satisfy her need for drama. Sometimes he tried to argue with her, to get her to rationalise the situation. Other times he refused to take her seriously, tried to tease her out of her mood. Mostly he just humoured her. Unlike his sister, Brandon preferred a quiet life, and he had long since learned that the best way to ensure that was to let Brenda get her way.  
  
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Brenda Walsh lay back in the bath letting the bubbles come up to her chin but mindful to keep her long dark hair out of the water. She tried hard to ignore her brother's constant banging on the door. She knew that she should really let Brandon have his shower. She'd been in here for over an hour and her skin was starting to resemble a prune. But still, soaking in the tub was where she did her best thinking, especially when she was worried about something. She'd been doing a lot of thinking lately, and tonight was no different. She'd been going over and over her argument with Dylan and something about it troubled her.  
  
Sure they'd had fights before, sometimes it seemed their entire relationship was just one long fight. But this time Brenda sensed something different. She had always been able to read Dylan, just as he had an uncanny knack of understanding her better than any of her friends did, better even than Brandon. Lately she'd got the feeling that he was hiding something from her. Brenda liked to confront her fears rather than let them eat away at her. That's why she'd asked Dylan what would happen if she went away to school. She'd hoped that the question would force him to reveal what was bothering him or at least reassure her that she was worried over nothing. Looking back she realised that he hadn't actually answered her, and that's what was bothering her the most.  
  
"Come on Brenda, give me a break" Brandon's voice cut through her thoughts and gave her an idea. Her brother had spent some time with Dylan lately perhaps he knew what was going on. She needed to talk to someone and Brandon was a pretty good listener. Getting out of the bath she pulled on her bathrobe and opened the connecting door in to Brandon's room.  
  
"Well it's about time. I was starting to think you'd taken up permanent residence in there". Brandon was obviously frustrated but Brenda chose to ignore it. "Brandon do you think I've changed since I've been to Paris?" Brandon had no idea where that had come from but he had a good idea where it was heading.  
  
"It's just that ever since I've got back I haven't been able to connect with anyone. Donna's so wrapped up in David it's as if no one else exists. It's not that I'm not happy for her, I am it's just she never has time for me anymore. And Kelly's just so moody lately. I'm going through all this stuff, and I feel like nobody understands or even cares". Brandon sighed as he sat back down on his bed. He knew that he wouldn't get his shower until they'd talked this through. "What did Dylan do now?"  
  
3 Chapter Three  
  
Kelly Taylor was miserable. It was a beautiful LA morning, not a cloud in the sky. Yet it did nothing to lighten her bad mood. It would take a lot more than great weather to do that. She yawned; it had been the early hours of the morning when she finally got off the phone to Dylan. She'd been thrilled when he called, she always got that little shiver of excitement whenever Dylan looked at her, spoke to her, or lets face it was in her vicinity. But inevitably the conversation had turned to Brenda and the argument he'd had with her. As always that had provoked Kelly to question Dylan about his relationship with her or more accurately lack of relationship. She knew that forcing Dylan to admit his feelings for her was a mistake but she couldn't help herself. She just needed to hear him say it, convince herself that she wasn't going mad. But as usual they had spent hours going around in circles and covering the same ground without ever getting anywhere, and Kelly was getting pretty tired of the whole situation.  
  
"Hurry up David, we're gonna be late." Kelly could feel her patience wearing thin. "You've got five minutes and then you'll be walking to school." She added for good measure. It wasn't really David that she was annoyed with but she couldn't help but take out her bad mood on him.  
  
"Alright already". David Silver, Kelly's stepbrother appeared in the hallway still struggling in to a too loud Hawaiian shirt, his dark hair spiky and wet from the shower. "Sounds like somebody got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning" David smirked.  
  
"I'm just not in the mood to be kept waiting" Kelly snapped at him.  
  
"Well I wouldn't have overslept if I hadn't been woken up by the phone at 1am. Who was that anyway?"  
  
"Oh it was just Brenda, she'd had another fight with Dylan, needed a shoulder to cry on". Kelly was amazed how easy it was becoming to lie. David rolled his eyes; leave it to Brenda to interrupt everyone's sleep with one of her petty relationship problems.  
  
He wondered idly what Kelly's problem was. Lately she seemed to be in a permanent bad mood and he had been bearing the brunt of it. He considered asking her but thought better of it. He didn't feel like getting his head bitten off. What ever was bugging her she knew she could talk to him if she needed to. They'd gotten pretty close since becoming a ready-made family.  
  
At first he'd been upset when his father announced that he was going to marry Jackie Taylor, David had harboured hopes of his parents getting back together. But once it was obvious that that wasn't on the cards, he'd accepted the Taylor-Silver merger. He was an only child and most of the time it was nice to have Kelly as a big sister. The recent addition of their baby sister Erin served to reinforce the feeling of family.  
  
Nope, whatever it was that was troubling Kelly, David wasn't going to waste any time worrying about it. Right now he had enough problems of his own to worry about. All anyone could talk about at the moment was college, and it was making him jittery. As a junior, David still had another year of high school to go. But in a few months time his friends and more importantly his girlfriend Donna Martin would be graduating from West Beverly High and heading off to new lives, leaving David behind. It was a prospect that he didn't like to think about too often. But David had a plan. Well actually it was the beginnings of a plan. He wasn't even sure if it was possible but it was a little ray hope that he was clinging on to. He hadn't mentioned it to Donna yet, he wanted to check things out first, make sure there was a chance.  
  
David made a few attempts at conversation during the drive to school but it was pretty obvious that Kelly was in no mood for small talk. They quickly lapsed in to an uncomfortable silence. David gave up, and reached over to turn up the Baby Face CD. Settling back in his seat he closed his eyes. As he listened to the music images of himself up on stage playing keyboard in front of an admiring audience played in his mind, and all thoughts of college were forgotten.  
  
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Donna Martin checked her watch for what must have been the tenth time in as many minutes. If Kelly didn't get here soon, she'd have to go without her. As it was she was cutting it a little fine. She hoped Kelly would be in a better mood today. Kelly had been in a serious funk for weeks now, and it was starting to rub off on Donna. Possessing a naturally sunny disposition and a bubbly personality, Donna preferred to look on the bright side of things. Today she was determined to remain in a good mood.  
  
When Kelly and David finally appeared in the hallway a few minutes later, Donna breathed a sigh of relief. "Hi David" she greeted her boyfriend warmly. David smiled and planted a kiss on her cheek. It always thrilled him to see how her face lit up whenever she saw him. He still couldn't believe how lucky he was to be dating her. For a long time Donna had stayed hidden in Kelly's shadow. Not as smart, or as popular, some people had cruelly dubbed her 'the poor man's Kelly Taylor'. David himself had initially been more attracted to Kelly but that was just superficial physical attraction. Once he'd gotten to know Donna he'd fallen in love. She'd shown real guts last year, a junior girl turning up to the prom with a sophomore guy. Ever since then she'd grown in confidence and seemed to blossom.  
  
"Hey Kel, running a little late today?" Donna purposely kept her tone light and cheery.  
  
"Blame it on your boyfriend" Kelly scowled, he's the one who couldn't get out of bed on time". Donna and David exchanged looks; it was going to be another one of those days.  
  
"Never mind, you're here now," Donna said brightly, determined to retain her positive mood.  
  
"Well I've gotta get going, I'm supposed to start the show in two minutes, I'll see you at lunch". David had acquired minor celebrity status as the school DJ. Donna loved listening to his voice broadcasting around the hallways but it meant that he spent most of his free time in the sound proof radio booth. Recently Donna had been spending much of her free time there too.  
  
"Hi guys" Brenda, on her way to English class caught up with Kelly and Donna halfway down the hall. "Hey Bren", Donna was pleased to see Brenda. They'd gotten pretty close during their summer in Paris, and right now Brenda was much easier company than Kelly.  
  
Brenda noticed that Kelly didn't look her usual radiant self this morning. Kelly Taylor was the undisputed glamour queen of West Beverly High. When she walked down the halls, guys openly drooled. With her long blonde hair, perfect figure and designer clothes Kelly certainly knew how to make an impression. Brenda had always been a little jealous although she would never admit it. But today Kelly seemed to have lost some of her sparkle.  
  
"Are you OK Kel, you look a little tired?" Brenda knew that she was in danger of having her head bitten off but she was genuinely concerned.  
  
"I didn't get much sleep last night," Kelly admitted. "Erin was crying until the early hours".  
  
"Well I spent most of last night lying awake wondering if I still have a relationship with Dylan." Brenda knew that would get their attention.  
  
"Did you guys have another fight?" Donna was sympathetic but Kelly had heard all this already from Dylan and she was in no mood to hear it again.  
  
"Come on Donna, we're gonna be late for art class. See you later Brenda". With that she marched off down the corridor. Donna gave Brenda an apologetic look and hurried after her.  
  
4 Chapter Four  
  
Brandon Walsh smiled to himself as he climbed the stairs to the newspaper office. Life was good. He'd just finished his latest assignment for the paper and was feeling pretty pleased with himself. Brandon was the sports reporter for the school newspaper 'The Blaze'. He was about to turn in a feature on the West Beverly basketball team. The team had been rumoured to be recruiting academically poor students and giving them a free pass through school because of their outstanding basketball abilities. It had been pretty heavy stuff and to his relief Brandon had been able to dispel the rumours. He'd gotten to know some of the guys on the team when he'd tried out a couple of years ago. He had felt uncomfortable broaching the allegations of underhand dealings, and things had gotten a little nasty there for a while. He was glad that there was no truth to it but he knew that feeling uncomfortable came with the territory. A good journalist had to get the story even if he didn't always like the way the story turned out.  
  
He reached the office and paused for a moment. As expected, Andrea Zuckerman the editor of the 'Blaze' was sitting at her desk frowning with concentration as she wrestled with the final layout. Andrea was one of the smartest students at West Beverly, and one of Brandon's closest friends. At one point there had been a possibility that there might be something more between them but it had never happened. Sometimes Brandon wondered if he should have made a move when he'd had the chance. But he hadn't wanted to spoil a beautiful friendship, and the moment had passed. Now she was dating Jay, a freshman at Princeton. Brandon didn't really care for the guy but still if he made Andrea happy.  
  
Andrea must have felt his gaze because she looked up from her work and rewarded Brandon with a smile.  
  
"Hey chief how's the latest edition coming?"  
  
Andrea attempted a serious tone "Well it would be a lot better if a certain sports reporter could get his assignments in on time".  
  
"Hey, have I ever let you down?" Brandon pretended to be hurt whilst brandishing his latest article.  
  
"No Brandon, I can safely say that you are the one person I can always rely on". Andrea sighed; Brandon Walsh was her knight in shinning armour. Of course they were just good friends, nothing had ever actually happened between them but that didn't mean that she didn't want it to.  
  
"Good then perhaps you could tell me what's been bothering you for the last couple of days". Brandon got straight to the point.  
  
"What makes you think something's bothering me?" Andrea was surprised, she thought she had kept her feelings well hidden.  
  
"Mmm what indeed?" Brandon brought his face close to hers studying her intently for a moment, and then began to pace up and down in front of her desk in his best Columbo impression.  
  
"OK lets consider the facts". He stopped abruptly and rested his chin in his hand. "I'd say that I know you pretty well by now wouldn't you agree?"  
  
Andrea was intrigued now "You know me pretty well yes"  
  
"Right" Brandon agreed. "And because I know you so well, I know that you only come in to the peach pit and eat pie when you're depressed. And you've been sitting in the peach pit eating pie for the last two nights. "So" he announced triumphantly "that must mean that you're depressed. C'mon Andrea what's the matter? I know there's something. You can tell me." Brandon was obviously pleased with himself.  
  
Andrea couldn't help but smile "Ok you got me, brilliant deduction Sherlock".  
  
"Sherlock? I was going for Columbo couldn't you tell?" Brandon was insulted. "C'mon Andrea quit stalling and fess up". Brandon pulled up a chair and made himself comfortable. It was obvious that he wasn't going anywhere.  
  
"It's just all this College stuff" Andrea admitted.  
  
Brandon couldn't believe it "Andrea you're one of the smartest kids in the school, I really don't think you need to worry".  
  
Andrea sighed "It's not that easy Brandon".  
  
"Sure, I know choosing the right college is a big decision" Brandon began.  
  
"But that's just it" Andrea interrupted "deciding where to go is the easy part".  
  
"It is?" Brandon was confused "So what's the hard part?"  
  
"The hard part is figuring out how on earth I'm supposed to pay for it"  
  
Brandon could see her problem. Although his parents weren't exactly rich, compared to Andrea he had it easy. Andrea's parents lived in the valley. The school she was supposed to go to couldn't even afford to run a school newspaper. The only reason she could attend West Beverly was because she lived at her grandmother's apartment, which happened to be on the edge of the school's district. When Brandon had first met Andrea she had been living out of district, using her grandmother's address, taking two buses to school everyday, and praying that no one would discover her secret.  
  
Brandon had nearly blown it for her when he'd entered one of her articles in a national journalism competition. The press had wanted to interview Andrea at her house and even take pictures. Luckily her grandmother had gone along with the charade, and the gang had worked together to make it look convincing. Still it had been a close call, too close for Andrea. She'd thought about giving up, leaving West Beverly for good. Thank god they'd managed to talk her out of it. Now she lived with her grandmother permanently but just because she had the zipcode it didn't mean she had the bucks that usually went with it. Having friends with millions of dollars in trust funds and movie stars for parents couldn't exactly help either.  
  
"Surely there must be dozens of schools offering you scholarship money" After forcing her to talk to him, Brandon wanted to say something helpful.  
  
"There are but not any school that I actually want to go to".  
  
"So what are you gonna do?"  
  
Andrea sighed "Put the paper to bed, make a start on Meyers' reading list and keep applying for scholarships, what else can I do?"  
  
Brandon smiled "So I'll have a piece of pie waiting for you tonight."  
  
"I'm expecting it" Andrea laughed. Brandon Walsh had an uncanny knack of always knowing what to say to make her feel better. 


	2. Chapt 5

It had been a long day of classes and now that it was finally over, Kelly couldn't get out of there fast enough. School was driving her crazy at the moment, all anyone could talk about was college, and frankly it bored her. She just couldn't see what the big deal was. Then there was the added torment of having to watch Dylan and Brenda together. Ever since Brenda got back from Paris, Kelly had been doing her best to avoid Dylan. They'd both agreed that their respective relationship and friendship with Brenda were far too important to jeopardise, and had called a halt to their budding romance at the end of the summer.  
  
Not for the first time Kelly wished she could turn back the clock. Things had been so much simpler during the summer. Whilst Brenda had been away in Paris, it was almost as if she didn't exist. What had started out as an innocent friendship with Dylan had quickly turned to romance. Kelly had always had something of a crush on Dylan McKay but she had never really taken it seriously. Over the summer all that had changed, and it had been the best summer of her life. That was until Dylan had reminded her of Brenda's imminent return. Then reality had finally hit, and Kelly overwhelmed with guilt at the betrayal of her best friend, had readily agreed that it had to stop.  
  
The problem was that her feelings for Dylan hadn't gone away. She'd figured that staying out of his way would help - she wouldn't have temptation in front of her, but it just made it harder. What was that saying about forbidden fruit tasting the sweetest? Her feelings for Dylan were stronger now than they'd ever been and she missed him terribly.  
  
She kept asking herself if she'd made the right decision. Was her friendship with Brenda really worth sacrificing what she could have had with Dylan? Kelly sighed; she didn't even know what she felt about Brenda anymore. Sometimes it seemed as if Brenda was her worst enemy rather than her best friend. Whenever she saw Dylan with his arm around Brenda or kissing Brenda, god even seeing Brenda perched on his knee at lunch, Kelly hated her. The green-eyed monster could be a vicious creature.  
  
But at the same time Brenda was her best friend, the one person that Kelly could really count on. With everything they'd been through in the last few years they'd gotten really close, more like sisters than friends, and it was good just to know that Brenda would always be there for her.  
  
When Brenda first arrived in Beverly Hills, Kelly had still been in what she generally referred to as her 'walk all over me phase'. For all her looks, money and popularity, back then Kelly Taylor had been a mess. Her mother, a long-term substance abuser, spent her days high on coke and her nights with whichever guy was willing, and there had been plenty of guys. Kelly's father had long since jumped ship to Barcelona. Bill Taylor was a highly successful businessman perfectly willing to bankroll his daughter's expensive tastes, but the cheques were the only contact she had with her father.  
  
Desperately lonely and lacking in self-esteem, Kelly had followed her mother's self-destructive path, rapidly acquiring a taste for drugs and a reputation for sleeping around. She'd heard people talk about her – 'slut', 'loose', 'easy', 'a real party girl', having gone so far down that road she'd felt compelled to prove them right. It was a reputation that she was still trying to escape. Unlike most people Brenda Walsh hadn't judged her.  
  
Kelly wasn't proud of her past but she had worked hard to turn her life around. Without the support of Brenda and the rest of her friends, she wasn't sure she'd have made it this far. She'd come a long way, and while she still had bad days, she wasn't that messed up girl anymore. But this whole situation with Brenda and Dylan was a painful reminder of what she used to be. Sleep with her best friend's boyfriend? That's the kind of thing the old Kelly Taylor would do. But the old Kelly Taylor wouldn't have felt guilty about it.  
  
Right now her feelings towards Brenda were pretty confused, and the conflicting emotions meant that she didn't know how to behave around her best friend. Sometimes she was openly hostile, other times it was if nothing had changed at all. She'd begun to find it easier to avoid Brenda altogether. She was pretty sure that Brenda had noticed that things weren't right between them.  
  
Thankfully she didn't have to drive David home, he was meeting Steve to talk about a showcase or something; she hadn't really been listening. She was just relieved that he didn't need a ride. She had almost made it to her car when Brenda caught up with her.  
  
"Kelly hold on".  
  
"Hey, what's up?"  
  
"Do you feel like doing something tonight, I don't know maybe catch a movie or something?"  
  
Kelly was surprised by the offer "Aren't you seeing Dylan tonight?"  
  
"No, we decided that after last night we could both use a cooling off period. Besides he said he wanted to work on his stupid motorcycle". She frowned "I hate motorcycles. So what do you think? I could really use a night out."  
  
"I really don't think I'd be very good company' Kelly replied quickly "I'm pretty tired, all I really feel like doing is going home, taking a long relaxing bath and getting an early night." The last thing Kelly felt like doing right now was spending time with Brenda.  
  
Brenda was a little hurt but she decided not to force the issue. " Well I should probably be preparing for my college counselling interview anyway".  
  
"Preparing?" Kelly was incredulous.  
  
"Kelly these interviews are really important"  
  
Kelly pulled a face "God you sound like Mrs Teasley. I forgot to show up for my interview yesterday, so this afternoon she cornered me in the hallway and gave me a lecture on how important these interviews are for my future. It was so humiliating. Why doesn't she understand that not everybody wants to go to college?"  
  
This time it was Brenda's turn to pull a face "Now you sound just like Dylan. I can't even get him to consider college. It's so frustrating."  
  
"Well Brenda there's no rule that says that everyone has to go to college, you can do other things with your life you know. Seems to me that Dylan has a point, I really think you're over reacting about the whole college thing."  
  
Brenda couldn't believe this. "Thanks for your support Kel. I thought I could count on you, guess I was wrong".  
  
"What just because I'm your best friend I'm supposed to agree with everything you say?" Sometimes Brenda could be impossible.  
  
"Just forget it" Brenda turned on her heel and walked away.  
  
"Oh come on Brenda can't we just agree to disagree?" Kelly called after her, but Brenda kept on walking.  
  
Great Kelly thought as she got in to her car, just what she needed; another fight. She couldn't seem to help herself at the moment. She knew Brenda was touchy about the college issue. All she had to do was provide a sympathetic ear; instead she'd provoked Brenda in to an argument. What a lousy day. 


	3. Chapt 6

1.1.1 Chapter Six  
  
Business was pretty slow at the Peach Pit and Brandon Walsh was bored. He had been reduced to wiping down tables to keep busy. It was Friday night and everybody but Brandon was out having a great time or at least that's how it felt. He sighed. Friday nights at the Pit could be a real drag. They started off slow like this one and then got real busy when everyone crowded in from the movies or wherever else they'd been out having fun. He checked his watch it wasn't even 9pm yet. The Peach Pit stayed open until 11.30pm on the weekends. Sighing he began to wipe down the counter for the third time. As he did he wondered if Nat would let him get a start on his AP English assignment while things were quiet.  
  
"Hey Brandon wake up, you've got a customer". Nat must have eyes in the back of his head Brandon thought. "What can I get you?" He asked without looking up.  
  
"A mega burger and make it snappy' a familiar voice replied. 'You know a smile wouldn't go a miss either. Call yourself a waiter? You'll never get talent spotted by Spielberg with that attitude."  
  
Brandon smiled, he recognised that voice. It belonged to his best friend Steve Sanders. Six feet tall with a muscular frame and curly blonde hair, Steve looked every inch the all American high school jock. Those who didn't really know Steve saw him as the spoilt Beverly Hills rich kid. His mom Samantha Sanders was a famous actress and former star of "The Hartley House" which used to be one of the most popular shows on TV. Steve's dad Rush was one of the most successful businessmen in LA. Like most Beverly Hills marriages this one hadn't lasted, and Steve's parents had divorced when he was only five. Now Steve lived with his mother in one of the coolest houses Brandon had ever seen.  
  
Steve could be rude and arrogant but Brandon knew that behind that brash exterior was a sensitive guy who just wanted to be liked. Brandon had been one of the first to learn Steve's secret. Steve was adopted. Last Christmas Steve had taken off to New Mexico to try to find his real mother. Sadly for Steve he was too late. Karen Brown had been killed in a car accident a few years earlier. But Steve had met his grandfather Al, and at least he had come back to Beverly Hills with some answers.  
  
Brandon had first met Steve when he'd caught Steve cheating in a history test. Brandon smiled, they were complete opposites and he knew that most people considered theirs an unlikely friendship. But he liked to think that they were a good influence on each other. Brandon knew that he could be overly serious at times, always concerned with doing the right thing. Steve taught him to have fun, dared him to do crazy stuff, to cut loose every now and then. In contrast, as Steve himself had once commented Brandon tended to 'bring out the boy scout in him'.  
  
Steve grinned "Brandon my man how's it going?"  
  
"Hey buddy. Eating out again? This is the third night in a row you've been in here. Tsk tsk don't you care about your health at all?" Brandon wagged his finger in Steve's face.  
  
Steve was unrepentant "I'll have you know that a mega burger contains all the vitamins and minerals a growing boy needs".  
  
"You see that's what I like about this guy Brandon, he talks a lot of sense". Nat butted in, patting Steve on the back on his way to the jukebox.  
  
"You see' Steve grinned, 'I've been telling you that for years. You should listen to me Brandon. Nat obviously recognises genius when he sees it."  
  
"You just keep believing that Steve, that's all that matters." Brandon said soothingly as if he were addressing a very small child.  
  
"So where's the gorgeous Nikki tonight? Don't tell me it's past her bed time?" Steve retaliated.  
  
"Real funny Steve, just keep 'em coming". Brandon was getting used to his friends teasing him about his relationship with Nikki Witt. He'd kept her at arms length for weeks, too embarrassed to be seen dating a sophomore. Truth was the only person who had ever really had a problem with the age gap was Brandon himself. Now his friends wouldn't let him forget it.  
  
"So where is she?" Steve pressed  
  
Brandon sighed. "Back in San Francisco for the weekend visiting her family."  
  
"That's great!" Steve beamed.  
  
"It is? You know Steve" Brandon continued, patting his friend's shoulder in mock sympathy 'I don't think you've quite grasped the concept of a relationship. It means actually spending time with the other person."  
  
"It's great because it means you can come to the driving range with me tomorrow." Steve explained.  
  
"The driving range. As in golf?" Brandon wasn't quite sure he'd heard this right.  
  
"Yeah my Dad's forcing me to play in his golf club's annual father and son tournament next week. I could use some practice. Anyway golf is a great game, you'll love it." Steve was nothing if not enthusiastic.  
  
Brandon had played golf once before with his dad back in Minnesota. It had poured with rain all day and what's more he'd turned out to be a lousy golfer. He was in no hurry to get back out on the course. Now ice hockey, that was Brandon's thing; that was a real sport. Still he had managed to get Steve and Dylan on the ice once, so he guessed he was gonna have to give golf a whirl.  
  
"Hi guys". Andrea Zuckerman joined Steve at the counter.  
  
"So Brandon you got my piece of pie ready yet?" She looked hopeful.  
  
"I have indeed" he confirmed placing the plate on the counter in front of her. "But I'm starting to think I might need this more than you do."  
  
"Why what's wrong?" Andrea was genuinely concerned.  
  
Brandon smiled "My best buddy here is trying to talk me in to giving up my Saturday to play golf."  
  
Andrea laughed "Brandon golf is a great game - personal challenge, technical skill, plus spending the day out in the sun - what have you got to complain about?"  
  
"I'll tell you what Andrea' Brandon countered 'if you're such a fan why don't you join Steve at the driving range tomorrow?"  
  
Steve beamed. "Yeah Andrea you're more than welcome to come along".  
  
"Thanks guys, but I've really gotta spend tomorrow preparing for my college counselling interview". She frowned. "I still need to find some scholarship money from somewhere".  
  
"You know what Steve, I should probably be preparing too." Brandon made a last ditch attempt for freedom.  
  
"Forget it Walsh you don't get out of it that easy. Your Saturday is already accounted for. Besides you don't need to sweat it, just come to California University with me. It'll be great, just one long party!"  
  
"You've already decided Steve? I'm impressed" Andrea couldn't hide her surprise.  
  
Steve grinned "Well to be honest it wasn't that difficult, there has only ever been one choice. My father and my grandfather both went to C.U. and they expect me to carry on the family tradition."  
  
"So what are your chances of getting in?" she asked.  
  
"Andrea' Steve looked at her patiently 'My father was the KEG president. My grandfather was the KEG president." He winked "I think it's safe to say that I'm a shue in".  
  
"Well that's great Steve. Isn't that great Brandon? Brandon?"  
  
"What? Yeah great" Gloomily Brandon helped himself to a large piece of Andrea's pie. Contemplating his heavily laden spoon he sighed morosely "You know what Andrea, right now I just can't get past agreeing to spend my Saturday playing golf!"  
  
Andrea laughed, pushing the plate of pie towards him "In that case be my guest". 


	4. Chapt 7

1.1.1 Chapter Seven  
  
"Alright I'm coming". Dylan reluctantly tore himself away from the bike and headed for the door. Whoever was there was pretty insistent. This had better be good. Wiping his oil stained hands on his vest he reached for the door handle.  
  
"Kelly". He couldn't contain his surprise but as ever he was pleased to see her.  
  
"Is this a bad time?" She was nervous but she'd made up her mind to do this and there was no going back.  
  
Dylan smiled. "Not at all, come on in". Stepping back to allow her through the door he regarded her quizzically "So tell me Kel what's on your mind?"  
  
Standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, Kelly took a deep breath before answering. "Dylan we need to talk".  
  
He nodded "I'm listening".  
  
She'd rehearsed this on the way over but now standing here in front of him she wasn't sure where to start. She had never known a guy to have so much of an effect on her. His sheer physical presence was enough to make her head spin. She had never wanted anyone so badly. She sighed "I've been so miserable lately Dylan".  
  
Dylan smiled "I'd noticed. In fact I think everybody's noticed".  
  
She blushed and looked away "Yeah well the reason I've been so moody lately is because of us". Then fixing him with a meaningful look. "I miss you Dylan, I miss what we had".  
  
Dylan leaned back against the wall as though the conversation was making him tired. "I know Kel, I feel the same way you do. But we've been over this before. What about Brenda?"  
  
"What about Brenda? Why does it always have to be about Brenda? When is it our turn to be happy?" Her voice carried a note of frustration.  
  
Dylan sighed, lately his life had been so complicated. Things had been so easy over the summer. In comparison to what he had with Brenda, his relationship with Kelly had been so simple. With Brenda there were so many obstacles, so many ups and downs. But Kelly didn't have Brenda's overbearing father, Brenda's insecurities about sex or Brenda's sense of melodrama. His relationship with Brenda was a constant battle and it was wearing them both down.  
  
After all the dramas that had culminated in Brenda's 'banishment' to Paris, it had been a relief to be with Kelly. He had begun to look forward to their time together and they had quickly developed a connection. A physical relationship had soon followed and Dylan found that whilst he couldn't stop thinking about Kelly, he'd hardly given Brenda a thought all summer.  
  
He'd been brought back to earth when Brenda called him the night before she was due to return home. How could he have been so stupid as to risk everything they'd worked for? He had called things off with Kelly, and she had agreed. But these last few weeks he had found himself wishing he were back at the beach with her. He knew she was expecting an answer but he couldn't give her the answer she wanted.  
  
"I know what you're saying Kel' he finally replied 'but it's just not that easy."  
  
"Isn't it?' Kelly asked pointedly 'Are you really sure that your relationship with Brenda is so special? We weren't the only one's to have a romance this summer remember."  
  
Kelly knew that she wasn't being fair to Brenda but she couldn't help it. Dylan held a magnetic attraction over her and she had to do whatever it took to be with him.  
  
Dylan winced. He and Brenda had talked through her infidelity with Rick. Hell he'd even admitted his own indiscretion, though of course he hadn't told Brenda who had been involved. It had been a difficult time but they had got through it, come out the other side still together. But they'd both admitted that it was a sign that their relationship was not as solid as it once had been.  
  
"Ok so maybe my relationship with Brenda is a little shaky right now' he said defensively 'But that doesn't mean we've reached the end."  
  
"Well maybe it should".  
  
Kelly took another deep breath, struggling to get a hold of her emotions. She hadn't intended to lose her temper. It was just that the whole situation was so frustrating and she couldn't take it any longer. When she eventually spoke it was simple and direct.  
  
"Look Dylan I've tried to do the right thing, I've tried to stay away from you. I even tried to convince myself that I wasn't in love with you. But it's no good. I love you Dylan and I want to be with you".  
  
She paused searching his face, trying to read his emotions "Is that really so bad?"  
  
Dylan sighed. He knew where she was coming from. These last few weeks had been hard on them both. He had missed her too, and his relationship with Brenda was definitely suffering because of it. He knew that Brenda had sensed that something was wrong between them. So far she hadn't really pursued it, but he knew it was only a matter of time. Whatever way he looked at it the situation was a mess. He and Kelly had talked about it often enough but they hadn't been able to find a satisfactory way out. Someone always ended up getting hurt. They'd settled upon 'doing the right thing'. Kelly had backed off and he had tried to save his relationship with Brenda. But he had to admit it wasn't making any of them happy. He frowned. Why did love always have to be so complicated?  
  
Kelly must have read his mind. "I just don't see why all three of us need to be unhappy".  
  
There she'd said it. Maybe it was a little selfish but it was true.  
  
"So what' Dylan said 'are you suggesting that I should just break up with Brenda and start seeing you? Are you ready for the fall out from that one Kel cause it's gonna be big."  
  
This time it was Kelly's turn to wince. She had been on the receiving end of Brenda's wrath before and it wasn't an experience she was in a hurry to repeat. She knew that if things worked out between her and Dylan, she would have to face Brenda some time. She just wasn't sure she was ready to do it yet.  
  
She'd thought that she was willing to do anything to be with Dylan but suddenly she wasn't sure. Brenda was her best friend and as such Kelly was privy to Brenda's innermost thoughts and feelings. She knew all too well how much Dylan meant to Brenda, and how devastated Brenda would be if she ever found out. Kelly found herself overwhelmed by guilt and she began to falter just as she had done every time they had discussed this. But she knew without a doubt that she had to be with Dylan. She couldn't go back to avoiding him. These past few weeks had been hell.  
  
Kelly's heart began to beat a little faster. Should she say it? She knew that it was wrong. It was selfish and sneaky and cowardly, and Kelly didn't want to think of herself that way. She didn't want to say it but somehow she knew that she was going to.  
  
"Well maybe we don't have to deal with that right now" she said hesitantly "we could see each other in secret. We'd get to be together and no one gets hurt". Now she'd said it she couldn't take it back. She fought to ignore the little voice that was telling her this was wrong, that she should walk away. A tiny part of her wanted him to say no. Wanted him to do what she couldn't, stop this from happening.  
  
The ball was firmly in his court and she could see that he was hesitating. Again she fought with her conscience and again she pushed away the nagging voice. "We don't have to do it for long. You could let Brenda down gently. Then when the time was right we could tell her about us."  
  
If she tried very hard she could almost convince herself that she was doing Brenda a favour. After all why let her best friend waste her life on a man who no longer loved her?  
  
Dylan frowned. "Sounds like you've got it all figured out".  
  
"Let's just say I've been doing some thinking."  
  
"Well did you think about what it's gonna be like? Are you prepared to spend the next few weeks sneaking around and lying to Brenda cause that's what you're suggesting?" Dylan hadn't expected this, Kelly usually backed out at this point, decided that she couldn't betray Brenda, and then they were back to square one. But not this time, this time was different.  
  
"Look Dylan, Brenda is my best friend, and I hate lying to her just as much as you do. But I'm already lying to her. I lie to her when she asks me what I did this summer. I lie to her when she asks me to go to the movies or shopping at the mall. I lie to her when she asks me why I'm in such a bad mood. At least this way when I lie to her I'm doing it for a good reason". Having made the suggestion she was now talking herself in to it. She pushed the dissenting voice to the back of her mind.  
  
Dylan knew that he should have the strength to resist. He should do the decent thing either stay away from Kelly, or break up with Brenda and explain everything to her properly. But he knew that he couldn't do it. He loved Kelly and he knew that he wanted to be with her. That part was pretty straightforward. In contrast, his feelings towards Brenda were much more complex. Although he loved her, he was finding it increasingly difficult to be with her. They were growing apart and he didn't seem able to stop it. But the thought of hurting her was almost too much to bear. What Kelly was offering was a coward's way out and Dylan was more than ready to take it. You really are low life scum McKay he thought.  
  
"Okay" he finally turned to Kelly. "You're right, we've tried doing the right thing and it's got us nowhere". His expression softened "I say we pick up where we left off." Somehow he felt better just from making the decision.  
  
Kelly released a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. She'd pushed the decision on to him and now he'd decided. She felt excited, and a little scared. They'd crossed the line, made the decision to betray Brenda and now there was no going back. Pushing away her feelings of guilt she only hoped that it would be worth it. Looking at Dylan and knowing that he was hers, she was convinced that it was. Smiling she turned to him. "You know I told Brenda that I was planning on having an early night tonight. No reason why that should turn out to be a lie."  
  
"No reason at all." Dylan smiled seductively as he took her hand and led her in to the bedroom. 


	5. Chapt 8

Brenda didn't usually eat lunch alone but today she was enjoying the solitude, and the sunshine.  Back in Minnesota she would never have been able to eat her lunch outside in November.  The weather was one of the many things that she loved about LA.  Feeling the sun on her back and the warm breeze blowing through her hair made her feel alive.  She'd spent most of the weekend with Dylan and for the first time in a long time she'd felt relaxed and happy in his company.  Sure they still hadn't resolved their college issues but today she couldn't help feeling that everything would work out fine in the end. She still had 20 minutes of lunch period left and she intended to enjoy it by losing herself in her book.  Five minutes later she was so deliciously engrossed that she didn't notice Kelly until she spoke.

"Mind if I join you?"  

"Sure."  Brenda put her book down and looked at Kelly expectantly.  They hadn't spoken since the argument on Friday and Brenda wasn't quite sure how she was going to respond.  She badly wanted to make up with Kelly but she still felt a little angry about the way Kelly had been treating her lately.

Kelly must have picked up on Brenda's hostility because she didn't sit down.  Instead she stood looking uncomfortable and fiddled nervously with the strap of her bag.  "So I tried to call you yesterday.  Your mom said you were at the beach".

"Yeah well I decided that I needed some quality time with Dylan".  She smiled ruefully "We agreed not to mention College".

"Look Brenda what I said on Friday.  I'd had a lousy day; I took it out on you".  Kelly hesitated "I'm sorry."

"You know Kelly it seems like you've had a lot of lousy days lately".

"I know".

Brenda waited but Kelly didn't appear to be forthcoming with an explanation.  The tension between them was palpable and eventually Brenda could stand it no more.  "Ever since I've got back from Paris you've seemed really down.  Something's obviously bothering you.  I know we haven't exactly been getting along lately but I'm still your friend.  Whatever it is you can tell me."

Kelly hesitated touched by Brenda's words but at the same time struggling with the nagging little voice in her head that kept reminding her that she was betraying her best friend.  The best friend who was looking at her now with eyes filled with concern.  She so desperately wanted everything to be okay between them again but how could it be when she was seeing Dylan behind Brenda's back?  When she and Dylan had agreed to go ahead with their relationship she'd thought it was what she wanted.  She'd thought that she could handle seeing Brenda, that it wouldn't be any different to the last few months.  She'd been wrong.  

Her emotions were in turmoil and she really needed someone to talk to right now but of course she couldn't.  This was something that she couldn't talk to anyone about, not to Donna, not to Jackie and certainly not to Brenda.  But Brenda was waiting for an answer and Kelly knew that she wouldn't let it go until she found out what the problem was.  Inwardly she cursed her stupidity.  She should have thought this through more carefully.  Brenda knew her too well, could always tell when something was wrong.  Now she was shaping up for a heart to heart. She would have to say something to satisfy Brenda.  She decided to try to be vague.  "I don't know I guess it's a lot of things."

"Like what?"  Brenda sensed that Kelly was on the verge of opening up to her.  She was obviously debating whether to say anything or not.  She knew from experience that Kelly usually needed only a little encouragement to unburden her troubles. 

Kelly sighed. If she was honest she had known that Brenda was too good a friend to let her off the hook that easily.  Of course she couldn't tell Brenda everything but she could explain to Brenda how she'd been feeling during the last few months.  She couldn't really place when it had first started, perhaps when Jake had left, or when Erin was born, maybe even before that when her mom had first got together with Mel. She didn't know if she would be able to explain it to Brenda, wasn't even sure if she understood it herself.  But Brenda was such a good listener maybe it would help to confide in her.  In a gesture of submission she finally sat down next to Brenda on the grass.  "I suppose I'm just feeling kinda lonely at the moment".

"Lonely".  Brenda frowned that just didn't make sense.  Not only did Kelly have her friends but she also had a brand new family.  For once in her life Kelly was surrounded by people who cared about her.  "I don't understand.  Why would you be lonely?"

Kelly paused for a moment considering her answer.  Until she'd tried to explain it to Brenda, she hadn't really rationalised her feelings.  "I guess it's partly the college stuff. I just can't get in to it.  I mean I have absolutely no idea what I want to do next year, and I don't even know if I can handle College.  Hearing everybody talking about it kinda makes me feel left out".

"Kelly I feel terrible.  I just assumed you weren't interested in College.  Why didn't you say something?"  

Brenda was shocked that she could have gotten things so wrong.  She coloured remembering all the times she'd bombarded Kelly with talk of her College choices and the exciting times that lay ahead.  But even worse was the realisation that her best friend had felt unable to confide in her.  Brenda had always considered herself a good friend.  She knew that Brandon sometimes accused her of being self-absorbed.  Did this mean that he was right?  

It was only really now that Kelly was realising just how excluded she had been feeling.  Why hadn't she spoken to Brenda about it?  She knew the answer before she'd even really formulated the question.  

"Well you were so excited about it all, and then when Donna started talking about art school.  I just didn't want to spoil things".  She hesitated before admitting the real reason "Besides I wanted you to think that I wasn't interested in College.   I figured that if I pretended that I was too cool to go to College, you wouldn't think I was such a loser if I didn't go".  She shrugged "I know it sounds stupid after all this time but I guess I still want you to look up to me in some way.  Does that make any sense?"

Brenda smiled.  "Yeah actually it does".  Their friendship had always had this competitive edge.  When Brenda had first moved to Beverly Hills she had desperately wanted to be accepted as part of Kelly's 'in crowd'.  Kelly had set the standards that the others, including Brenda had tried to follow.  It was only when they had truly become friends that Kelly had admitted to Brenda that she craved Brenda's approval and acceptance of her.  So in a way they were quits each always concerned about the other's opinion. 

 "You know Kelly your plan worked.  I mean I did begin to wonder if I was some kind of geek for being so in to the College thing when you weren't."

"Really?"  Kelly raised an eyebrow.

Brenda smiled "Yeah but only for like a second.  Then I knew I was right."

They both laughed and it felt good.  It had been a long time since they'd talked like this.  Since things were going so well Brenda decided to prolong the discussion.  "So all this has been about College?"   

Kelly hesitated for a moment. She was off the hook and it would be so easy to just stop there, let Brenda think that was all there was to it.  But it had felt so good to finally open up and talk to someone.  She'd really missed talking to Brenda and having bottled things up for so long she felt the need to let them out. "I've been feeling pretty out of it at home too."

Again Brenda was puzzled.  She thought Kelly had been spending most of her time with her new family lately.  She knew Kelly had had a hard time accepting her mom's relationship with Mel Silver, especially when Jackie had announced her pregnancy.  But she'd thought Kelly had got over that, was happy that her mom had got her life back on track.  She'd been thrilled when Erin was born.  She'd even seemed to be getting along with David.  

"But I thought that's why you didn't go to Paris this summer, so you could spend time with your mom and Erin, be a proper family".

"It was, and don't get me wrong I love Erin.  It's just that when my mom came out of rehab we got really close you know.  For the first time in my life I actually felt like I had a mother".  

She paused picking up Brenda's book and studying the cover without really taking it in. "Now she has Mel and Erin it's like she has a new family and she doesn't have time for me anymore.  I know it sounds selfish but I feel like just when I was getting to know her she got taken away from me".  

Kelly was surprised to find herself close to tears.  She hadn't realised quite how miserable she'd been feeling.  It was now becoming clear to her just how she had fallen for Dylan so hard and so fast.  She'd been feeling vulnerable and lonely and he'd been there to provide the support.  It was too late now of course because now she loved him and there was nothing she could do to change that.

Seeing how upset Kelly was, Brenda was sympathetic - she knew how much Kelly desperately craved a happy family life.  When she'd first met Jackie Taylor she'd been jealous of Kelly.  Jackie was rich and glamorous and treated Kelly as an adult. Brenda had even wished her own mother were more like Jackie.  But when Jackie publicly humiliated Kelly by appearing at a mother-daughter fashion show drunk and high on coke, Brenda had realised what Kelly's life was really like.  That was when Kelly had first opened up to Brenda.  Brenda thought of it as the start of their friendship.

 "Have you tried talking to her, explaining how you feel?"  Brenda knew that whenever she had a problem with her mom, talking things through always helped.

Kelly sighed. "It's not that easy. I mean we've only just got to the point where we can talk to each other.  Besides she's got enough to think about at the moment you know with the new baby and everything."  

Brenda didn't really know what it was like to have a new baby in the house but from what her mom had told her about when she and Brandon were little she imagined that Jackie Taylor was being kept extremely busy and could do without her elder daughter's problems right now.  She had imagined that things had been perfect for Kelly, finally being part of a real family after all these years but she could see how the reality might not match up to the dream.

Brenda felt awful. Kelly had been going through all this stuff and she had been too wrapped up in her own problems with Dylan to notice.  She should have been there for her friend. 

"Kelly I'm your best friend why didn't you tell me you were feeling like this?"  

"Because ever since you got back from Paris you've been different.  All these exciting things are starting to happen for you.  First there was Paris, and Rick, then you made that documentary for 'Back Story' and now you're talking about going away to College. I don't know I suppose I'm a little jealous and I feel like you're leaving me behind.  You know like you don't need me anymore, you're moving on to bigger things.  I guess I didn't feel like I could really talk to you and at the same time I didn't want you to know that things weren't going well for me".

Brenda frowned; there it was again that competitive thing.  She remembered the first Christmas they had been living in Beverly Hills.  She and Brandon and her parents had flown back to Minnesota.  They'd spent Christmas at her grandma's playing charades and watching old movies.  She'd been so jealous and impressed when Kelly had told her all about her vacation at an exclusive resort in Barbados.  Months later Kelly had admitted that she'd lied in order to impress Brenda.  She'd actually spent Christmas in Beverly Hills only a bottle of vodka for company whilst her mom was out getting coked up with some guy and her Dad hadn't even called her from Barcelona.

At least Kelly was being honest with her now.  She guessed with everything that had been going on lately she hadn't really considered things from Kelly's perspective. The important thing now was that Kelly realised that Brenda was still there for her. 

 "Okay first of all Rick was a mistake, 'Back Story' was a disaster, and I haven't decided where I'm going to College next year.  Second of all nothings changed Kelly, I'm still your best friend".  She paused becoming serious again. "No matter what happens next year we'll always be close and you'll always be able to talk to me. Okay?"

Kelly wished that she could believe that but knew that she couldn't.  Nevertheless she nodded to appease Brenda's concerned expression.

   "Right now promise me that you won't bottle things up again.  That you'll talk to me next time, whatever the problem is."

"Okay I promise".  Kelly found that she couldn't quite meet Brenda's eyes.

"Good." Brenda relaxed.  "The most important thing is that we're honest with each other.  If we don't have that then we don't have anything."  She smiled.  It felt great to have cleared the air.  She'd missed having her best friend to talk to.  Now everything would be back to normal.  

"You know I think this moment calls for ice cream.  I'm thinking chocolate chip – double scoops, what do you think?"

Kelly smiled weakly "Absolutely".  


	6. Chapt 9

Jostling through the hordes of hungry students, narrowly avoiding spilling the contents of his lunch tray several times over, Brandon Walsh headed for the table where Dylan McKay sat engrossed in a book.  The congealing spaghetti sauce on the plate beside Dylan told Brandon that he had been there for some time.  Amidst the chaos of the lunchtime rush Dylan's serenity seemed out of place.  But then Brandon figured Dylan had never been one to follow the crowd.   Relieved to have made it with the majority of his lunch still in tact, Brandon put down both tray and books and dropped heavily in to the seat opposite Dylan.  "Man what a morning".  

Startled Dylan looked up.  He'd been miles away, totally engrossed.  Now he was back in the unpleasant reality of the noisy lunchroom.  Reluctantly he put the book away and gave Brandon his full attention.  "What's up Brandon, Meyers giving you a hard time?"

"Is he ever" Brandon groused "He wants a ten page critical review on 'Of Mice and Men' by tomorrow morning".  

Dylan smiled "Well it is a great book".  

Dylan wasn't part of the AP English class but he had probably read more of the books on Mr Meyers' reading list than anyone who was.  Sometimes Brandon found Dylan's appreciation of literature a little unnerving.  He hated to admit it, but it made him feel inferior.  Brandon was a good student, but he had to work hard for his grades.  In contrast studying seemed to come naturally to Dylan.  Already he was eagerly sorting through the books that Brandon had scattered across the table.

Brandon was surprised to find resentment bubbling inside him.  Dylan was rich enough not to need an after school job.  The guy had all the time in the world to study whereas he was forced to snatch precious minutes between shifts at the Peach Pit or, as had become the norm lately, he was up studying until the early hours of the morning.  Perhaps it was because he was tired or maybe school-work was just a touchy subject for him at the moment.  Whatever the reason he found himself snapping at Dylan.  "Well it might be a 'great book' Brandon mimicked irritably, 'but we don't all have the luxury of a trust fund - some of us have to earn our money'.  He was on a roll now and Dylan got both barrels 'You know between the paper, Nikki and the Peach Pit I really can't see how I'm gonna get it done".

Dylan's expression registered hurt and Brandon immediately regretted his outburst.  It wasn't Dylan's fault he had all that money in the bank and besides his life wasn't exactly easy.  Brandon knew all about Dylan's inner demons, and those kinds of problems made Brandon's current worries seem trivial.  It was time for the apology and Brandon knew it  "Hey I'm sorry man" he sighed "I didn't mean to take it out on you.  I'm just feeling the pressure right now you know".  

Dylan waved away the apology with his habitual cool "No problem.  I understand totally".  He paused awkwardly before looking Brandon in the eye "You know man if it's a money thing I'm good for a loan' he offered "You can take some time off from the pit while you study, pay me back when the pressure's off."

Brandon smiled, accepting Dylan's offer would make his life a hell of a lot easier, but he knew he couldn't do it.  He didn't want to let Nat down and most importantly he didn't want to let his father down.  "Thanks man" he said resolutely "but this one I gotta do on my own."

Dylan sighed heavily "How'd I know you were gonna say that?"

Brandon laughed "Sorry Dylan but what can I say.  It's the Walsh way".  He smiled ruefully "Looks like it'll be an all nighter." 

"Heeeey! Someone's planning an all nighter?"  Steve Sanders joined them at the table his face registering excitement.  As usual his plate was over loaded with junk food.  Dropping his tray down on the table, narrowly avoiding the books that Dylan and Brandon scrambled to remove, he sat down at the end of the table and eyed them questioningly.  "I repeat.  Someone's planning an all nighter?" He put on his pleading face "Don't hold out on me guys I'm primed for a little party action.  Beautiful women, great music, liquid refreshments, it's exactly what I need."  As he spoke Steve's gaze continually flicked from Dylan to Brandon.  "Come on what's the deal?."  

"Down boy. I'm talking all night study here not all night party."  Brandon almost laughed at the expression on Steve's face.

Steve grimaced "Walsh you are one sick puppy."

 "Brandon's having a little trouble keeping up with his studies right now".  Dylan supplied helpfully.

Now Steve was alarmed.  There was a pause whilst he swallowed his mouthful of burger. Then he went straight on the offensive.   "Does this mean you're not gonna make it to David's showcase tomorrow night?" he demanded  "C'mon Brandon, he's your friend, he's counting on you."  He thought for a moment.  "Besides didn't you promise Nikki?"  

Steve had guaranteed David big crowds and he would look a fool if no one showed.  Andrea had already cried off now it looked as if Brandon was doing the same.

Brandon winced; Steve had inadvertently gone for the jugular.  He had promised Nikki and he was dreading telling her that he couldn't make it.  He'd let her down too many times lately, but he just couldn't see any way round it, he really had to hit the books. 

He fixed Steve with his most apologetic look "I'm sorry man I've got a ton of study to do.  I've had a lot of extra shifts at the Pit.  It's kinda cut in to my book time".  

Steve leaned back in his chair and waved his hand dismissively.  "So blow off the study.  It's just one lousy night.  What's the big deal?  I mean you're doing alright".  Brandon was a good student with a high grade point average. Steve couldn't see what the problem was.

"Yeah I'm doing alright, but if I wanna get in to a good college I need to be doing a lot better than alright."  Brandon knew he sounded just like his father.

Dylan scowled "What is it with you Walsh people and college?  You know Brandon I really think you and Bren should both just chill out.  You're taking this college thing way too seriously."

Brandon frowned; evidently Brenda and Dylan still hadn't resolved their college differences.  He knew Dylan well enough to know that pursuing the argument was pointless.  He'd had a tough morning and although he felt strongly about the college issue, he wasn't in the mood for a discussion that could easily turn ugly. 

Sensing a potential conflict Steve interjected before Brandon could respond.  "You know Brandon" he said thoughtfully "you're going about this college thing entirely the wrong way".

"I am?" Brandon flicked his gaze to Dylan, but Dylan merely shrugged so he turned his attention back to Steve. " Okay Sanders, then why don't you enlighten me?"  Although his tone was sarcastic, Brandon had to admit he was intrigued.  

Ever the entertainer, Steve raised a hand to indicate that Brandon should wait.  He deliberately dawdled over the last mouthful of his burger and took a long sip of coke.  Finally, just as Brandon's patience had reached its limit, he wiped his mouth and indicated that he was ready to continue.  "You see you have to think outside of the box."

"Outside of the box?" Brandon repeated blankly.  "Sanders what are you talking about?"

Steve looked around to make sure that no one was listening. "I'm talking about being a little more creative in your studying strategy.  I'm talking about using your initiative".

Suddenly Brandon understood "You're talking about cheating".

Steve feigned hurt "Brandon cheating is such a dirty word.  I'm merely suggesting that if you're pressed for time there are more economical ways of ensuring academic success"

Brandon sighed. "Steve don't you ever learn?  Cheating is not the answer.  It just brings a whole heap of trouble.  Dylan back me up on this would ya"

Dylan shrugged. "He's right man.  My father spent his entire life cheating every way he could and all he ended up with was a whole lot of regrets."

Brandon could see that Steve still wasn't convinced.  "Look Steve stop wasting your time dreaming up crazy schemes to improve your grades.  C'mon man you're smarter than that. Besides would you really want to be the guy who cheated to get in to College?"

"Better that than the guy who was too dumb to make it to College".  Steve said gloomily.

"What are you talking about I thought you said you were a shue in?"  Brandon was surprised at Steve's sudden lack of confidence.

"Yeah well that was before I had my college counselling interview with Mrs Teasely.  She told me I had a D+ average.  Steve looked wounded "I thought I had a C-".  

"Ouch".  Brandon winced, that kind of damage to an academic record had to hurt.

"Yeah ouch is right".  For once Steve's brash demeanour vanished.  "You know what my father is like.  If I don't make it to CU it'll be yet another example of me proving to be a disappointment to him ".

Brandon was sympathetic but he had spent his formative years being exposed to the Jim Walsh work ethic.  "Look Steve you're a smart guy.  All you have to do is put in some hours with the books and you'll be just fine".

Steve sighed.  "I guess you're right".  But he didn't sound convinced.

"I'm always right".  Seeing Steve's glum expression Brandon tried to lighten the  mood.  He grinned at Steve and adopted an upbeat tone "So now we've sorted out our study issues how about you fill us in on this big event of Silver's that I'm gonna miss?"

Steve immediately switched in to his 'Sanders Management Group' persona. His frown vanished to be replaced by a beautific smile.  "It's gonna be bigger than huge man, totally awesome.  I'm telling ya this is one event you don't wanna miss.  I had to pull out all the stops to get him on the bill.  Quite an achievement if I say so myself."  He put his arm around Brandon's shoulders and spoke conspiratorially "You know Brandon I really think you should reconsider.  One day you're gonna want to tell people that you were there when David Silver got his first big break".

Dylan rolled his eyes "You're priceless Sanders you really are"

Steve beamed "What can I say when you deal with the 'Sanders Management Group' you're dealing with professionals."


	7. Chapt 10

"So what was so important that it couldn't wait until after school?"  Donna was excited but also a little scared.  Ever since David had asked her to meet him in the radio booth for the start of his lunchtime slot, she hadn't been able to relax.  Now she was perched on the edge of her chair, nervously twisting a strand of her blonde hair.  She often spent the lunch period keeping David company during his show.  Sometimes Kelly and Brenda joined them so that they could observe and comment on the latest fashions that were paraded through the halls, or the cute guys that passed by on their way to class or the cafeteria. 

But today he had been insistent that she come alone, because he had something important that he needed to tell her.  David had seemed very serious and that made her nervous.  His showcase had been a huge success, and he had been on such a high afterwards.  But that was two days ago and it was a very different David that was sitting across from her now.  

She didn't know what it could be about but she found herself thinking the worst.  She had told David that she wasn't ready to sleep with him yet.  He had said that he understood, that it didn't matter and that he was willing to wait, but Donna could never completely shake the fear that sooner or later David would meet someone who wouldn't make him wait.  Although she knew that David loved her, she also knew that she was asking a lot of him.  She prayed that he wasn't about to tell her that he'd found someone else.

            David checked one more time that the mike was switched off.  He didn't want the gory details of his personal life to be broadcast around the hallways.  He turned to face Donna, taking the hand that had been fiddling with her hair, and moved closer to her. Then he took a deep breath, as if what he was about to say was difficult.  "Actually it's about us".  

He wasn't sure how Donna was going to react.  He'd been so wired after the showcase that he'd felt invincible.  That was when he'd formulated his plan.  He'd gone straight to Mrs Teasley the next morning before he'd had the chance to back out.

It had taken him a while to work up the nerve to tell Donna but now he'd started he found he couldn't stop. The words came tumbling out and he hardly paused for breath.  "I've figured out a way that we can still be together next year.  I talked to Mrs Teasley and we worked out a schedule so I can double up on my classes, maybe have some extra tutoring so I'll be ready to take finals, I've already sat the SATS so hopefully my scores will be good enough and if I work really hard I should be able to graduate with you this summer and we can go to College together next year."  He realised that he'd been babbling and as he came to a stop he sneaked a look at Donna to see how she was taking the news.

            Donna was so shocked she found she couldn't breathe.  She had convinced herself that David was going to break up with her.  This was so wonderful and so unexpected that for a moment she couldn't speak.  When she did finally managed to formulate a sentence her voice was shaky.  "David slow down.  You need to think about this".  She was thrilled that David was just as desperate as she was for them to stay together but what he was suggesting was a big deal.  He was sacrificing his senior year for her.  She wanted him to be sure that he was making the right choice.

            David's face fell; he had been hoping that Donna would be pleased, that she would be just as excited as he was.  Did this mean that she didn't want him to go to College with her?  David had always harboured a secret fear that one day Donna would wake up and realise that she could have any guy she wanted, that she didn't have to settle for a geeky junior.  Maybe she had finally realised but she didn't have the heart to break it off.  Perhaps she was going to use going away to College as an excuse to leave him behind.  He spoke slowly as if to emphasise the importance of his words.  "I have thought about it Donna.  I've done nothing but think about it since the whole College thing came up.  I want us to stay together I thought that's what you wanted."

            "Oh David, it is what I want.  It's absolutely what I want but do you realise how much work it'll mean for you to graduate early?"  She looked at him earnestly wanting him to know how much he meant to her.

            David smiled; he was a lucky guy.  This beautiful, smart, loving girl wanted him in her life.  That was all he needed to hear.  "It'll be tough but you're worth it. Now come here".  As she leaned in for the kiss Donna Martin thought that she had never been so happy as she was in that one moment.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

            Kelly Taylor surveyed her reflection in the mirror in the girls' bathroom.  She was meeting Dylan and she wanted to look her best.  She had dressed carefully selecting a tight red top and black designer jeans that showed off her figure whilst still leaving something to the imagination.  Kelly was known for her style and she always managed to put together great outfits - today was no exception.  She checked her hair and make-up one more time just to be sure then spritzed a little perfume on her neck and wrists.  Perfect.  She nodded appreciatively and with one final glance in the mirror left the bathroom.

            She was excited, exhilarated and a little nervous.  This was the first time she and Dylan had arranged to meet at school.  They both knew it was risky; anyone could catch them if they weren't careful.  But somehow knowing the risks just added to the thrill.

Kelly smiled to herself as she walked.  Forbidden love, it was so romantic.  All the great lovers had to overcome prejudice and hardship to be together.  Funny she'd never really pictured herself and Dylan as Romeo and Juliet.  She laughed; she couldn't really see Dylan in tights.  Perhaps Tony and Maria in "West Side Story?" Now that was a great movie, and New York gangs were much more Dylan's style.  

Rushing off to an illicit tryst in the middle of the day, it was so exciting; the sort of thing people did in books and movies.  True she'd kept her romance with Jake, her mother's handyman, a secret but she hadn't really been in love with Jake.  At the time she had been sure that it was love, but now she knew better.  That had been an adolescent crush on a sexy older guy, made more enticing by the knowledge of her mother's certain disapproval.  What she had with Dylan was something completely different to anything that she had experienced before.  

Jake and Dylan were a lot alike.  Jake had been Dylan's mentor, he was the guy that taught Dylan to surf.  Both had that dark, brooding, outsider thing going, that intoxicating mix of danger and vulnerability.  Kelly smiled she always had gone for the bad boys.  But that was where the similarity ended.  Jake was the love 'em and leave 'em type, as Kelly had found to her cost.  But Dylan was romantic and sensitive and considerate.  She was risking everything to be with the man that she loved.  She couldn't think of anything more romantic than that.

They had agreed to meet by the enormous cedar tree on the far edge of the school grounds.  Hardly anyone ever went down there because it was such a trek from the main building.  Dylan had suggested it because he had spent much of his time there during his drinking days, and knew that it was usually deserted.  In those days Dylan had kept himself to himself, hadn't wanted to be bothered by people.  It had been the perfect place for him to sit and drink.  Now it was the perfect place for the two of them to spend time together.

            Getting there had proved a little tricky.  Donna hadn't been a problem; she'd rushed off to meet David as soon as the bell rang at the end of morning classes.  Brenda on the other hand had been more difficult to shake off.  She couldn't understand why Kelly didn't want to join the others for lunch.  In the end Kelly had invented a dentist appointment in order to get away.  She wondered if Dylan had encountered similar problems.

            As she approached the tree she felt a pang of disappointment.  He wasn't there.  Her mind raced through the different possibilities.  Had he been caught, unable to make an excuse and slip away?  Or had he changed his mind, decided that he didn't want to do this after all?  She checked her watch.  She was right on time.  Perhaps Dylan had just got held up, was even now on his way.  She wasn't ready to give up on this just yet.  She would wait for him.  She dropped her bag and sat down on the grass under the tree.  Leaning back against the expansive trunk she settled in the shade and watched as the sun made patterns in the grass as it glinted off the leaves.  It really was a beautiful setting, perfect for two people in love.

            "Boo!"  His voice and his breath so close to her ear made her jump.  

"Dylan!" she was already in his embrace and they kissed each other hungrily until eventually gasping for breath she pulled away.  "How long have you been here?"

He smiled "A while."  Then turned mock serious "I had to be sure you weren't followed".

She mirrored his playful mood "So are we safe?"

Dylan smiled seductively "Depends on your definition of safe".

She laughed "Well I think I can handle your particular brand of danger Mr Mckay".

"That's what I was counting on".  Dylan moved in for another kiss.

When he finally released her Kelly noticed that he had brought a large bag with him.  He caught her quizzical look and stooped to open the bag from which he produced a picnic rug, sandwiches, fruit and juice.  "For our first lunch date I thought we'd dine alfresco.  What do you think?"

"Why Mr McKay you sure know how to show a lady a good time".  She drawled.  If I'd known you were this romantic I'd have made this date a lot sooner."  Kelly was enchanted.  Everything about this was magical.  She only wished that they had longer.

They ate at a leisurely pace, pausing every now and then to feed each other strawberries and steal a kiss.  Their lighthearted mood was a complete contrast to the gloom of recent weeks.  Dylan lay back against the sturdy trunk and closed his eyes.  With Kelly resting her head against his chest, and the sun beating down on him he could almost imagine it was the beginning of the summer and they were back at the beach with long romantic days stretching ahead of them.

Eventually Kelly spoke "This is a beautiful place.  It's such a shame to think that no one ever gets to enjoy it." She smiled "But it can be our place".

"You know I used to come here a lot" he paused "When I was drinking and I needed to escape.  When everything was driving me crazy I used to come here with a bottle of Jack Daniels, and drink the day away."  A far away look came in to Dylan's eyes as if he were reliving the memories.

"I understand.  You needed somewhere where you could just be yourself and not worry about what other people thought of you."  She'd been there.  Truth be told she was still there.

Dylan shrugged "Maybe but I think it's more than that.  I think I was looking for a place to hide.  Not just from other people but from myself.  I guess I didn't really like who I had become."

Kelly sighed "Well I can definitely relate to that.  But that was then.  What about now?"

Dylan brought his face close to hers "Now I think that I'm the luckiest guy in the world and that I'm just gonna have to kiss you again."  As she lost herself in Dylan's kiss Kelly wished that the moment could last forever.


	8. Chapt 11

Sitting opposite B.J. Harrison at the Peach Pit, Steve Sanders sighed, he may as well have had his forehead tattooed with a great big 'L' for loser, for B.J. truly was the Golden boy of West Beverly High.  The dark good looks and winning smile made him the ultimate babe magnet.  With his faultless manners and easy line in small talk he had the mothers of America eating out of the palm of his hand.  His academic record made even Mrs Teasely proud, but to cap it all, behind that seemingly perfect veneer B.J. was also the quintessential party animal. As far as Steve was concerned the guy was a legend.

B.J. had graduated last year and moved away to a fancy College. He was only back in town now because his girlfriend 'Suds', a sassy brunette, was still a junior at West Beverly.  At first Steve had been happy to see his old buddy again.  He hadn't spoken to B.J. since the summer, and so had readily accepted the invitation to catch up over a megaburger.  But the more time he spent with B.J. the more miserable he felt.  

For the last hour B.J. had been regaling him with college stories.  Steve had listened wide eyed as B.J. described the fraternity pranks, the non-stop parties and the beautiful women.  Hell he even made the studying part sound bearable!  To hear B.J. talk, college sounded like Steve's idea of heaven, and he badly wanted a piece of the action.  

But after his interview with Mrs Teasely last week, college seemed tantalisingly out of his reach.  He found his mind drifting to another time and place.  It was next fall and the rest of the gang had headed off to College.  He was stuck repeating senior year with only David Silver for company.  Then he remembered.  Only yesterday Donna had proudly announced that David was going to try to graduate early so that they could go to college together.  Steve shuddered. He wasn't enjoying the visual on that at all.  David Silver in College while he, Steve Sanders was still in high school!  He didn't think his ego could take it.  Unfortunately the reality was, the way he'd let his studies slip this semester, it was a definite possibility.  He sighed. If he didn't get his academic act together he would be staring down the barrel of a very bleak future.

B.J. sensed he was losing Steve's attention.  Perhaps he'd gone overboard trying to impress Sanders.  Truth was he was finding college tough.  Back at West Beverly he'd been the star, a big fish in a small pond.  Now he was just another freshman struggling to get noticed.  But there was no way he was gonna let Sanders know any of that.  To guys like Sanders, B.J. was a god, and that was how he intended to keep it.  

He checked his watch; they'd been making small talk for over an hour, but now it was time to get down to business.  He'd worked hard to engineer this meeting and he was running out of time.  He glanced across to the table where Suds was huddled with a bunch of her high school friends.  She was occupied for now, but pretty soon she'd want him all to herself.  He smiled at the prospect of the pleasurable evening to come.  He just had to finish this business with Sanders and then he was home free, his obligation fulfilled.  Switching his attention back to Steve he asked as casually as he could "So Sanders how's it feel to be big man on campus this year?" 

 Startled out of his reverie Steve looked sheepish "To tell you the truth man it's a little tougher than I expected".  He hesitated.  "My grades aren't exactly what I was hoping for." Steve admitted reluctantly.  "In fact right now the chances of me getting in to College aren't looking so hot.  I've got finals in two weeks and I'm behind in all my classes". 

B.J. smiled inwardly.  He knew what Steve was going through.  Last year he'd been partying a little too hard, and his grades hadn't been quite up to his usual high standard.  When Rick Hanson had offered him a way out of his problems he'd jumped at the chance.  B.J. didn't like to think of it as cheating, it was more like an insurance policy.  He'd known he was perfectly capable of getting the grades it's just that he'd blown a couple of finals because he hadn't left enough time to study.  It had been a minor blip in an otherwise exceptional record.  After all his hard work in high school he wasn't gonna miss out on the college he deserved because of a couple of lousy grades. 

So many times he'd told himself that what he'd done wasn't a big deal.  Anyone in his situation would have done the same thing. But deep down he knew that wasn't strictly true.  He had cheated in his senior year; there was no getting away from that.  As long as he had the key he felt guilty. Sure he had it hidden away right in the back of his sock drawer but it was there all the same, taunting him, reminding him that he was fraud. He sure would feel a whole lot better once it was out of his life for good.  Then he could put the whole thing behind him and move on.    

He'd earmarked Sanders for this deal months ago.  It had just been a question of getting the timing right.  This sort of thing couldn't be rushed. This was a very delicate situation and it had to be handled carefully. He was taking a hell of a risk here and he had to be sure that Sanders wouldn't go running to Mrs Teasely with the information.  He had a lot to lose if this turned out badly. 

B.J. could feel the sweat begin to trickle down the back of his neck.  Loosening his collar, which suddenly felt uncomfortably tight, he leaned forward in his seat and spoke quietly "Okay Sanders, because you're a friend I'm gonna help you out". 

"You are?  How?"  Steve didn't really see what B.J. could do to help.  Maybe his father knew someone on the board at CU.

B.J. smiled tightly "Easy, I've got the answer to your problems right here." 

"You do?"  Steve asked in surprise.  He wasn't sure if B.J. was yanking his chain, but at this point he was desperate enough to listen to anything.

Carefully B.J. checked around to make sure that no one was watching.  The Peach Pit was unusually crowded for a Wednesday night, but no one seemed to paying them any attention.  Surreptitiously he sneaked a glance at Suds but she had moved over to the counter and was now deep in conversation with Nat. Good. He didn't want her finding out about this.  After one final sweep to make sure that they were in the clear, he reached in to his pocket and retrieved a gold key.  Placing the key in between them on the table he asked  "You ever hear of the legacy key Sanders?"

Steve frowned "Sure a master key to the school, supposedly handed down from student to student for generations".  He looked questioningly at B.J. "But I thought it was just a myth".

B.J. grinned "Well think again cause you're looking at it right now".  Before Steve could respond, he continued enticingly "Just imagine the possibilities.  This key opens every door in the school.   It gives you access to all the files, all the tests".  He paused pointedly "all the grade banks".  

B.J. could almost see the cogs turning in Steve's mind.  He remembered the complete disbelief he'd felt when the key had been passed on to him last year.   "Listen Sanders, with this key you can graduate this summer with whatever grade point average you want."

Steve licked his lips nervously "You're kidding me right?"  He desperately wanted to believe it, but it crossed his mind that this could be some kind of fraternity prank.  

"How else do you think I managed to graduate top of my class without missing out on the whole party scene?"  B.J. laughed at Steve's shocked expression.  "I'm telling ya man the goddam legacy key is real."  He pushed the key closer to Steve "and now it's yours".

Steve made no attempt to pick up the key.  For some reason he felt as though he was making a pact with the devil.  In his heart he knew that this was wrong, that he should walk away.  Without his permission, his mind immediately focused on Brandon Walsh.  Remembering their earlier conversation and Brandon's reaction when he had suggested cheating, Steve cringed.  Would Brandon be tempted?  Maybe.  Would he take the key?  No way.  Steve was as sure about that as he was that the sun would rise every morning.  Integrity.  It was one of the things he admired most about his best friend.  But he was no Brandon Walsh.  He didn't have Brandon's innate self-assurance or his work ethic.   He really wanted to say no to B.J. but instead he said  "So why give it to me?"  

B.J. was getting impatient.  From what he knew of Sanders, he'd expected him to jump at the chance.  He'd offered the guy the opportunity of a lifetime and the jerk was messing him around.  "Well that's part of the deal".  He said irritably "Each student agrees to pass it on to the next guy that's the tradition".  He glared at Steve. "Hey you're just lucky that I decided to make you the next guy.  I mean you can't just pass this baby on to anyone. It has to be someone who can be trusted to respect the legacy and to keep the secret".  Now he was starting to get angry.  He'd laid himself on the line here and Sanders had thrown his offer back in his face. "I thought you might be the guy, but if you're not in to it' he paused  'I'm sure I can find someone who is".  B.J. reached for the key but Steve held him back.

"Hey B.J. man you're reading me all wrong.  I am interested, more than interested."  Steve felt the last of his will power slipping away.

B.J. relaxed "Then it's all yours man.  Enjoy".  Indicating Suds, he winked at Steve "Now I've gotta get out of here.  Mustn't keep the lady waiting".  He shrugged on his jacket and made as if to leave.  Before he did, he lent forward until his face was only a few inches away from Steve's.  When he spoke the menace in his voice was a shocking contrast to his earlier 'old pals act'.  "Just remember one thing Sanders, if you get caught using that key, you never saw me and I had nothing to do with it.  If I get implicated in any of this I'll be paying you a visit."  B.J.'s sinister tone indicated that this visit wouldn't be a friendly one.

Steve swallowed nervously "Sure. I understand. And thanks man" 

B.J. was all smiles again, any trace of menace vanished instantly "Just fulfilling my end of the deal.  See you around Steve-o" He clapped Steve on the shoulder and headed over to the counter where Suds was waiting for him patiently.

Steve watched them leave and then picked up the key thoughtfully.  He decided he needed to go for a drive.  He did all his best thinking when he was behind the wheel.  Ten minutes later, alone on the open road, putting the corvette through its paces he turned over the possibilities in his mind.  The answer to all of his problems was currently burning a hole in his pocket.  But what was he going to do?  The only thing he knew for certain was that Brandon Walsh must never find out about it. 


	9. Chapt 12

"Mmm this is nice".  Brenda Walsh stretched out on the rug and watched the flames of the fire dance and flicker.  Although it was now early December it was still warm, and they really didn't need the fire, but Brenda was glad of it.  She had always loved real fires.  There was something about them that was welcoming.  She guessed it came from growing up in Minnesota and having to survive all those harsh winters.

"What's nice?" Dylan McKay asked sleepily.

"This.  Us.  Curling up with you in front of a log fire."  Brenda always felt safe and content in his arms.

"Yeah well I have to admit it's better than studying" Dylan indicated the books scattered across the rug.

Suddenly Brenda felt guilty.  They were supposed to be studying for finals.  Only this morning she'd told her parents how serious she was about getting good grades.  She'd had every intention of studying but she'd been here an hour already and so far she hadn't even opened a book.  With a monumental effort she rolled away from Dylan and shifted in to a sitting position.  Retrieving the remote she flicked off the TV.

"Hey!"  Dylan complained, "Casablanca is a great movie".  

Dylan loved watching old black and white movies and usually Brenda enjoyed watching them with him.  But today she couldn't shake that little voice in her head that told her that right now studying was more important.  "You know I told my father I was coming over here to study."  She said pointedly.  "Finals are only two weeks away, maybe we should get started".  To demonstrate her conviction she picked up one of the books.

"C'mon Bren the studying can wait a while."  Dylan groaned taking the book off her and dropping it back on the rug.  He knew that if Kelly were here with him the last thing they'd be doing would be studying.  He'd been seeing her intermittently for weeks now and whilst he hated himself for the deceit, in his heart of hearts he knew it was symptomatic of the problems that he was having with Brenda.  

For some time now he and Brenda had been moving in two completely different directions.  Initially he had closed his eyes to it, unwilling to accept the truth, but each day that passed, it had become clear to him that they wanted different things from life.  Brenda had her heart set on college, whilst he couldn't wait to break free from the shackles of education.  She had their future all mapped out, whilst he didn't wanna look beyond his next surfing trip.  A gulf had opened between them and it was getting wider.  He hated to admit it but the cracks in their relationship were beginning to show.

He certainly hadn't gone looking for an affair this summer, it had just happened.  Brenda's departure had left a void that somehow Kelly had managed to fill.  He couldn't even say when it had started.  All he knew was that lately Kelly seemed to understand him in ways that Brenda no longer could.    

  Ever since he'd restarted his relationship with Kelly, he'd been struggling to resolve his inner turmoil.  He knew that relationships should be based on trust.  He should be honest with Brenda, admit his infidelity, and share his doubts and fears.  Yet he hadn't said anything.  He was afraid that if he did, Brenda would leave him.

 Dylan had had plenty of experience with women, but on reflection none of those relationships had really meant anything. Nothing he had experienced before had come anywhere near what he had with Brenda.  He had given his heart to Brenda Walsh a long time ago and he would always love her.  He couldn't imagine ever giving her up.

But then there was Kelly.  What was she to him?  A distraction?  A stopgap? Or was she just a product of his fights with Brenda?  He sighed heavily.  If he was honest, he knew that it was more than that   These last few months with Kelly he'd gotten to see a side to her that he never knew existed.  His feelings for her had crept up on him without any warning.  Now the thought of losing her appalled him. 

Dylan frowned.  For once he was at a complete loss. There was no doubt that he loved Brenda, but all he could see ahead for them were problems.  He was convinced that a relationship with Kelly would follow a smoother path, but it was too soon for him to be sure if what he felt for her was love. He'd been juggling both girls, hoping that somehow a solution would present itself, that he'd simply know the right thing to do.  But it hadn't happened and now his life was a mess.  How had he let things get so complicated?  His head throbbed, boy, a drink sounded good right now.  

Brenda was torn.  She hadn't missed the frown on Dylan's face.  It was obvious he was mad at her for putting studying first again.  She bit her lip, unsure how to proceed.  In her heart she knew that she hadn't been paying Dylan enough attention lately.  He had every right to be upset.  After all, what kind of girl preferred to spend the afternoon studying to making out with her boyfriend?

'The kind that wants to get in to a good college' a little voice in her head told her.  'And if he really loved you' the voice continued 'he'd understand that'. Brenda forced the accusatory thought out of her mind.  That was her father talking not her.  She knew that Dylan loved her.  They'd been through rough times before yet somehow they always managed to get through them together.

            'But this time it's different' the voice returned unbidden.  'This time you want different things. This is the problem that will tear you apart.'  Brenda felt her face flame and hoped that Dylan couldn't read her disloyal thoughts.

'You're wrong' she told the little voice firmly.  'We'll make it through this just like we always do'.  But suddenly she wasn't so sure.  Brenda was convinced that what she had with Dylan was the real deal. But was it enough?  Could true love really conquer all?

She realised that Dylan was watching her with a curious expression on his face.  She couldn't quite read it.  A mixture of sadness, affection and was that fear?  She couldn't be sure.  Had he sensed her doubts?  Flustered she picked up a book and moved over to the couch.  "So about that studying?"  She asked with forced brightness.  If only he would agree to study with her.  Just for once show that he understood how much college meant and that he supported her decision.  Reassure her that he loved her and would be there for her no matter what the future held.

Dylan remained on the rug watching her carefully.  Finally he stretched out an arm and retrieved the remote  "How about we finish the movie first.  Then we can think about studying?"  It came out more like a challenge than a question.  He prayed that she would agree.  If only she would put him before college just this one time, provide the reassurance that he so desperately craved.  It had never seemed so important.

They regarded each other in silence.  They had reached an impasse and although unspoken, the importance of the decision was not lost on either of them.  Seconds ticked by and still neither spoke.  Brenda desperately wanted to spend the afternoon cuddling up to Dylan in front of the fire but she knew that she couldn't.  

Somehow weeks of arguing about college had come down to this one moment.  If she caved now it would be tantamount to admitting that he was right, that college wasn't important.  She couldn't explain it but she knew that if she gave in today, there would be no going back and Dylan would never go to college.

Resolutely she began to gather up her books. All the while hating herself for leaving.  "You know what.  I think I'm gonna go home and study".  She said carefully.  "If I stay here I'm not gonna get anything done."

Dylan felt as though his heart had been ripped from his chest, but he didn't try to stop her.  He merely nodded his agreement and started to help her collect her stuff.  "You need a ride?"  He asked quietly.

"No I think I'll walk, clear my head".  She forced a smile "Maybe it'll help me concentrate".  As she kissed him goodbye Brenda thought she noticed something different about Dylan's kisses.  They hadn't argued exactly but there was some unspoken tension between them.  She felt as though they were parting on bad terms and she didn't want that.  Halfway down the driveway she turned back "I love you Dylan".

His expression softened "I love you too Bren".  He hesitated then spoke firmly "Don't worry we're gonna make it through this".

She nodded "I know".  

Dylan watched until she disappeared around the corner, and then headed back inside.  Gloomily he flopped back down on the rug and switched the movie back on.  After a few minutes he switched it off and threw the remote across the room.  He was no longer in the mood. Hugging a cushion to his chest, he gazed in to the fire hoping to find the answers to his troubles.  But the flames provided little comfort.

By the time the fire had burnt itself out he could stand it no longer.  He knew that he had to take action.  Right now he wasn't being fair to either girl and it was time that he made a choice.  Determinedly he marched over to the phone and picked up the receiver.  Cursing he put it down again, hands shaking.  Boy he wished he had a drink to steady his nerves.  He stood by the phone for a long time lost in thought.  Then reaching a decision he picked up the receiver and dialled.  She answered on the third ring, obviously surprised to hear his voice.  


	10. Chapt 13

"Dylan!  I thought you were seeing Brenda tonight." Kelly was pleased if a little surprised to hear from him.  She had come to understand that spending her evenings alone, knowing he was with Brenda was one of the inevitable downsides of being the 'other woman'.  But she couldn't complain.  She'd gone in to this with her eyes open.  Unlike Brenda she thought guiltily, who had no idea what Dylan was really doing when he wasn't with her. Not for the first time she wondered how she had allowed herself to get in to this mess.  She knew that what she was doing was wrong and she hated herself for doing it. But the fact was she couldn't help it.  She loved him.  

A tiny part of her knew that whether he intended to or not Dylan was walking all over her heart.  Right now she wasn't being fair to herself and she certainly wasn't being fair to Brenda.  She should force the issue; ask him to choose between them.  But she didn't have the courage.  Because if truth were told she was afraid of what that choice might be.  And so she didn't pressure or push, because having Dylan even on these terms was infinitely better than not having him at all.

At the other end of the line Dylan hesitated "Change of plans".  He said tightly. "She had some studying to do". 

"Really?"  As Brenda's best friend she understood how important college was to Brenda.  Finals were only two weeks away and she knew that Brenda was majorly freaked.   Guiltily she eyed the unopened chemistry textbook that lay next to her on the bed. She should be studying herself.  So far she'd hardly opened a book.  If she didn't do something soon she'd be in danger of flunking out.  But right now the finals seemed light years away.  There was plenty of time to prepare for them.  Besides at the moment her mind refused to focus on anything but Dylan.  She smiled.  There was no getting away from it. She had it bad.

Dylan gritted his teeth.  His heart was thumping and his mouth had gone dry.  He closed his eyes, focusing on his breathing.  

"Dylan?  You still there?"  he'd been quiet for so long Kelly wondered if they'd got cut off.

"Yeah I'm still here."  He spoke so softly she had to strain to hear him.

"Look Kel I've been thinking" he started

"Well I've been thinking too."  She interrupted "You know what I've been thinking?"

"What?"  He rasped, his voice sounding strange even to his own ears.

She smiled "I've been thinking that I really don't feel much like studying right now. How about I come over".  Ceremoniously she pushed the textbook on to the floor. "I'm sure that together we can find something much more fun to do ".  

Leaning back against the wall Dylan closed his eyes and let out a breath. The moment had passed and he hadn't said it.  Now he was glad.  There would have been no going back.  It was for the best, he just wasn't ready.  Not yet.  Taking a deep breath he recovered his composure "I'll be waiting."  

'Great!'  She enthused.

He smiled, she sounded so happy.  Then he thought of Brenda, home alone and the smile faded.

Brenda put down her pen and closed her chemistry book with a satisfactory bang.  She checked her watch 9.07pm.  She'd been working solidly for the last few hours and she actually felt pretty good.  She really had that last chapter nailed.  She smiled feeling virtuous.  

Thinking back to events earlier in the evening, her smile faded.  Although she and Dylan hadn't exactly argued she sensed that things weren't quite right between them.  She couldn't shake the fear that her father was right and that she and Dylan were two very different people destined to live very different lives.

Feeling the need for some quality girl talk and a little relationship advice she reached for the phone.   A few moments later a disappointed Brenda replaced the receiver.  David had promised to pass on her message but he had no idea where Kelly was or when she'd be back.  He'd sounded a little annoyed at the disturbance so she hadn't stayed on the line for long.  She couldn't really blame him, Donna had confided that he was working round the clock to get ready for finals.  

She considered calling Donna but quickly vetoed the idea. Between helping David and trying to study herself, Donna had enough problems of her own at the moment. Brenda didn't really want to burden her with her worries about Dylan.  Besides she was confident that Kelly would call her back, she always did.  In the mean time a nice long bubble bath was just what she needed.  

Brenda checked her watch again.  It had been almost an hour and Kelly still hadn't called.  She was tempted to call again but didn't want to risk annoying David anymore than she already had.  Edgy and unable to settle to anything until things were resolved, Brenda knew that she wouldn't get any sleep tonight until she'd sorted things out with Dylan.   She just wasn't sure what she was going to say.  

When the phone rang Dylan groaned.  Rolling over in bed he pulled an arm free from the tangled sheets and reached for the phone.  

Kelly sighed "Don't answer it.  I don't want anything to spoil tonight.  Let the machine pick it up".  

He smiled "Fine by me" Then leaned over sliding his hands around her back and pulling her on top of him.  "Now where were we?"

'Hey this is Dylan, you know the drill'  

Inwardly Brenda cursed.  She'd gotten the damned machine.  Caught off guard she struggled to compose her message. "Dylan it's me".  She hesitated "I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings today.  I didn't mean to." Another pause  "This afternoon you told me that you loved me and that we would get through this."  She took a deep breath "I wish I could believe that Dylan but I can't help feeling that we're drifting apart. I don't think our relationship can survive my going away to college."  She faltered just for a moment then continued firmly. "I don't want to lose you Dylan. And if it means saving our relationship then I won't go away to school, I'll stay here with you".  She had surprised herself with that final admission, but in her heart she knew that it was the only way to hold on to him.  "I love you Dylan, you mean everything to me".  There was nothing else to say.  Biting her lip, she hung up.  

"Don't Dylan".  Kelly tried to extricate herself from his embrace.  

Dylan sighed heavily and rolled away from her.  Lying on his back, he struggled to a sitting position leaning back against the headboard and turned to face her.  She was already out of bed and starting to gather her clothes together.  When she spoke it was obvious that she was upset.  "I have to go home, I can't stay here tonight."  

"Kel just come back to bed we can talk about this".  He sounded calm but his head was spinning.  Brenda had just told him that she was willing to stay in LA.  For him!  Was that what she really wanted?  Was it what he wanted?  This afternoon he'd been afraid that he and Brenda were facing separate futures.  Now it seemed they might be following the same path after all.

Tears blurring her vision Kelly fumbled with the buttons on her blouse.  Dammit she just couldn't seem to get them done up right.  She felt sick.  Dylan had told Brenda he loved her.  He'd told Brenda that they would get through their current problems and manage to stay together.  What had begun as a sweet romance now felt like a sordid affair.  Whatever she had with Dylan could never compare to what he shared with Brenda.  She knew that now.  Brenda and Dylan had a history.  They had been through so much together, good times and bad. 

Dylan could have walked away at anytime but he hadn't.  This latest development just confirmed her fears that Dylan would never willingly give up Brenda.  She had been a fool to allow herself to fall in love with him.  No matter what happened, she wasn't the one he would always think of as the great love of his life.  That was a title that would always be reserved for Brenda Walsh, Kelly was convinced of that.  She had captured his interest but not his heart.  He had been having problems with Brenda and had turned to her for comfort.  She had broken her cardinal rule, she had made herself vulnerable and now she was going to pay the price.  

Sitting down on the edge of the bed she gave way to the tears of pain and frustration that had been threatening since Brenda's phone call.   Dylan's strong arms enveloped her.  "Don't" she tried to push him away but Dylan held on, saying nothing until her tears subsided.

Gently he lifted her chin forcing her to look him in the eyes.  "Kelly what's wrong?"

"What's wrong?"  She asked bitterly.  "You told her you loved her Dylan. That's what's wrong"

"But you already knew that."  He said gently.  "I've never lied to you about my feelings for Brenda".  

She laughed but there was no mirth in it. "Of course I knew it.  God everybody knows it.  It'll be in the year book Brenda Walsh and Dylan McKay couple most likely to stay together".  She sighed "But it didn't stop me from hoping Dylan.  Hoping that maybe just maybe you might actually feel something for me."  She broke away from him putting some space between them on the bed. "You know I honestly thought that you were going to leave her.  How could I have been so stupid?"  She shook her head in disbelief seeing at last how it had been. "I convinced myself that we could be together; that what we have is special because I wanted to believe it.  But it's not real Dylan.  What you have with Brenda that's real.  I understand it all perfectly now.  We don't have a relationship, we never did.  I'm just the one you run to when you have problems with her.  And now she's gonna be around next year, and the two of you are going to 'get through this' just like you always do. That's the truth isn't it Dylan?"  She knew she sounded bitter but she couldn't help it.

"You're wrong Kel".  He said firmly.  "It's not like that.  It's just that my feelings for you and Brenda are..".  He paused searching for the right word "complicated." 

"Really".  She nodded her understanding "Well then maybe it's time I uncomplicated them for you!"   

Dylan reached out and took hold of her hands.  She was shaking violently. "Please Kel.  You've got it all wrong". He hesitated choosing his next words carefully "This situation isn't easy for me you know.  You just have to give me some time".  

By now she was too angry to listen to his reasoning. "Time.  Of course.  You just need time."  Her temper flared "You've had time Dylan.  Lots of time.  We've been dancing around this issue for months now.  But you still don't seem any closer to figuring out what it is you want".  She sighed, her anger abating as quickly as it had arrived.  "I just need to know Dylan.  I can't go on like this.  I need to know if this relationship has a chance.  I need to know who you want to be with."  Her anger had finally given her the strength to confront him.  She only hoped his answer would be the one she so desperately wanted to hear.

He took a deep breath. His emotions were in turmoil.  Brenda's announcement had changed everything.  He felt as though someone had altered all the rules of the game without telling him.  If he'd been confused before he was even more uncertain now. He simply didn't know what or more specifically who he wanted.  The only thing he could do was to be honest with her.  "I do want to be with you Kelly.  I have done for a long time."

"And Brenda?"  She asked suspiciously

"I don't know".  He shook his head helplessly "I love Brenda, maybe I always will.  But I don't know if that means I should be with her."  He hesitated "I know you want an answer but I can't give one, not yet".   Seeing her face fall he continued "But I do know that I need you Kelly.  I can't lose you"

She studied him intently trying to read his expression. Despite his words she still wasn't convinced.  "If that's true then why do I get the feeling that I'm only here right now because she's not?"

He tried again "I do love you Kel. What can I do to make you believe that?"  

When she looked at him there was challenge in her eyes.  She spoke the words so softly that Dylan had to strain to catch them "Tell Brenda about us."

He didn't answer.  For a long time they just looked at each other then Kelly shook her head in exasperation "Well I guess I got my answer". She picked up her stuff and stormed out leaving him alone with his thoughts.  The door banged behind her but Dylan made no move to follow.  Sitting on the bed he was silent as the tears slid down his cheeks.


	11. Chapter 14

Brenda wondered where Dylan was and if he had listened to her message yet.  It had been two hours now, why hadn't he called?  Her mind was buzzing with unanswered questions.  Had she done the right thing by offering to stay in town next year?  She knew that their relationship didn't exactly thrive long distance.  Her staying in LA was the best chance they had of the relationship surviving but did she really want to stay in LA?   She'd been so excited at the prospect of going away to school, but was that more important than their relationship?  What did Dylan think?  Would he be happy that she had decided to stay or would he offer to go away to school with her?  She wished he would call.  

Brandon clad in boxer shots and a faded grey t-shirt knocked on Brenda's door on his way to bed.  "Hey Bren, you can have the bathroom first if you want it."  When she didn't answer he stuck his head round the door.  Already in her pyjamas, she was sitting on her bed, clutching a stuffed animal as if her life depended on it.  Looking at it more closely he was pretty sure it was the stuffed elephant Dylan had got her as a good luck gift for the SAT's.  Brandon knew from experience that this was not a good sign.  Cautiously he edged in to the room.  She was staring at the phone and didn't seem to have noticed he was even there.  Gently he spoke  "Bren, is everything alright?"

Startled she looked up "I don't know Brandon' she sighed.  She paused then looked at him solemnly 'It's Dylan, I feel like I'm losing him."

Brandon sat down beside her on the bed and waited.  Sure enough Brenda continued.  "I tried to call him earlier but he wasn't home.  I ended up leaving a message on his machine."  She fixed worried eyes on him "Brandon I told him that I'd go to school in LA next year so that we could be together.  That was two hours ago and he still hasn't called me back".  She was fighting tears now.  "That can only mean that he doesn't want us to be together next year".

"Whoah slow down there Bren.  You don't even know if he's checked his messages yet".  Brandon knew it was important to be the voice of reason when Brenda was in this kind of mood.  "Don't you think you should wait until you talk to him before you go jumping to conclusions".

"I can't help it Brandon" she answered desperately  "It just feels as though we're moving in completely different directions, and that if I don't do something about it I'm gonna lose him."

"Staying in LA next year, is that what you really want Bren?"  For the past few weeks all she'd talked about was going away to school.  Brandon couldn't help thinking she was giving up on her dream.

"I don't know" she answered honestly "but I do know that I want to be with Dylan.  If he won't go away to college then staying here is the only way to keep our relationship alive."  She forced a smile "Anyway if I stay here I'll have the best of both worlds.  College and Dylan".  The smile faded "I just wish that he wanted College too.  Brandon why do you think Dylan doesn't want to go to College?" 

Rubbing his tired eyes tiredly, Brandon ran his fingers through his hair and thought for a moment.  "I honestly don't know Bren" he said finally.  "I think this college stuff is making everyone a little crazy".  He thought about how his friends had been behaving lately.  "I mean Andrea's stressed out about scholarship money, Steve's worried that he's going to disappoint his father if he doesn't get in to a grade A school, and poor David is spending every waking moment with his head in a book."  Brandon shook his head in disbelief.  "Senior year is tough enough for us seniors, David must be crazy wanting to graduate early".

Brenda sighed. "Well I think it's romantic.  David's putting himself through hell this year just so he and Donna can go to college together".  She frowned.  "All Dylan has to do is fill out an application."

Brandon suppressed a smile "What's this, do I see the green eyed monster rearing it's head?"  He poked her arm and received a smack on the hand in response.

"So what about you and Nikki.  What happens if you go away to school next year?"  Brenda certainly knew how to deliver the killer blow.

He frowned "Now that's a conversation I'm not looking forward to having."

"Meaning?" She asked archly.

"Meaning I don't know Bren.  This college stuff isn't easy for any of us you know.

She sighed "I know."

He stretched and slowly got up off the bed "Anyway I'm officially exhausted.  I need to get some sleep".  He smiled "So you never answered my original question. Do you wanna use the bathroom first?"

"You go ahead I'm gonna stay up a while." Her attention had already switched back to the phone.

"Okay" Brandon moved towards the connecting door but turned back "But Bren, don't go staying up all night waiting for the phone to ring."

"I won't". She replied but it was obvious her thoughts were elsewhere"  

He made one final attempt "Don't worry about Dylan, he'll come round".

She sighed. "I hope you're right Brandon".

"Night Bren."  Brandon left her to it.  He hoped that she wouldn't stay up all night, but knowing his sister and her inclination for the dramatic, it was a distinct possibility.

Brenda sat up for another hour after Brandon went to bed.  Still the phone didn't ring.  In the end she decided she really should go to bed, if only because she had to get up for school in the morning.  Dylan never called, and Brenda spent an uncomfortable night tossing and turning and thinking about him.  

Author's note:  

Just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who has posted a review.  Your comments are really encouraging, providing really good motivation for me to keep writing!  For those of you who are wondering I'm in this for the long haul and there are quite a few twists and turns still to come.

The feedback you have been giving about the characters, the way they act and how you want their relationships develop is really helpful.  I am taking notice of it and trying to incorporate it in to my story (so please more of the same!).  

For all those who are waiting for Brenda to find out please keep reading, I promise it's coming up soon!!


	12. Chapter 15

Dylan McKay banged his locker door shut in frustration, as David headed off to his first class.  After running from his bed last night, Kelly hadn't taken his calls and he'd tossed and turned alone, turning things over and over in his mind.Brenda's untimely call had elicited a bad scene last night and he really needed to talk to Kelly.  But she hadn't shown up to school today.  David had said that Kelly was sick, but Dylan knew better. She was avoiding him.  He could cut class and go over there.   He took two steps towards the parking lot and then thought better of it.  He knew that in her present mood it wouldn't do any good.  Much better to wait until school was out.  By then she might have calmed down enough to talk to him.

He turned round and was back at the lockers – back to square one.  "Okay" he told himself firmly, the problem with Kelly could wait until after school.  Right now he had to figure out what to do about Brenda.  Knowing Brenda, she'd be going crazy waiting to hear from him.  He didn't have any classes with her today, but there were plenty of opportunities to talk to her if he wanted to.  He could do it now, go catch her before her first class.  He didn't move.  He couldn't talk to Brenda because he didn't know what to say. 

Brenda had done the one thing he had never expected her to do; she had compromised. Dylan knew that for Brenda Walsh compromise didn't come easy.  He had never known her to back down over anything she truly believed in.  He smiled.  Her tenacity was one of the things that had kept them together, despite her father's fervent disapproval. It was one of the things that he loved most about her.

By backing down over the college issue Brenda was making a major statement of her commitment to him.  He knew it and she knew it.  The question was what was he gonna to do about it?  In his heart he was aware that it wasn't really what she wanted, that it would be selfish of him to ask her to stay.  But he wanted to.  More than anything he wanted to ask her to stay.

He slammed his fist against the lockers in anger, scoring some inquiring looks from the passing students. Dylan scowled at them and they hurried on their way.  Who was he kidding? How could he even think of asking Brenda to give up on her dreams of going away to school, when he was seeing Kelly behind her back? He was pretty certain that she would feel differently about staying in town if she knew what had been going on.  He winced. If Brenda ever did find out, she would end things with him once and for all and that was something he didn't wanna think about. But then, if he was in love with Kelly, which he kinda thought he was, why was the prospect of losing Brenda so impossible to bear?

He lent back against the lockers, and closed his eyes in defeat.  He hadn't slept at all last night and he was so tired he couldn't think straight. This whole mess was clouding his mind and sapping his strength.  So many times over the last few weeks he'd been tempted to have a drink to solve his problems.  So far he'd resisted but he could feel his will power slowly ebbing away.  It was only a matter of time.  

His mind drifted back to Kelly.  He was gonna have a hard time talking her round.  The way she had run out on him last night, he wasn't sure if they even had a relationship anymore.  Maybe he shouldn't bother making his peace with Kelly, he thought perversely. He could let the relationship fizzle out, and just pray that Brenda never found out about it.  He frowned.  Trouble was he didn't want to do that.  He and Kelly definitely had something and he didn't know if he was willing to give up on it just yet.  But then there was Brenda.  How could he risk what he had with her?  It was impossible; he loved them both. But he knew that by dating both girls, he was playing with fire and sooner or later he was likely to get burnt.

He scowled.  The more he tried to work it out the more messed up things seemed to get.  Maybe cutting class wasn't such a bad idea after all.  In fact the idea of just skipping town for a few days and escaping from his problems suddenly seemed incredibly appealing.  Not for the first time Dylan wondered how he'd gotten himself in to this mess.

"Where are you Dylan?"  Brenda Walsh muttered under her breath as she took a second tour of the campus.  Everywhere she looked there were students, lounging on the grass, eating their lunch, tossing footballs, shouting greetings to each other, making the most of the last of their freedom before afternoon classes started.  There were even some who diligently spent their lunch period studying in the library.  Donna and David had been amongst that group.  They'd looked a little embarrassed to be caught studying, but Brenda was impressed by their dedication to each other and to the books. 

She sighed in frustration. She had looked everywhere she could think of, some places twice, but Dylan hadn't been in any of them.  She knew he was around somewhere.  David had already talked to him this morning, and besides his Porsche was parked outside in the lot.  

For weeks now she'd had the feeling that she was losing him, that they were drifting apart.  She'd been so sure that offering to stay in town next year would be the solution to all their problems.  But now she was afraid.  Afraid that Dylan had decided that he didn't want a future with her after all.  She knew that Brandon thought she was overreacting, jumping to conclusions.  He'd told her to wait until she'd talked to Dylan.  But the longer she went without hearing from him, the more scared she felt.  They had always been able to talk about anything, so why wasn't he talking to her about this?  She just wanted to find him, wanted him to smile and tell her how much he loved her.

She wished Kelly were here, she needed some moral support, someone to confide in. But Kelly wasn't in school today.  David had told her that Kelly was sick.  Maybe she'd take a drive over there later, make sure she was okay, but right now she had more important things on her mind.  Lunch period was nearly over and she still hadn't found Dylan.  Refusing to accept defeat she turned and headed purposefully back inside the school building.  She'd try his locker. He'd have to go there sometime and when he did she'd be waiting.   Brenda wanted some answers and she wasn't gonna give up until she got them.

Dylan was so preoccupied he didn't notice Brenda waiting by his locker until it was too late.  He cursed under his breath. He'd let his guard down for a second and now there was no avoiding the inevitable confrontation.  He paused almost involuntarily, unsure how best to proceed.

Brenda's heart lurched when she saw Dylan approaching.  She'd spent all morning desperately searching for him.  Now he was here and she didn't know what to say to him.  She watched apprehensively as he approached her.  He seemed to be walking so slowly he might have been moving in slow motion.  Then suddenly he was in front of her.

"Dylan I…"

"Look Bren…"

They both spoke at once and then both abruptly stopped.  Brenda had never felt so awkward around him.  She drew a steadying breath and fought to get her emotions under control.  "I'm sorry Dylan.  What were you going to say?" 

"No you go first Bren." Dylan shifted uncomfortably.  

Brenda spoke as casually as she could manage.  "Actually I was wondering why you didn't call me back last night."  She searched his face looking for a sign that would give away his feelings.  For once his expression was guarded and she couldn't read him.

He shrugged "I went for a long ride on the bike, by the time I got back I figured it was too late to call".  Even to his own ears he sounded defensive, and he found that he couldn't quite meet her eyes.

Brenda was finding this intolerable.  Why couldn't he just come right out and say what he was thinking?  Taking a deep breath she asked "So what do you think of my plan to go to school in LA next year?"  Was that a flicker of uncertainty on his face?  She couldn't be sure and now his expression was closed again.

Dylan hesitated trying to find the right words, fighting a selfish urge to ask her to stay.  "I think that you shouldn't rush in to it.  It's a big decision Bren, you need to be sure it's what you really want".

Brenda was stung by his words but fought hard not to show it "I am sure Dylan.  I know exactly what I want.  I want you and I want college".  She smiled.  "This way I get to have both."

Carefully Dylan tried again "I just don't want you to do this for the wrong reason".

Her smile faded, all pretence of nonchalance gone "I don't understand.  How can saving our relationship be the wrong reason?"  Her voice had a hard edge to it and she blinked away the tears that were threatening.

Dylan's heart skipped a beat.  She had given him the opening.  Was he gonna take it?  He hesitated and found that his mouth had gone dry.  Should he do it?  Should he do the decent thing and confess everything to Brenda?  It could mean the end of their relationship but didn't he owe her the truth?  He loved Brenda and didn't want to hurt her, but wasn't he hurting her more by lying to her?  

For a moment he thought he really was going to do it, but then his nerve failed him and the words died on his lips.  He loved her, he needed her and he didn't want to lose her.  He couldn't risk telling her, he just couldn't.  Struggling under the intensity of her gaze he finally answered.  "I just think that this is something that you should do for yourself.  I don't want you to do it for me and then six months down the line wish you hadn't."  

Finally his expression softened and Brenda could see the affection in his eyes.  She knew that what he was saying made sense.  They might not be the most romantic words he had ever spoken, but he was right.  She felt a fool now for doubting him, for letting her imagination work overtime.  When she next looked at Dylan a smile lit up her face.  " I guess you're right.  I won't make any hasty decisions".  She kissed his cheek lightly "You see that's what I love about you Dylan, you always know what's best for me."

Dylan smiled weakly, finding himself unable to answer.


	13. Chapter 15

Dylan McKay banged his locker door shut in frustration, as David headed off to his first class.  After running from his bed last night, Kelly hadn't taken his calls and he'd tossed and turned alone, turning things over and over in his mind.Brenda's untimely call had elicited a bad scene last night and he really needed to talk to Kelly.  But she hadn't shown up to school today.  David had said that Kelly was sick, but Dylan knew better. She was avoiding him.  He could cut class and go over there.   He took two steps towards the parking lot and then thought better of it.  He knew that in her present mood it wouldn't do any good.  Much better to wait until school was out.  By then she might have calmed down enough to talk to him.

He turned round and was back at the lockers – back to square one.  "Okay" he told himself firmly, the problem with Kelly could wait until after school.  Right now he had to figure out what to do about Brenda.  Knowing Brenda, she'd be going crazy waiting to hear from him.  He didn't have any classes with her today, but there were plenty of opportunities to talk to her if he wanted to.  He could do it now, go catch her before her first class.  He didn't move.  He couldn't talk to Brenda because he didn't know what to say. 

Brenda had done the one thing he had never expected her to do; she had compromised. Dylan knew that for Brenda Walsh compromise didn't come easy.  He had never known her to back down over anything she truly believed in.  He smiled.  Her tenacity was one of the things that had kept them together, despite her father's fervent disapproval. It was one of the things that he loved most about her.

By backing down over the college issue Brenda was making a major statement of her commitment to him.  He knew it and she knew it.  The question was what was he gonna to do about it?  In his heart he was aware that it wasn't really what she wanted, that it would be selfish of him to ask her to stay.  But he wanted to.  More than anything he wanted to ask her to stay.

He slammed his fist against the lockers in anger, scoring some inquiring looks from the passing students. Dylan scowled at them and they hurried on their way.  Who was he kidding? How could he even think of asking Brenda to give up on her dreams of going away to school, when he was seeing Kelly behind her back? He was pretty certain that she would feel differently about staying in town if she knew what had been going on.  He winced. If Brenda ever did find out, she would end things with him once and for all and that was something he didn't wanna think about. But then, if he was in love with Kelly, which he kinda thought he was, why was the prospect of losing Brenda so impossible to bear?

He lent back against the lockers, and closed his eyes in defeat.  He hadn't slept at all last night and he was so tired he couldn't think straight. This whole mess was clouding his mind and sapping his strength.  So many times over the last few weeks he'd been tempted to have a drink to solve his problems.  So far he'd resisted but he could feel his will power slowly ebbing away.  It was only a matter of time.  

His mind drifted back to Kelly.  He was gonna have a hard time talking her round.  The way she had run out on him last night, he wasn't sure if they even had a relationship anymore.  Maybe he shouldn't bother making his peace with Kelly, he thought perversely. He could let the relationship fizzle out, and just pray that Brenda never found out about it.  He frowned.  Trouble was he didn't want to do that.  He and Kelly definitely had something and he didn't know if he was willing to give up on it just yet.  But then there was Brenda.  How could he risk what he had with her?  It was impossible; he loved them both. But he knew that by dating both girls, he was playing with fire and sooner or later he was likely to get burnt.

He scowled.  The more he tried to work it out the more messed up things seemed to get.  Maybe cutting class wasn't such a bad idea after all.  In fact the idea of just skipping town for a few days and escaping from his problems suddenly seemed incredibly appealing.  Not for the first time Dylan wondered how he'd gotten himself in to this mess.

"Where are you Dylan?"  Brenda Walsh muttered under her breath as she took a second tour of the campus.  Everywhere she looked there were students, lounging on the grass, eating their lunch, tossing footballs, shouting greetings to each other, making the most of the last of their freedom before afternoon classes started.  There were even some who diligently spent their lunch period studying in the library.  Donna and David had been amongst that group.  They'd looked a little embarrassed to be caught studying, but Brenda was impressed by their dedication to each other and to the books. 

She sighed in frustration. She had looked everywhere she could think of, some places twice, but Dylan hadn't been in any of them.  She knew he was around somewhere.  David had already talked to him this morning, and besides his Porsche was parked outside in the lot.  

For weeks now she'd had the feeling that she was losing him, that they were drifting apart.  She'd been so sure that offering to stay in town next year would be the solution to all their problems.  But now she was afraid.  Afraid that Dylan had decided that he didn't want a future with her after all.  She knew that Brandon thought she was overreacting, jumping to conclusions.  He'd told her to wait until she'd talked to Dylan.  But the longer she went without hearing from him, the more scared she felt.  They had always been able to talk about anything, so why wasn't he talking to her about this?  She just wanted to find him, wanted him to smile and tell her how much he loved her.

She wished Kelly were here, she needed some moral support, someone to confide in. But Kelly wasn't in school today.  David had told her that Kelly was sick.  Maybe she'd take a drive over there later, make sure she was okay, but right now she had more important things on her mind.  Lunch period was nearly over and she still hadn't found Dylan.  Refusing to accept defeat she turned and headed purposefully back inside the school building.  She'd try his locker. He'd have to go there sometime and when he did she'd be waiting.   Brenda wanted some answers and she wasn't gonna give up until she got them.

Dylan was so preoccupied he didn't notice Brenda waiting by his locker until it was too late.  He cursed under his breath. He'd let his guard down for a second and now there was no avoiding the inevitable confrontation.  He paused almost involuntarily, unsure how best to proceed.

Brenda's heart lurched when she saw Dylan approaching.  She'd spent all morning desperately searching for him.  Now he was here and she didn't know what to say to him.  She watched apprehensively as he approached her.  He seemed to be walking so slowly he might have been moving in slow motion.  Then suddenly he was in front of her.

"Dylan I…"

"Look Bren…"

They both spoke at once and then both abruptly stopped.  Brenda had never felt so awkward around him.  She drew a steadying breath and fought to get her emotions under control.  "I'm sorry Dylan.  What were you going to say?" 

"No you go first Bren." Dylan shifted uncomfortably.  

Brenda spoke as casually as she could manage.  "Actually I was wondering why you didn't call me back last night."  She searched his face looking for a sign that would give away his feelings.  For once his expression was guarded and she couldn't read him.

He shrugged "I went for a long ride on the bike, by the time I got back I figured it was too late to call".  Even to his own ears he sounded defensive, and he found that he couldn't quite meet her eyes.

Brenda was finding this intolerable.  Why couldn't he just come right out and say what he was thinking?  Taking a deep breath she asked "So what do you think of my plan to go to school in LA next year?"  Was that a flicker of uncertainty on his face?  She couldn't be sure and now his expression was closed again.

Dylan hesitated trying to find the right words, fighting a selfish urge to ask her to stay.  "I think that you shouldn't rush in to it.  It's a big decision Bren, you need to be sure it's what you really want".

Brenda was stung by his words but fought hard not to show it "I am sure Dylan.  I know exactly what I want.  I want you and I want college".  She smiled.  "This way I get to have both."

Carefully Dylan tried again "I just don't want you to do this for the wrong reason".

Her smile faded, all pretence of nonchalance gone "I don't understand.  How can saving our relationship be the wrong reason?"  Her voice had a hard edge to it and she blinked away the tears that were threatening.

Dylan's heart skipped a beat.  She had given him the opening.  Was he gonna take it?  He hesitated and found that his mouth had gone dry.  Should he do it?  Should he do the decent thing and confess everything to Brenda?  It could mean the end of their relationship but didn't he owe her the truth?  He loved Brenda and didn't want to hurt her, but wasn't he hurting her more by lying to her?  

For a moment he thought he really was going to do it, but then his nerve failed him and the words died on his lips.  He loved her, he needed her and he didn't want to lose her.  He couldn't risk telling her, he just couldn't.  Struggling under the intensity of her gaze he finally answered.  "I just think that this is something that you should do for yourself.  I don't want you to do it for me and then six months down the line wish you hadn't."  

Finally his expression softened and Brenda could see the affection in his eyes.  She knew that what he was saying made sense.  They might not be the most romantic words he had ever spoken, but he was right.  She felt a fool now for doubting him, for letting her imagination work overtime.  When she next looked at Dylan a smile lit up her face.  " I guess you're right.  I won't make any hasty decisions".  She kissed his cheek lightly "You see that's what I love about you Dylan, you always know what's best for me."

Dylan smiled weakly, finding himself unable to answer.


	14. Chapter 16

Kelly Taylor was bored and miserable but she wasn't sick, unless of course you counted a broken heart as a medical ailment.  Sure she'd thrown up last night when she'd got back from Dylan's but as much she tried to convince herself that it was the flu or something she'd eaten, she knew that it was a physical reaction to the emotional turmoil she was feeling.  It was always the same.  She remembered when David's friend Scott Scanlon had died, she'd been sick for a week and she'd hardly even known the guy.

No she wasn't sick, she just couldn't face the world today.  All she really wanted to do was crawl under the covers and pretend that last night never happened.  Yet she couldn't get it out of her mind.  Dylan loved Brenda and ultimately when it came to it he would choose Brenda.  When he hadn't answered her last night she had known it was true.  Until that point she'd still had a glimmer of hope, but his silence had snuffed that out.  He'd probably called Brenda right after she left, she thought bitterly.  She wondered if he'd even tried to call her last night.  She'd switched the phone off.  She hadn't wanted to talk to him.  Hadn't wanted to talk to anyone actually.  Luckily David had got the message and had left her alone.  She wasn't sure how she would have explained her tears.

She knew she would have to face things soon.  She'd managed to convince her mom that she was sick today but although her mom was preoccupied right now she wasn't stupid.  If Kelly didn't get herself together soon, Jackie would start asking questions.  Hiding wasn't the answer, but right now it was her only way of coping.  Not only had Dylan broken her heart last night, he had humiliated her.  She never wanted to see him again and she knew she couldn't face Brenda.

The house was quiet for once; mercifully Erin had finally stopped crying.  Kelly was tired.  She'd been awake most of the night unable to get Brenda's words out of her head.  She lay back against the pillow and closed her eyes, vaguely aware of a fly buzzing by the open window and the sound of a car radio outside.

When the knock on her bedroom door woke her she was surprised to find that she'd been asleep for several hours.  At first still groggy she thought that last night had been a dream.  But as her eyes slowly grew accustomed to the light, reality returned, along with the awful realisation that Dylan didn't want her.  Kelly groaned and pulled the covers back over her head.  

 Another knock on her bedroom door interrupted her gloomy thoughts.  Kelly frowned, she wasn't in the mood for David's brand of company right now.  Perhaps if she stayed real quiet he'd think she was asleep and leave her alone.  But the knocking was persistent.  When she could stand it no more she raised her voice "Go away David I'm trying to sleep."

Hearing the door open she snapped "David, I said go away!"

"I just came to see how you were" Dylan spoke softly as if he were afraid of how she might react.

Kelly was furious.  Pulling the covers free from her face she glared at him angrily  "How the hell did you get in here?"

"Jackie and Mel let me in on their way out".  He was almost apologetic.  

"Really.  Well you can just turn round and go straight back out again." She would have to have words with Jackie later.

Dylan took a step towards her "Look Kel I need to talk to you."  Perhaps he should have given her more time; obviously she was still mad at him.

She shook her head "Oh no, it's way too late for talking.  Last night was when I needed you to talk to me Dylan".  She sighed "But last night you didn't have anything to say did you?"  It wasn't really a question more an accusation.

Tentatively he took another step forwards "Last night I was confused.  I didn't know what I wanted." 

"And now?"  Kelly tried to keep her voice even "Do you know what you want now?"  She already knew the answer but she needed to hear him say it.

Dylan looked at her intently.  He had rehearsed this on the drive over but now he was standing in front of her the words were all jumbled in his head. "Right now I don't know who or what I want" he answered honestly.  He had decided that he had to tell her the truth.  He hadn't been honest with Brenda earlier and ever since he had berated himself for his cowardice.  He'd vowed that he wouldn't make the same mistake with Kelly.  He sat down tiredly on the edge of the bed "But I do know one thing."  

Kelly regarded him suspiciously.  "And what's that?"

Dylan took a deep breath "I don't want to lose you Kel.  I think we might have something special here" He paused "I want to find out if I'm right."

 "So what exactly are you saying?"  She asked, her voice losing some of its earlier hostility.

"I guess I'm saying that right now this is all I can offer you."  He hesitated trying to find the right words. "I'm just not ready to make a choice, not yet anyway."  He shifted uncomfortably, knowing that it wasn't what she wanted to hear. "But I don't want what we have to end."  He took a deep breath "If that's not enough for you then just say so.  I'll walk out of this room right now and we can forget this ever happened".  He looked at her imploringly "but you've gotta know that I do love you Kel."  

Kelly's head was spinning and she was finding it difficult to take all this in.  Only minutes earlier she'd thought that it was all over, that Brenda had won.  Now Dylan had put her right back in the game.  Question was did she still want to play?

She'd asked him to make a choice and he couldn't do it.  Now he had shifted the responsibility to her.  She had the opportunity to take control of the situation, something she should have done a long time ago.  She knew that she had been weak when it came to Dylan.  She should never have let it go on for so long without asking him to commit.  She sighed.  If their roles had been reversed she knew that Brenda would never have been so passive. 

The way she saw it there were really only two choices.  She could end all this now, ask him to walk out of her life, or she could continue to share him with Brenda until he felt ready to make a decision.  And of course there was no guarantee that after all that waiting he would actually choose her.

Kelly hesitated, talk about caught between a rock and a hard place.  What he was offering was definitely not enough, but was the alternative any better?  If she said that it was fine he would continue seeing her without ever making any real commitment.  But she knew full well that if she told him to walk away, she would be sending him straight in to the arms of Brenda.  She frowned. Unwittingly he had put her in an impossible situation.  She couldn't win whatever she did.

Dylan watched her carefully trying to read her expression.  She'd been quiet for an awful long time.  He had taken a risk by being truthful with her, a risk he hadn't dared to take with Brenda.  Already he was starting to regret his honesty.  It had seemed the right thing to do on the drive over, but now he wasn't so sure.  

He sighed.  He wasn't really a gambling man but he was playing some pretty deep odds here.  He didn't want to lose her, had no intention of walking out of her life, but he knew that it was important to be honest about their situation.  He had never lied to her about his feelings for Brenda, but he may have given her the impression that his relationship with Brenda was nearing an end.  He knew that she deserved to know the truth, deserved to know that he wasn't ready to give up on Brenda just yet.  

He was aware that he hadn't been playing fair over the past few months.  He wasn't proud of the way he had behaved but he couldn't help himself.  He had selfishly gone after what he wanted, allowing both girls to believe that they had a future with him because he simply couldn't choose between them.  He was surprised Kelly hadn't called him on it sooner.  He smiled ruefully, Brenda wouldn't be so accommodating if she ever found out what he'd done!

Now Kelly had decided to make a stand, had issued an ultimatum.  She had demanded that he make a choice.  But still Dylan didn't want to take that responsibility.  He had almost confessed everything to Brenda today, put the decision in her hands.  But he had been too afraid of what she might do, afraid that he would lose her.

Things were a little different with Kelly, she already knew about Brenda. She'd gone in to this relationship with her eyes open.  At least that's what he told himself every time he felt bad about the way he was treating her.  But now even that had stopped working. Now he felt bad about both of them and he couldn't handle it anymore.

He didn't want his relationship with Kelly to end, but he asked her to make the final decision.  And it was only right that she knew exactly what choosing him would mean.  It was a courtesy that he should have given Brenda he thought bitterly.  But right now he couldn't afford to think about Brenda, he'd had his chance to talk to her at school today and he'd blown it.  She'd promised to call him later.  Maybe he could have another go at working out his issues with her then.  Maybe. 

He would worry about Brenda later, right now he was more concerned about what Kelly was going to do.  Sure he had offered her a way out but he was gambling that despite everything she would choose him.  He just hoped that she wasn't about to call his bluff.  Finding himself unable to sit still any longer he got up off the bed and began to pace the room.

Kelly observed Dylan's pacing.  The rate he was going he'd wear the carpet out.  Usually he kept a tight reign on his feelings, at least outwardly, but right now he was clearly agitated.  She knew he was waiting for an answer but her decision was anything but simple.  Her head was telling her to walk away from this.  A million reasons raced through her mind - he was just using her, he wasn't committed, she was betraying her best friend, she deserved better.  But her heart was screaming to be with him, desperate even for a part of him no matter how small.

She closed her eyes willing herself to be strong.  She wanted to have the courage to end it, to walk away with her self-respect still in tact.  She focused her mind on Brenda, how devastated she would be if she found out, how it would mean the end of their friendship forever.  She thought about how it would affect the rest of her friends, this relationship had the potential to rip the group apart.  She thought about how hard she had worked to bury her reputation. The discovery of this affair could undo all that.  Then she forced herself to imagine what her life would be like without Dylan.  It was no good she couldn't stand the thought of him walking out of her life again.  She'd been there before and it was something she was loathed to repeat.  She could feel her resolve weakening.

She tried again to talk herself out of it.  No matter how much he said he loved her, Dylan was using her.  In the old days she had let men use her mercilessly, but it was something she'd taken great care to avoid ever since.  That was until Jake of course.  She sighed, Jake had been a master at manipulation and she'd allowed herself to fall for his charms, only to watch helplessly as he rode off in to the sunset and no doubt on to the next vulnerable young girl.  Jake had been Dylan's mentor and that should tell her something.  

Then of course there was the fact that it was pretty unlikely she and Dylan could make it work, with or without Brenda in the picture. She smiled ruefully.  With her track record with relationships, it was likely that this one would end in tears - her tears, just as it had with Jake.  

But no matter how many reasons her mind supplied, her heart simply wouldn't be swayed.  She loved him and she wanted to be with him.  Feeling her willpower slip away she'd tried desperately to think of the negatives.   Squeezing her eyes even tighter shut she thought again about Brenda and how hurt she would be.

Dylan stopped pacing and slumped down on the floor at the end of the bed. As he watched her wrestle with the decision he realised that he had no idea what she was going to say.  As bad as it had been trying to choose between them, this was infinitely worse.  At least before he'd been the one in control of what happened.  Now there was nothing he could do but sit and wait.

Kelly opened her eyes and studied Dylan surreptitiously.  He was now sitting on the floor, his back against the closet.  His knees were pulled up to his chest and his head had dropped to his knees.  His shirt had come untucked at the back and his hair was even spikier than usual, as if he had spent the last hour running his fingers through it. She sighed. If anything his current dishevelled state merely added to his appeal.  They had been quiet for so long that when she finally spoke the sound of her voice startled him.      


	15. Chapter 17

"I'm never gonna get this I might as well just give up now".  David Silver threw his pen down in frustration and sat back in his chair arms folded resolutely across his chest.

            "Look David you're exhausted, you've hardly slept in days.  Why don't you take a break and get some rest.  You'll feel so much better." Donna spoke soothingly hoping that this time he would listen to her.  He had been burning the candle at both ends lately and it was starting to show.

            "I don't have time to rest Donna!"  David snapped.  Noticing the angry glares from the other students frequenting the library, he fought to lower his voice and regain his composure. "The finals are in less than two weeks and I'm still way behind".  He sighed "I've read that last chapter three times and I still couldn't tell you a word that was in it".  Slamming the book shut he snapped "Do you want me to graduate this summer or not?"  David knew he wasn't being fair but he was just so tired and his nerves were shot.  Every spare moment was taken up with study and it was starting to get to him.  

He'd been working himself in to the ground and his brain was starting to feel numb.  Right now he couldn't imagine how he was going to get through finals, he couldn't seem to hold anything in his head for more than a few minutes.  Donna had been his salvation, competently taking over his radio show, despite her lack of experience, bringing him dinner so he could keep studying, and never once complaining that he didn't have any time for her.

            Donna put a comforting arm around his shoulders.  "Of course I want you to graduate this summer David, but I also want you to take of yourself.  If you carry on like this you'll end up having some sort of breakdown".  She sighed.  "I worry about you, you know".

            He smiled all his anger dissipating "I know you do Donna.  But it's just for a few more weeks and then we'll have the Christmas vacation.  I can get some rest then."

            She looked at him doubtfully "If you make it that far."

            David could see that she was genuinely concerned.  He knew that she was right; he could really use a break.  Actually they could both use a break, they'd been hitting the books pretty hard.  But he still had so much to do.  Gazing in to her worried eyes, noticing for the first time how tired she looked, David relented. "Okay I'll make you a deal.  If I get this chapter down in the next few hours I promise I'll take some time out tonight."

            Donna immediately brightened "There now that wasn't so hard was it?"

            "You've got me for one night only, so make the most of it."  He warned, but secretly he was delighted to see some of her worry slip away.

            Donna considered for a moment "I vote for dinner, somewhere nice, maybe a little candlelight and soft music".  She smiled dreamily.  "Followed by a movie, something romantic."  It had been so long since they'd done anything but study, a night out would do them both good.

            "Okay you pick the restaurant but I get to pick the movie".  He grinned at her "It's either gonna be action adventure or a good comedy."

            Donna, just relieved that he was taking a break gave in immediately "Alright David you win, but lets make it a comedy.  I think we could both use a few laughs right now".

            "Comedy it is."  He nodded his approval.          

Slowly Donna gathered together her stuff.  "I'll go call the restaurant and check out the movie times.  You just concentrate on getting that chapter done before I get back."  She kissed him briefly on the cheek and then gave him a reassuring smile "Don't worry David, everything's gonna work out just fine you'll see".

            David forced a smile in return, but secretly he was worried.  He still had so much to get through he couldn't see how he was gonna do it.  History was the killer, all those names and dates - he couldn't keep them straight in his head.  But he was determined to give it his best shot or die trying.  Shaking his head in the hopes that it might clear the fog that seemed to have settled around his brain, he picked up his pen and started again.

            Brenda Walsh chewed the end of her pen thoughtfully as she stared out of the window.  She loved studying in the old city library.  She always sat in the same place, tucked away on the top floor amidst the dusty tomes that comprised the American literature section.  She found it inspiring.  She knew that David and Donna were currently ensconced two floors below, but she didn't feel like joining them.  This afternoon Brenda preferred to study alone.

            She yawned. She'd hardly slept at all last night and she was beginning to flag.  She wouldn't study too long; instead she'd take an early pass, go home and get some dinner and then catch up on her sleep. After she'd called Dylan of course. She smiled blissfully thinking of Dylan and how considerate he was being.  She was so glad that they'd managed to sort things out.  

He was working on his motorcycle right now, but she'd told him she'd call him once she was done studying.  He hadn't complained that she was neglecting him, and she hadn't badgered him to study.  She guessed that was what a mature relationship was all about, respecting the other person's choices, making a few compromises along the way.  That and honesty of course.  The one thing she and Dylan had always had was honesty.  

Their relationship hadn't been easy, and they hadn't always stayed faithful.  She still burned with shame over her past indiscretions.  Involuntarily her mind drifted to Tim Mathews.  She and Kelly had met him at a cardio funk class.  Besides being pre-med at UCLA Tim had been cute, funny and interested in Brenda.  

She had met Tim at a time when she was feeling vulnerable.  Dylan had been neglecting her, getting a little too close to a girl from his program.  She had been flattered by Tim's attention and had found herself attracted to him.  She had kissed him, and what's more she'd enjoyed it.  That had come as a shock, and for the first time she had questioned her feelings for Dylan.  

But when it came down to it she had known that Dylan was the one she wanted.  She liked Tim but she loved Dylan, there was no question about that.  She had called it off with Tim before things had gone any further.  Then she had confessed everything to Dylan.  He in turn had admitted kissing Sarah, the girl from his program.  Although it was worrying they had agreed that their relationship was strong enough to survive.  They had both been tempted, but ultimately they had both known what they wanted - each other. 

Then this summer there was Rick.  She wasn't even sure how that had happened.  Matters between Dylan and her father had come to a head and she'd found herself banished to Paris for the summer.  She'd been half a world away from her life in Beverly Hills and the problems that she'd left behind there.  For those few weeks she'd been able to pretend that she wasn't Brenda Walsh, but someone completely different.  It had been fun and she had enjoyed re-inventing herself, even pretending to be French.  But it was more than just an acting exercise it had been a means of escape.  Things had been really difficult for her in the build up to Paris, and she'd wanted to forget about all the problems and the pressures that she knew would be waiting for her when she got back.  

It was almost as if anything that happened in Paris didn't really count because it had happened to a different person, a girl who didn't really exist.  Meeting Rick had been fun and exhilarating, he was the complete opposite of Dylan, and it had been a relief to be with someone who didn't spend all of his time angry at the world.  But when Rick showed up in Beverly Hills she'd realised that it could never work.  Oh on paper he was perfect for her, but in reality her feelings for Rick could never come close to what she felt for Dylan.  No matter how many problems she and Dylan had, and how many times she had been tempted to stray, Brenda knew that she would always chose Dylan in the end.

She had told Dylan about Rick of course.  He had been angry and upset but eventually Dylan too had confessed to seeing someone else.  Although he'd said that the other girl wasn't important, it still hurt, and she tried not to think about it too often.  Sometimes she still wondered who the girl was.  He had never actually told her, said that it didn't matter.  Brenda figured that it was another girl from the programme, someone else that Dylan had tried to save.  It hadn't come to anything and just as they had the last time, they'd talked through their problems and managed to stay together.  It just proved that when their love was put to the test it really was strong enough to withstand anything.   

Brenda knew that Dylan loved her and ultimately no matter how much he was tempted he would always come back to her.  He had been tempted before, he might be tempted again, but he had learnt to look the other way - they both had.  Tim hadn't managed to come between them, neither had Sarah or Rick.  Nor did she intend to let her father come between them, even if he did have her best interests at heart.  No she and Dylan were meant to be together she was surer of that now than she ever had been.  

Brenda sighed.  They had certainly had their share of problems but the course of true love never did run smoothly, at least not in books and movies.  You always knew that the hero and heroine would end up living happily ever after, but not before they dealt with some pretty dramatic twists and turns along the way.

This latest fight about college had been just another bump in the road of their romance.  And they'd worked it out just as they always did.  It wasn't the worst hurdle they'd ever faced and it probably wouldn't be the last.  She was glad now that she had been honest with Dylan about her feelings, felt better knowing that he had been honest with her.  But she wondered wistfully, how many more obstacles would they have to overcome before they finally got their happy ever after?

            The sound of the old church bell across the street chiming the hour snapped her out of her reverie.  She checked her watch. It was still early. She'd planned to call in on Kelly on her way home.  She frowned in concentration.  If she spent another hour with the books she'd have time to see Kelly, call Dylan and still get to bed at a reasonable hour.  

Satisfied she returned to the battered copy of 'Romeo and Juliet' that she'd been studying.  Brenda loved Shakespeare and 'Romeo and Juliet' was one of her favourites.  She guessed it was because she could identify with the central characters.  Whoever said that Shakespeare was boring and outdated had obviously never been in love.  What with her father's animosity about her relationship with Dylan, and all the sneaking around they'd done before Paris, she had a pretty good feel for what Shakespeare's young lovers were going through.  She smiled. One day when she was a famous actress on Broadway or maybe the West End, she would play Juliet to a packed theatre.  Closing her eyes she pictured it in her mind, her spectacular performance, the adulation of the crowd, Dylan applauding her from the front row.  Just for fun she experimented with some of the lines until she received a disapproving 'shush' from the on duty librarian, an austere lady in her fifties, who if she had ever been in love, looked as though she'd forgotten what it was like.

Smothering her giggles Brenda picked up her book feeling happier than she had done in weeks.  She and Dylan had worked through their problems, she was getting on much better with Kelly since their heart-to heart, and she was even starting to feel that she might actually be ready for finals when they came.  Perhaps it was because she was in such a good mood, or maybe she was just feeling more confident because of all the study she had put in lately; but for some reason finals felt light years away, yet Christmas vacation with the delights of parties with her friends and masses of free time to spend with Dylan, seemed to be just round the corner.  Brenda smiled.  Yes, right now life was good. 

Author's note 

Thanks for the tip off about the double posting.  The first time I tried to post that chapter I had problems with it (the screen froze in the middle of posting).  It didn't seem to work so I tried again, and now it's on twice!  I've been having a few problems accessing the site lately but I'll try to remove it at some point.  For now please ignore it and continue reading.


	16. Chapter 18

"It's not enough." She said simply.

            "What?" Dylan rasped his head snapping up in shock.

            "I said it's not enough" Kelly repeated softly. "I can't share you Dylan, I won't".

            "But I thought you said you loved me".  He was half pleading half accusing.

            "I do, but if I'm going to be with you it has to be with all of you" she paused the next words were painful "Not just the tiny part of you that's left over after Brenda".  The calmness of her voice belied the turmoil she was feeling inside.

Dylan gaped at her, his mind struggling to comprehend the implications of her words.  He didn't know why but he felt angry.  Was he angry with her for rejecting him, or angry with himself for giving her that opportunity?  Despite his earlier promise, he found himself arguing with her. 

"I don't understand.  It was enough for you before, now suddenly it isn't?  What's changed?" he asked angrily.

Tucking a stray strand of blonde hair behind her ear and taking a deep breath Kelly tried to put in to words what had been going through her head for the past hour.  

"I guess I just realised that I can't spend my life waiting around for you to decide what you want."  She paused, carefully tracing the pattern of the bed sheet with her finger.  "I've done a lot of things in my life that I'm not proud of Dylan.  For a long time I didn't like the person I'd become".  She hesitated then reluctantly met his eyes. "You of all people should understand that."  

Dylan nodded mutely.  Of course he understood. That was what made their relationship special.  They knew about each other's past indiscretions, accepted them and most of all understood them.  No matter how hard she tried, Brenda could never really understand what he'd been through in those early years.  He didn't expect her to.  How could she, when she had never experienced them herself?  Brenda loved him in spite of his past, but Kelly loved him because of it.

Relieved that his anger seemed to be abating Kelly continued. "What you're offering me isn't a relationship Dylan.  Not really.  It's just a cheap imitation".  

He opened his mouth to protest but she held up a hand to silence him.  "In the past I would have taken it." She smiled ruefully "Back then I thought so little of myself I didn't think I deserved anything better."  Her eyes were bright with unshed tears.  "But I'm not that girl anymore.  If I stay with you now, like this, it'll be like going back to square one."   She shuddered "I can't go back to that Dylan I just can't."

Dylan nodded "I understand" he said quietly, his anger replaced by sadness.  

They contemplated each other in silence, both wishing that things could be different.

"So where do we go from here?"  Kelly asked uncertainly.

Dylan shook his head "I don't know" he admitted.  If he was honest he hadn't really expected her to reject him.  Now that she had, he was at a complete loss as to how to handle the situation.

"Could we be friends?" she asked tentatively.

"Friends-right." He scratched the back of his head  "Friends yeah that would be nice.  Except I don't want to be your friend Kel."  He looked at her intently "I want more than that".

Kelly shook her head in disbelief "You're not being fair.  I've just told you my reasons.  You said you understood."  She swiped at the tears that were spilling down her cheeks.  "You promised you wouldn't make this difficult," she protested.  "You said that you'd walk out of my life if I asked you to."

Dylan got up and joined her on the bed. He reached over and took her hand. "Is that what you really want Kel?  Cause right now I'm having a hard time believing that."  He knew that he wasn't being fair, but he wasn't ready to lose her.

Kelly recoiled from his touch, moving swiftly off the bed and over to the door.  Opening the bedroom door she turned to face him  

"Please Dylan, just go," she begged wiping away tears that were flowing freely now.

Dylan got up off the bed and walked over to where she was standing.  Firmly he pushed the door shut. "I don't want to walk out of your life Kelly.  Don't ask me to do that," he pleaded.

Kelly shook her head resolutely "I'm sorry Dylan, I love you but I'm not gonna share you."  She opened the door and looked at him pointedly.

Dylan glanced at the door, and then shifted his gaze back to her.  Determinedly he closed the door again.  "We've got something special here Kelly.  Are you sure you're ready to give up on it?"

Her hand on the door handle, Kelly faltered.  He was right, what they had was special, different.  What if he was the one?  What if she was throwing away her one shot at happiness?  She'd never felt like this about a guy before what if she never did again?  Slowly she let go of the door handle.

Dylan sensed that her resolve was weakening.  She just needed a little more persuading.  "C'mon Kel" he said gently taking hold of her hand "We can get through this".

Reluctantly Kelly allowed herself to be steered back towards the bed.  Dylan smiled kindly as he wiped away her tears relieved that he had managed to talk her round "Everything's gonna work out fine you'll see."  Slowly he began to kiss the back of her neck, talking soothingly in between kisses  "All…… you have to do…. is concentrate on us…. and forget about Brenda".

"Dylan stop" Kelly protested pulling away from him.  "I'm not doing this, we're not doing this."

Mentally Dylan berated himself for mentioning Brenda.  How could he be so stupid?  He would give anything to take the words back but it was too late, the damage was already done.  This time Kelly opened the door and kept going.

"Kel wait" Dylan called, hastily following her out of the bedroom and down the stairs.  By the time he reached the bottom of the stairs she was already at the front door.

Without hesitation Kelly flung the door open, blinking as the bright sunlight poured in to the room.  "Dylan I want you to leave," she said firmly. 

Dylan joined her at the door.  He could tell that she meant it this time, yet still he had to try.  Bending down so that his face was close to hers he spoke softly. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't love me, then I'll leave".

As she gazed in to his eyes Kelly desperately wanted to be able to tell him that she didn't love him, but she couldn't the words just wouldn't come.  Truth was Brenda or no Brenda she loved Dylan McKay.  She remained silent staring helplessly in to his eyes.  Dylan instantly closed the distance between them and suddenly they were kissing. The kiss was so intense that they didn't hear the car pull up or the crunch of gravel underfoot as someone made their way up the driveway.


	17. Chapter 19

"Oh my God Kelly!"

Startled they sprang apart.  Donna Martin stood in the doorway her mouth open in horrified surprise.

             "Donna, it's not what it looks like, it's I ……. I can explain".  Caught off guard Kelly stammered then lapsed in to a miserable silence.

            For a moment Donna was too stunned to even respond.  She eyed them suspiciously taking in their guilty expressions and Kelly's state of undress. When she did finally speak her tone was hostile. "Actually I think this is exactly what it looks like".  She shook her head in disbelief.  "How could you Kel?  How could you do this to Brenda?"

            A hundred different reasons died on Kelly's lips.  She looked helplessly at Donna praying that somehow she would understand.

            Dylan spoke firmly surprising both girls.  "What happens between me and Kelly is nobody else's business".

            Turning her attention away from Kelly, Donna rounded on him angrily "I think Brenda might have something to say about that don't you."

            Dylan glared at her, he felt like a kid who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.  He was furious that he had been found out, but at the same time terrified of what she might do.  His heart was hammering against his ribcage and he could feel the sweat trickling down the back of his neck.  'Donna is Brenda's friend' he thought desperately, 'she's bound to run straight to Brenda with this and then all hell will break loose'.  He had to stop that from happening but how?  

Taking a deep breath he forced himself to swallow his anger.  Yelling at her would only make matters worse.  Instead he had to make Donna understand how much it would hurt Brenda if she found out, what it would do to Brenda and Kelly's friendship.  He had to make her see that keeping quiet was the best thing for everyone.  Frantically he tried to find the right words but in its panicked state his mind refused to cooperate.

            Seconds ticked painfully by as Donna shifted her gaze from Dylan back to Kelly.  She kept hoping that this was just a bad dream and that any minute she would wake up and everything would be back to normal, but she had a feeling that things would never be quite the same again. 

"What are you going to do?"  Kelly asked quietly.  She couldn't bear the way Donna was looking at her.  Donna wasn't judgemental; she always tried to see the best in everyone.  But there was a look in Donna's eyes right now that Kelly had never seen before.  It was contempt, and that contempt was directed at her.  Kelly felt horrible. 

            Donna found that she was trembling.  Was it from shock or anger?  Her head was spinning and she couldn't take all of this in.  Five minutes ago all she'd been thinking about was the romantic evening she had planned with David.  Now she'd stumbled upon a secret so shocking it had the potential to turn all their lives upside down.  

If only she hadn't decided to drop by.  She hadn't planned to.  It had been a spur of the moment decision.  She'd gotten everything done much quicker than she'd expected, and since she'd promised David at least another hour of study time, she hadn't wanted to go back to the library right away.  She guessed she could have done some more studying herself, but she really couldn't face it, they'd done nothing but study lately.  She had to pass by Kelly's place on the way back anyway, so why not stop by?  Now she wished she'd gone straight to the library, a few more hours of study would have been much less painful than this.  

She took a deep breath trying to get her emotions under control.  "I don't know what I'm gonna do" she answered honestly, unconsciously backing away as if she wanted to distance herself from the situation as much as possible.  "I need to think".

            "Please Donna don't tell Brenda."  Kelly begged putting her hand on Donna's arm in an attempt to stop her from leaving.

            Donna flinched away from Kelly's touch.  "I should tell her" she said firmly, her voice cold.  She paused then looked intently at Kelly "No actually you should tell her".

"I know." Kelly was contrite.  Only last night she had issued Dylan the ultimatum, demanded that he tell Brenda about their relationship.  Now it looked as though she was going to get her wish. So why did she suddenly want to keep it a secret?  For a long time she had felt guilty at betraying Brenda, but lately the guilt had been replaced by an intense need to have Dylan all to herself.  Over the last few weeks she had come to view Brenda as her rival rather than her friend.  All that had mattered was that Dylan chose her.  She realised now that she'd actually stopped caring about how Brenda would feel if he did.

But now that Brenda was about to find out, Kelly felt differently.  She didn't even want to imagine what this would do to Brenda, and she knew that things could never be the same between them.  She loved Dylan, but suddenly she wasn't sure that she was ready for the fall out from their relationship.  Compared to the prospect of a devastated and hostile Brenda, and the contempt of all of her friends, sneaking around for a few more weeks no longer sounded so bad.  She'd thought she wanted this but now that it was actually going to happen, she wasn't so sure.  But it was too late, the secret was out and it was only a matter of time before everyone knew.  

              Donna shook her head clearly agitated "I can't believe this.  I can't believe you would do this.  Brenda loves you Dylan.  After everything she's gone through to be with you this is how you repay her!  And you…" she glared at Kelly "You're her best friend.  You're supposed to be the one person in the world she can count on no matter what.  How could you do this to her?"

              "Because I love him." Kelly said simply, forcing herself to meet Donna's critical gaze.    

"Since when?"  Donna asked sceptically.  She couldn't take all this in, it was just too weird.

"Look Donna we didn't plan this it just sorta happened".  Dylan interrupted.  "It's not like we deliberately set out to hurt Brenda".  He knew he was being defensive but he couldn't help it.  Donna had hit a nerve, forced him to recognise how badly he was treating Brenda.

            "When did it start?"  Donna asked quietly.

            Dylan shook his head "It doesn't really matter".

            "When?"  Donna repeated.  "Last week?  Last month? When?"  She wondered just how long this had been going on right under her nose.

             "The summer" Dylan mumbled refusing to meet her eyes.

            "What!"  Donna exclaimed. "Brenda said that you saw someone this summer but she figured it was someone from your program.  Are you actually telling me it was Kelly?"  She was astounded.

            "Yes."  He admitted reluctantly.

            Donna frowned in concentration "But you told Brenda that it didn't mean anything" she said slowly.  She ticked her glance over to Kelly who looked pale and scared. "So were you lying to Brenda then when you said it didn't mean anything or are you lying to Kelly now when you say that it does?" she asked sharply.  

            Dylan hesitated and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He knew that there was no right answer to this question, whatever he said he would make himself sound like a low life creep.  Maybe he was a low life creep, he certainly felt like one right now.  Donna had put him in a real awkward position. He shifted uncomfortably as both girls awaited his answer.  

"Look this thing between us it just kinda happened over the summer" he said carefully. "But we broke up right before you and Brenda got back from Paris.  We both love Brenda and neither of us wanted to hurt her".  Donna frowned at that, but let it go, so Dylan continued.  "When I told Brenda that it didn't mean anything I thought I was telling the truth, I thought we were finished."  He looked at her intently  "We tried to stay away from each other we really did but…" he sighed. "We just couldn't do it."  He shrugged helplessly "We started up again a few weeks ago."    

Slowly everything began to fall in to place for Donna.  She turned to Kelly in sudden realisation.  "So that's why you were so moody when we first got home, and why you were so horrible to Brenda all the time.  God and to think we were actually worried about you!"   It was all making sense now, how could she have been so stupid?  "All those times you said you were babysitting or at the dentist or studying, you were with him weren't you?"  Kelly nodded miserably.  "And you" She pointed accusingly at Dylan  "That's why you've been fighting so much with Brenda about college.  She couldn't understand why you didn't want to go away to school with her."  She glared at Kelly who refused to meet her eyes "Well it sure makes sense now."

            "Okay Donna you busted us" Dylan said irritably "So you wanna tell Brenda go ahead, phone's right inside give her a call, I'm sure she'll thank you for ruining her life."

            "Dylan" Kelly admonished horrified at his attitude.

            Donna scowled at him "I'm not the one ruining Brenda's life."

            "Are you sure about that Donna?  What do you think's gonna happen when you break the news to Brenda?"  Dylan asked bitterly.  

He knew he wasn't being fair but he was angry, angry for allowing himself to get caught out like this.  Donna finding out had changed everything.  He kicked at a piece of gravel in frustration.  Now he would have to come clean with Brenda whether he wanted to or not. What happened after that was up to her.  Maybe she would forgive him, and take him back, she had done before.  But he knew that this time things were different.  This time he'd cheated on her with her best friend and that was a tough thing to forgive.  

He sighed. He and Brenda had had their share of problems and they'd always got through them, even when things had looked hopeless, but they'd never faced anything like this.  This time it was different.  Before he'd always known that he wanted to be with Brenda, that all that mattered was that they stayed together but this time he wasn't sure.  

He'd never really cared about another girl whilst he'd been in love with Brenda, not really cared, the way he cared about Kelly.  He scowled.  How could he be in love with two people at the same time?  It just didn't make any sense.  How the hell was he going to explain it to Brenda?  How could he expect her to understand when he didn't understand it himself?

He'd played things all wrong; he knew that now.  He should have confessed everything to Brenda when she first got back from Paris.  He'd almost done it when she told him about Rick.  He'd admitted that he'd seen someone, but he'd lost his nerve, couldn't tell her it was Kelly.   He'd convinced himself that it was for the best.  The relationship had ended so what was the point of hurting her anymore than he already had?  Besides he and Kelly had made a pact, agreed that they wouldn't tell; Kelly hadn't wanted to lose Brenda anymore than he had.  

Now he realised that he should have told her when he had the chance.  This was something that they should be facing together the way they always did.  He should have talked to Brenda weeks ago, should never have let things get so out of control.  Maybe if he'd told Brenda from the start things would never have progressed so far with Kelly.  But it was no good thinking like that now.  It was too late, because now he and Kelly were involved.  They'd tried to break it off so many times but neither of them had been able to walk away.

He knew he was being selfish seeing both girls at the same time and he didn't feel good about it.  He didn't want to be that guy.  He wanted to be the type of guy that treated people right, but he was Dylan McKay not Brandon Walsh, and Dylan McKay didn't exactly have a great track record when it came to dealing with personal problems.  

He was tempted to go home and get drunk right now.  That way he wouldn't have to deal with any of this; he could just pretend that it wasn't happening.  Running away from problems; that had been Dylan's style for a long time.  He'd really thought he'd changed, that he'd learnt to handle things in a mature way rather than reaching for the bottle.  Alright, he hadn't had a drink these last few weeks and boy had he been tempted, but that didn't mean he was handling things.   He'd kept Kelly hanging on for weeks, letting her think that he was going to leave Brenda any day now.  Today was the first time he'd been completely honest with her.  As for Brenda, he hadn't even told her about Kelly.  As far as she was concerned everything was fine between them.  He sighed.  It was the old days all over again; he'd just found a different method of running away that's all. 

Too caught up in his own musings, Dylan didn't notice that Donna had gone very quiet.  Leaning back against the doorframe and closing her eyes Donna desperately tried to figure out what to do for the best.   She just couldn't seem to find a way out of this.  Whatever she did Brenda was gonna get hurt.  Right now they had important finals coming up, finals that could determine their future, at least for the next four years.  If she told Brenda now, not only would she devastate her friend, she might ruin her chances of getting in to a decent college.  This was going to tear Brenda's world apart, finals would be the last thing on her mind!  

Right now Brenda was happy.  She was concentrating on her finals, she'd sorted out her problems with Dylan, and she and Kelly were getting on better than they had in weeks.  Okay, so it was an illusion, none of it was real and sooner or later Brenda was going to find that out, but did it have to be right now?  Wouldn't it better for everyone if she waited until finals were safely out of the way before breaking the terrible news?  

A tiny part of Donna wanted to run away, to pretend that she'd never found out.  She liked her life as it was, she didn't want things to change and she knew that they would as soon as Brenda found out.  Besides how could she tell Brenda something so painful and devastating?  How would she ever find the words?  And why should she?  This wasn't her secret to tell.  Maybe she should just forget all about it and leave it up to them to sort out their own mess.  

But she knew that she couldn't run away, not from this.  She couldn't let Brenda go on planning her life around Dylan when he wasn't committed.  If she were any kind of friend she would tell Brenda straight away put an end to the illusion. She sighed. She could feel the beginnings of headache.  This was way too big a secret for her to keep.  She hated secrets.  In her experience they were nearly always bad.  She remembered the day when she'd discovered her mother's affair.  Finding out had been terrible but not knowing was worse.  At least once that secret had broken her parents had been able to start to work through their problems.  Secrets and lies always ended up hurting someone.  This one would be exactly the same.  

If only she hadn't shown up at that moment.  She would never have known, would have carried on blissfully ignorant.  But she did know and there was no taking it back.  She had to decide what she was going to do about it and she had to decide now.  Every fibre of her being was screaming at her that she should run straight to Brenda.  She wanted no part in this deception.  If she kept quiet wouldn't she be just as guilty of betraying Brenda as they were?  But did she really have the courage to go through with it?  

Kelly had been watching Donna for the last few minutes.  She felt awful putting Donna in this position, and she could see that she was struggling with the decision. "Please Donna just think about this" she begged.  "If anyone's gonna tell Brenda it should be us.  Let us do it properly, figure out what to say, pick the right moment you know?"

"Well you haven't exactly rushed to do it so far have you Kel?  You should have told her from the start, that would have been the right moment." Donna couldn't help the accusatory tone.  She could see that Kelly was genuinely upset but she was finding it hard to get past the feelings of anger and resentment that were threatening to overwhelm her. 

"I wanted to tell her it's just.  I don't know… it's complicated.  I mean we broke up and I thought I was over it.  By the time I realised I wasn't…. it was too late I was in too deep" Kelly stammered.  "And besides Dylan thought we should wait" she added softly.

"I'll bet he did." Donna said angrily.

"What's that supposed to mean?"  Kelly asked stung by Donna's sarcastic tone.

Donna shook her head sadly "Oh come on Kel isn't it obvious?  He's using you.  Brenda's been neglecting him so he's been fooling around with you."

"No Donna you're wrong".  Kelly said with more conviction than she felt.  "Dylan loves me.  It's just that it's complicated right now".

"Yeah, real complicated" Donna said scathingly.  Then seeing Kelly's distress she spoke more kindly "Look Kel I'm not trying to be mean it's just that if he really loved you he'd have told Brenda wouldn't he."

Dylan had had enough of this.  It was one thing Donna passing judgment on his treatment of Brenda, but he wasn't gonna stand and listen to her run down his relationship with Kelly.  "Look Donna you don't know anything about my feelings for Kelly" he said angrily.  

"Well I know that you're not being fair to her right now or to Brenda" Donna said sharply "You can't play around with people's feelings like that Dylan.  You have to decide who you want to be with."

"I know that Donna, that's what I've been trying to do" Dylan said tersely.  "I care about both of them and right now I don't know what I want".  He shook his head in disbelief.  "Do you honestly think I'd choose to be in this situation?"

"I don't know" Donna said "Sounds to me like you're getting a pretty good deal."

"Really.  Well then you're hearing it wrong, because believe me I'm not getting a good deal" Dylan said in exasperation.

"Funny but for some reason I'm having difficulty believing anything you say right now" Donna retorted.

"Stop it.  Stop it both of you.  I can't take any more of this" Kelly shouted making them both jump and stunning them in to silence.

Speaking more quietly she turned to Donna "Look Donna you have no idea how terrible I feel about what I've done to Brenda, and you're right there's no excuse.  But I love him Donna.  I can't help it".  She looked at Donna hopefully "This whole thing is a mess, but you can make it a lot easier for all of us".  

Suddenly Donna felt incredibly tired.  Right now she held the fate of her friends in her hands and it seemed like a big responsibility.  She imagined this must be what it felt like to be the president, always having to make decisions that affected people's lives.  Some people might get off on the feelings of power, but not Donna, she hated the thought that she was responsible for what happened next.  She knew that it was down to her to do the right thing, but she had no idea what that was.  She stared back at Kelly helplessly, for the first time lost for words.

 "Please Donna you can't tell her, you have to let me do it. If she finds out from somebody else…" She hesitated "Well it'll look like I'm hiding it from her".  

"But you have been hiding it from her, you've been hiding it from her for months" Donna pointed out reasonably.

"I know and I know it's got to stop. Brenda needs to know what's been going on but please, it has to come from me".  She paused and took a deep breath as if uncertain whether to continue "If I'm gonna have any chance at all of salvaging my friendship with Brenda I have to be the one to tell her. Please Donna you have to give me the chance to make things right" Kelly begged.

Donna looked at her incredulously "How on earth do you think you can make this right?  Brenda's never gonna forgive you, you must realise that."

Kelly stared back in stunned silence, as she took in the implications of Donna's words.  She knew that Donna was right. She guessed she'd always known it, but she'd never fully accepted it.  In those moments, and there had been many of them, when her conscience had kept her awake at night, she'd tried to justify her behaviour.  Brenda and Dylan had been having problems.  Obviously Dylan wasn't the right guy for Brenda after all.  It would be much better for Brenda in the long run if Dylan broke up with her now before things went too far.  In a way she was doing Brenda a favour, saving her from wasting her life on the wrong guy.  One day Brenda would thank her.  When she and Dylan were married and Brenda was happily married to someone else they'd all laugh about this.  

All those reasons might be perfectly valid, but none of them really mattered.  What mattered was that she had done something that was inexcusable; she had betrayed her best friend.  No matter how hard she tried to make things up to Brenda, no matter what she said or did, she would never be able to change that.  Given time Brenda may eventually forgive Dylan, after all he'd cheated on her before and she'd taken him back, but in that moment Kelly felt that Brenda would never forgive her.  

"Maybe we can't make it right" Dylan said softly interrupting Kelly's thoughts "But at least we can make it easier".

"For who?  You or Brenda?"  Donna asked him bitterly.

"For everyone" Dylan replied firmly.

"No" Donna said firmly.  "I'm her friend, I owe it to her to tell her, she trusts me, I can't lie to her."

"What about me?"  Kelly asked suddenly "Aren't you my friend too?"  

Donna turned sad eyes on Kelly "I don't know. I thought I was but now…"  She hesitated "I guess I feel like I don't really know you anymore".

"Please Donna, you know I wouldn't deliberately hurt Brenda" Kelly felt sick.  Donna had been her closest friend for years and if Donna wouldn't stand by her, she doubted the others would.

"The thing is you are hurting her Kel" Donna said carefully.  "Whether you mean to or not you're hurting her and you'll go on hurting her until you tell her the truth.  By keeping it from her you're just being selfish".

"I know but it's just so hard" Kelly said quietly.  She knew Donna was right and that she was being selfish trying to keep both Brenda and Dylan in her life.  She loved Dylan, but Brenda was her best friend. She didn't want to imagine what her life would be like without Brenda on her side. They'd had fights before.  She smiled ruefully, what friends hadn't?  But even after their worst fights they'd managed to stay friends because they both really cared about their friendship.  

She cringed remembering the dreadful 'Back Story' incident.  She still felt horrible whenever she thought about it.  God, she'd been devastated when she'd heard Brenda say those terrible things about her.  Watching that show and believing that, that was what Brenda really thought of her had been one of the worst moments of her life.  She'd been too hurt to even give Brenda the chance to explain or apologise.  

The fight had only lasted a day, and then that Beth woman from the show had turned up and straightened it all out, explained that she had used Brenda, changed her story to boost the ratings.  Kelly shuddered, it might have only been one day but it had been enough for her to realise how much she needed Brenda in her life.  

That was what made all this so difficult.  How was she supposed to choose between the man she loved and her best friend? She knew that she could only have one of them in her life, but how the hell could she make that decision? It was an impossible choice, but somehow she'd made it, and she'd chosen Dylan.  She had allowed herself to cross the line from being Dylan's friend to being his lover. She'd convinced herself that being with Dylan was worth sacrificing her friendship with Brenda, but now that it was about to happen Kelly was starting to wonder if she'd made the right choice.  

She sighed. As difficult and painful as the decision had been, she had chosen Dylan over Brenda. But so far Dylan had refused to make a choice.  He still wasn't willing to give up Brenda for her. This afternoon she had told him that, that wasn't good enough for her anymore.  No matter how much she loved Dylan, she wasn't gonna be with a guy who was still in love with someone else, even if he did claim to be in love with her as well.  

Now it looked as though she would win by default, which wasn't really winning at all.  She wanted to be with Dylan because he had chosen to be with her, not because Brenda had rejected him.  She would never know if Dylan really loved her or if she were merely a consolation prize.

 Kelly shivered.  They'd been out here for nearly two hours now.  Although it had been a warm and sunny day, whilst they'd been talking the afternoon had slowly ebbed away in to evening, and the temperature had cooled considerably.  Since she'd been in bed when Dylan showed up this afternoon she wasn't exactly dressed for a December evening, even if it was California.

Noticing Kelly's discomfort, Dylan took off his jacket and put it round her shoulders.  She smiled gratefully at him and then turned to Donna hopefully "Look Donna, why don't you come inside and we'll talk about this some more, it's getting cold out here and it's gonna go dark soon.  We can light a fire, have a hot drink and talk all this through properly."  

Donna shook her head "No I need to think and I can't do that here and… Oh my God David!  David's waiting for me at the library we're supposed to be going out for dinner!  She'd forgotten all about David and the romantic dinner.  Horrified she checked her watch.  It was later than she'd realised, if she didn't hurry up they would lose their dinner reservation.  "If I'm gonna make dinner I have to leave right now".

All three regarded each other in stony silence.  It was Dylan who finally put in to words what they had all been thinking.  "Well I guess that's it, you've run out of time. You have to decide what you're gonna do.  Either you go to dinner with David and pretend that everything is normal or you cancel dinner and go tell Brenda what's been going on."

Donna regarded him helplessly.  He was right of course she no longer had the luxury of time.  What she did right now in this one moment would determine everything that followed.

Dylan looked at her "So Donna, which is it gonna be?"

**Authors note – Oooh that turned out to be a much longer chapter than I was expecting!  Apologies to all those who thought Brenda was about to find out – I'm not being deliberately cruel, it's just that it's vital for the rest of my story that Donna find out when she did.  Please be patient, I promise Brenda is gonna find out soon (You didn't really think I'd have her just walking in on them did you?? – I have something much more interesting in mind!).  Thanks for your reviews and please keep reading!**


	18. Chapter 20

            Yawning widely, Brandon Walsh put down his pen and stretched his arms out above his head in a futile attempt to loosen muscles that were stiff from an evening spent hunched over his desk.  Man he was beat.  It was a rare night off from the Peach Pit and he'd been hitting the books pretty hard.

            "Listen man I think I'm gonna bail" Steve announced starting to gather his books together.  He grinned at Brandon "You know a guy can only take so much studying in one night".

            Brandon laughed. "I hear ya".  Then he spoke more seriously "Listen we did some good work tonight.  We keep going like this and we're gonna ace those finals".

            "Hey I can already picture those college offers flooding in" Steve boasted, pulling on his jacket.  He slapped Brandon on the shoulder on his way out "Hey don't work too hard man you'll make the rest of us look bad".

            Brandon smiled "Don't worry I'm just gonna finish up this chapter then call it a night".  What with all his other commitments he'd been neglecting the study recently, and it felt good to get back in to it, the finals were coming up fast and Brandon wanted to be prepared.  

            As he listened to Steve drive away Brandon marvelled at the change in his friend's attitude.  Steve Sanders wasn't exactly known for his work ethic; in fact he usually took every shortcut going, but not this time.  This time Steve had taken Brandon's advice and decided to put in the time with the books.  He smiled.  He had to admit he was impressed; maybe Steve Sanders was finally growing up. 

Turning back to his book he tried valiantly to concentrate, but his eyes were so tired the lines of text kept jumping about and he couldn't make any sense out of them.  Rubbing his eyes he checked his watch and was surprised to see that it was so late.  He frowned. Brenda should have been home by now, the library shut over an hour ago.  Brandon sighed.  If Brenda wasn't home, and she wasn't in the library it could only mean one thing, she was with Dylan.    

He knew that Brenda had a tendency to over dramatise but she'd been pretty upset last night and he was worried about her.  He hadn't had chance to talk to her today, had no idea if she and Dylan had managed to figure things out.  Brandon stifled another yawn, just thinking about Brenda and Dylan made him feel tired.  He loved his sister, and Dylan was like a brother to him, but sometimes the two of them drove him crazy.  Nothing was ever easy with those two, and somehow they always managed to drag everyone else in to their problems.  He shook his head.  So many times he'd ended up in the firing line because of something that Brenda and Dylan had done.  Grimacing he remembered all the uncomfortable family meals that he had endured because Brenda and Dad had been fighting about Dylan.

He knew that his father didn't really approve of Dylan, and sometimes he had to admit, Dylan didn't exactly help the situation.  Brandon smiled.  Jim Walsh could be stubborn and proud but he'd met his match in Dylan McKay. Things between his father and Dylan were always fragile, but right now they had reached an uneasy truce.  Brandon wondered just how long the peace would last this time.  After the last major bust up Dad had sent Brenda to Paris in an attempt to separate her from Dylan.  At the time Brandon had thought it was a pretty extreme measure but he guessed it would take something extreme to keep those two apart.

Although Brandon often found Brenda's relationship traumas tiresome, secretly he envied her.  He had never felt about anyone the way Brenda felt about Dylan, and he was pretty sure that no girl had ever felt that way about him.  Oh he'd had plenty of girl friends and of course he'd cared about them but he'd never felt that special something that he imagined went along with being in love.  He smiled ruefully thinking of everything Brenda had been through these last few years, maybe it was safer not to fall in love, that way you couldn't get hurt.  The closest he'd gotten to love was with Emily Valentine and look how badly that had turned out.  

Closing his eyes and leaning back in his chair, he thought about some of the women that had been important in his life.  Sheryl had been his first, and at the time he'd thought he'd been in love with her.  He sighed, Sheryl had turned out to be completely different to the girl he thought he knew.  They'd parted as friends but he hadn't kept in touch with her after her visit to Beverly Hills.  

He cared a lot about Andrea, and sometimes he wondered if he might be in love with her, he certainly felt jealous when he saw her with Jay.  Could he be in love with Andrea?  Frowning he pushed that thought to the back of his mind.  As great as Andrea Zuckerman was, he wasn't sure it was a good idea to try to turn their friendship in to something more.  Once you cross that line there's just no going back, and his friendship with Andrea was too good to spoil.

He didn't really want to think about Emily, it was still too painful.  He knew that she had some problems, but he couldn't help feeling that he'd failed her in some way.  He sighed.  Perhaps if he'd been a little more understanding, or if he'd spotted the warning signs earlier, things might have turned out differently.  Last Christmas he'd been to visit her in the hospital.  It had been a little awkward at first but he was glad he'd made the trip.  She was out of the hospital now and trying to put her life back together.  They'd both decided it would be for the best if he kept his distance for a while, but that didn't mean that he had stopped caring about her.

Now of course there was Nikki, just what exactly did he feel about her?  They hadn't been seeing each other for long but he was having fun, and he thought that she was too.  He sighed, feeling more tired than ever.  Brenda wasn't the only one with relationship problems right now; he and Nikki hadn't had their 'college talk' yet.  He hadn't decided where he wanted to go to school next year, but there was a chance that he would go away, and if he did where would that leave Nikki?

That question was enough to send Brandon back to his textbook.  Right now studying for finals was a whole lot easier than trying to decide his future, especially his romantic future.  He'd always looked forward to his senior year but now it was finally here he had to admit it was pretty scary.  Everything was changing, and he wasn't sure he was ready for it to change.  The future held the prospect of challenge and new beginnings but also uncertainty.  He had absolutely no idea where he was going to be next year, or who he would be with.  

Right now Brandon's life was pretty good.  He had great friends, a girlfriend that he loved spending time with, he was sports writer for 'The Blaze' and of course he had his job at the Peach Pit.  Next year things could be very different, especially if he chose to go away to school.  He sighed heavily. He knew that he would have to start making some big decisions soon, but he wasn't gonna make them tonight.  Tonight Brandon was gonna enjoy the present - the future would come soon enough. 

            Steve Sanders impatiently drummed his fingers on the steering wheel of his corvette as he waited for the lights to change.  He was tense and edgy, unable to sit still, and even the few seconds he had been waiting for the lights seemed too long.  He was running out of time.  The finals were in less than two weeks and his window of opportunity was getting narrower every day.  He'd had his plan worked out for a couple of days; he just hadn't had the guts to go through with it - until now.

            He reached in his pocket and fished out the legacy key.  Under the eerie glow of the streetlight it took on an almost magical quality.  He smiled.  In a way it was magic, he'd been stuck, his college hopes sinking without trace, and then the key had just landed in his lap.  He felt kinda bad about Brandon though, they'd studied hard tonight and it had actually felt pretty good.  If his grades had been higher or he'd had more time, maybe he would have followed Brandon's advice, but he didn't have that luxury.  He hated lying to Brandon, but there was no way he was gonna tell him the truth.  Not only would Brandon disapprove, he'd try and talk Steve out of it and the last thing he needed right now was any more doubts.

            Sighing heavily, he pushed all thoughts of Brandon Walsh to the back of his mind.  If things worked out right Brandon would never find out, and the two of them would have a great time at college next year, maybe even join the same fraternity.  As far as Steve was concerned the ends more than justified the means, all he had to do was make sure he didn't get caught.  He took one last look at the key before putting it back in his pocket, tonight was the night, he wasn't gonna back out this time.  The lights changed and Steve floored the accelerator, more anxious than ever to put his plan in to action.

            Andrea Zuckerman was bored.  It was late and her Grandmother had gone to bed hours ago, leaving Andrea alone at the kitchen table with only her textbooks for company.  Sighing, she shut her book and put down her pen, she knew this stuff backwards.  She could take the finals tomorrow if she had to, but the finals were still almost two weeks away.  Despite being a straight A student and classic over achiever, Andrea usually got stressed out around testing time, but this time she felt more than ready.  She guessed she should be happy that she had prepared well, but right now she just felt bored and restless. Even her job as editor of the paper, which usually consumed her waking hours, had little to interest her lately.  

After the relative excitement of Brandon's basketball scandal, things at 'The Blaze' had gone real quiet; it was just the usual run of the mill football games and bake sales.  Everyone else was glad of the respite, a chance to prepare for finals and look forward to the Christmas vacation, but Andrea, who relished the feeling of being caught up in a big story, lamented the lack of activity. 

She frowned, Christmas, maybe that was what was causing her blue mood.  She had to admit, being Jewish kinda took the excitement out of Christmas.  Last year at the Walsh house she had experienced her first ever Christmas Eve dinner.  She had loved everything about it, the food, the gathering of friends and family, and the feeling that everything was right with the world. It had felt great to be a part of things for once, rather than the outsider looking in.  

For some reason she was feeling pretty low tonight, what she needed was someone to cheer her up.  She'd talked to Jay on the phone earlier, but he'd seemed a little preoccupied.  They hadn't talked for long, but instead of making her feel better, tonight talking to Jay had made her feel worse.  She missed him terribly and talking to him had only served to remind her of the distance between them. Andrea sighed again.  Lonely, that was her problem, she felt lonely.  Her grandmother was great, but they didn't exactly have a lot in common, and her long-distance relationship with Jay wasn't ideal.

She knew she had a great group of friends but sometimes she couldn't shake the feeling that she wasn't really one of the gang.  No matter how hard she tried to ignore it there was still a tiny part of her that felt like she didn't really belong.  She guessed it was because for a long time she had been an outsider.  It had taken her a long time to feel comfortable with the group, but she was glad that she'd hung on in there.  So why after all this time did she sometimes still feel like that girl from the valley who didn't really belong?

Frowning she tried to pinpoint exactly what was bothering her.  It wasn't that they deliberately excluded her; it was just that sometimes they didn't think to involve her.  Take Brenda for instance, right now Andrea knew that Brenda and Dylan were having problems, but Brenda hadn't once turned to her for advice or support the way she did with Kelly and Donna.  The others were the same, Donna was obviously worried about David and although Andrea had gently asked her about it, Donna had smiled a little too brightly, and told her that everything was fine.  

As for Kelly, well she was a completely different case.  Andrea couldn't help but feel a little intimidated by Kelly Taylor.  Kelly was everything that Andrea wasn't - rich, glamorous, popular, and sexually experienced.  She knew it was stupid, they had gotten much closer over the last few years, and Kelly had occasionally surprised her with a candid confession or offer of support, but still Andrea couldn't quite shake the secret suspicion that Kelly only tolerated her for Brandon's sake.  She'd noticed that Kelly had seemed a little different lately, moody and quiet.  It was obvious that something was troubling her but for some reason Andrea hadn't felt able to ask, and Kelly was obviously equally unable to confide in Andrea.  Sometimes she wished that the other girls would talk to her about their problems, at least that way she'd feel a little closer to them.

Apart from Brandon she wasn't really that close to any of the guys.  Now she thought about it she didn't really know David that well at all.  She smiled.  She guessed he was a little like her, an outsider who had wanted to be part of the gang.  He might have been a geeky freshman when she first met him but David Silver now seemed a more legitimate member of the group than she did. His status as Donna's boyfriend and Kelly's stepbrother had guaranteed him the acceptance he had craved.  

As for Dylan she doubted if anyone, except perhaps Brenda, really knew him.  She couldn't quite figure Dylan out; he had always struck her as something of a loner, yet he seemed happy enough to be one of the gang.  His dark good looks and brooding manner meant that he was never short of female attention, yet he had eyes only for Brenda.  

Andrea never quite knew where she stood with him, always felt as though he was holding something back. There was something slightly dangerous about Dylan, a dark side that he kept hidden.  She knew about his battles with alcohol and his traumatic relationship with his father, but he hardly ever discussed either with his friends.  If she had to describe it, she'd say her friendship with Dylan was superficial; they'd never had a conversation about anything that really mattered.

She shrugged, he was probably very different with Brenda, and she knew that he had confided in Brandon on several occasions, although she didn't know the content of their discussions.  She knew that Brandon considered Dylan a true friend, and had a lot of respect for him, and that was good enough for her. 

When she'd first met Steve Sanders he'd been everything she tried to avoid in a guy, loud, brash and spoilt but since then she'd gotten to know a different side to him.  She smiled.  They had even shared a kiss once, though neither of them had wanted to take it any further.  Some people might be surprised at her friendship with Steve, in fact it surprised her sometimes, but Steve had come a long way in the last two years, he'd really matured.  Still she remained a little wary of Steve.  He had a smart mouth and quick line in charm.  Sometimes she wasn't sure if he was being genuine or if he was playing her. 

So that just left Brandon.  She smiled.  She'd been in love with Brandon Walsh almost from the first moment she'd met him.  At one point she'd actually allowed herself to believe that he might feel the same way, but nothing had ever come of it.  In the end she had tried to put her feelings for Brandon aside, to accept that friendship was all that she could hope for.  It hadn't been easy and still when he looked at her a certain way she found herself wishing that things could be different.  Now of course she had Jay, he was a great guy and he made her happy.  Yep, Jay was a great guy alright; in fact there was only one thing wrong with Jay.  He wasn't Brandon Walsh.  

Andrea sighed and wondered if she would ever find a guy that could match up to Brandon.  She was tempted to call him, but it was late and besides he'd said he was studying tonight.  Her hand hovered over the phone for a second but she fought the selfish urge to talk to him.  She knew his busy schedule and lack of study time had him on edge, he probably wanted some time alone with the books.   Biting her lip she moved away from the phone. She wasn't sure if he'd see the interruption as a pleasant diversion or an annoying waste of valuable study time, and right now she wasn't feeling confident enough to risk it.  

She frowned.  It had been a long time since she'd felt so paranoid about her friends. She really was getting maudlin now and it had to stop. She knew that she was being ridiculous just letting her imagination and her own insecurities take over.  This is what comes of not having enough to occupy my mind she thought bitterly.  What she needed was something else to focus on, a challenge, something she could really get her teeth in to, but right now the possibility of that happening seemed pretty remote.  Instead she headed over to the coffee pot and poured herself another cup, all she had to keep her mind alert and occupied tonight was caffeine and William Shakespeare.

Hands shaking a little with nervous excitement Steve Sanders pulled on a pair of black gloves and a black ski mask.  Already dressed in black jeans and a black sweater he definitely looked the part.  He probably didn't need the ski mask but he wasn't gonna take any chances.  He was standing outside the back entrance to West Beverly High; his corvette parked out of sight about a block away from the school.  He smiled ruefully, it was all very well having a car that got you noticed but tonight the last thing he wanted to do was attract attention.

Despite a few last minute nerves he was feeling pretty confident.  He'd painstakingly worked through every aspect of the plan and he was certain he had all his bases covered.  He'd figured out the quickest route to the school office and out again.  He'd even hung out with Hutch the school janitor last week just so he could get the inside knowledge on Hutch's nightly patrol.  He knew exactly where Hutch would be and when.  By now Hutch should be long gone.

Taking the legacy key out of his pocket he smiled to himself, 'this is it baby, make or break time.'  Slowly Steve put the key into the lock, and holding his breath turned it, praying that it would work.  Feeling the lock click open he grinned to himself in delight, good old B.J. had really come through for him.  Taking hold of the door handle Steve took a deep breath, and then opened it.

'Waah, Waah. Waah, Waah, Waah,' the noise of the alarm was so loud and so sudden that Steve dropped the key in fright.  'Come on Sanders, get a grip' he mentally berated himself.  He'd known about the alarm, had planned and prepared for it, it was just because he was a little jumpy.  Reaching inside the door he keyed in the sequence of numbers he'd memorised, and prayed that they hadn't changed the code since last week.  As suddenly as it had started, the alarm stopped.  Steve leaned back against the wall in relief; he'd been terrified that the code wouldn't work.  Last week he'd volunteered to come in on the weekend to help Hutch set up for a school governors meeting.  It had scored him some much needed points with Mrs Teasely and more importantly had given him access to the alarm code, he just had to remember to reset it when he left.

He checked around nervously, he'd let the alarm sound for a little longer than he should have, but no one was rushing over to arrest him.  Steve took one last look before bending down to retrieve the legacy key.  He stashed it safely in his pocket and stepped inside the school, carefully shutting the door behind him.  

Once safely inside Steve reached in to his pocket and withdrew a small flashlight he'd bought at the hardware store last week. Hopefully it should cast enough light for him to find his way, without attracting any unwanted attention.  Quietly he moved off along the hallway heading for the school office.  So far so good, all he had to do was keep his head for a little while longer and he would be home free.  

Steve grinned to himself, he was enjoying this, and breaking into the school had given him a real buzz.    As he crept down the darkened hallway, keeping as close to the wall as possible, he hummed the James Bond theme under his breath, and fantasised that he was on a deadly mission for the secret service.  Sanders, Steve Sanders he whispered in his best Sean Connery impression.  A noise somewhere off to his right pulled him out of his reverie.  He froze, and turned off the flashlight, trying to keep in the shadows as much as possible.  

Steve could hear his heart pounding and feel sweat trickling down the back of his neck.  This wasn't supposed to happen, the school was supposed to be empty.  He held his breath and waited.  There it was again, a soft tapping sound like someone was walking down the hallway. He listened in vain trying to make out if the footsteps were coming towards him or moving away. 

Mentally he ran through possible escape routes, but from here there was no way out except back down the hallway that he had just walked down - the one the noise was coming from.  It was a dead end; he was caught like a rat in a trap.  There was nothing for it but to sit tight and hope that whoever it was would just go away. 

The minutes ticked by as Steve waited, hardly daring to breathe.  He hadn't heard the noise for a while now, but that didn't mean he was safe.  The person could have gone away or they could be standing very still hoping to trick him in to coming out.  Steve frowned.  He was pretty sure that whoever it was had gone, but there was a chance that he was wrong.  He'd seen this scenario play out in a dozen different movies and the bad guy was always lying in wait.  

'C'mon Sanders' he told himself 'you can't stand here in the dark all night'.    Slowly, ever so slowly Steve turned the flash light back on. The hallway was deserted, either he had imagined it or whoever it was had really gone.  Steve let out a deep breath.  That had been a little too close for comfort.  From now on he had to keep his senses alert and his mind on the job. 

It was with great relief that he reached the school office, and then he nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard the footsteps again! Spinning round to face his assailant Steve was momentarily stunned to find that there was no one behind him.  He looked around wildly trying to figure out the source of the noise, and then relaxed, it was just the wind whipping a tree branch against the window.  He laughed.  Some secret agent he'd make, getting spooked by a tree branch.

B.J. had promised that the key could open every door and every filing cabinet in the school, and as he stood outside the school office, Steve prayed that B.J. was right.   If not this would all have been for nothing.  He glanced around nervously, unable to shake the feeling that he was being watched; even though he knew there was no one else in the building.  He guessed that a guilty conscience had made him a little paranoid.  

Once inside the school office he was tempted to switch on the light, but was too afraid that someone might notice - the office window was visible from outside.  In the half-light of the small flashlight, it took him a few minutes to find the filing cabinet he was looking for.  Steve grinned in delight when once again the legacy key worked its magic on the lock.  Working as quickly as his gloves would allow, he flicked through the files until eventually he found what he had come for, the finals papers.

Taking his prize, Steve moved over to the staff photocopier and flipped the on switch.  This was the part of his plan that made him the most proud.  Of course he couldn't just walk out with the papers, as soon as someone discovered they were missing the game would be up.  There would be a major investigation and obviously the staff would change the questions on the papers.  No Steve had to be smarter than that, he had to get access to the questions without removing them from the building.  He'd puzzled over it for a while, thought about trying to memorise the questions but decided that wasn't reliable enough.  Next he'd considered taking pen and paper and copying down the questions, but decided that was too time consuming which equalled too risky.  Then a stroke of genius, the staff photocopier!  All he had to do was make a copy of the papers.  He could put the originals back where he found them, walk out with the copies and no one would be any the wiser, it was brilliant.

Carefully he typed in the coded sequence of numbers that operated the copier.  By sheer coincidence Donna had been helping out in the school office last week, it was a part of the senior work-study programme she was involved in.  It had been no coincidence however, that he had chosen to discuss David's showcase with her whilst she was doing some copying for Mrs Teasely.  It had been easy enough to look over her shoulder as she punched in the code.  He felt kinda bad about using Donna like that, but he had to admit it was smart.  No one would suspect anything if the code belonged to Mrs Teasely.  Whistling tunelessly to himself Steve set about copying the pile of papers he had retrieved from the cabinet.  This was all turning out to be much easier than he had expected.

Grumbling to himself Hutch slammed the car door shut and zipped up his jacket.  It was late, it was cold, and he was getting too old for this kinda thing.  His customary cold beer and pizza had been rudely interrupted by a call from the cops asking him to come check out the school building.  One of the housewives from the residential area behind the school had sworn she'd heard the alarm go off.  He rolled his eyes.  Just his luck, she was the responsible citizen type, and she'd sent her disgruntled husband out to investigate.  The guy had been halfway down a bottle of Jack Daniels at the time so he wasn't exactly the most reliable witness but he'd found the back entrance unlocked and the door blown ajar by the wind.  Rather than risk walking into danger, he'd gone back to his old lady and called the cops.  The cops had called Hutch. 

Cursing under his breath Hutch wished not for the first time that he'd taken that job at the factory his brother had told him about.  Okay the pay wasn't great but he wouldn't be on his feet all day, and he wouldn't get called out at all hours of the night to deal with stuff like this.  He'd been the janitor at West Beverly High for more years than he cared to remember and in that time he'd just about seen it all.  He had no doubt that he'd find a couple of kids up to something they wouldn't want their parents to know about.  He smirked.  He'd give 'em the shock of their lives when he caught 'em, that'd teach 'em to drag him away from his beer.  He set off down the hallway footsteps echoing in the eerie silence.

Steve was almost done copying when he heard the footsteps, and this time there was no doubt, that was no tree tapping against the window.  Frantically he scooped up the papers and switched the copier off.  Fumbling, his hands made clumsy by nerves and the thick gloves, he wrenched open the filling cabinet and frantically put the papers back in.  In his panic he didn't notice that he'd left the paper he'd been copying in the machine.

Moving quickly Steve shut and locked the filling cabinet and slipped out of the door, remembering just in time to lock it.  There was no sign of anyone but the footsteps were getting louder.  Heart hammering against his ribcage Steve looked round wildly for a hiding place. It was no good.  He was trapped.  His heart sank; he was in trouble, big trouble and he didn't think he could talk his way out of this one.  It was yet another Steve Sanders disaster.  He could just see the look on his father's face when he heard about this.  He should have listened to Brandon, but no he thought he knew better.  Good going Sanders you've really out done yourself this time he thought bitterly.  Then he saw it.  The alcove.  It wasn't much but it was his only hope.  He dived for the alcove and flattened himself against the wall.  Steve Sanders wasn't a particularly religious guy but in that moment he prayed to whatever God would listen to get him out of this mess.

Slightly out of breath Hutch rounded the corner and headed towards the school office.  He flicked on the light switch and the entire hallway was illuminated in bright electric light.  In his place in the alcove Steve blinked uncomfortably as his eyes responded to the sudden brightness.  He had felt all too visible before when the hallway had been cloaked in darkness, now he felt as though he were on the stage with a spotlight trained on him.

As he walked Hutch fiddled with his keys and muttered to himself under his breath.  Steve couldn't quite catch the words, something about busy body neighbours and wasting time.  Steve had to clamp a hand over his mouth to stop from shouting out as Hutch stopped directly in front of him and turned to face the school office.  Steve held his breath.  If Hutch so much as turned his head to the left, he was done for.  Hutch was so close Steve could smell the stale beer on his breath.  For what seemed like the longest moment of Steve Sanders' life, Hutch stood peering in to the school office.  

Hutch scowled. He really should go in and check, although the office was in darkness there could easily be someone in there.  He'd checked the rest of the school and found nothing.  If the office was clear he could lock up and get back to his beer and pizza, call the police and let them figure out what happened.  Sighing heavily, he tried the door.  It was locked.  He hesitated.  If the door was locked it was pretty unlikely anyone was in there but still he would look a fool if he went back and reported the school as all clear if there was someone lurking in there.  He shrugged he'd wasted enough time already a few more minutes wouldn't make much difference and at least he'd know for sure.  Retrieving the key he unlocked the door and stepped inside fumbling for the light switch as he did so.

With Hutch inside the office and safely occupied checking that nothing had been disturbed, Steve saw his chance to get away.  Pushing off from the wall he took off down the hallway as if a pack of wild dogs was after him, stopping for breath only when he reached the relative safety of his corvette.  Sliding behind the wheel Steve gunned the engine; he had to get out of here and fast.  He had no idea how he'd managed to get away but he wasn't gonna hang around and give Hutch another chance to catch him.  He pulled off the ski mask and allowed himself a celebratory smile. He'd done it, he had the papers but that had been way too close for comfort.

Bone tired Dylan McKay pulled in to his driveway.  It was late and maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him but he could have sworn he saw someone sitting by his front door.  Rubbing his eyes wearily Dylan took another look and this time what he saw jolted him wide-awake.  There caught in the headlights of his Porsche was Brenda Walsh.  Swallowing past the lump, which had suddenly lodged itself in his throat, Dylan killed the engine and reluctantly got of the car.


	19. Chapter 21

Cautiously Dylan approached Brenda.  His mind was racing.  Did she know?  What should he do?  What would she do?  Before she'd left, Donna had reluctantly promised to keep their secret, but she had given them an ultimatum, they had a week to tell Brenda the truth or she would do it herself.  She hadn't been happy about it though, and she hadn't sounded convinced that it was the right thing to do.  Had Donna broken her promise and told Brenda everything?  It was a definite possibility.  He glanced across at Brenda trying to read her expression, but it was dark and her face was hidden in shadow.  He frowned.  He had no idea what she was thinking or feeling.  

Halfway up the drive Dylan hesitated, trying desperately to figure out what to do.  He kept expecting Brenda to begin the accusations, but she stayed where she was silently watching as he approached her.  Despite the slight chill in the night air Dylan found that he was sweating.  He felt like the condemned man taking that long last walk.  Reluctantly and with an overwhelming sense of dread, he closed the final few metres between them.  

"It's late Dylan, where've you been all night?"  She spoke calmly and quietly, but Dylan could sense the anger behind her words.

He swallowed nervously.  Was this a trick question?  Was she trying to catch him in a lie, or was she just mad because he'd promised to talk to her tonight and had missed her call?  For once he found her impossible to read.  He shifted uncomfortably under Brenda's intense gaze, trying and failing to formulate an answer.

"C'mon Dylan it's a simple question."  Her irritation was evident in the clipped delivery.

Deciding to take a risk, Dylan lied "It's been a rough day, I needed to unwind. I just took the Porsche out for a long drive that's all." He couldn't meet her eyes and he knew he didn't sound convincing.

Brenda surveyed him coolly.  "I think we both know that's a lie."

Dylan gasped in shock.  She knew.  "Look Bren, I was going to tell you it's just that…" he stammered trying to find the right words.

"I'm on to you Dylan, it's no use lying" Brenda interrupted before he could finish.  She paused for a moment and then her face broke into a smile "You've been out buying my Christmas present haven't you?"  She dropped the angry façade completely and looked up at him, eyes gleaming mischievously, pleased to have caught him out - she knew him so well.

Dizzy with relief, Dylan leant against the wall to steady himself.  Finally he regained his composure "I guess I'm busted".  He smiled weakly "So tell me Bren what gave it away?"

Brenda grinned, delighted that she had been proved right. As she spoke she counted off on her fingers "First I know you Dylan, I know when you're keeping something from me, and you've been acting shifty for days now.  Second, tonight is late night shopping on Rodeo Drive, and you know how much I love the stores on Rodeo Drive, and third I told you I was gonna be safely tied up at the library tonight, so you figured I wouldn't catch you."  She turned to him eyes shinning "So, how'd I do?"

Dylan took a deep breath, considering his answer carefully "Right on all counts Bren."

"Ooh I knew it" Brenda exclaimed excitedly, jumping up from the porch and grabbing hold of his arm "So do you have it in the car?  C'mon Dylan you have to give me a clue."

Dylan sighed.  His relief at not being caught out was swiftly turning to guilt at lying to her.  He'd promised Kelly that they would tell Brenda together, but he wasn't sure he could get through the rest of the evening without coming clean.  Earlier today he'd spent the best part of two hours begging Donna to keep quiet, but now he knew that he couldn't keep quiet any longer, he had to tell Brenda tonight. Out loud he said, "Sorry Bren but it's a surprise, you'll just have to wait."

"Okay" Brenda pretended to pout; "I can be patient".  She grinned wickedly wrapping her arms around him "But you know that means you'll have to keep me occupied in the meantime."

Returning her embrace Dylan buried his face in her jacket.  He could smell the tantalising scent of her perfume.  Usually being this close to Brenda made him feel safe yet alive at the same time, but tonight he felt differently.  Tonight he felt as though he were drowning.  He gripped Brenda tightly, as if holding on to her was the only thing keeping him from slipping under the water.  "I love you Bren" he whispered.

"I love you too Dylan" Brenda gasped, but you're holding me so tight I can hardly breathe!"

"Sorry" Dylan mumbled loosening his grip and pulling away.

"Hey" Brenda complained, "I didn't say I wanted you to let go, just give me a little room to breath is all.  She smiled and took hold of his hand, pulling him closer for the kiss. 

Perhaps it was because he knew that he was about to lose her, or maybe because in that one moment he realised how much she truly meant to him, but for whatever reason, there was an urgency to Dylan's kisses tonight that hadn't been there in a long time. 

Finally, gasping for air, Brenda broke free "Wow, that was intense!" she exclaimed.  She laughed "Maybe I should surprise you more often".

Suddenly feeling guilty again, Dylan pulled away from her.  What was he thinking kissing her like that?  He was only making things harder for both of them.  He couldn't go on like this it was tearing him apart, he wanted to, no he needed to tell her everything.  It would mean breaking his promise to Kelly but she would understand, besides he thought bitterly, he was getting pretty good at breaking promises   He'd promised Brenda that he'd always be honest with her, and he'd promised Brandon that he wouldn't treat Brenda badly, the way he had treated other girls in the past.  He sighed heavily. He'd promised himself that he'd stop running away from his problems. 

Dylan squeezed his eyes shut to stop the tears that threatened to escape.  He'd really messed things up, he was going to lose Brenda and he only had himself to blame.  With a heavy heart he freed himself from her embrace and gestured towards the door "It's getting cold out here, why don't we go inside".

Still in high spirits Brenda nodded her agreement and followed him in.  Once inside Dylan flipped on the light switch and then threw himself dejectedly down on the couch.  He was exhausted.  Brenda sprawled beside him and immediately began kissing him; eager to continue where they'd left off.

"Mmmm, Bren, stop" Dylan pulled away from her "I really need to talk to you about something" he took a deep breath "something important".

Puzzled and a little hurt, Brenda sat up straight on the couch, and regarded him quizzically "What is it?"

Turning to face her and taking hold of her hand, Dylan took another deep breath to steady his nerves.  "You know I love you Bren.  You do know that don't you?" he asked anxiously, searching her face for confirmation.

"Of course I know that Dylan, and I love you too" Brenda sounded confused.

"And you know that I would never do anything to hurt you" Dylan continued softly.

Brenda regarded him suspiciously "What's all this about Dylan? Is there something you're not telling me?"  There was a sharp edge to her voice that betrayed her alarm.

Gently Dylan reached out and brushed a stray strand of hair away from her face.  "I have to tell you something Bren, something that's difficult for me to tell you.  He hesitated "And it's gonna be difficult for you to hear." 

Brenda's eyes widened in fear "Dylan you're scaring me. What is it?  What's wrong?  Is it you?  Are you sick?  Has something happened to Brandon?  Is it my parents?"

"No, no it's okay, it's nothing like that, everyone's fine" Dylan replied hastily, mentally kicking himself for such a clumsy opening.

"Then what is it?"  She looked at him intently, blue eyes filled with concern. Dylan's heart was pounding so hard he was sure she could hear it.  He had to tell her and he had to tell her now, he couldn't let this go on for another second.  Shifting uncomfortably, he forced himself to meet her eyes, and then wished he hadn't.  She looked so beautiful and so vulnerable, he couldn't bear to hurt her, but he knew that he had to continue no matter how painful it was.  He closed his eyes for a moment, steeling himself for what was to come "You see the thing is Bren…."

The ringing of the phone made both of them jump.  Instinctively Dylan moved to answer it but Brenda laid a hand on his arm to restrain him.  They regarded each other in silence as the ringing stopped and the machine clicked on.  "Hey this is Dylan, you know the drill….."

Dylan frowned. It was late, which meant only one thing; it was Kelly.  They had talked for hours after Donna had left.  Kelly had been devastated by Donna's words and it had taken him a long time to convince her that everything was gonna be okay.  Dylan found that he couldn't tear his eyes away from Brenda, any moment now it would all be out in the open, the secret blown sky high.  Months of lying and sneaking around were about to blow up in his face.  

He wished he could do something; anything to stop Brenda finding out like this but there was nothing he could do. Seconds ticked by as Kelly, obviously not expecting the machine, struggled to compose a message.  It must only have been a matter of seconds but to Dylan it felt like a lifetime.  His whole body was rigid with tension, his heart was pounding, his mouth had gone dry, and the room suddenly seemed far too hot.  He felt like he was on trial waiting for the jury to announce their verdict, but he already knew what the verdict would be 'Guilty'.  

"Dylan" Brandon's voice resonated around the room "Listen buddy if Brenda's there with you tell her to get herself back home right now.  It's getting late and Dad's on the warpath.  Later man".  The line went dead as Brandon hung up.

Dylan found himself laughing uncontrollably.  He guessed it was the result of so much nervous tension, either that or the stress of the last few months had made him insane.   

Brenda looked at him in confusion "I don't get it.  What's so funny?"

Dylan shook his head, managing to straighten his face and regain his composure  "Nothing Bren, it's just that it's good to know that whatever else happens in the world, your father never changes."

"Okay" Brenda said doubtfully "Well at least you haven't lost your sense of humour".

"I guess not" Dylan sighed.  He got up off the couch and pulled her to her feet.  "You'd better get going Bren, you heard the man, and the last thing we need right now is your father on our case".  

"Wait" Brenda protested, "You were about to tell me something important".

Dylan hesitated, he'd been on the brink of telling her, and if the phone hadn't rung he'd have done it.  He sighed.  Talk about saved by the bell, Brandon's call had ruined the moment and now he had completely lost his nerve.  Perhaps it was for the best. He'd acted on instinct, hadn't figured out what he was going to say, and he had promised Kelly that they would do it together.  Besides it was getting late, and this wasn't something that could be rushed. He made the decision "It's okay Bren really, it's not that big a deal" he lied.

Brenda remained unconvinced "But you said it was something important.  Please Dylan you have to tell me" she begged, sitting back down on the couch, arms folded across her chest in protest.

Seeing the flash of determination in her eyes, and knowing all too well the extent of her stubborn streak, Dylan knew that he had to tell her something, she wasn't gonna leave without an explanation. Besides he'd got her all freaked out telling her it was something serious, he couldn't just leave her hanging, letting her imagination run riot.  Forcing himself to meet her concerned eyes, he took a deep breath  "I've been doing some thinking since I saw you this afternoon" he said carefully.

"And…"  Brenda prompted gently.

"And I guess I'm just worried about us Bren, about what's gonna happen next year, that's all."

Breathing a sigh of relief Brenda got up and kissed him on the cheek.  "You don't have to worry Dylan, everything will work out just fine I know it." Taking his hand she walked him to the door.  "Whatever happens next year we'll get through it I promise."  Stepping out in to the cool night air she shivered, it was finally beginning to feel like winter. "You know our biggest problem right now is how I'm gonna explain to my father what I was doing over here so late."

Dylan smiled ruefully "Well you could always tell him we were studying".

She laughed "Yeah like I'm sure he'd believe that!"  Reaching up she kissed him goodbye "Good night Dylan".

"Good night Bren."

After she had gone Dylan headed straight for the phone, there was someone he really needed to talk to.  As he dialled the number he noticed that his hands were shaking.  He sighed.  He really was in a bad way.

Just the sound of the voice at the other end of the phone instantly made him feel better.  "Hey Ben, it's Dylan".

"Dylan, how's it going".

"Actually it's pretty rough right now, I could really use a drink".

There was a pause on the other end of the line.  Dylan could picture his sponsor's face kind and compassionate, ready to talk him through this however long it took.  "So why don't you tell me about it."  Ben responded encouragingly.

Dylan sighed.  Sometimes he thought he was beating his addiction, was really making progress, but it was times like this when he was grateful for AA, it was his life line.  No matter what else was going on he always knew his sponsor would be there for him, it was the one constant in his life.  It had been a long time since he'd had to call up Ben like this, usually attending the meetings was enough to keep him on track but right now the temptation to have a drink was overwhelming.

Taking a deep breath Dylan began to talk.


	20. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty-Two

            "Hey Donna wait up!"  Kelly Taylor waved frantically as her friend strode purposefully down the hallway, seemingly oblivious to her presence.  Hampered by the hordes of jostling students currently filling the hallways, Kelly's progress was frustratingly slow.  Fighting her way through a bunch of jocks, ignoring their jeers and whistles, she finally got some space and broke in to a jog.  A little out of breath she caught up with Donna by her locker "Boy are you in a dream world this morning. Didn't you hear me calling you?"

Retrieving books from her locker Donna didn't bother to turn round "I heard you".

"So why didn't you wait?"  Kelly demanded.

Donna slammed her locker door shut and turned to face Kelly, her expression cold. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe I was ignoring you, and that just maybe I don't want to talk to you?"

Stung, Kelly could only stare in disbelief opening and shutting her mouth like a gold fish. Eventually she found her voice "But I don't understand" she said quietly. "I thought you understood.  Yesterday you said that…"

"Yeah well that was yesterday" Donna interrupted "I've had time to think and you know what Kelly, I don't understand.  I don't understand how you could do something like that to your best friend."

"I told you I didn't mean for it to happen, it just did" Kelly said desperately.  Donna had been upset and angry yesterday, but before she'd left she'd seemed to accept things, she'd even promised not to tell Brenda.  They hadn't exactly parted on good terms last night, but she hadn't been expecting this. 

"Oh come on Kelly that's not a good enough excuse and we both know it"  Donna snapped.  Last night she'd been in shock, everything had been confusing, but today she was seeing things very clearly, and she didn't like the view one bit.

  Noticing Kelly's obvious distress, Donna's expression softened "Look Kel, I really don't feel like being around you right now.  I'm mad at you for what you've done, and I'm mad at myself for not telling Brenda last night when I should have".  She sighed heavily. "I just think we need some space, otherwise one of us is gonna say something we'll regret."

 "Please Donna, lets talk about this" Kelly begged.  "I know we can figure things out". She was beginning to feel quite tearful.  "Please I don't want to fight with you.  Just tell me what to do.  What do I have to do to make things right?"

Donna shook her head "Well for a start you could tell Brenda."

"Tell me what?"  Brenda asked cheerfully, dropping her bag and fishing in her pocket for her locker key.

Startled, Kelly and Donna exchanged guilty glances.

"… Erm… tell you…" Kelly faltered, her eyes meeting Donna's.  Donna opened her mouth to speak, but Kelly shook her head, eyes pleading with Donna to understand.  "…tell you that.."  Suddenly inspiration struck "my father… er my father called last night.  He said he might actually make it over for Christmas this year."  

            "Kelly that's great!" Brenda enthused.

            "Yeah it is" Kelly agreed weakly, deliberately avoiding Donna's disapproving gaze.

            Brenda was puzzled "You know you don't sound too enthusiastic.  I thought you'd be thrilled."

            Kelly sighed. "Well I guess I don't wanna get my hopes up again".  She shrugged. "He doesn't exactly have a great track record."

            "I guess not."  Brenda said sympathetically. Kelly's father was kind of a touchy subject, he had a habit of making promises to his daughter and then letting her down, Brenda hoped it wasn't gonna happen again.  Trying to lift Kelly's spirits she smiled encouragingly "Maybe this time it'll be different".

            "Maybe."  Kelly said softly, still refusing to meet Donna's eyes.

            Brenda regarded Kelly contemplatively for a moment "Kel are you sure you're well enough to be back in school?  It's just that you don't quite seem yourself."

            Kelly nodded. "I'm fine.  Just a little tired that's all."

            "Okay." Brenda wasn't entirely convinced but she decided to let it go. Retrieving her books, she closed her locker, and slung her bag over her shoulder. "Well I don't know about you guys, but I have a class to go to, so Kel you take it easy okay, and I'll see you at lunch."

"Yeah, see you at lunch" Kelly tried hard to sound cheerful. 

As Brenda disappeared amidst a throng of noisy students headed for class, Kelly turned gratefully to Donna "Thanks for not saying anything Donna.  I promise I am gonna tell her, it just wasn't the right moment."

Donna frowned. Seeing Brenda just now had brought all her anger flooding back.  "Don't thank me Kelly" she said bitterly. "I didn't keep quiet for you, I did it for Brenda.  This is too public a place for her to find out something like that".

"I know" Kelly began eagerly. "I talked it through with Dylan and we're gonna tell her today after school, take her some place private, do it gently."

"That's good" Donna said slowly.  "At least it shows you care about Brenda."

Kelly was incredulous "Of course I care about Brenda.  You know I do".  

Donna nodded "Yeah, I guess I do".  

"So you do understand."  Kelly was flooded with relief; finally she had gotten through to Donna.  "You don't know how much it means to me to know that you're still my friend."

"I'm sorry Kelly" Donna said firmly. "But I can't be your friend, not now, not after what you've done."  She started to walk away.

Kelly was distraught "Donna, you can't mean that." She took hold of Donna's arm, not willing to let her go "I'll tell Brenda, I'll go tell her right now." 

Her own eyes filling with tears Donna gently removed Kelly's hand from her arm.  "It's too late Kel, the damage has already been done, now please just leave me alone."  

"Donna wait.."  Kelly protested, "Please don't do this".

"Look Kelly I've really gotta get to class" Donna said firmly "Just do me a favour and leave me alone, I can't deal with this right now." 

As Kelly stood in the deserted hallway watching Donna walk away, she wondered bitterly how many more of her friends would have walked away from her before the day was up.

***

"So Chief, any idea why this place has been crawling with cops since second period?"  Brandon asked expectantly, dumping his lunch tray on the table and sliding into the seat opposite Andrea.  More slowly, Steve followed.

"Well."  Andrea leaned forward and lowered her voice, as though afraid someone might be listening, though it was doubtful given the current decibel level in the lunchroom.  "My sources tell me that someone broke into the school last night."

Steve swallowed hard.

"Whoah, you're kidding."  Brandon exclaimed almost knocking over his glass of coke in his excitement.  "So did they take anything?"

"That's just it" Andrea explained excitedly "nothing was taken and the only room that seemed to have been disturbed was the school office. But, and this is the really weird part, the history final paper was left in the staff copier."  She paused as a student hovered by their table before spotting a bunch of friends in the far corner of the lunchroom. "They checked the copier and it turns out multiple copies had been made". She leaned back in her seat, a satisfied smile on her face "You'll never guess whose code was used to make the copies."

"Go on" Brandon demanded gesturing impatiently with his fork. 

"Mrs Teasely's."  Andrea announced gleefully.

Steve cursed under his breath, how could he have been so stupid as to leave the paper in the copier?  He guessed he must have missed it in his panic.  All that planning and then he had to leave one lousy paper lying around.  He forced himself to pick up his burger, but for once he had little appetite.  This morning had been a living nightmare; all those cops on campus made him jittery.  Everywhere he went they seemed to be watching him, he was sure they could tell he was guilty.  All morning he'd expected to be called in to Mrs Teasely's office, but so far nothing had happened.

"I don't get it."  Brandon complained, his journalistic instinct taking over, his lunch now forgotten. "What makes them think that someone broke in?  I mean nothing was taken, maybe the paper just got left on the copier by mistake, and besides any number of people could know Mrs Teasely's code."

"You're right" Andrea replied, her eyes shinning with excitement "but they've already questioned all those people and none of them had any cause to copy the history final.  Besides" she continued smugly "someone tripped the alarm late last night.  When Hutch went to investigate, he found the door to the back entrance open and.." she finished triumphantly "the alarm had been turned off."

Steve continued chewing and swallowing mechanically but he didn't taste any of his food.  He couldn't stand to listen to this conversation but he had to, he had to know.   

Brandon frowned in concentration "So you're telling me that someone went to all the trouble of figuring out how to open the door without making a forced entry, and managed to deactivate the alarm, and all they did was copy a history final."  He shook his head  "It doesn't make any sense. Why would someone do that?  Why not go for cash or equipment?"

Andrea thought for a moment "Well I guess they might need to get a good grade in the history final"

 "Or maybe… maybe they plan to sell copies of the paper to other students" Brandon added excitedly.

 "Or it could just be a prank."  Andrea finished victoriously.

"Okay."  Brandon pushed his tray aside and leant forward eagerly "So we got motive but what about opportunity?  How was it done?  How did someone open the door without forcing it?" 

Andrea smiled "Well I have to admit that one had me stumped for a while, but I talked to Hutch this morning and something he said gave me an idea."  She hesitated "It's kind of a long shot but I think it's worth investigating".

"C'mon Chief don't hold out on me now."  Brandon pleaded.

Andrea checked to make sure no one else was listening "Have you ever heard of the legacy key Brandon?" 

Burger halfway to his mouth Steve froze.

"Legacy key?"  Brandon looked blank "Can't say I have".

"Supposedly it's a master key to the school passed down from student to student for generations." Andrea explained, hardly able to contain her enthusiasm.

Steve laughed nervously "Oh come on Andrea don't tell me you actually believe that, it's just a myth."

"You know, that's exactly what Mrs Teasely said when I told her."  Andrea admitted sadly.

Shocked Steve dropped his burger "You told Mrs Teasely someone used the legacy key to get in to the school!"  His heart was hammering against his ribcage and his mouth had gone dry.  Andrea was so close to the truth it was terrifying. If she'd figured out about the key, it wouldn't take her long to figure out who had access to the security code, Hutch would be sure to remember Steve had helped him on the weekend.

Andrea sighed.  "Well of course I did, I mean it makes complete sense.  How else could someone get in without any visible signs of forced entry?  They had to have had a key."  She shook her head "But Mrs Teasely wouldn't listen, she just dismissed it right off.  She's not even sure if the alarm and the history final are even connected".  She shook her head in dismay "You know she even said that the alarm could be faulty."

Steve let out a breath; he was off the hook. "Well there you go, I mean Mrs Teasely's a smart lady right?  If she thinks it's no big deal then it's probably no big deal."  He leant back in his seat; arms behind his head, his trademark broad smile already back in place.  

"Maybe."  Andrea nodded thoughtfully "But I still think there's something in this.  I don't know, call it women's intuition or journalistic curiosity, but I just know there's something.." she smiled at Brandon "I couldn't call myself a journalist if I didn't try and get the story now could I?"

Brandon returned the smile "Sounds to me like 'The Blaze' is back in business, guess I'd better dust off my keyboard."

Steve's smile disappeared as quickly as it had arrived.  "Hey what about finals guys?"  He complained.  "Haven't you got enough to worry about without getting all bent out of shape over some non-existent legacy key?"

Brandon patted him on the arm sympathetically "I think you're forgetting who you're talking to here Steve.  You know Andrea's never happy unless she's doing a million things at once!"

Smiling Andrea raised her glass of milk in a mock toast "Here's to solving the riddle of the legacy key trickster, and to showing Mrs Teasely exactly what investigative journalism is all about."

Raising his glass Brandon beamed "I'll drink to that."  He hadn't seen Andrea this happy in a long time.  She really seemed to come alive when she was chasing a story; there was something about her intensity and drive that made her enthusiasm infectious.  Already he found himself running through a list of possible sources he could talk to.

"Get ready Brandon" Andrea cautioned him "I know there's a great story in here somewhere, and we're just the people to find it." 

With a sinking feeling Steve observed the determined look in her eyes.  If he knew Andrea Zuckerman, she wouldn't stop until she'd got this mystery solved, and unfortunately for him, she was the one person smart enough to solve it.

***

 "Okay, so you've got the play list?" David asked anxiously as he set to work cuing up the tracks.

"Yes David, for the fifth time, I have the play list" Donna replied irritably waving a sheaf of papers at him".  David opened his mouth, but before he could get the words out, Donna continued "And I know how to work the equipment, and I have all the announcements."  She sighed. "I have done this before you know, I'm perfectly capable of covering your show."  

"I know you are Donna it's just.."  David hesitated unwilling to provoke an argument.

"Just what?"  She asked eyeing him suspiciously.

"Well you seem a little distracted today is all" David admitted reluctantly as he checked the sound levels one last time.  "And last night you were awful quiet, and you hardly touched your dinner."  He sighed "and we never even made it to the movie."  His eyes were full of concern "I'm just worried about you.  Are you sure you're not sick? I mean that bug hit Kelly from out of nowhere, maybe you're coming down with it too".

"I'm fine David, and I've got everything under control here" Donna reassured him, struggling to keep her voice even.  "Besides you don't have time to worry about me right now, you need to concentrate on your study".  Gathering up his books she dumped them in his arms, pecked him on the cheek and pointed at the door "Go."

"But…" David protested.

"Go, get out of here, you're supposed to be in the library".  She sighed. "Look David what's the use of me filling in for you if you're gonna spend all your time checking up on me instead of studying?"

Reaching for the door handle David admitted defeat "Okay, okay, you win, I'm going".  He hesitated "But you do have the play list right?"

"David!" Donna yelled in frustration.

He smiled "I'm just kidding." Then ducked as the play list flew through the air towards his head.

After David had gone Donna busied herself with final preparations.  She was due on air in just over 10 minutes and despite her earlier insistence that everything was under control, in reality she was a mess.  Oh she wasn't worried about the broadcast, she'd covered David's lunchtime slot lots of times, and she was getting pretty good at it too.

It wasn't the pressure of the show she couldn't handle; it was the pressure of knowing.  Last night at the restaurant had been torture.  She hated lying to David, they'd promised never to have secrets from each other, and besides she was a terrible liar. In the end she'd called a halt to the evening, claiming a headache, and had gone home early and alone.  She felt awful knowing she had ruined David's evening but it couldn't be helped.

She'd spent last night tossing and turning, going over and over the argument with Kelly and Dylan.  By morning she'd realised her dreadful mistake, she should have told Brenda.  But what could she do about it now?  Closing her eyes for a moment, she tried to imagine herself telling Brenda.  How on earth was she supposed to do it?  

Donna groaned. She had to stop thinking about it, at least until she'd gotten through the show. Forcing herself to focus on the broadcast, she quickly scanned the play list to make sure everything was in order, and then began a final check of the sound levels.  Her preparations were rudely interrupted by a knock on the sound booth door.  "David I told you everything's under control" she said in exasperation.

To her surprise it wasn't David standing outside but Kelly.

Face pale and eyes red from crying, for once Kelly looked awful "Please Donna, can I come in?  We really need to talk".

***

            Brenda broke her chicken salad sandwich in half and handed some to Dylan.  They were sitting on the steps outside the chem lab enjoying the winter sunshine.  All around them students were making the most of the lunch period that marked freedom before the constraints of afternoon classes began.  

Shading his eyes against the glare of the afternoon sun, Dylan munched on his half of the sandwich, and watched as the day-to-day life of West Beverly unfolded around him.  A bunch of guys from the team were tossing a football around, trying to impress the cluster of freshman girls who were giggling and lunching nearby.  Dotted across the campus, small groups of students were relaxing on the grass, laughing, talking and generally enjoying the respite between classes.  He sighed heavily.  It was just another day at West Beverly.

"Okay, so it's something that I can always keep with me, and it has to do with my passion".  Brenda frowned.  She'd managed to wheedle some information out of him, but she was still no closer to figuring out the nature of his Christmas gift.  She looked at him pleadingly "It's no good Dylan, I need another clue."

Dylan smiled.  She always did this whenever he bought her a gift; it was almost like a ritual now.  She'd try and sweet-talk him in to giving her clues; he'd spend weeks teasing her with snippets of information.  "Okay one more clue but that's it Bren."

"Okay I promise, one more clue and then I won't ask again".  She smiled. They both knew she would.

As Dylan struggled to concoct the perfect clue, Brenda let her gaze wander idly over the campus.  Despite the regular hustle and bustle of lunch period there was a sense of tranquillity about the campus today.  There was something about these quiet moments that really felt right. As much as she loved spending time with her friends, there was nothing quite like being alone with Dylan.

***

  "Look Kelly I really can't talk now, I have a show to do" Donna protested, brandishing the play list as if it were a weapon.

"I know that Donna" Kelly replied apologetically, and I promise I won't take up much of your time."  She stood awkwardly by the door waiting to be invited in. "Please I can't leave things the way we left them this morning".

Donna sighed and dropped the play list back on to the desk in a gesture of defeat.  "Then I guess you'd better come in".

Kelly perched uncomfortably on the edge of the desk and surveyed Donna apprehensively.  She felt as though she were on trial and from the expression on Donna's face she was gonna have a hard time talking her round.

"Well?  I'm waiting."  Donna gestured impatiently.

Taking a deep breath Kelly began "Look Donna I know you don't approve of me and Dylan, I know that."  She hesitated  "And I'm not asking you to.  I'm just asking you to try and see it from my perspective."

"Your perspective."  Donna scoffed "Don't you think you have that backwards, shouldn't you be seeing this from someone else's perspective? Like Brenda's for instance."  She shook her head in dismay "Kelly what you and Dylan are doing is wrong.  Why can't you see that?"

"Because I love him Donna, and he loves me".  Kelly answered simply.

***

Slowly, very slowly as if she were 100 years old and had difficulty moving, Brenda turned to look at Dylan.  Their eyes met.  Around them the buzz of conversation grew louder, people pointed and stared, some giggled nervously, but neither of them noticed. In the background Kelly and Donna's argument was still blaring over the PA system, but Brenda and Dylan were no longer listening.


	21. Chapter 23

Brenda couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't breathe.  Her mind was working furiously, trying to make sense of what she'd just heard, but she couldn't, there was no sense to it.  Despite the warmth of the sun, she shivered. She felt as if something cold had crawled inside her and settled there.  Her eyes were riveted on Dylan, searching his face, waiting for him to tell her it wasn't true, but he didn't, he didn't say a word.  

Stricken, Dylan couldn't find the words to make it right, there were no words. Brenda's pain filled eyes seemed to be drilling in to his very soul, yet like a passer by at a road crash, he couldn't avert his gaze.  Her face was ashen; her anguish clear, silent tears were scalding her cheeks.  He wanted to reach out to her, to take away her pain. Slowly, gently he placed his hand on hers.

The tiny movement was enough to break the trance.  Shaken out of her shock-induced paralysis, Brenda recoiled from his touch as though he had a contagious disease. "Don't touch me" she hissed, her voice a whisper. "Don't ever touch me again."  She shrank back against the wall trying to put as much distance between them as possible.  Her tortured mind held but one thought; she had to get away, away from him, away from here.  

Blinded by tears she turned and stumbled down the steps, into the path of the football jocks, who swarmed around her, whistling appreciatively.  Disorientated, suffocating panic welled up inside her. Desperate to escape, her actions fuelled by pain and rage, Brenda punched and kicked wildly at anything that blocked her path.  Cursing, the jocks let her go. Their insults still reverberated around the campus long after Brenda had raced across the grass and disappeared out of sight.

Frozen in place on the steps, Dylan watched wordlessly as Brenda fled.  Fled from him. He felt dizzy and breathless, it had all happened so fast.  Mere minutes ago, Brenda had been sitting beside him on the steps, now she was gone. All that remained was the sweater she had inadvertently left behind.  Slowly, with trembling hands, Dylan reached out and grasped it.  Bringing it close to his face, he caught the familiar scent of her perfume, and in that moment he knew for certain that he had lost her forever.  Burying his face in her sweater, he let go of the last vestiges of control and sobbed unashamedly.

Aware that the show was over, and a little uncomfortable at such a public display of raw emotion, the onlookers slowly began to disperse.  As they left, they whispered eagerly, speculating on what they had seen and heard, and what was to follow.  For the rank and file of West Beverly High, a dull December afternoon had suddenly and unexpectedly become a whole lot more interesting.

***

            In the lunchroom there was an excited buzz of conversation as the implications of Kelly and Donna's words were assimilated, dissected and generally discussed.  Andrea shifted uncomfortably in her seat, aware of the giggles and curious stares directed at their table.  She knew she should do something, but her brain still reeling in shock, refused to function logically.  Slowly, hardly daring to look, she turned to Brandon. What she saw frightened her.  He sat very still, his face like granite, mouth set in a hard line, a small muscle pulsing at his temple.  

Of course, she had seen Brandon Walsh upset and angry before, but right now she barely recognised him. Andrea shuddered.  It was his eyes that horrified her the most.  She'd read somewhere that the eyes were considered to be the window to a person's soul.  She sincerely hoped that wasn't true, because all she saw when she looked into Brandon's eyes right now was hatred.  Desperately she glanced across at Steve, hoping he would take control of the situation, but he was staring blankly into space, and didn't even register her gaze.  

Truth be told, Steve Sanders had been completely blindsided by the unexpected revelation.  He'd told Kelly some time ago that he was over her, that he'd accepted that they were never gonna get back together.  He had thought it was true, but now he knew that it wasn't.  

Hearing her declare her love for Dylan just now, had shown him that he'd been fooling himself.  He still loved her. He knew that Kelly didn't love him, not in the way he wanted her to anyway.  He'd gotten used to seeing Kelly with other guys, he'd had to, and while he hadn't liked it, he'd accepted it.  But this, this was something else; this was Dylan, his friend.  Despite himself, Steve was devastated.

"I've gotta get out of here." Brandon announced suddenly, pushing back his chair so violently that it crashed to the floor making everyone jump. 

Uncomfortably aware that they were the centre of attention, Andrea placed a placating hand on his arm "Brandon, everybody's looking at you". 

"I don't care."  Brandon's voice was cold and hard.

"No, but Brenda might" she said reasonably. "Don't you think this is gonna be hard enough on her without the whole school talking?  If you make a scene you're just gonna give them a whole lot more to talk about."

For a moment he hesitated, a hint of compassion flickered in his eyes.  Andrea thought she'd gotten through to him, but to her dismay he pulled free from her grasp.  "Brandon where are you going?" She asked in alarm.

"To get some answers." Brandon replied grimly.  

***

Gasping for breath David Silver sprinted down the hallway.  Far too late he saw the dark haired girl blocking his path.  He tried to dodge sideways, but couldn't avoid barging in to her, sending her books clattering to the floor.  "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" David shouted over his shoulder, too preoccupied to even think about stopping to help.  

He'd been almost at the library when he'd heard Donna and Kelly.  He'd reacted instantly, not even pausing to process the information. He had to stop it; he had to stop the broadcast.  He cursed, wishing he were faster, if only he'd kept up his summer fitness programme.  The longer their argument continued playing to the entire student body, the more damage was being done.

Legs heavy, lungs burning, he rounded the final corner and burst through the doors to the sound booth.

"David!" Donna exclaimed in surprise. "What are you..?"

Her voice trailed away as he pushed past her, diving for the button, and flicked the switch to 'off'.  He paused for a moment; eyes closed in relief, and then slowly turned to face Kelly and Donna who were staring at him as if he were a madman.

"David what are you doing? What's going on?"  Donna demanded angrily, struggling to comprehend her boyfriend's erratic behaviour.

Fighting to regain his breath, David sucked in several huge lung fulls of air, before finally answering "You were on air Donna, you've been on air for the last five minutes."

"What? No!"  Donna's hands flew to her mouth in shock.  "No we couldn't have been, I haven't turned the mic on yet."  She looked at the offending microphone in disbelief. "The show isn't supposed to start for another five minutes, I didn't turn it on. I know I didn't" she wailed.  

"Well someone did because it was on."  David insisted.

"No.  You're wrong David, you've got it wrong" Donna was adamant, her mind refusing to accept the awful possibility.

David shook his head glumly "I'm not wrong Donna."

Suddenly Donna laughed, taking David by surprise. "Oh you're good David, you really had me there for a moment". She smiled, the relief evident in her face "This is a joke, this is you teasing me about the show again isn't it?"  When he didn't respond, her alarm came rushing back. "Please tell me it's a joke David" she begged, clutching his arm in desperation.

David shook his head again "I'm sorry Donna" he said sadly "I wish it was a joke, but it's not".

Finally seeing that he meant it, Donna sank back in her chair in defeat and then was hit by the awful realisation "Oh my God Brenda!" she moaned in dismay. "Do you think she heard it?"  Her eyes were wide with fear, tears already threatening.

"Donna the whole school heard it".  David said in exasperation, worry causing him to snap more than he intended.

Donna groaned and covered her face with her hands "What are we gonna do?" she asked panic stricken.  

As Donna and David's frantic conversation swirled around her, Kelly Taylor sat rigid in shock.  She could hear their voices but they seemed very far away, and she couldn't follow what they were saying.  She kept telling herself that it wasn't real, that it wasn't happening.  This was a terrible nightmare and any second now she was gonna wake up.  Desperately she willed herself to wake up, but it was no good, this wasn't a dream it was real.  An icy hand closed around her heart and began to squeeze it tight.  Brenda knew.  The room tilted violently and Kelly closed her eyes fighting nausea.  The secret was out and there was no turning back. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. How had it all gone so horribly wrong?  Fate had played a cruel trick allowing Brenda to find out this way.  She wondered where Brenda was, half expected her to come bursting into the sound booth.  Just the thought of Brenda listening to those words made Kelly feel awful, but the thought of the entire school hearing them too was unbearable.

"Is it true?" An angry voice demanded from the door.  Kelly's eyes flew open in shock and fear, and she turned to face her interrogator.

"Is it true?  Brandon repeated with barely concealed hostility.  Taken aback by the anger in his voice and the hatred in his eyes, Kelly could only stare at him mutely.

"Look Brandon, I think you should just calm down" David said reasonably, trying to take the heat out of the situation.

Brandon glared at him "I don't need to calm down, what I need right now is some answers".  He advanced on Kelly, ignoring Donna's pleas for him to stop.  David moved to block his path but was too slow.  Bending down until his face was inches from Kelly's, Brandon glared at her menacingly.  Kelly had never seen Brandon like this before, and it frightened her.  As she cowered away from him, tears rolled down her cheeks but that didn't abate his anger any.

"Now I'm gonna ask you one more time.  Is it true?"  Brandon demanded.

"Yes it's true." Dylan responded softly from the open doorway.

Startled Brandon span round to face Dylan.  For a brief moment their eyes met, and then Brandon had covered the short distance between them, and swung a brutal left to Dylan's jaw.  As Dylan staggered back from the impact of the blow, Brandon threw a heavy jab to his ribs.  A further blow to the side of the head and Dylan was on the floor.

Blinded by rage, oblivious to the screams from Donna and Kelly, Brandon failed to notice that Dylan wasn't fighting back, wasn't even trying to defend himself.  David, trying to pull Brandon off, received a vicious elbow in the ribs.  Doubling over in pain, David dropped to his knees.  Gasping in horror, Donna ran to him.

  Brandon had stopped thinking, stopped caring, he was acting on pure anger now, reigning down blows on the inert form beneath him.  Suddenly a pair of strong arms was pulling Brandon, pulling him backwards.  He tried to struggle but to no avail.

"That's enough" Steve Sanders instructed firmly, using his superior strength and weight to drag Brandon off.  Placing himself between Brandon and the prone form of Dylan, he squared his shoulders and stood firm.  Stopped in his tracks, breathing heavily from his exertions Brandon glowered at Steve.  

Arriving just in time to see Brandon and Steve facing off against each other, Andrea was appalled.  Her eyes darted around frantically, taking in the full horror of the scene before her.  David and Donna were huddled together on the floor.  He was obviously in some pain, and Donna looked pale and frightened. Kelly was standing by the door to the sound booth.  Her red-rimmed eyes and tear strained cheeks tell tale signs of distress.  She was staring in mute horror at something on the floor.  In horrid fascination Andrea followed her gaze, and gasped in shock when she saw what Kelly was transfixed by.  Lying prone on the floor was the crumpled form of Dylan McKay.  His eyes were closed, the left one already swollen and turning a garish purple.  His lip was split, and trickling blood, and she realised with sickening clarity, he wasn't moving.  Once glance at Brandon's dishevelled clothes and bruised knuckles was enough to tell her what had happened.


	22. Chapt 24

Cindy Walsh hummed contentedly as she sorted the laundry, it wasn't that she enjoyed doing the laundry; it was just that she happened to be feeling pretty satisfied with life today.  She smiled.  She always got this way around Christmas; there was something about this time of year that brought out the best in her.  Cindy loved everything about Christmas, preparing the dinner, buying the gifts, receiving news from old friends, but most of all she enjoyed spending time with her family.  

They all lead such busy lives these days that they didn't get to spend as much time together as a family as Cindy would like.  Oh she knew that she was lucky to enjoy such a close relationship with both of her children but there was still a pang of regret that they were growing up so fast.  It seemed like only yesterday they'd been five years old and excitedly awaiting the arrival of Santa.  She sighed. Now they were almost ready to leave for College, where had the years gone?  Still she comforted herself that was next year, this year she still had her family around her, and Christmas was one of the few times in the year when there was a little space in everybody's schedule.  That precious time together was what made the holidays extra special.  

Okay so Christmas in Beverly Hills was a little different to the kind of Christmas she'd grown accustomed to in Minnesota, but last year she'd come to realise that it could be just as magical.  It had been their first Christmas here and initially she'd been convinced it was going to be a disaster, but in the end it had turned out to be every bit as wonderful as she had dreamed.  She closed her eyes, remembering for a moment last Christmas Eve.  The house was filled with laughter and singing, the lights were blazing on the tree, she could almost smell the turkey cooking slowly in the oven.  

She smiled happily. Soon it would all be happening again.  Last year they'd decided to start a tradition, invite all the kids' friends and their families over for Christmas Eve dinner, have a real Minnesota Christmas in Beverly Hills.  As she sorted the laundry she let her mind skip ahead, planning the menu she would serve, thinking about the gifts she would need to buy, ooh it was already beginning to feel a lot like Christmas! 

She was startled out of her reverie by a bang as the front door was pushed forcefully open, followed by the pounding of footsteps on the stairs.  Cindy frowned.  It was still early, who could be home at this hour, and why had they gone storming up the stairs like that?  Puzzled and a little concerned, she put aside the laundry and set off towards the stairs.

At first the sound was muffled and she couldn't quite place it, but as she got closer, she thought it sounded like an animal howling as if it were in pain.  Now she really was alarmed.  She thought she'd locked the front door but she couldn't be sure.  Had she unwittingly left it open?  Had an injured animal somehow found its way in to the house?  She paused halfway up the stairs, momentarily unsure what to do.  Of course it sounded ridiculous but then you heard about this kind of thing on the news sometimes. She couldn't remember where it had happened but she knew it had happened in other places, but not in Beverly Hills. 

So what now?  Well she had to do something; she couldn't very well stand on the stairs all day.  Feeling a little foolish but better to be safe than sorry she slipped back to the kitchen and armed herself with a rolling pin, she crept up the stairs. The noise appeared to be coming from Brenda's room.

Slowly, carefully so as not to startle what ever was inside, Cindy gently pushed the door ajar and peered around it.  What she saw before her shocked her more than anything she had imagined as she'd crept up the stairs.  

Brenda lay face down on her bed, she was crying so violently that her whole body shook with each sob. Her heart in her mouth Cindy rushed to her daughter, reaching out a hand to gently touch Brenda's shoulder "Brenda honey, what's wrong?  Are you hurt?  What is it?"

Brenda turned traumatised eyes on her mother but couldn't find the words to explain.  Cindy's first thought was that Brenda was hurt or injured in some way.  Worriedly her eyes swept over her daughter checking for any signs of physical damage but she saw nothing.  Anxiously Cindy studied Brenda's face, trying to figure out what could have happened to reduce her daughter to this state.  Wordlessly, sobs still wracking her body, Brenda enveloped herself in Cindy's embrace.

Helplessly, bewildered, Cindy held Brenda tight, rocking backwards and forwards, gently shushing her, trying to provide comfort for whatever pain had been inflicted upon her.  "Brenda please, please tell me what's wrong, what's happened."  Cindy begged, her mind producing all manner of horrific scenarios.  Struggling for breath between sobs; Brenda could manage only one word "Dylan".

*******

Hands shaking, Dylan McKay slowly poured the whisky in to the shot glass and winced as the liquid met his split lip.  He'd been nursing this bottle of whisky for the past hour and with a little luck soon he wouldn't be feeling anything at all.  He wasn't so concerned about the physical pain, bruised ribs, a blackened eye and a split lip were nothing compared to the emotional torment he was feeling.  

Gingerly, protecting his sore ribs he settled back on the couch.  It wasn't like Brandon to lash out physically like that but Dylan didn't blame the guy, he'd deserved it.  Still he must have hurt Brandon pretty bad to get him all riled up like that. Oh sure Brandon knew how to handle himself in a fist fight if it came down to it, but Brandon Walsh was a reasonable guy and it didn't often come to violence.  Knowing Brandon as well as he did, he felt sure that his friend would be lamenting his actions, and that somehow only served to make Dylan feel worse.  He stared forlornly in to the blazing fire, he'd managed to destroy both Brenda and Brandon today, and he would never be able to forgive himself.

Dylan took another slug of whisky and focused for a moment on the burning sensation as the liquid slid down his throat.  No matter how much whisky he drank he couldn't get the image out of his head.  The pain he'd seen in her eyes when she'd looked at him, the tears sliding down her cheeks, the way she had flinched away from his touch, it was taunting him, tormenting him, reminding him of the terrible thing he had done to her.

The phone was ringing, as it had been doing regularly for the past hour but Dylan didn't stir.  He didn't want to talk to anyone, didn't want to have to deal with this.  Right now he was alone with only the ghosts of Christmas past for company.  He'd spent too many Christmases like this, finding solace in a bottle of whisky.  He knew that he should have called Ben, talked it through, but he didn't want to call Ben, he didn't want to talk.  Instead he wanted to go to that safe dark familiar place, that comforting oblivion where none of his problems existed.   It was a place that he used to visit often and he knew that he could only find it at the bottom of a bottle.  Grimly he poured another shot.

*******

            Brandon Walsh seated on the couch shifted uncomfortably under his father's penetrating stare.  "I don't know Dad, I don't know how it happened, one minute I was standing looking at him the next I was pounding on his face."

            Jim Walsh was standing in front of Brandon; he was far too agitated to sit.  He looked down at his son incredulously "I understand that you were angry Brandon".  He shook his head sadly "God knows there's been times I've wanted to punch the guy, the amount of trouble he's caused for this family."  He folded his arms and regarded his son sternly "but you can't go around punching people no matter how much they've upset you.  I thought I taught you better than that."

            Brandon sighed heavily.  "You did Dad, and I know what I did was wrong."  Suddenly he found he couldn't quite meet his father's eyes. "I know you're disappointed in me, and I'm disappointed in myself."  Slowly he raised his eyes, looked directly at his father "I'm also a little scared" he admitted hesitantly.

            "Scared?" Jim looked questioningly at his son.

            "Yeah, scared of what I did."  He paused then continued in a small voice "Dad if Steve hadn't pulled me off when he did, who knows how far it would have gone.  I guess I never realised I was capable of doing something like that, and that scares me."

Jim nodded, fatherly concern rapidly replacing anger and disappointment.  Brandon was obviously badly shaken by what had happened, and it was something that would affect him for a long time.  He scowled.  He blamed himself for this.  He'd always known that Dylan McKay was trouble.  He should have been firmer, put his foot down instead of letting himself be talked round.  He rubbed his eyes, he was tired but he knew he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight.  Instead he and Cindy would be up until the early hours trying to figure out a way to put the family back together.

Jim frowned as he thought back over the past few hours.  He'd had a hard day at the office and had come home to find his family in the midst of a crisis.  Brenda was hysterical, and Brandon sporting bruised knuckles, and blood stained clothing, was pale and uncommunicative. Cindy had remained with Brenda; comforting her until she eventually exhausted herself in to an uneasy slumber.  The task of dealing with Brandon had fallen to Jim.  As he looked at his son, Jim suddenly felt incredibly old.  

"Dad."  Brandon asked softly "What do you think this means?"  He looked at his father earnestly  "Do you think I have some sort of anger management problem?"

Jim smiled kindly "No Brandon I don't think that."

"But I just lost it" Brandon said anxiously.  " I went for Dylan and I just wanted to hurt him.  Surely that must mean something".

Jim nodded "It does.  It means you're human Brandon, and you make mistakes just like the rest of us."

Brandon nodded slowly "I guess you're right Dad but it still doesn't make me feel any better about it."

Jim sighed. "Only time can do that Brandon".

*****

Kelly Taylor reached for another tissue and blew her nose hard.  She had to get a grip but she just couldn't seem to stop crying.  In the space of a few short hours her entire world had fallen apart and she didn't have any idea how she was going to fix it.  She'd been calling Dylan for the last couple of hours but he wasn't answering, he'd even turned the machine off.  She knew that meant that he didn't want to talk to her but she couldn't stop trying.  She needed him right now more than she had ever needed anyone before.

Fighting against a fresh surge of tears, she tried not to think about what he had said when she had rushed to his side.  She'd been so happy to see him move, so relieved that he wasn't badly hurt.  She squeezed her eyes shut at the painful memory of Dylan flinching from her touch, the terrible hatred in his eyes as he had accused her, the coldness in his voice as he'd told her to leave him alone.  It was the accusation that hurt the most.  How could he think that she would do something like that on purpose?  How could he believe that she could be so cruel to Brenda?  She'd thought that he loved her, and that they had made a connection, but if that's what he thought of her then he obviously didn't know her at all.

She desperately wanted to call Brenda; she couldn't bear to think what this had done to her, and she needed to know that her friend was okay.  She shook her head, who was she kidding she thought bitterly, she knew Brenda wasn't okay, Brenda would be devastated, and it was all her fault.  She wanted to call but she couldn't.  Anyway if she did call Brenda what would she say?  Explain?  Apologise?  Beg for forgiveness?  Whatever she said it wouldn't be enough, it would never be enough.  Besides it was too soon, way too soon, Brenda wouldn't want to talk to her.

Actually she didn't think anyone in the Walsh house would want to talk to her right now.  Mr and Mrs Walsh had been so good to her over the last few years, and now she felt as though she had betrayed them just as much as she had betrayed Brenda.  She didn't think she could face them, not tonight anyway.  As for Brandon, she shuddered remembering the hate in his eyes when he'd confronted her, the way he'd attacked Dylan, and worst of all the look of self-loathing as he'd walked away.

Months ago Dylan had warned her about the possible fall out from their relationship.  This was worse than anything she had ever imagined.  She had lost everything, Brenda, Dylan, even her friends didn't want to know her right now.  Donna and David had left without a word, and Andrea had cast a brief look of disapproval before ushering a shell shocked Brandon away.  Steve had driven her home, she'd been in no state to drive herself, but they'd hardly talked during the half hour journey and when he'd dropped her off it had been with only a curt 'see ya'.

Kelly regarded the phone contemplatively.  In the past when things had been bad she'd looked for the easy escape.  She knew plenty of guys who'd be more than willing to party with her, spend the next few days in a drug and alcohol induced haze.  All she had to do was pick up the phone and make some calls.  She bit her lip.  That was the past, she'd changed since then, and she wasn't that girl anymore.  Or was she?   


	23. Chapter 25

Brandon Walsh eyed his sister carefully as she settled in to the passenger seat beside him.  She looked pale and tired, her eyes red rimmed from a night of crying, had lost their usual sparkle, and were flat and dull.             Usually when Brenda was hurt or upset she went on the attack, her natural intensity and passion fuelling a sharp tongue and hostile demeanour.  Emotional outbursts and verbal attacks were pretty much a given with Brenda, but this time was different, she was quiet, calm even.  It was as if all the fight had gone out of her.  

He'd seen her like this once before and it was a bad sign, it meant that she was really suffering. It had been when Aunt Sheila had died of breast cancer.  Brenda had been real close to Sheila and she'd taken the news badly.  She'd cried at first and then become totally withdrawn, hardly uttering a word.  It had been mom who'd gotten through to her in the end, gotten past her own grief and broken through Brenda's defences.  He only hoped that she would be able to do it again.

            "Are you sure you're feeling up to going to school today Bren?"  He asked gently as they pulled out of the driveway.    

Brenda sighed, and stared resolutely out of the window avoiding Brandon's concerned eyes.  It would be so easy to stay home today, to hide from everybody and everything. When she'd first woken up this morning she'd thought yesterday was just a terrible nightmare, but then she'd remembered that it was real.  The pain and torment she'd experienced last night had come back with a vengeance, and it had taken all of her willpower and self-control not to break down at the breakfast table.  

She knew that Brandon and her parents were worried about her, and she knew that they wanted her to talk about it.  But Brenda hadn't talked about it, she hadn't talked about it at all.  She couldn't talk about it, because talking about it meant she had to think about it, and thinking about it was just too painful.  

Last night she had been hysterical.  She had cried herself in to a state of complete exhaustion, and sleep had been a welcome oblivion.  Last night she had been close to the edge, and it had frightened her, she didn't ever want to feel like that again.  Instead she had decided that she had to switch off her emotions, bury them deep where they couldn't hurt her.  Brenda was afraid that if she broke down again, she might not be able to regain control, that she would start crying and simply be unable to stop.  She knew that she had to get out of bed and go to school today, because if she didn't she might never get out of bed again.  

As close as she was to her brother, and they were close, she couldn't tell him any of this, not right now anyway.  She wasn't sure that he'd understand what she was going through; actually she didn't see how anyone could understand.  So she didn't try to explain her feelings to Brandon, instead she turned to finally meet his eyes, and smiled tightly "I'm fine Brandon, don't worry".

Brandon shook his head in frustration.  It was obvious that Brenda wasn't fine, in fact she was about as far away from fine as it was possible to be.  But for some reason she wasn't letting him in.  He was surprised and a little hurt, he'd always thought they shared a special closeness, that they could tell each other anything. He sighed.  He knew Brenda well enough not to push, she would talk to him when she was ready, and until then he just had to let her know that he was there for her.

He frowned remembering his fight with Dylan yesterday.  Not exactly his finest hour.  He sighed.  So much for being there for Brenda.  They hadn't talked about it yet, but he knew that they needed to.  As he pulled to a stop at a red light he cleared his throat and began awkwardly "Erm Bren, about what happened between me and Dylan.." He hesitated finding it difficult to put his feelings in to words "It was wrong.  I was wrong".  He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and made a point of adjusting the rear view mirror "I hurt Dylan, and I probably made things a hundred times worse for you".  He shook his head sadly "I was just so angry, I wanted to punish him for what he'd done. I don't know I guess it must have been a rush of blood to the head or something" He lapsed in to a miserable silence.  He still hadn't forgiven himself for yesterday, still couldn't explain how it had happened.

Brenda's emotions were in such turmoil right now, that she hadn't even begun to process her feelings about what Brandon had done.  But she was aware enough to recognise the mix of concern and guilt in his eyes.  She reached over and squeezed his hand reassuringly. 

 "I understand why you did what you did, and I know that you didn't mean for it to happen."

Brandon looked at her anxiously "How do you know that Bren?"

She smiled, meaning it this time "Because I know you Brandon."

For the first time since it had happened, his face relaxed in to a smile, and he squeezed her hand in return "You know that I'm here for you don't you Bren?  That whatever happens you'll always have me."

Brenda nodded, fighting back the tears that suddenly threatened to spill down her cheeks "I know."

***

            As she walked down the hallway of West Beverly High, Kelly Taylor decided that she must be in hell.  She had left her normal Beverly Hills existence and ended up in some type of hell dimension.  She had had a bad night last night, a really bad night.  She had worked so hard to change, to turn her life around, but last night she had been ready to admit defeat and return to her party girl ways. And she would have done it too if David hadn't gotten home just at that moment and decided to confront her.

            She closed her eyes at the memory, trying to block it out. She and David had gotten in to a terrible fight.  Kelly didn't know what had gone down between him and Donna last night, but judging by his mood when he got home, it hadn't been good.  He'd taken out his bad mood on Kelly.  She frowned. He'd said some horrible things last night, and this morning he wasn't talking to her at all.  The car ride to school had passed in stony silence, and she hadn't seen him since.  She sighed heavily.  David was family and even he wasn't there for her.

            To her dismay Dylan hadn't made it in to school today, and he hadn't answered any of her calls last night.  She was worried about him, and she couldn't shake the image of him home alone with a bottle of whisky.  She hoped to god she was wrong, that he hadn't started drinking again.  He was obviously hurting right now.  She wished he would talk to her, she badly needed to talk to him.  She sighed like that was gonna happen, it was if over night a brick wall had been erected between them.

            She paused involuntarily as she approached a bunch of girls hanging out by the lockers.  They were giggling and whispering to each other, but went silent as she drew closer to them.  Self-consciously Kelly tugged unnecessarily at her bag strap, and tried to hold her head high.  As she moved past she heard the whispering and laughing start up again.  It had been happening all day.

She had worked hard to ensure her membership of the social elite at West Beverly, and usually she enjoyed the appreciative glances of fellow students as she walked the halls. Today she was paying the price for that fame.  Kelly was well aware of the petty jealousies that typified the West Beverly social hierarchy.  She knew that there were plenty of girls who couldn't wait to see her fail, who were itching to step in to her shoes.  She'd given them plenty of ammunition.  But none of that mattered anymore, losing her social status was nothing compared to losing her friends.

****

            "Please David don't be mad at me, I can't stand it."  Donna Martin begged, tugging futilely at her boyfriend's sleeve.

David put the last of the books in his bag, slammed his locker door shut and turned to face Donna.  "I can't help being mad at you Donna" he explained angrily "You lied to me."  

He scowled.  They'd been over this last night and they just kept coming back to the same issue, trust.  She didn't trust him, and now he couldn't trust her, and what good was a relationship without trust?

"I didn't lie to you David" Donna protested tearfully. "I just didn't tell you, there's a difference."

"No, there's not" David retorted.  He shook his head in dismay "I don't understand you Donna, I thought we were supposed to be in a relationship, I thought that you trusted me."

Donna winced at the obvious hurt in his voice. "I do trust you David. I trust you completely."

"Then why didn't you tell me about Kelly and Dylan?"  He asked bitterly.

Donna sighed heavily, and shut her eyes in concentration, trying to put her feelings in to words.  She'd been asking herself that very same question all day and she still hadn't come up with a good answer.  "I don't know David, I was confused, I didn't know what to do for the best."  She looked at him helplessly "I guess I was scared that if I told you then you'd want to tell Brenda, and I didn't want to be the one to do that, I didn't wanna hurt her."  She smiled weakly, aware of the irony in her words. "I wish I had told you David and I'm so sorry if I made you feel like I don't trust you."

She looked so miserable that David's heart went out to her.  Dropping his bag he wrapped his arms around her, his anger evaporating "It's okay Donna, I understand."

"Really" a voice said behind them "because personally I'm having a hard time understanding anything right now"    

 Donna had spent all last night imagining how Brenda might be feeling, but nothing she had imagined came anywhere near the devastation she saw on Brenda's face as she turned to face her friend.  She felt awful.

 "I'm so sorry Bren, I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how to" she admitted sadly.   "It's just that Kelly made me promise.  She wanted to tell you herself, you know pick the right moment."  

"Well I have to hand it to her, she certainly did a great job."  Brenda's voice was cold and hard, but she remained calm, almost detached.

Donna was waiting for Brenda to explode, any minute now she was gonna unleash, really let her have it.  She steeled herself for the harsh words and accusations that were to come.  

Donna didn't know it, but Brenda had no intention of blowing up at her.  She had taken all of her emotions and buried them away in a box deep inside of her.  Right now she was trying very hard to keep the lid on that box, because she knew that she couldn't let the emotion out, not yet.  She knew that as a coping mechanism it would only work for so long, at some point she was gonna have to deal with her feelings, but she didn't want to have to deal with them today, she just wasn't ready.

When she'd seen Donna and David by the lockers she'd wanted to run away, but at the same time she needed to talk to them.  As painful as it was, a part of her, the tiny part of her that was still capable of responding, needed to know why her friends had betrayed her. 

"How long have you known?"  She asked quietly.

Donna shifted uncomfortably "Two days" she admitted reluctantly, her eyes filled with remorse.

Brenda fought to keep her voice even "You knew for two days and you didn't tell me".  She thought for a moment "You didn't tell me, but you told everyone else".  She shook her head in disgust "My boyfriend's cheating on me and I'm the last to know."  

"No Bren it's not like that" Donna was close to tears.  "I didn't tell anyone, not even David".

"It's true." David spoke for the first time. "I didn't know anything about it, nobody did".  He fiddled nervously with his locker key as he spoke.  He felt like he was intruding on what should be a private conversation, but he didn't feel able to leave.

 Brenda could see that he was telling her the truth.  She turned back to Donna "Okay maybe you didn't tell anyone else, but that still doesn't make up for the fact that you didn't tell me.  I thought you were my friend, I thought I could trust you Donna."  

  There it was again, that trust issue Donna thought bitterly.  She'd never realised before just what a fragile entity trust was.  You could spend years earning someone's trust only to have it destroyed in a matter of minutes.  She sighed.  "I am your friend Brenda, but I'm Kelly's friend too.  It's not easy being stuck in the middle you know."   She hadn't meant to say it, it had just come out, but it was the way she felt.  She'd been put in an impossible situation, having to choose between her two best friends, and she hated it. 

"Well you've made it pretty clear whose side you're on." Brenda said accusingly.  

Donna shook her head "Don't talk like that Bren please.  I'm not on anybody's side."

Brenda took a deep breath, fighting to control the surge of emotion that threatened to envelop her "That's just it Donna.  Don't you get it?  You should be on my side."  She spoke slowly and carefully "I'm the victim here; Kelly's the one in the wrong".

"You're absolutely right.  And that's why we need to talk".  Kelly Taylor spoke firmly despite the shaking she felt inside.


	24. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty-six**

            Slowly, Brenda turned to face Kelly.  For a long moment they regarded each other in silence, like two cats about to pounce.  David Silver shifted awkwardly, wishing fervently that he were some place else.  So far Brenda had been uncharacteristically restrained, but he had a feeling that was about to change, and he wanted to reach minimum safe distance before it did.  His eyes flicked nervously back and forth between the two girls, waiting for one of them to break the uncomfortable silence.  Donna, frozen in mute horror, held her breath anticipating the inevitable fireworks to come.   

Insides churning with emotion, Kelly felt her courage rapidly disappearing.  She'd thought that once she actually saw Brenda, she would know what to say but she'd been wrong, way wrong. What she saw before her had rendered her completely speechless. The Brenda Walsh facing her right now bore absolutely no resemblance to the Brenda Walsh she knew.  Her long dark hair had lost its usual lustre, her face was pale and drawn, her eyes haunted. It was as if overnight someone had stolen away her intensity and radiance, and left her an empty shell.  

When she saw Kelly, Brenda was assaulted by a wave of conflicting emotions. Kelly was her best friend, the person who had been there for her so many times, the one person who was always on her side.  Only she wasn't on Brenda's side, she wasn't on Brenda's side at all.  As she stared at Kelly she felt as if the scales had finally been lifted from her eyes, and she was seeing everything clearly for the first time.  She realised in horror that it had all been a sham, her friendship with Kelly, her relationship with Dylan, her life in Beverly Hills, none of it was real, it was all based on lies.  She knew that she couldn't handle this now; that she had to get away before she broke down completely.  She took a step forward, meaning to walk away "No, I can't do this, I won't."

Kelly moved to block her path, reached out to grab her arm, unwilling to let her go.  

"Let me pass."  Brenda demanded her voice dangerously low.

"No."  For once Kelly stood resolute "Not until you've heard what I've got to say."

***

            Dylan McKay groaned and shut his eyes as they were assaulted by the sunlight streaming through the window.  His head was pounding and his mouth was dry, he felt like hell.  Slowly, tentatively he opened one eye and squinted against the brightness.  Before him on the coffee table he saw the empty bottle of whisky and the shot glass, a painful reminder of last night's activities.  Opening the other eye, he turned his head to survey the room, searching for evidence that would tell him just exactly how much he'd had to drink last night.  The small movement caused the hammering in his head to intensify.  He groaned again, closing his eyes and cradling his head in his hands, but still the pounding continued.

            "Dylan" Brandon shouted, hammering again on the front door "Come on man I need to talk to you."

            Slowly Dylan opened his eyes again, struggling to focus he tried to pinpoint the source of the noise.  Eventually he realised that the pounding wasn't just going on inside his head, someone was banging on his front door.  "Alright, alright I'm coming" he answered, hoping to stop the incessant hammering that seemed to be drilling directly through his skull.

            Gingerly he struggled up from the couch, his progress hampered by bruised ribs and a killer hangover.  "Brandon."  He sighed heavily as he opened the door; he was in no condition to deal with Brandon's anger and contempt this morning.  "What's this man, round two?  You come back to finish off the job?" he asked irritably.

            On the doorstep Brandon frowned.  Dylan looked like hell.  He wore the same clothes as yesterday, and judging by his appearance it was obvious that he had slept in them.  Catching a waft of Dylan's breath he turned suspicious eyes on his friend. "Dylan have you been drinking?"

            "You know Brandon I'm pretty sure you didn't come all the way over here to lecture me on my drinking habits" Dylan responded evenly "So why don't you do us both a favour and tell me why you're really here."

            Brandon took a deep breath before answering "I came to apologise" he said simply.

            Dylan blinked in surprise; he hadn't been expecting that.  More accusations, a lecture on his treatment of Brenda, a demand for an explanation of his behaviour, any of those would have made sense but not this. "Excuse me?"  He looked at Brandon in confusion.

            "I came to apologise for yesterday." Brandon spoke calmly, but he felt anything but calm.  "I shouldn't have hit you." He paused finding it difficult "I'm sorry".

            They regarded each other in silence for a moment, both remembering the events of yesterday, both reflecting on three years of friendship.  Then Brandon turned and began to walk away.  He was almost at his car when Dylan shouted after him "Brandon."  Brandon stopped, turned to face Dylan 

"I'm sorry too." Dylan said softly.  They looked at each other in silent understanding, and then Brandon got in to his car and drove away.  He didn't look back.

***

            "Okay."  Brenda's voice was cold and unforgiving "Let's hear it."

            Kelly glanced around nervously.  The hallway was starting to fill up with interested spectators.  She cringed; most of them weren't even bothering to pretend to go about their business, instead they were openly gaping.  She guessed it was only fair, Brenda had been publicly humiliated, she deserved a public apology.  Besides Kelly no longer cared what these people thought of her, they didn't matter anymore, all that mattered was saving her friendship with Brenda.  She cleared her throat; her mouth had suddenly gone dry.

            "I'm sorry" she said quietly.  Inadequate as it sounded to her own ears she knew that it needed to be said. 

            "Sorry for what exactly?" Brenda asked her voice icy "Sorry for sleeping with my boyfriend, sorry for lying to me, or sorry for the way that I found out?"

            "I'm sorry for all of it, for everything." She hesitated struggling to find the right words "But most of all I'm sorry for hurting you".  She swiped at the tears that suddenly pricked her eyes "I never meant for this to happen, I never meant to hurt you.  Please Brenda you have to believe me."

            "Believe you!" Brenda was incredulous "Kelly you've been lying to me for months, how can I ever believe anything you say?"

            Suitably chastened, Kelly dropped her gaze, no longer able to meet Brenda's accusatory eyes. "Because I'm your friend" the words came out almost as a whisper, and those further away had to strain to hear.

            Brenda frowned. "I used to think so."

            Kelly looked up sharply, but before she could speak Brenda continued "You know Kel you really had me fooled.  I actually fell for your sob story, that whole 'I've changed routine'."  She shook her head in disgust.

            "I have changed." Kelly said softly, fighting back tears.

            "Really.  And I suppose it was your passion for French literature that won Dylan over." Brenda said pointedly.

            "I love Dylan and he loves me" Kelly said defensively.  As soon as the words were out of her mouth she regretted them, but it was too late, the words were like a red rag to a bull, and Brenda didn't disappoint. 

            Brenda's eyes glittered dangerously "Dylan doesn't love you" she spat "He's only interested in sleeping with you, and.." she added bitterly "We all know that's an area where you have lots of experience."

            Seeing her words hit their target, Brenda continued lashing out, wanting to hurt Kelly as much as Kelly had hurt her "You're a slut Kelly, you always have been and you always will be.  You can try as hard as you like to bury your reputation but deep down you'll never change.  You and Dylan don't have anything special, it's just sex, that's all you are to him." Brenda wiped viciously at the tears that were spilling down her cheeks.

            "You're wrong.  It's not like that."  Kelly insisted tearfully, but Brenda wasn't listening.

            "That's what it was like with Jake wasn't it.  He used you and you let him, and then he just left you didn't he, just like all the rest." 

"Stop it, please stop it".  Kelly begged covering her ears in a vain attempt to block out Brenda's words.

"Why did it have to be Dylan?  Was it because for once I actually had something you didn't?  Is that it?  You just couldn't stand to see me happy, you had to do something to spoil it".  She shook her head in disgust "Well congratulations, you got what you wanted.  I just hope it's worth it."

            "This isn't what I wanted, it wasn't meant to be this way" Kelly stammered.  "You're my best friend, you mean so much to me, I would never deliberately hurt you, you must know that."

            "All I know is that I hate you, and I never want to talk to you again".  Brenda fought to keep her voice even.

Kelly gasped "Brenda please, you don't mean that, you're just upset".  All of the colour had drained from her face, and the tears were flowing freely now.  "Please don't do this, you're making a mistake" She begged. 

            "The only mistake I made was being stupid enough to think you were my friend" Brenda snapped.  "But don't worry I won't be making that mistake any more."

"Brenda please, I need you" Kelly admitted desperately.

  "Go to hell." Brenda spat her voice shaking with emotion.  Then she turned on her heel and walked away.  She didn't look back.

***

            "So that was a pretty brutal scene in the hall way just now".

            Startled, Kelly looked up "Just go away Steve, I'm not in the mood right now".  She'd come out here to lick her wounds; she couldn't cope with company.

            "Hey come on Kel I'm just trying to help".  Steve sat down beside her on the cold stone steps, and handed her a tissue.  He adopted an injured tone "Be nice or I'll go away."  

She sighed. "What are you doing here Steve?  Don't you know I'm a social leper these days?  If anyone sees you you'll never get another date in high school".

He shrugged.  "You look like you could use a friend right about now, and I could be the only one you got.  So here", he offered her the tissue again.

            "Thanks".  Kelly took the tissue and wiped her eyes.  She hadn't even noticed Steve in the hallway, but he'd obviously seen the whole thing.  He must have followed her outside.  Kelly had known Steve Sanders all her life.  They had been an item a few years ago and although she had never been in love with Steve, there was still a special bond between them.

            "So you and Dylan.  Now that's pretty hot.  Not as hot as you and me" he winked "but a close second".  He held out an imaginary microphone "So tell me Kel, how does it feel to be one half of the biggest scandal to hit West Beverly since Donna Martin started dating a younger guy?  Inquiring minds want to know?"

            Although he was making a joke, Kelly knew that this was Steve's way of showing her that he cared.  For all his juvenile antics he had a sensitive side that few people got to see.

            "Well let's see, Brenda hates me, Dylan won't talk to me, my friends have deserted me, and my sex life is once again the talk of the school, so in answer to your question Steve I'd have to say it sucks".  She said bitterly.

            "Well I'm still here for you".  He put his arm around her, trying to comfort her.  "Look I know what it's like to be out in the cold, I've been there.  You know we're a lot a like you and me".

            "We are?"  She asked in surprise.

            "Sure" he grinned. "We both know what we want and we're not afraid to go after it".

            She looked at him suspiciously. "No matter what the consequences?"

            "Kelly" he explained taking hold of her hand. "Sometimes you just have to do what's right for you."

"Even if it means hurting the people you care about?"  She still wasn't convinced.

Steve shrugged "Life is hard Kel. You can't worry about other people all the time.  You have to look after number one.  Sometimes you have to upset a few people along the way. 

She shook her head "The hatred in her eyes, the horrible things she said, the pain in her voice.  I've really hurt her Steve, I'll never be able to figure myself for that." She twisted the tissue in her hand as she spoke, wiped clumsily at her eyes with the back of her hand.

Steve fished in his pocket for another tissue, and handed it to her "Brenda's pretty tough, she'll get over it. 

            For the first time he saw the light of hope in her eyes "You really think so?"

            "I know so.  Hey" he patted his chest proudly "Have you ever known me to be wrong?  

Kelly opened her mouth to respond but Steve cut her off "On second thoughts don't answer that".

            They both laughed.  "At last a smile" Steve observed. "I think my work here is done."

"Thanks Steve, you've really helped".  She touched his arm.  Just a small gesture to let him know that she was glad he was still her friend.

Steve smiled "That's what I'm here for.  Now don't you think it's about time you sorted things out with Dylan?"

He was right she knew.  She loved Dylan and she wasn't ready to give up on him yet, she'd sacrificed far too much to give up on this relationship without a fight.  She would cut afternoon classes and go over there right now, make him listen.  Feeling a little better she kissed Steve on the cheek "Thanks Steve, for being there."

"Anytime." He responded cheerfully.  As he watched her head across the campus to the parking lot, Steve Sanders could feel his heart breaking.  He knew that for once in his life he was doing the right thing, but if that was true then why did he feel so bad?

**Author's Note**

Just to let you know, I haven't dropped the Legacy Key story (it will feature again soon!).  It's meant to be a minor story arc with the major story arc being the love triangle.  If I get it right, the Legacy Key story should support the major story arc (It's all part of my plan!).  I've got some Christmas chapters coming up that I will be posting very shortly, so check back soon for regular updates!!


	25. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty-seven**

            Cindy Walsh sighed resignedly as she hung up the phone and headed back to the dining room.  Jim looked up inquiringly from behind his newspaper as his wife trudged back in to the room.  He frowned.  She looked as though she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.

            "That was Donna again" Cindy offered by way of explanation, dropping down on to the couch beside him.

            "Ah." Jim nodded, carefully folding his newspaper and putting it down on the coffee table in front of him.  "So" he gave his wife his full attention "I take it Brenda's still refusing to talk."

            Cindy nodded, her pretty face wrinkled with frown lines "I'm worried about her Jim, it's been over two weeks now.  She's not talking about it, not to anyone, and that's just not like her. She just sits up in her room studying for hours on end, it's not healthy."

            "Well at least when she's in her room we know where she is" Jim said reasonably.  "And you know honey there are a lot worse things she could be doing than studying."  He squeezed her hand reassuringly "Brenda's a fighter, she'll get through this, she just needs time that's all."

            She fixed worried eyes on him "I hope you're right Jim".  Half-heartedly she turned her attention back to the gift she had been wrapping before Donna's call.  She sighed, Christmas was just around the corner but it might as well be the middle of July for all the festive spirit she had.  Usually by now she was knee deep in preparations and loving every minute of it, this year she'd hardly started.  There were cards to write, gifts to wrap, and decorations to put up, yet she couldn't muster the enthusiasm to do any of it. 

She frowned. So many times over the past two weeks she'd tried gently to coax Brenda in to talking to her.  She knew from experience that bottling things up never did anybody any good.  If Brenda wasn't talking about it then she wasn't dealing with it, and sooner or later she was gonna have to deal with it. If only she could get Brenda to open up, confide in her, maybe she could help her take those first painful steps towards mending her broken heart.  Casting aside the gift-wrap, she got to her feet determinedly.  

"Where are you going?"  Jim asked, puzzled by her sudden burst of energy.

            She smiled grimly "I'm going to try and talk to Brenda again."

            "Good luck".  He sighed. He was convinced she was setting herself up for another disappointment.  She'd been trying to get Brenda to talk for more than two weeks now and so far nothing. Shaking his head he retrieved his newspaper, and settled down to immerse himself in the day's world news.  Brenda would talk when she was good and ready, and when she was ready he would be there to listen.

***

 "Brenda can I come in?"  Cindy gingerly poked her head around her daughter's bedroom door.  Brenda had been spending a lot of time in her room lately and she'd made it pretty clear that she wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.

Brenda looked up from the chemistry textbook she'd been reading.  She'd been spending a lot of time studying lately.  To her surprise she'd found that it helped her to cope. Whilst she was studying she didn't have to think about what had happened, didn't have to feel the pain. She really didn't want to talk right now, but she knew her mom was worried, and she'd rejected every tentative advance so far. She sighed.  It was time to give her mom a break. "Sure mom, come on in".

Cindy smiled.  At least Brenda hadn't told her to go away this time. "I've brought you some dinner honey".  She tried to keep her tone light and upbeat, she didn't want Brenda to know how worried she really was.  She'd seen Brenda upset before.  God knows they'd all lived through enough dramas during the course of Brenda's relationship with Dylan.  Brenda could be pretty melodramatic when she put her mind to it.  But this time was different. Cindy had never seen her daughter look so defeated. 

"Thanks mom but I'm not hungry".  Brenda hadn't really been hungry since she'd found out about Dylan and Kelly.

Cindy held out the tray, still hopeful that she might be able to cajole Brenda in to eating "I know sweetheart.  But you really should try and eat something."  At Brenda's frown she moved the tray away.  "I'll just put it down here in case you change your mind. No pressure."

Brenda smiled at her mother's lame attempt to be casual "Okay you win. I'll eat something.  What did you bring?"  

Cindy beamed "Your favourite, home made lasagne".  Hoping that she wasn't rushing things, but knowing that she might not get another chance, she took a deep breath "Look Brenda we really need to talk".

Brenda's face immediately screwed up in to a frown "Please don't tell me that he wasn't good enough for me and that I'll find somebody else.  I've already had that from Dad, and trust me it doesn't help".

Cindy smiled; at least her husband was consistent.  He'd never really approved of Brenda's relationship with Dylan.  "Give me some credit Brenda I am your mother."

Brenda turned round in her chair so that she was facing her mother "I know you mean well mom, but I really don't think that there's anything you could say at the moment that could make things better".

Determinedly Cindy sat down on the edge of the bed "Oh I'm not claiming that I can fix this mess, but I do think I can help you understand it."

"Understand" Brenda was intrigued "How?"  

"I was a teenager once myself you know Brenda, you're not the only young girl to have her heart broken".

Brenda smiled. "Don't tell me, your boyfriend cheated on you when you were in high school and it felt like the end of the world, but it all turned out fine in the end.  Nice try mom."

"Actually I was the one who was doing the cheating." Cindy said softly.

"What?  I don't believe it!"  Now Brenda really did give her mom her full attention "What happened?"

"Looking back it all seems pretty silly really, but at the time you're right, it did seem like the end of the world.  I was seventeen, a hopeless romantic, and I fell in love with my best friend's boyfriend."

Brenda was speechless; she could only stare at her mother in amazement. 

"Michael was his name.  He was everything you'd hope for in a first love.  Handsome, smart, kind; I fell for him the first time I laid eyes on him, and I thought he liked me too."  She smiled wistfully at the memory.  "But he was dating my best friend Susan.  We were real close you know just like you and Kelly".  She frowned. "I didn't want to be in love with him, I'd have done anything not to be, but you can't choose who you fall in love with, it just happens".  She shook her head sadly. "It was awful; I didn't know what to do.  I didn't want to lose my best friend but what if Michael was my Mr Right, my one shot at happiness?"  

Despite herself Brenda was hooked "So what did you do?"

"Made a fool of myself.  One day I told him how I felt.  Turned out he wasn't interested in me at all.  He was so horrified that I would have been willing to betray Susan like that, that he told her everything."  She gazed out of the window, a far away look in her eyes as she relived the moment.  She was surprised at the strength of emotion that came flooding back.

Brenda's eyes were wide with surprise, for a moment her own problems forgotten "Wow mom.  I can't believe you never told me any of this before."

"Well Brenda it's not exactly something I'm proud of, and besides it all happened such a long time ago."  She wondered what had ever happened to Michael, it had been so long since she'd thought about him.  It had all happened another life time ago.

"So what happened between you and Susan?" Brenda's words brought Cindy back to the present.

She shook her head, eyes clouded by sadness "She never forgave me.  She never talked to me again after that day.  Funny thing was she and Michael broke up a few months later, they weren't really that suited.  In the end I got over Michael, but I don't think I ever really got over losing my best friend".

"That is so sad mom.  I'm sorry."  Brenda had never thought of her mom as having a past before.  It was kinda strange to imagine her at high school falling in and out of love.

 "But then I went to college and met your father and everything turned out fine in the end."  Cindy said quickly, as if a little embarrassed by her confession.

Brenda frowned in concentration "So what are you saying mom?  That none of this matters, that everything happens for a reason?  That eventually I'll meet someone else and forget all about Dylan?"  She winced. Just saying his name was enough to tear at her heart.

Cindy smiled "I think what I'm saying is that these things are rarely as black and white as they seem.  People make mistakes honey, and sometimes someone gets caught in the cross fire, but that's rarely what's intended."  

 "What did I do wrong mom?"  Brenda asked tearfully "What did I do to make him stop wanting me?"

"Oh honey, you didn't do anything wrong." Cindy reached for Brenda's hand, her heart aching at her daughter's obvious distress.  "I don't know why Dylan did what he did, only he can tell you that, but I know he's hurting too."  

Brenda pulled away from her mother, her eyes filled with suspicion "How do you know that?" Had her mom actually spoken to Dylan?

Cindy sighed.  She hadn't meant to tell Brenda, was worried about how she might react but it was too late, she no longer had a choice.  "Because" She said gently "Brandon saw him a few weeks ago." She hesitated.  "He'd been drinking".

Brenda reeled in shock, her mind assaulted by a whirlwind of emotions.  Horror, concern, hope and fear danced across her heart.  She wanted to not care, she wanted to rejoice in his suffering, but her heart wouldn't let her.  Once the initial shock and pain of his betrayal and begun to subside a little, she'd tried so very hard to hate him.  She'd actually been getting pretty good at it too, but in its unguarded moments her heart still belonged to him.  

She thought about him miserable and alone with only a bottle of whisky for company. And then she remembered; he wasn't alone, he was with Kelly.  Feeling a surge of pain and anger, she closed off her heart, locking it away where it was safe and couldn't be broken again. "Good" she said firmly "I'm glad he's suffering.  I hope he drowns in that whisky, and I hope she drowns with him." 

"Brenda!" Cindy was shocked at the vehemence with which the words were spoken.

"I'm sorry mom, but that's how I feel.  You've all been trying to get me to talk about my feelings, well there I've talked about them."  Her cold, furious eyes met Cindy's sad, worried ones. "They betrayed me, and I'm never gonna be able to forgive them. "Why is that so wrong?" 

Cindy sighed.  "Because honey when you get to my age you realise that hatred and bitterness are such destructive emotions.  If you stay mad at them; that resentment will always be there, eating you up inside, and you'll never be able to open up your heart to love.  She sighed. You'll end up bitter and alone, and I don't want that for you."  

She reached out for Brenda's hand again "Look I'm not saying that you should let them back in to your life, I'm just saying that eventually you have to let go of the resentment otherwise you'll be the one drowning".  She learned forward and looked earnestly at Brenda.  She knew it was probably too soon, but she also knew that Brenda needed to hear it "Brenda you're a warm and loving person, and nothing is worth sacrificing that for."

They gazed at each other in silence.  Each thankful for the strong bond they had developed as mother and daughter.  Finally Cindy spoke, breaking the spell.

"Now I've got an appointment downstairs with the dishes but I'll come back and check on you later.  In the mean time please try to eat something honey."  

"Okay I'll eat".  Brenda picked up her fork. Once she was satisfied that Brenda was going to eat, Cindy went back downstairs.

"So?" Jim asked. "How did you get on?"

She regarded him contemplatively "I don't know" she answered honestly. "She's hurting, but Jim she's angry, she's so angry".

Brenda finished her dinner.  She hadn't realised how hungry she actually was.  She moved over to the window and looked out at the garden below.  There was a full moon tonight.  Brenda had always loved looking at the moon.  There was something magical about it, especially a full moon.  She sat down on the window seat and gazed out at the night sky.  

Her mom's little pep talk had stirred up feelings she'd kept buried for so long.  The strength of her anger had surprised her; she didn't know where it came from.  She didn't know anything anymore, and nothing made sense.  Her world had shifted when she wasn't looking, and it had wrong-footed her.  She'd thought she had everything with Dylan, but it hadn't been real.  She'd thought that Kelly was her friend, but she'd been wrong.  She'd begun to think of Beverly Hills as home, now she felt like a tourist visiting an unfamiliar city.  She'd spent weeks burying her feelings, trying to deny them, but now she embraced them, sought to identify them.  She felt hurt, angry, and lost, completely and hopelessly lost.

**Author's Note**

            I know absolutely nothing of Cindy Walsh's past, or the details of how she and Jim got together, so I decided to use a little artistic licence for the purposes of the story, I hope you enjoyed it.  To answer the comments from Crystal (And thanks Crystal for you regular and insightful reviews!) – Brenda's comments about Jake in the previous chapter were not meant to represent the truth, rather they were Brenda distorting things to try and hurt Kelly.  As for Steve's conviction that he's done the right thing by pushing Kelly towards Dylan, remember the character's thoughts/feelings do not necessarily reflect those of the author!  I'm keeping quiet about where I stand on the Kelly-Dylan-Brenda love triangle since I don't want to spoil the ending (besides it's much more fun to keep my readers guessing!).  Christmas chapters coming very soon, I'm hoping to post one tomorrow.


	26. Chapter 28

Brenda Walsh shivered and fastened up her jacket, but it wasn't really that cold, certainly not the kind of cold that came with a Minnesota winter.  Closing her eyes, her mind was flooded with memories.  Days so cold that it was painful even to breathe.  Helping Brandon and her father shovel snow for hours just so that they could get out of the front door.  Ice skating out on the frozen lake with friends, and then going home to thaw out in front of a roaring fire. At some point in December the ice and snow crept in and overnight it turned Minnesota in to a winter wonderland.  Sure it was cold, but it felt right, magical.  She sighed wistfully. What she wouldn't give for one of those traditional Minnesota Christmases right now.  It had been an easier time, a time before her life had got complicated.  Before she met Dylan McKay.

Even in Beverly Hills December brought a dip in the temperature, and Brenda could feel the bite in the air as she hurried along Rodeo Drive.  Usually she loved Christmas shopping, especially this close to Christmas.  It was only two days before the holidays, but the streets were still busy with last minute shoppers dashing in and out of the stores trying to find that perfect gift.

Since she'd found out about Kelly and Dylan the world had become a grey and dreary place for Brenda.  Over the last few weeks she'd watched listlessly as the window displays in the stores had become Christmas tableaux.  All over town twinkling lights had appeared as if the people of Beverly Hills were lighting a path for Santa.  It had happened slowly at first, just the odd one or two, but eventually every household proudly displayed a tree brimming with coloured baubles and fairy lights.  Every house that is except one.  

Brenda sighed.  Her father and Brandon had brought home the tree today.  Back in Minnesota it had been a Walsh family tradition.  They always waited until two days before Christmas so that they got the freshest tree.  That tradition had come to an end last year, the first time they'd actually spent Christmas in Beverly Hills. They'd waited until the last minute only to find that all the trees had wilted because they'd been out in the sun!  

Brenda knew that the only reason dad and Brandon had left it so late again this year was because of her.  They were all avoiding the subject of Christmas right now.  Christmas festivities just weren't in keeping with her dismal mood, and her family were doing their best to be sensitive to her feelings.  Usually the Walsh house was aglow with light and warmth at this time of year, Christmas was one of the things that Cindy Walsh did best, but at the moment it was as if a frost had covered the house freezing away all the Christmas cheer. 

The tree was the only concession to Christmas that had been made at Cassa Walsh.  Right now it sat in the middle of the dinning room looking sad and gloomy in its undecorated state.  For Brenda it was a symbol of her own overwhelming misery. Tortured by a conviction that Dylan and Kelly were spending a blissfully happy Christmas together, Brenda had done her best to ignore Christmas altogether, but as the big day drew nearer it was getting harder and harder to ignore.

  The festivities that seemed to be going on wherever she looked just served to amplify her despair.  She wished it were the middle of August; at least then she wouldn't feel so out of step with the rest of the world.  She frowned.  She hadn't felt this way about Christmas since she was six and Brandon had convinced her that Santa Claus didn't exist.

Christmas had always been Brenda's favourite holiday.  Usually trimming the tree was one of the best parts.  Actually if she was honest, Brenda loved everything about Christmas.  The tree, the decorations, the food, the songs, the gifts, even the cheesy holiday specials they showed every year on TV.  

But what she loved most about Christmas was the way it made her feel.  For just a few weeks in the year Christmas cast its spell and the world became a nicer place.  Sure the spell was broken as soon as the doors opened for the January sales - Brenda had experienced that first hand working at Tracy Ross last year.  But it didn't matter, because for those few weeks Brenda truly believed that there was good in everyone.

To the outsider Beverly Hills was a place of elitism, ambition, power and greed.  Everywhere you looked there were signs of insincerity.  The plastic surgeons that got rich turning the ordinary folk in to beautiful people.  The huge conglomerates who pretended to care about the little guy right before putting him out of business.  The exclusive restaurants that were always fully booked unless your bank balance had the required number of zeroes, or you were a friend of the latest Hollywood star.  Yet even in Beverly Hills Brenda had been able to find the true spirit of Christmas.  

Last year she had invited an elderly homeless guy for Christmas Eve dinner.  Brenda hadn't the heart to leave him to spend Christmas on the streets, it just wouldn't have been right.  At first her parents had been horrified and Brenda had been afraid that she would live to regret her impulsive good deed, but it had turned out to be a magical evening.  Surrounded by family and friends, she had been consumed by the love and warmth that was in the room that night.  It was a night she would never forget, but that was last year, and a lot had happened since then.  It was amazing how much things could change.  Right now she couldn't imagine ever being happy again.  

Mercifully school was out for the holidays and she no longer had to endure the torture of seeing Dylan and Kelly.  The last few weeks had passed by in a haze of pain, anger and despair.  It had actually been a relief when finals had started, because she hadn't had to talk to anyone.  She'd arrive just before the test and leave right after, avoiding Kelly's pathetic attempts at reconciliation, Donna's sympathetic looks and Dylan's brooding stare.

She'd thrown herself in to studying, letting the work consume her.  The tests had proved a godsend, giving her agitated mind something else to focus on. To her surprise the finals when they'd actually arrived hadn't been so bad.  Each paper seemed to be purposely designed for her to do her best.  Maybe it was because she'd studied hard or maybe fate was trying to make up for the terrible hand that he'd dealt her, the way she had it figured, he certainly owed her a favour or two! 

  Ever since she'd found out, Brenda hadn't been living, merely existing. She'd lost her drive, her passion for life.  She wasn't even interested in acting any more.  It all seemed so meaningless compared to the loss she had suffered.  Her life had changed forever, and she was convinced that things would never be the same.  

Brenda's world had been shattered on that day. The two people that she loved and trusted the most had betrayed her.  She had lost much more than Dylan and Kelly, she had lost her faith in human nature. For last week or so she had been brooding on her mom's words.  Was she really in danger of ending up bitter and alone?  Sighing heavily, she regarded the shoppers hurrying past her.  She wished she could join them, but tonight she wasn't here to shop. Tonight Brenda Walsh needed to recapture the spirit of Christmas.


	27. Chapter 29

"There, all done" Kelly announced proudly as she placed the star on the top of the tree, and then stepped back to survey the results of her handiwork.

"It's perfect" Dylan applauded from beside the fireplace.  For the last fifteen minutes he'd been working to get the fire started.  His face and hands were covered in soot.  Eventually the little spark had ignited, and now a fire was crackling in the hearth. 

While Dylan went to clean up, Kelly put the finishing touches to the room, a card here, a festive ornament there.  She sighed.  He was right it was perfect.  Over the last few hours they had transformed his place in to a traditional Christmas scene.  The tree stood majestically in the corner ablaze with coloured lights and surrounded by a vast array of beautifully wrapped gifts of all shapes and sizes.  

Cards depicting snowy landscapes and jovial Santas decorated every available wall space.  The mantelpiece groaned under the weight of Christmas fare, chocolates and nuts and fruits of every kind.  She had hung little bunches of holly and mistletoe, and from the stereo the sounds of Bing Crosby singing 'White Christmas' provided a seasonal accompaniment.  

Dylan had even put up lights on the outside of the house, and she'd topped it all off with a holiday wreath on the front door.  Kelly smiled ruefully, all they were missing was snow, and in Beverly Hills if you were rich enough, even that could be arranged.

She sat down on the couch and gazed around the room drinking in the atmosphere.  They'd done a great job. It was only two days to Christmas, and she and Dylan had planned to spend the holidays together. Jackie and Mel had taken Erin out of town for a few days, leaving Kelly and Dylan free to enjoy some delicious alone time.  She should be deliriously happy, but she wasn't, instead she had what her mom called a bad case of the Christmas blues.

She'd figured that if she really made an effort to be upbeat, if she filled the house with the trappings of Christmas, then she would feel better, but instead she felt worse.  This wasn't a real Christmas; it was all a facade, as artificial as the trees she had seen adorning the stores on Rodeo drive. 

She wanted desperately to recreate the feelings of warmth and peace that she'd felt last Christmas Eve at the Walsh house.  Meticulously she'd replicated all the important ingredients that had gone in to that evening.  Now she realised that she had been wasting her time. The happiness she had experienced that night had nothing to do with the decorations or the gifts or the turkey, it was about the people, and that was the one ingredient she couldn't hope to include this year.  

Despite her Christmas funk she was making a real effort to appear cheerful for Dylan's sake.  She didn't want him to know how miserable she was really feeling.  She knew that he had some real bad memories of this time of the year, and she was determined to make this Christmas special for him.

These past few weeks had been rough. It had only been three weeks since Brenda had found out, but to Kelly they felt like the longest three weeks of her life. Brenda had been distraught and all of Kelly's attempts at reconciliation had been rebuffed.  She closed her eyes trying to shut out the memory of some of the awful things Brenda had said. The comments, hurtful as they had been were not the worst part. Behind her hostility, Brenda's utter devastation and excruciating pain were obvious.  Kelly felt dreadful knowing that she had caused it.

She missed her best friend terribly, and was desperate to make things right between them, but even if she'd known where to begin it wouldn't make any difference.  Brenda didn't want anything more to do with her.  She'd cut Kelly out of her life so completely they might as well be living on different planets.

 Things hadn't exactly been plain sailing between her and Dylan either.  Oh sure they'd talked things through, agreed that they were going to try and make their relationship work, but sometimes it felt like an uphill struggle. Despite his promises and reassurances, she was continually afraid that he might be drinking.  It brought back painful memories of earlier days with Jackie, a time in her life that she'd rather forget. 

She sighed heavily.  It wasn't all Dylan's fault; she had to accept part of the blame.  She just couldn't get that first fight with Brenda out of her mind. She was constantly taunted by the horrible things that Brenda had said, and was beginning to think that they might be true. Maybe Jake had just been using her last year; maybe Dylan was using her now. She had always been insecure about his feelings for her, always convinced that deep down he cared more for Brenda.  

She didn't want to think that way, but she had to face facts, Dylan had never actually chosen. Now she would never know the truth, never know if he would have chosen her, or if he was simply with her because he could no longer be with Brenda.  It had taken her so long to trust him, to allow herself to be vulnerable, now she found herself withdrawing from him little by little, unwilling to fully surrender her heart for fear of getting hurt- again.

Finals had merely added to her misery.  With everything that had been going on, she'd hardly studied at all.  Paper after paper seemed to taunt her with questions she simply couldn't answer.  She knew she'd done badly and didn't even want to contemplate the damage she'd done to her GPA or her mom's reaction when she saw the results.  All in all things were looking decidedly gloomy right now.  

The only bright spot in three very dismal weeks had been the reconciliation with David and Donna.  Things still weren't quite right between them, but at least they had taken the first steps back to friendship.  Kelly knew that much of that was down to Donna.  Donna had a big heart, and she hated arguments of any kind.  She had forgiven Kelly, and had talked David in to calling a truce.  It felt good to have them back in her life, but she still felt so guilty whenever she saw the sadness in Donna's eyes.  She knew that Donna missed Brenda, and desperately wanted to make things right.  She wished that Brenda could find it in her heart to forgive Donna this Christmas.

***

            In the kitchen Dylan busied himself making coffee and cooking up a huge bowl of popcorn.  He could hardly believe it was almost Christmas; the year had flown by so quickly. He sighed.  He'd always hated Christmas; he'd spent far too many Christmases miserable and alone.  Christmas was about families and that word hadn't applied to the McKays in a long time.  

Kelly didn't have great memories of Christmas either, but this one should have been different, she had a proper family now.  He sighed.  She could have been spending the holidays with them, but instead she'd opted to stay home with him.  He knew that she was feeling low.  Oh she was doing her best to hide it but the eyes were a little too bright, the smile a little too wide.  

He knew the signs because he was doing the same thing himself, trying to pretend that everything was wonderful, that he was perfectly happy.  Sometimes, when they were alone together and he could pretend that the rest of the world didn't exist, he was happy, but all too often reality intruded, and with it thoughts of Brenda.  

Brenda had always been a ghostly third party in this relationship, and if he and Kelly were going to make it work, he would have to exorcise that particular ghost.  The problem was that he couldn't do it.  He knew it and she knew it, and it was causing problems. He'd noticed that she'd been pulling back from him lately, a sure sign that things weren't quite right.  He knew that he should talk to her about it but he was too afraid of what she might say.  

It had been a rough few weeks for both of them, a world away from the idyllic summer they had spent together.  She had needed him to be strong, but instead he had crumbled, unable to cope with his guilt over Brenda. He was still ashamed of himself for giving in, for drinking, but the truth was he couldn't have gotten through that first night without it. The hurt he'd seen in Brenda's eyes that day was etched permanently in his memory, and drinking was the only way to make it go away.  Kelly didn't realise it but she was the only thing right now stopping him from opening up another bottle and diving right in.

The hardest part was seeing Brenda at school every day, and not being able to talk to her, to comfort her, to explain. God knows he'd tried, but she hadn't let him get anywhere near her, it was as if she'd built a brick wall between them.  He hated not being a part of her life; it was tearing him up inside.  Sure they'd been apart before, but they'd always been able to talk.  They hadn't just been lovers they'd been friends, but now when she looked at him, she saw him as the enemy, and that was sheer torture.

He'd actually gotten Brenda a Christmas gift, but there was no way he could give it to her now.  He'd bought it months ago when she'd first got back from Paris, when he'd been determined to make their relationship work.  They'd seen it together, window-shopping on Rodeo drive.  It was a beautiful silver broach depicting the masks of comedy and tragedy, the emblem of the dramatic arts.  She'd fallen in love with it immediately, and had vowed to save up the money to buy it.  Of course he'd gone back the next day and secretly bought it for her.  

He remembered how upset she'd been when she returned a few weeks later only to find that it had been sold.  He'd been looking forward to seeing her delight when he presented it to her for Christmas.  He sighed.  That wouldn't happen now, and the broach was hidden from prying eyes at the bottom of his sock drawer.

Dylan had never believed in fate, he preferred to think that he was a free spirit carving out his own path, but right now he really wanted to believe that all this was part of some divine master plan, fate's way of ensuring that he ended up with the right girl.  He shook his head, it was a nice thought, but he didn't believe it for a second.  No mystical power controlled his destiny; his fate was in his own hands.    

Dylan had always run away from his problems, refused to accept the blame, but he knew deep down that the pain he was feeling right now was his own doing, no one else's.  Fate was just a myth that people clung to when times got rough.  He no more believed in fate than he did in Santa Claus.

***

"Movie starts in five minutes.  Are you done with the decorating?" Dylan called as he entered the room laden with a tray bearing two steaming mugs of coffee and a bowl of popcorn.

"Absolutely." Kelly responded enthusiastically as she cleared a space on the coffee table. "I love this movie" she enthused snuggling up to him and scooping a handful of popcorn from the bowl.

            "Yeah".  He agreed swiping some of her popcorn and dropping it in to his mouth.  'It's a wonderful life' is probably the best-loved Christmas movie of all time".  He'd seen it so many times he knew the words off by heart, but what the heck it was a classic, and as much a Christmas tradition as turkey and Christmas trees.  As he watched the story unfold on screen, he wished that he did believe in the magic of Christmas.


	28. Chapter 30

Brenda stopped walking. It was late and she really should be getting home.  She'd been out for hours now.  Around her lights began to blink out as the last of the shoppers were escorted from the stores, and exhausted storeowners hurried home to spend the holidays with their families.  So that was that.  She'd run out of time.  Now there really was nothing to do but go home.   

She had always stubbornly clung to the belief that Christmas was a magical time of year, a time when miracles really did happen. She sighed. If ever there was a time when she needed to be proved right, this was it.  She'd come out tonight looking for a sign.  She didn't know what exactly just something, anything to tell her not to give up.  An indication from above that everything would turn out all right in the end, but all she'd seen were stressed out shoppers stepping over each other in their desperate pursuit of one last holiday purchase.  

Stopping in the middle of the now deserted street she tilted her head back and surveyed the night sky. It was a clear night and thousands of tiny stars winked down at her.  Addressing the heavens above her she shouted defiantly "Can't say I didn't try."  Shaking her head she raised a wry smile.  A sign? She must be losing her mind!  She'd obviously watched one too many cheesy Christmas movie.  If Brandon ever found out he'd tease her mercilessly.  Zipping up her jacket and jamming her hands in to her pockets she set out on the long walk home.

She didn't know what it was that made her notice it.  She must have passed it a hundred times before, but this was the first time she'd stopped.  Perhaps it was because the street that was usually bustling with noise and activity was now empty and silent.  Maybe it was because she usually drove and had her eyes focused on the road, but afterwards she couldn't help thinking that it was the star.  It was bigger and brighter than any of the others, and seemed to be moving quickly.  Even as she quickened her pace to follow its path it began to wane and flicker until eventually it's light was extinguished altogether.  When she finally brought her gaze back to her surroundings, Brenda found herself standing outside an old church.

Although the street was lit by moonlight, the building was hidden in shadows.  Nestled between the trees, the Church of St Mary stood silent and empty.  Except that it wasn't, because through the window Brenda could see a flickering light.  Curious, she moved closer to get a better look.  It was late, and the evening service had long since finished, but Brenda was sure that someone was inside.

The heavy wooden door creaked open as she cautiously turned the handle.  "Hello?"  She called warily, suddenly afraid of what she might find.

He was sitting on the first pew staring straight ahead at the flickering candles on the altar before him.  Startled he turned at the sound of her voice.  

Brenda stared in surprise.  A handsome looking man in his early thirties with a shock of curly dark hair and deep brown eyes stared back at her.

"Guidance or mourning?" He asked matter of factly.

"I'm sorry?" Brenda was confused.

"Well there's really only two reasons why someone would come to church this time of night at this time of the year".  He spoke with an accent that Brenda couldn't quite place.  Maybe a trace of an Irish brogue, perhaps a southern twang, she couldn't be sure. "It's either to seek answers to a problem or to mourn the loss of a loved one".  He smiled. "So which is it?"

Brenda considered for a moment "I guess it's a little of both" she finally admitted. 

"Ah the most demanding of customers" He gestured towards the pew "In that case you'd better have a seat.  This could take a while".

"Look father, it's late and I don't want to bother you.  I should really be going" Brenda began backing towards the door.

"You obviously came here for a reason".  He patted the seat next to him. "Least you can do is give it a shot".

"Okay" Brenda said reluctantly "But it's a little difficult to explain".

"I often find the hardest part is getting started.  Once you get past that part it's usually plain sailing" he smiled at her encouragingly.

"I don't really know where to begin" Brenda admitted as she sank in to the pew next to him."

"Well then why don't you just start at the beginning and keep on talking until you reach the end" he said encouragingly, making himself comfortable in his seat and looking at her expectantly.

Brenda considered for a moment then took a deep breath. "Father, have you ever found out that something you believed in completely was actually a lie?"

"Ah a crisis of faith no less.  Now that's one of the big ones".  He sounded vaguely excited. "We haven't had one of those in a while.  A few lost souls and some bank robbers who'd seen the light, but I can't remember the last time we had an honest to goodness crisis of faith".  He grinned "The boss said he had a challenge for me but I really wasn't expecting this."

"The boss?"  Brenda raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Yeah the boss.  You know the man upstairs" Smiling he pointed towards the ceiling.

Finally Brenda understood "Right, that boss".

"So" he said calmly "Are you going to tell me what caused this life shattering state?"

"Well you see" Brenda began "There's this guy".

He nodded sagely "There always is."

"Excuse me?"  Brenda was finding his manner a little perplexing.

"Whenever a pretty young girl like you comes in here with that look, odds on there's a guy involved" he explained helpfully.  "So this guy.  Does he have a name?"

"His name's Dylan.  And what look do I have?"  Brenda was getting a little exasperated.  The young father obviously favoured some crazy kind of counselling technique, but frankly she was finding it a little too weird.  Then again, why should she expect anything else in Beverly Hills?

To her surprise instead of answering he got up from his seat and took hold of one of the flickering candles.  "You see this candle?"  He asked.  She nodded mutely. "Well within each of us is a life force, a burning light, kinda like the candle flame.  As we go through life we experience love and loss, triumph and tragedy, and the flame gets weaker or burns more brightly, but it's always there, lighting the person from within.  It's what gives us our passion, our zest for life. Your life force, your flame has been snuffed out".  He blew out the candle to demonstrate the point.

"So what do I do about it?"  Brenda asked in alarm.  It all sounded very final and it didn't sound good.

"It's quite simple really" he said matter of factly. "You just have to find another spark, a way to re-ignite the flame.  Sometimes it's another person, or a change of scene, a new job you know your basic life change scenario."  

"Oh".  Brenda responded trying to take it all in.

"But that comes later on" he continued ignoring her bewildered expression.  "First you have to finish telling me your story.  We can't just skip ahead to the solution part, that's not the way it works".

"Oh".  Brenda said again, feeling chastised. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to get ahead of myself."

"That's okay you're new at this.  You don't know the ropes".  Leaning back in his seat once more he smiled and nodded to her to continue.

Steeling herself for the painful revelations to come, Brenda took a deep breath.  "Well I guess I've been with Dylan for about three years now.  We've had some good times and we've had some bad times" she smiled ruefully. "But we made it through because we had each other, because we love each other.  Then three weeks ago…" She hesitated, finding it difficult to go on but he nodded encouraging her to continue.  "Three weeks ago I found out that he was cheating on me with my best friend".  She wiped at the tears that had escaped without her permission.

            Handing her his handkerchief he nodded sympathetically.  "Okay.  You can stop there. I think I can see how this played out".  He paused then almost as an after thought asked "This best friend is she a blonde?"

            Puzzled Brenda nodded "Yes.  But how did you ….?"

            "There's always a blonde" he confided knowledgeably.

            "Right" Brenda replied uncertainly.  Then having regained her composure "So did we get to the solution part yet?" she asked hopefully.

            He sat up straighter in his seat.  "The solution part.  Yeah I guess you're about ready for that now."

            Brenda looked at him expectantly. Her hands were trembling with nervous excitement so she put them back in her pockets.  Any second now he was gonna give her the answer, tell her what to do to get out of this living hell.

            He shifted a little in his seat, and then scratched his head as if deep in thought.  When he spoke it was as if he were thinking out loud rather than actually addressing his remarks to her.  "Tricky, very tricky.  I don't think basic life change tactics are gonna be enough in this case."

            "So what's the answer?"  Brenda was beginning to think that he was quite mad.  She risked a glance at the door wondering how to make her escape.

            "You see" he continued as though she had not spoken. "What just happened to you is what we in the trade call a defining moment".

            "A defining moment?"  Brenda was intrigued.

            "Some things are sent to test us to make us stronger" he explained carefully. "It might be the loss of a loved one, or perhaps a painful illness.  Sometimes it's about having the courage to open your heart to the possibility of love, or facing up to a long held fear".  He paused, looking at her intently.  "It doesn't really matter what it is, what matters is what happens next.  How you choose to deal with it, that's the important thing, that's what defines your character".  He paused for a moment as though he was concentrating hard "From what you've told me I'd say that this could be your test."

            "So what do I have to do to pass?"  Brenda asked earnestly.  

"Oh I'm afraid that the only person who can figure out how to do that is you.  You have to find your own path, I can't tell you what to do, no one can, that's the whole point".  Seeing her face fall he patted her hand comfortingly "You know in my line of work you realise that the human spirit is capable of remarkable resilience. At first it seems as though these problems are insurmountable, but given time you'll find a way through it.  You know time really is a great healer, and after all what doesn't kill us makes us stronger" he said cheerfully.

Brenda grimaced, clichés, that's all she needed.  "So what you're saying is that there is no magic answer, that I just have to get through this myself?"  She couldn't hide the disappointment she was feeling.  She'd been so sure that he was going to be able to help her.

He nodded. "I know things seem pretty bleak right now but remember it's always darkest just before dawn."

Great, more clichés Brenda thought bitterly.  Turning to him she asked "What does that mean exactly?"

He smiled encouragingly "It means that it's often when things seem at their worst that they are about to get better".

"Oh" Brenda said slowly, taking this in.

"I know you came here for answers, but I don't have them.  I can't tell you whether you and this Dylan are destined to be together, whether you really are soul mates" he said solemnly. "Only your heart can tell you that".  

He smiled "But I can tell you that you're approaching a cross roads in your life's path. Choose one road, and your life will turn out one way, choose the other and it'll be completely different. "You see" he continued cryptically "The decisions we make, the actions we take, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant, they all lead to one pivotal moment, one life choice that determines everything that follows." He looked at her kindly "I think that this defining moment, this test, is the event that has set everything in motion to bring you to that critical decision." 

Brenda looked at him in amazement.  She'd never quite made up her mind where she stood regarding the issue of fate.  Sometimes she liked to think that her destiny was already set, that she was following a pre-ordained path, other times she preferred to imagine that she could determine her own future. Now she didn't know what to think.  

"But how will I know?"  Brenda whispered. "When the time comes how will I know which is the right path?"

 "You'll know" he said authoritatively.   "He regarded her quizzically searching her face for a sign that his words had sunk in.  "I'm not sure if I've been much help, but I hope you can take some comfort from my words.

For the first time in weeks Brenda Walsh smiled "You know what Father, you have helped me.  You've helped me a lot. Thank you".  

"He returned her smile, and bowed his head slightly "It's all part of the service".

Brenda struggled to her feet "And now it really is time I was getting home.  Merry Christmas Father".

"Merry Christmas Brenda" he replied warmly.

It was only when she reached the heavy wooden door that she realised. "But how did you know my….?"  But when she turned back, the church was in darkness and he was gone.  

Shaking her head in bemusement Brenda set off for home.  It had been a very strange night.  She wasn't sure if a conversation with an eccentric priest counted as a sign exactly, but she did feel better. She didn't know quite how he'd done it, but this complete stranger had managed to give her the greatest Christmas gift of all - hope.  Right now it was just a tiny spark, a glimmer of light, but if she nurtured it, refused to let it die, then she knew that it would grow.     

Although the sky had long since turned an inky black her path was illuminated by the shimmering lights that adorned the houses lining the route.  Earlier tonight she'd found them depressing, but now they felt right.  She could almost believe that they were a host of angels guiding her safe passage home.  

Reaching her own front door she gasped in delight. Twinkling lights danced across the roof, and in the window a majestic looking tree festooned with coloured baubles and tinsel shone like a beacon welcoming her home.  When she opened the door she smiled at the unmistakable sound of her Dad singing 'white Christmas'.  She gazed around in wonder, the house was alive with light and warmth, a complete contrast to the way she had left it earlier tonight. 

"Brenda!" Cindy Walsh exclaimed coming in from the kitchen and wiping flour covered hands on her apron "I'm so glad you're home".  She looked anxiously at her daughter, wondering if she'd made the right decision.  She'd talked Jim and Brandon in to decorating the house in the hope that it might help Brenda to reconnect with the magic of Christmas.  Now she was afraid that she might have made a terrible mistake. 

Breaking the sudden tension, Brandon jumped down from the stepladder he had been perched upon.  Approaching Brenda slowly, he held out the star that he'd been about to place at the very top of the tree "So Bren, how about you do the honours?"

  As she looked at the star Brenda could have sworn that she saw it twinkle.  She blinked and looked again, but now it seemed completely normal, and no one else seemed to have noticed anything out of the ordinary. Maybe it had just caught the light when Brandon moved it, but maybe it was a sign, a sign to tell her that everything was gonna work out all right in the end.

Christmas was a time to be thankful, and Brenda realised that she had been so consumed by what was wrong with her life that she hadn't stopped to consider what was right about it.  She knew that it would be a long road back to happiness but at least now she knew the way back. As she placed the star on the highest bough of the tree Brenda smiled. Noticing the smile, Cindy breathed a sigh of relief.  She didn't know what had happened to Brenda tonight, but for the first time in a long time she could see something of the old Brenda in the girl standing before her.  She smiled. Maybe just maybe it would be a Merry Christmas this year after all. 

**Author's Note**

            Well I've had that particular chapter planned for quite some time now, so I hope you enjoyed it.  I have one more Christmas chapter for you, but it's not quite ready yet.  I may get a chance to work on it later today so check back later.  Just wanted to thank all those who have read and reviewed the story this year.  I'm not sure exactly how many chapters there will be in total, but I still have a few plot points to unfold before the story's end (all part of my master plan!).

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!!


	29. Chapter 31

Andrea Zuckerman chewed the end of her pencil thoughtfully as she ran her eyes down the list one more time.  She'd been working on this for weeks now, systematically going through the list of names and trying to eliminate them one by one.  Motive and opportunity that's what all of the detective shows she'd ever watched had taught her.  All she had to do was find the person or persons who had both of those things.  Then of course there was the little matter of proof. She sighed and put the pencil down, rubbing tired eyes.

"Hey chief, how about some help over here."  Brandon asked hopefully.  It was late afternoon on Christmas Eve, and they were supposed to be helping get the house ready for tonight, for the traditional, but very last minute Christmas Eve dinner.  His mom had disappeared in to the kitchen earlier this morning, and hadn't been seen since.  At one point Brandon had ventured in there, but had been sent out with strict instructions not to come back.  His father was at the office, and Brenda had done a disappearing act, which left the task of preparing the dining room squarely on Brandon's shoulders.  He'd succeeded in cajoling Andrea into coming over early to help out, but so far she'd spent more time frowning over her list than actually doing anything useful.

"You know when you agreed to help out, I figured that might involve actual helping" he said meaningfully.

            "I'm sorry Brandon." Andrea was contrite "It's just that this legacy key mystery has really got me beat".  She frowned "I'm sure there's something I'm not seeing, if I can just.."

            Putting aside the napkins that he'd been trying and failing to fold, Brandon gently took the list from her.  "Andrea, it's Christmas, why don't you take a break, just for the holidays.  Come on Christmas isn't a time for work, it's a time to kick back, relax, take it easy."

            Her lips curved in to a smile "We don't celebrate Christmas Brandon, you'll have to come up with a better argument than that."

            "Okay" he sighed. "I'll make you a deal.  You forget about the legacy key, at least until after tomorrow, and then when Christmas is over, I'll do everything I can to help you solve the mystery."  He held out his hand "What do you say chief, do we have a deal?"

            Laughing she shook his hand "Okay Brandon you got yourself a deal."

            "Great" his face relaxed in to a smile. Now come fold these napkins would ya, they're killing me".  He held up his pathetic attempt in case she needed more convincing.

            "You know I'm so glad your mom decided to have the dinner this year after all" Andrea commented, setting a perfectly folded napkin down on the table.

            "Yeah me too" he responded earnestly. "It was touch and go for a while there." He hesitated then said quietly "You know I wasn't sure Brenda was gonna pull out of it this time.  I've never seen her like that before, I thought maybe.." His voice trailed away not wanting to finish the sentence.

            Andrea squeezed his hand, glad that after all this time he still felt able to confide in her.  They might not have a romantic relationship, but what they did have was pretty special.  "But she did pull out of it Brandon.  It's gonna be tough but she'll get there, Brenda's a fighter, and besides she has you on her side."  She smiled "I think she's gonna do just fine".

            He nodded; glad once again that he had Andrea in his life.  She was his safety net, the person he could turn to when things got a little crazy.  "You know what chief" he said with a smile, "I think you might be right."

            "Speaking of Brenda, where is she?"  Andrea asked suspiciously. "Wasn't she supposed to be helping us?"

            Brandon shrugged "She said she had to go out for a while.  I guess she needed some time to think."

***

"Looks like you got a late Christmas card" Kelly announced brightly, holding out both the card and a steaming cup of coffee.  

"Thanks Kel."  Dylan wiped his oil stained hands clean before taking both card and cup from her.  He'd been working on the bike for the last couple of hours and it was looking pretty good.  He on the other hand was looking in need of a bath.

"Who would send a card this late on Christmas Eve?"  Kelly wondered aloud.  She considered for a moment. "There's no postmark or address, just your name, so whoever it is must have put it through the letter box themselves".

Dylan smiled at her amateur sleuthing "Tell you what Kel, how about I just open it, save the brain strain."  Setting down his coffee, he tore open the envelope and peered inside.

"So.  Don't keep me in suspense!  Who's it from?"  Kelly couldn't contain her curiosity.  From the way he was staring at it like his life depended on it, it was obviously from someone important.

Closing the envelope, and hastily stuffing it in his pocket, Dylan turned sad eyes on her.  "It's not a Christmas card" he explained stiffly.  "It's a sobriety key from Ben."  He hesitated "I didn't tell him about the other night".

"Oh." She shifted awkwardly, wishing now that she hadn't made such a big deal out of it. "Well we both know there's gonna be set backs sometimes" she said carefully.  She'd spent enough time with Jackie over the years to know that it was something you had to expect, had to deal with.  She smiled "But that's all it was Dylan, a set back."

"Yeah maybe."  He said softly, a far away look in his eyes.

"Hey come on, you've been doing great for the last few weeks, don't let this spoil it."  She kissed him lightly on the cheek "I'm proud of you Dylan."  She sighed. There was sadness in his eyes that she hated to see.  "Please just forget about that night, it's in the past, it doesn't matter.  What matters is the future, our future. Now promise me you'll forget about it"

Dylan sighed "I promise."

"Good".  Her relief was obvious. "Now I'm gonna go take a bath before dinner, so you might wanna think about finishing up here".  She smiled seductively "Clean off some of that oil and I just might let you scrub my back".

***

David Silver got up from the couch and began to pace the room restlessly.  He checked his watch again "Donna, we're gonna be late if we don't go soon" he shouted.

"I'll only be a minute David" her voice floated down to him.  

Sighing heavily, David resumed his position on the couch.  They'd been following this exact same routine for the last half-hour and were still no closer to leaving. He was actually nervous about tonight, and sitting waiting like this was only adding to his anxiety.  He had been shocked when Donna told him that they were invited to the Walsh house for Christmas Eve dinner.  Whilst he was more than glad that Donna and Brenda had made their peace, David still felt a little awkward about the whole thing.  After all he was Kelly's stepbrother, and whilst Brenda might have reconciled with Donna, he suspected that he would be less welcome.  

He felt a little guilty agreeing to go to the party at all; it was almost as if he was betraying Kelly.  He sighed. She'd called round earlier to drop off the Christmas gifts, and of course a birthday gift for Donna.  She'd been delighted that Brenda and Donna had made up, and had insisted that they go to the party, but he'd seen the sadness in her eyes, knew that she wished she could join them.

"Okay I'm ready" Donna's voice startled him out of his reverie "So how do I look?"

He turned round, and gasped at the vision that stood before him.  She wore a red dress that sparkled under the light, and clung in all the right places.  Her long blonde hair was shinning, and the tiny diamonds that glittered at her ears and throat lit up her face and nervous smile.  As he looked at her appreciatively, he realised that her radiance didn't come from the dress or the jewellery, it came from her.  Her eyes glowed with happiness as though she were lit up from within.  David offered silent thanks to whoever or whatever had made Brenda forgive Donna.  He sighed happily.  No matter what he got for Christmas this year, nothing would come close to the gift of seeing Donna happy again.

"You look beautiful" he breathed.

"Thank you David. You know you're looking pretty good yourself."  She smiled "Now hurry up, we're gonna be late."

"Not so fast." He instructed taking hold of her arm "You see I just happen to have some mistletoe here and you know what that means."

"I do" She laughed, leaning in for the inevitable kiss.

***

            As she soaked in the bath, Kelly wondered if she'd made the right decision. She hadn't told Dylan about the Christmas Eve dinner at the Walshes' because she wasn't sure how he'd react.  What if wished he were there with Brenda?  What if he resented her for alienating him from his friends?  She didn't want to give him any reason or excuse to go back to Brenda.  She frowned, wondering if this was the way it was always gonna be between them.  Was she destined to spend her life with Dylan constantly doubting his feelings for her, always looking for proof of his love? 

If she was honest, she wasn't really sure how she felt about the dinner herself.  She'd made a show of being happy about it in front of Donna and David, and in a way she was happy.  If the dinner was going ahead, then Brenda must be feeling better about things. She felt so guilty about how badly she had hurt Brenda.  She and Dylan had almost destroyed her, and Kelly had been worried that Brenda might not be able to find her way back from that.  She smiled ruefully, she should have known better than to write Brenda off like that.  Brenda was tough, a fighter, she had more strength and self-belief than anyone Kelly had ever known, she would always survive. 

As happy as she was about the dinner, there was still a part of her heart that was aching.  Brenda had cut her out of her life completely, and when Brenda had been upset, Kelly had known that Brenda cared about their friendship. Now it seemed that Brenda was happily moving on, that she didn't need her, no longer cared about the friendship.  She sighed.  She was being ridiculous, and selfish.  She had no right to expect anything from Brenda, she had been the worst kind of friend, and Brenda would be better off without her.  She had made her choice, she had chosen Dylan, and she'd known what the consequences would be but, it still hurt.

So caught up in her musings was she that she didn't hear the door bang as Dylan left.

***

 The house was a blaze with light and colour, and a magnificent tree took centre stage in the window. As he got closer he could hear the sounds of music and laughter coming from inside.  Careful to remain out of sight, he peered through the window. What he saw reminded him of the final scene of every Christmas movie ever made, it was the epitome of a family Christmas.  At the table, Steve and Brandon were laughing together, fighting over the remains of the turkey. David and Andrea comfortable on the couch were deep in conversation.  The consummate host, Jim Walsh circulated the room, exchanging pleasantries as he topped up empty glasses.  Nat dressed for the occasion in his Santa suit was helping Cindy and Steve's mom, Samantha Sanders to clear away the empty dishes.  Dylan smiled ruefully at the sight of a former TV star with her sleeves rolled up helping with the dishes, but then in the Walsh house, especially at Christmas, everyone felt like part of the family.  

Through the crowd of happy revellers, he saw her.  She was over by the tree talking to Donna. To him she had never looked more beautiful, and his heart longed to be with her. The coloured fairy lights cast a magical glow over her, as if she were lit from within.  Her eyes shone as she smiled warmly at Donna, and Dylan realised with a sudden pang that she was happy.  She was happy without him, and she didn't need him.  He backed away from the window unable to watch anymore, it was too painful.

He didn't really know why he'd come here tonight, what he'd expected to find.  He certainly hadn't expected this, to see Brenda happy and surrounded by friends and family.  Would he have been happier to find the house in darkness, Brenda miserable and alone?  Much as he had hated to see Brenda so upset, in some ways this worse.  Since their relationship had ended he had felt the void where Brenda used to be.  Whilst Brenda seemed to have been able to fill the space left by him, he still had a Brenda shaped hole in his life, a hole that he didn't know how to fill. 

He felt around in his jacket pocket until his fingers closed around the tiny velvet box.  Pulling it free, he regarded it contemplatively.  He had bought it for her, no one else, and tonight he had decided that he was going to give it to her.  He wasn't even sure what it meant, why he was giving it to her, he only knew that something inside was telling him that he should.  Now though he wasn't so sure it was the right thing to do, maybe he should just stay out of her life altogether.  He started to walk away but only took two steps before changing his mind.  He wanted; no he needed her to know that he still cared.  Carefully, quietly, making sure he wasn't seen, he placed the tiny box just outside the front door. "Merry Christmas Bren" he whispered sadly.

Jamming his hands in his pockets he headed slowly back to where he'd parked the bike.  As he did he pulled out the envelope and tipped the contents into the palm of his hand.  He knew he shouldn't have lied to Kelly earlier but he just couldn't tell her what was really in the envelope, not yet anyway.

***

            The last to leave, Donna and David lingered at the door with Brenda, exchanging Christmas wishes. David wrapped one arm around Donna's shoulders and pulled her close, with the other arm he kept a tight grip on the sack load of gifts they had amassed between them. He sighed happily.  It had been a wonderful evening, and despite his earlier misgivings, Brenda had been warm and welcoming towards him.  Tomorrow was Christmas, and more importantly Donna's birthday and he had a big day planned for the two of them.  He shifted the load of gifts that he was currently balancing rather precariously, trying to get a better grip "Come on Donna, it's getting late and I think Brenda wants to get to bed."  He grinned "There's nothing worse than party guests who outstay their welcome".

            "Don't worry about me I'm fine" Brenda protested as she tried unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn.  It had been a rough few weeks and she was tired, but tonight was the closest she had felt to normal since she had found out about Dylan and Kelly, and she didn't want the night to end.

            Donna laughed "David's right Bren, you're exhausted, and anyway we've got plenty of time to talk".  She hesitated, then looked at Brenda earnestly "I'm just glad you're talking to me again, I really missed you Bren."

            Brenda smiled "I missed you too Donna" she admitted.

            Donna looked contrite "I'm so sorry Bren.  I know I should have told you."

            Brenda brought a finger up to her lips "Shush Donna, you've already apologised.  I know it wasn't your fault, you were just stuck in the middle".  She frowned "I thought we agreed to forget all about it."

            Donna sighed "I know we did Bren, it's just that I feel so bad about..."

            "Donna" Brenda interrupted firmly "You're a good friend." She smiled "Now go home before David drops all of your gifts all over the driveway.  They all laughed and it felt good.

            "Merry Christmas Bren" Donna said happily hugging Brenda.

Brenda returned the hug "Merry Christmas Donna.  And happy birthday" she added with a smile.

            As she watched Donna steal as kiss as she relieved David of some of his load, she realised how glad she was that she'd forgiven Donna.  Her problems hadn't gone away, but her mom was right, they were easier to handle with her friends around her.  Still she envied them, having each other, loving each other. She felt the tiny flicker of hope begin to wane as she remembered last Christmas with Dylan, and what had happened since.  Refusing to give in she forced her gaze up to the night sky.  There the thousands of stars like lights on a Christmas tree reminded her, there was always hope and where there was hope there was life.

 Yawning again, she turned to go back inside, and it was then that it caught her eye. Sitting at the very edge of the doormat was a tiny velvet box.  Puzzled she bent down to retrieve it, and turned it over in her hands looking for a gift tag, anything to tell her who it was meant for and who it was from, but there was nothing.  Curious she lifted the lid and peered inside.  She gasped in surprise. Nestled inside the box was the broach that she had fallen in love with at the end of the summer, the masks of comedy and tragedy.  She glanced around sharply looking for him, but the street was dark and deserted.  She didn't know what this meant, didn't know what she wanted it to mean, but a tiny piece of her heart was filled with love at the thought of him.  "Merry Christmas Dylan" she whispered softly.


	30. Chapter 32

"Feeling a little nervous there Bren?" Brandon asked teasingly.

"Just a little.Besides" she countered. "I don't see you rushing to check your grades." 

Brandon lounging against the wall, laughed nervously in a vain attempt to hide his own anxiety "Well you see that's because I'm being polite, but if you wanted me to go first all you had to do was say so."He took a step forward purposefully.

"No." Brenda said quickly. She didn't want to prolong the agony; she'd rather just get it over with.Back in December when she'd taken her finals, she'd actually felt pretty good about them, but now in the harsh light of January, with the results there in black and white, she wasn't so sure.Once she read the results there was no going back, and painful as her current state of not knowing was, the knowing could be infinitely worse.

She took a deep breath and turned back to the board.As a rule she preferred to confront her fears head on, and this time was no different.Heart hammering, she ran her finger down the list until she found her own name.She hesitated for a moment, gathering her courage, and then reluctantly traced her finger across to find the grades.She blinked in surprise, and then looked again, and then a third time just to be sure.A feeling of joy bubbled up inside her, and a broad smile broke out on her face, she had done better than she had even dared to hope.

"Congratulations Bren." Brandon applauded, peering over her shoulder and squinting at the list.

"Congratulations yourself" Brenda beamed, stabbing at his results with her finger.

Brandon's face relaxed in to a smile.He hadn't wanted to admit it, but he'd been more than a little worried about his grades.The finals had been pretty challenging, and he hadn't felt as prepared as he would have liked.He'd done his best with the hours he'd had available, but his job at the Peach Pit had really eaten in to his study time.Seeing the results, he felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"How'd you do bro?" he asked Steve, who was now studying the list intently.

Steve glanced up, eyes sparkling in barely concealed delight "Let's just say I don't think I have a D+ average anymore.I figure I'm up to at least a B-."He treated Brandon to a self-satisfied smile"Looks like college is in my future after all" 

"Hey that's great man!"Brandon exclaimed clapping Steve on the back. "See I told you all you needed was a little time with the books."

"Yeah well looks like you were right for once Walsh, just don't let it go to your head."Steve pushed all thoughts of the legacy key to the back of his mind.It had been touch and go there for a while.There had been plenty of rumour and speculation, but the Brenda-Dylan-Kelly revelations had made the school break in yesterday's news.Mrs Teasely hadn't taken it any further, and even Andrea Zuckerman seemed to have dropped it now.Everything was cool; he was home free.He could put it all behind him, and concentrate on his future, his college future.

Brandon laughed and punched Steve good-naturedly on the arm "Well since you've caught the studying bug, how about we start the semester as we mean to go on and get to class on time."

Steve pulled a face "Did you have to mention classes, I was just starting to enjoy myself".

Brandon shook his head in mock disapproval "Now Steve is that really the right attitude for your senior year.Hey Bren can you imagine what this man is gonna be like when he gets to College, he'll never make it to class!"

Brenda didn't answer; she hadn't even heard Brandon. She was still staring at the list.She didn't wanna know, it wasn't really any concern of hers any more.What did it matter to her anyway?Maybe it was just force of habit that was making her do this, a conditioned response after so many years of caring.It was a compulsion; she couldn't help herself, just like she couldn't help still reading his horoscope in the newspaper everyday.Stupid, it was stupid, she was stupid, after everything he had done why should she care?She didn't want to care.

Without her permission her eyes settled on Dylan's name, automatically her fingers traced across to find his grades.

"Hmmm not bad, but not quite up to his usual high standard" Brandon commented quietly from behind her.

"Yeah well I guess he had other things to do than study."Brenda said bitterly, blinking back the tears that suddenly threatened.She'd thought she'd gotten past this bursting in to tears at the mention of his name or the sight of his Porsche in the parking lot; guess she'd been wrong. She knew she was being totally irrational; she didn't even know why this was getting her so upset.

"I'm sorry Bren" Brandon said softly, his eyes full of concern at her obvious distress. "I know this is hard, but I'm really proud of the way you've been coping with it".He gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze "I know you can get through this". 

She sighed. "I don't know Brandon, I thought I could, but that was before, it's different now."

"Why?"Brandon asked in confusion.The way he had it figured, it could only get easier with time.

"Because I didn't have to see them during the vacation" she explained. "But now we're back at school…" She didn't finish the sentence; she didn't need to.

"Okay" Brandon acknowledged "But we talked about this, you said it yourself, the way to get through this is to focus on the positive things in your life."He smiled faintly. "Face it Bren, it's time to look on the bright side." 

"The bright side?"Brenda asked incredulously, her brother was an eternal optimist; it was part of his charm she guessed. "How do you even know there is a bright side Brandon?"

Brandon thought carefully.She'd made huge strides forward over the last week or so, and he couldn't bear to see her slip back in to the black depression that had consumed her for so long. Right now she seemed to be teetering on the brink of coping or not coping.He had to do everything he could to help her get through this, and right now that meant giving her something positive to focus on."Well let's start with your grades here."He said confidently."Bren, these grades give you a shot at getting in to a great College."

"Okay, I get that" she said slowly."But how does that make up for losing Dylan?"

Brandon sighed "I guess what I'm saying Bren is that this isn't about Dylan anymore, it's about you."He hesitated at her puzzled frown, realising that he wasn't making himself clear.He thought for a moment and then tried again "Look this is our senior year of high school.It's not a time for thinking about the past; it's a time for looking to the future."He shrugged."We're all moving on Bren, who knows where we're gonna be or who we're gonna be with next year."He smiled "There's a whole heap of people out there that you're gonna meet, and a whole lot of new experiences waiting for you.These grades are your ticket Bren, your ticket to a whole new adventure." He turned to Steve."Steve back me up on this one would ya."

Steve grinned. "Oh you're right man, you're absolutely right."He draped an arm around Brenda's shoulder and whispered conspiratorially "I can see endless possibilities. Trust me you're gonna love it.I mean college, what's not to love?" 

Brenda raised a wry smile. They were right of course.A few months ago she had thought exactly the same way. She had been so thrilled at the prospect of going away to school.The idea of setting out in to the unknown, seeing new places and meeting new people had really gotten her fired up.She was standing on the threshold of perhaps the most exciting moment in her life; her future lay before her waiting to be discovered.She could pretty much go anywhere and do anything. She just wished she could feel more excited about it.

Part of her couldn't wait to get out, to run away from her problems just as she had done in Paris this summer.She almost wished she could fast forward to the end of the semester without having to live through the next few months, to put an end to this phase of her life, and make a new start some place else.But another part of her was loathe to leave the familiarity of her life in Beverly Hills, to leave her friends, her family, and she admitted reluctantly to leave Dylan.

Over the last few days she'd begun to ask herself if she could ever forgive him, if she could ever take him back.She'd forgiven him in the past, taken him back no matter what he had done. Sometimes in her weaker moments she imagined the two of them happy and back together, then she remembered what he had done to her and how much it had hurt, and she resolved never to have anything to do with him again.A few hours later she was back to imagining the two of them together. It was driving her crazy.

Eventually she had realised that it didn't matter, because Dylan didn't want to come back.Why?It was a question she'd been asking herself a lot lately.Why had Dylan stopped loving her?Why had he cheated on her?Why had Kelly betrayed her?Why had all this happened?That was the hardest part about it all, not knowing why.

She'd gone over and over it in her head, endlessly analysing the situation, trying to understand it.She'd plagued her family and friends with questions, hoping that one of them would be able to shed light on what had happened.The trouble was there were a million different answers, endless interpretations.The only people who could tell her the truth were Dylan and Kelly, and how could she ever believe anything that either of them said?She knew deep down that it didn't really matter, it had happened, and no amount of analysing or discussing could ever change that, yet she couldn't help it.Until she had an explanation, how could she ever accept it and move on?

Sighing heavily, she felt around in her pocket until her fingers closed around the little velvet box.She didn't want to wear it, it wouldn't feel right, not after what had happened, but she just couldn't bring herself to throw it away.She frowned. What did it mean?Why had he given it to her?Was this a sign that he wanted to remove all trace of her from his life, or was it his way of telling her that no matter what had happened he still cared?Despite everything, a part of her needed to believe that he did.

"So?" Brandon asked interrupting her thoughts. "Have you seen enough here, are you ready to go?"Steve nodded and began to move off down the hallway.

"Just a minute." Brenda called, recovering her composure. "I wanna see how Donna and David did."Brandon turned back, joined her at the board.Brenda smiled in delight. Donna and David had done just fine, better than fine in fact.It looked like all David's hard work had paid off after all.She sighed.At least that particular couple had a shot at making it past high school.

"Looking good."Brandon nodded his approval "Andrea too." He smiled. "Like there was ever any doubt".There was more chance of snow in Beverly Hills than there was of Andrea Zuckerman getting lousy grades.Andrea would always be a straight A student, it was one of life's certainties.

Brenda hesitated.These last few weeks she had done everything in her power to cut Kelly out of her life, to pretend that she didn't exist.She didn't need to know Kelly's grades; it wasn't anything to do with her anymore.Part of her hoped that Kelly had done badly, retribution for all the pain she had inflicted.Seeing Kelly miserable just might make her feel better.The tiny part of her that still clung on to the threads of their friendship hoped that Kelly had done okay.

Kelly had done dreadfully.For an instant Brenda was filled with horror and sympathy, and then she remembered that Kelly wasn't her best friend any more, that she didn't care.She waited for it to make her feel better but it didn't, not really.

"I guess there's always a price to pay."Brandon observed quietly.

Brenda looked at him thoughtfully "You know Brandon you just might be right."She'd been preoccupied with finals and College, she'd neglected Dylan, and she'd paid the price.Whilst she'd had her head buried in a textbook, Kelly had stolen him away from her.Now Kelly had Dylan, but she might have blown her chances of college to get him. Brenda sighed. Her father had warned her that she might have to choose between Dylan and college. Had she made the choice without even realising it?


	31. Chapter 33

"So do you want to tell me what happened?" Mrs Teasely asked pointedly.

Sitting opposite her, Kelly shifted uncomfortably and fixed her eyes on the desk between them.  "I guess I just didn't study hard enough." She admitted reluctantly.

Mrs Teasely sighed heavily. Despite what some of her students might imagine, this was not a part of the job she relished.  It was always with a certain amount of trepidation that she examined the senior class results each January.  The college application process was in full swing, and these results could have a major impact on a student's future.  

There were some very pleasing results amongst the senior class this year very pleasing indeed, but there were also some very worrying results.  Kelly Taylor was only the first in a line of students she had scheduled appointments with. She sighed again; it was going to be a very long and difficult day.  

Sometimes she wondered if it was her fault, perhaps there were things that could or should have been done, but she knew that wasn't the case, not really.  She was good at her job, and her faculty was made up of special people, people who actually cared about the students.

She shook her head sadly. It was just a fact of life that some students were destined not to live up to their true potential. Some suffered personal problems that distracted them from their studies, others found that they just couldn't cope with the pressures and demands of senior year, and then there were the ones who simply lost interest in academia, were in too much of a hurry to get out in to the big wide world.

"Is there any particular reason why you didn't study?" she asked Kelly reasonably.  Contrary to popular belief, she didn't walk the halls of West Beverly with her eyes and ears closed, in fact very little happened in the school that she didn't get to see or hear about. She had a very good idea what or rather who lay behind Kelly's disappointing results.  

Kelly shook her head "I guess I didn't start studying early enough, I just didn't leave myself enough time."  She hadn't realised until this morning just how much she'd let her relationship with Dylan take over her life.  She'd lost touch with what was going on with her friends, she'd hardly seen her family, she'd daydreamed through her classes, and she'd barely thought about college.  

None of those things had mattered; all that had mattered was Dylan.  Suddenly it seemed that the rest of her life was fighting back, demanding that she pay attention.  She swallowed nervously. She'd been shocked when she'd seen her grades this morning. She'd known that the finals had gone badly, she just hadn't realised quite how badly. She had been dreading this meeting with Mrs Teasely ever since.

Mrs Teasely frowned in obvious frustration. She'd seen it so many times before over the years, a girl throwing away a promising future because she thought she was in love.   "Look Kelly" she said firmly. "You're a good student, and your SAT scores were high. Even with these poor results, college is still an option, but you need to get your applications in." She paused, and then continued more kindly "You promised me last semester that you would give college some thought.  Have you any idea where you might like to apply?" She picked up her pen in hopeful anticipation.

Kelly shook her head. She had promised, but she just hadn't gotten around to it, it hadn't seemed that important.  "I'm sorry Mrs Teasely, I know I said I'd look in to it." She shrugged helplessly "I guess it kinda slipped my mind." She knew it was a lame excuse, but it was the truth.  Back in October Brenda had talked endlessly about the relative merits of a host of different schools, but Kelly hadn't been listening.  It had all seemed so far away, there was plenty of time to think about college later.  Then what with everything that had happened in the last few weeks, college had been the last thing on her mind. 

Mrs Teasely took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Kelly Taylor was definitely college material and could really benefit from the college experience, but she made a point of not dictating to her students. She preferred them to take responsibility for their own decisions, even if it meant making mistakes. "Okay" she finally conceded. "Maybe college isn't for you.  Is there something else, something that you would like to do next year?" she asked hopefully.

Frowning, Kelly tried to visualise what she would be doing next year, but came up blank.  If she didn't go to college what would she do?  Get a job?  She'd never had a job because she'd never needed one, and she didn't have the first idea what sort of job she could do.  "I don't know" she offered reluctantly. "I guess I haven't really thought about it too much."  She was beginning to feel decidedly foolish, and it didn't help that Mrs Teasely was looking at her with an air of disapproval that she usually reserved for her most troublesome students.  It had been a long time since Kelly had been one of those students, and she didn't want to become one of them again. 

"Well you're gonna have to start thinking about it, and soon" Mrs Teasely warned, her patience wearing thin. "Look Kelly, like it or not in a few months time you'll be out of high school.  You need to start making some decisions about what you want to do with your life."

"I know."  Kelly was contrite.  

Mrs Teasely regarded her thoughtfully "I think the best thing for you to do right now is to go away and think long and hard about your future." She put down her pen decisively, and closed Kelly's file, signalling that the discussion was over.  

As she left the principal's office, and headed slowly back to rejoin her class, Kelly brooded on Mrs Teasely's words.  She had been feeling lousy about things ever since she'd seen her grades this morning, and the meeting had done nothing to lift her spirits. She knew that Mrs Teasely was right; the time had come to start thinking about her future.  

She didn't want to think about the future.  It wasn't that she was especially attached to the past, quite the opposite in fact.  She wanted to forget about her past, to move on.  She was a different person back then, what she'd done then had nothing to do with the person she was today, well that's what she tried to tell herself anyway. 

When things had been really bad, she'd dreamt about the future, imagined how different it was going to be, how much better. She'd stopped doing that after a while; there were too many disappointments.  Too often it had seemed as though things were going to work out, only for everything to fall apart.  She guessed that was the reality of living with an alcoholic mother, you never knew how long you had before the next drinking binge.  One day at a time, that was her mother's key to survival, and it was a mantra she'd adopted for herself.

The future was an unknown quantity, and Kelly didn't like the unknown.  It was too unpredictable, too insecure.  In high school she knew where she fitted in, knew who she was.  Here she was one of the social elite, she was someone that mattered, but out there in the real world she didn't see how she could make an impact, what role she could play.  She envied those people who knew from an early age exactly what they wanted to do with their life.  She sighed heavily. People like Brenda. 

For as long as Kelly had known her, Brenda Walsh had wanted to be an actress.  She had always envied Brenda's passion for acting, not because she wanted to act herself, but because Brenda had something special, she had a talent, and a dream to follow, her life had a purpose.  Brenda wasn't afraid of the future; instead she embraced it enthusiastically.  To Brenda the future was an adventure waiting to be discovered.  Kelly wished she could be more like that.

She frowned in irritation.  This had all started because she had been jealous of Brenda; it was the reason she was in this whole mess.  She didn't want to be jealous, but she couldn't help it.  She had always envied Brenda, because Brenda had seemed to have it all, a loving and supportive family, an exciting career ahead of her, and she had Dylan.

She'd always figured that if she could have what Brenda had, then everything would be different, she would be different, she would be happy.  And she had been happy.  This summer with Dylan had been one of the happiest times of her life. After they had ended it, she had been so miserable.  She had convinced herself that getting back together with Dylan was the only thing that would make her happy again. And now they were back together.  She frowned in concentration trying to make sense of her feelings.  So why wasn't she happy?  

Oh sure there had been brief moments of happiness, when things had felt magical again, but those had been few and far between.  At first she'd thought that it was just because she was upset about Brenda, that she missed her best friend, and felt guilty about what had happened.  She'd hoped that once the dust had settled, she'd start to feel better about things, but it hadn't happened.

Over the Christmas vacation, she'd begun to recognise the depths of her insecurity about Dylan.  She'd tried to ignore the doubts that had begun to take hold, had pushed them firmly to the back of her mind but they refused to stay there.  He'd told her that he loved her, and that should be enough, but it wasn't because she still couldn't shake the fear that he would rather be with Brenda. 

It was ironic really, almost laughable, except that she really didn't feel like laughing right now. She shook her head in disbelief.  After everything that had happened, everything she had been through, she was still jealous of Brenda. Even though she was the one who was with Dylan right now, it still felt as though Brenda was the one who had it all.  

Until today she had been convinced that putting Dylan first had been the right thing to do.  Dylan was more important than her friendship with Brenda, more important than studying, more important than college.  Had she got it all horribly wrong? She was starting to wonder.  

She hadn't been interested in college before, didn't think it mattered. Then this morning seeing her grades, seeing all her friends do so well, and imagining them going away to school, suddenly it had mattered.  The feelings had surprised her, she hadn't expected to feel this way, but she did.  No matter what Mrs Teasely said, it was too late, she would never meet the application deadlines now.  Besides she didn't have a clue where to start, and no idea what she might want to study.  She would have to face it, she had blown it; college was out of the question for her now.  

Then there was Brenda.  She'd actually hoped that one day Brenda would forgive her, but she knew now that that would never happen, their friendship was beyond repair.  She'd been getting on better with Donna, and David recently, and Steve had promised that he would always be there for her, but she still felt a little awkward around them, and she could tell that they felt awkward too.  As for Brandon and Andrea, well they'd made their feelings very clear. 

Mrs Teasely had told her to think about her future.  Looked like it was shaping up to be a future that didn't include college, or her friends.  She sighed heavily. Before Dylan was all she had wanted, now it seemed that he was all she had.  For the very first time, it occurred to her that she might, just might have made a terrible mistake. 


	32. Chapter 34

After Kelly had left, Mrs Teasely poured herself her third cup of coffee of the morning.  She examined the cup ruefully.  She really should switch to decaf, but on days like this she needed the caffeine to fortify her for the challenges ahead.  On the surface, the meeting with Kelly hadn't seemed very productive, but she had a strong suspicion that her words had hit home.  She smiled; with a bit of luck this was just the wake up call Kelly needed to get back on track.  

Settling back down at her desk, she flipped through her appointments schedule, and frowned.  Not all her meetings would be as straightforward as the one she'd just had with Kelly. There was one meeting this afternoon that she knew was going to be extremely unpleasant.  For a brief moment she was tempted to reschedule it to different day, or have another faculty member deal with it, but she knew that she couldn't, that wouldn't be right. She sighed. She was school principal and it was her responsibility, this kind of thing came with the territory.  She hadn't gotten to this position by backing off when things got a little uncomfortable.  

Contrary to popular opinion, she hadn't dropped the matter of the school break in, quite the opposite in fact.  She'd deliberately let the students think that the investigation had gone quiet, in the hope that the culprit would drop their guard.  She'd withheld information too, like the fact that the history paper wasn't the only paper that had been copied.  Several of the finals papers had been found in the wrong place in the filing cabinet.  It had been something of a gamble on her part, but it had paid off.  She had set a trap, and one student had fallen right in to it.  She smiled grimly.  This afternoon she was going to confront the perpetrator.

***

"Why is it?" Brenda Walsh wondered aloud "That the first day back after a vacation always seems to go on forever?"

Donna laughed as she closed her locker and dropped her books in to her bag "I don't know Bren, I'm just glad that it's over."

Pulling a book from her locker and adding it to the considerable pile already in her arms, Brenda sighed ruefully.  "It's not over yet, I have a ton of study to do by tomorrow, and I still haven't put my college applications in."  She shook her head in disbelief "Who knew senior year was gonna be this tough." 

 "You are still coming to the peach pit tonight to celebrate the finals results aren't you?"  Donna asked anxiously.

Shifting her precarious load of books in to a more comfortable position, and closing her locker door resolutely, Brenda smiled "Just try stopping me, I worked hard for those grades, and I intend to enjoy them."  

"Good." Donna beamed her approval.  "I told everyone to meet at six thirty so you'd better have your studying done before then. 

"Everyone?"  Brenda asked suddenly suspicious. "Donna, please tell me you didn't invite Dylan and Kelly?"  

She knew that Donna was finding it tough being stuck in the middle of her fight with Kelly, and she wouldn't put it past her to try and engineer another reconciliation attempt.  Twice over the vacation Donna had arranged it so that she and Kelly happened to end up in the same place at the same time, once at the mall and another time at the peach pit.  Brenda frowned at the memory.  Both efforts had ended badly, and she wished that Donna would just let it go.  Why couldn't Donna just accept that she and Kelly were never gonna be friends again?

Donna bit her lip; suddenly uncomfortable "I don't think Kelly's really in the mood to celebrate finals."  She turned sad eyes on Brenda "I feel so mean, organising a celebration when she's done so badly."

 "Yeah well I wouldn't waste your time feeling bad, I don't think her finals were exactly high priority." Brenda couldn't keep the bitterness out of her voice.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that".  Donna argued. "I saw her this morning, and she was pretty cut up about it all, she's really miserable right now."

Brenda looked up sharply. This was news.  Until now she had automatically assumed that Kelly was blissfully happy.  After all, Kelly was the one who had everything, why wouldn't she be happy?  For a brief moment hope surged through her at the prospect of Dylan and Kelly breaking up. Taking a deep breath and struggling to control her emotions, she forced herself to reflect more logically on Donna's words.  Donna hadn't said that Kelly was unhappy with Dylan; she had said that Kelly was upset about her finals.  The little feeling of hope dissipated like a balloon deflating.

Still, she guessed there was some comfort to be taken from the news.  Kelly had hurt her so badly, and it felt good to hear that not everything was going her way.  These last few weeks it had seemed as though everything was going right for Kelly, and everything was going wrong for her.  Maybe this was a sign that the tide had turned, that things were going to be different.  She couldn't help but revel in the image of Kelly's life falling apart while her own fortunes took a turn for the better.  But even that didn't stop the hurt that she felt whenever she thought about Kelly and Dylan.

Donna took Brenda's prolonged silence to mean that she was on dangerous ground, and that she really should change the subject.  She was still amazed that Brenda had forgiven her for her part in the deception, and she was loathed to do anything else that might threaten their friendship.  Talking about Kelly and Dylan was most definitely a bad move.  

She completely understood why Brenda felt the way she did about Kelly.  She just wished things could be different that's all. She hated being stuck in the middle like this, and would give anything to have her two best friends on speaking terms again.  She realised that she was probably being unrealistic, knew deep down that her attempts at initiating a reconciliation between the two of them were a waste of time, but she couldn't stop trying.  The fact was that despite everything, she happened to believe that Dylan or no Dylan, Brenda and Kelly had a friendship that was worth fighting for.  If it was up to her to make them realise that, then so be it.

Catching a glimpse of Brenda's frosty expression, she realised that now really wasn't the right time to try and initiate peace talks.  It was just as well really because she had to meet David and she was already a little late.

"Well anyway, I have to go meet David at the radio booth".  She announced cheerfully. "We're going to do our college applications together this afternoon".  She smiled dreamily.  "We wanted to wait until after he got his results, just to make sure you know.  Oh Bren can you believe it, David and I will be able to go to College together next year after all."

 "I think it's great Donna." Brenda smiled genuinely happy for her friend. "Now you'd better get going, you don't want to keep him waiting.  I'll see you at six thirty."

"Six thirty" Donna confirmed as she headed off in the opposite direction.

Alone with her thoughts, Brenda headed slowly towards the parking lot.  This morning she had been begun to feel better about things, but suddenly she was depressed again.  Her anger towards Kelly boiled to the surface again, and she was glad that Kelly was unhappy.  Sighing heavily, she shook her head in irritation as if trying to shake away the thought.  

Wanting Kelly to be miserable was petty and spiteful. She knew that most people would say that she was perfectly entitled to feel that way, but it didn't do her any good, not really.  Her mom had told her that before Christmas, and although she hadn't believed her at the time, she knew now that she was right.  She raised a wry smile. Her mom was nearly always right.  She didn't know if it was experience, common sense or just plain old intuition, but it didn't matter, all that mattered was that she had her mom on her side.

What she needed to do right now was to concentrate on the positives in her life, not dwell on the negatives.  Obsessing over Kelly and Dylan, delighting in their misfortune, plotting revenge against them, it would be easy, but it wouldn't make her happy.  No what she needed to do was forget all about them.  She'd already cut them out of her life; the best thing to do would be to keep it that way.

So preoccupied was she that she didn't hear the approaching footsteps, didn't notice the guy who was rounding the corner from the opposite direction.  There was no time to shout, no time to react.  They collided head on, books and papers flying everywhere. Feeling like a complete klutz, she stammered an apology as she scrabbled to pick up her books that were now scattered across the floor. In embarrassed confusion her eyes searched the floor for the last book. Suddenly she realised that he had retrieved it and was holding it out to her.  Slowly, tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear, she reached out to accept the book.  As she looked up to thank him, her eyes widened in shock "Dylan".


	33. Chapter 35

For a second they gazed at each other, either unwilling or unable to look away.  Brenda's senses were reeling; this was the closest she had been to Dylan since the moment she had first found out. Although she had had several confrontations with Kelly, she hadn't allowed Dylan anywhere near her. Right now they were only inches apart, and the impact of his presence on her was just as strong as it had always been.  It was as if every fibre in her body had suddenly been jolted with an electric charge.  She felt herself inexplicably drawn to him.  The effect was almost hypnotic, and for an instant she was mesmerised by his dark eyes. 

Dylan's eyes had always told her what he was thinking, what he was feeling.  Right now they were full of emotion - pain, regret, hurt, and guilt.  He didn't try to speak, didn't try to move, it was as if he were as incapacitated by their sudden closeness as she was.

Fighting to regain control, Brenda tentatively took hold of the book.  For a moment Dylan refused to relinquish it, and the two of them were frozen in some kind of comic tableaux, although there was nothing remotely amusing about it.  Without ever breaking eye contact, Dylan finally released his hold on the book.  Still staring in to his eyes, Brenda took it from him.

Slowly, clutching her books to her chest as though they offered some sort of protection, she struggled to her feet.  Still Dylan didn't speak, and Brenda found that for once in her life she had nothing to say.  She wanted to be able to carry on a normal conversation with him, to make him think that she was fine, that she didn't care, that she was over him, but she didn't.  She wanted to scream, to shout, to demand some answers, but she didn't.  She wanted to hurt him as much as he had hurt her, but she didn't. She didn't do any of those things, and she didn't even know why.  Mustering all the self-control she could manage, she moved past Dylan and walked on down the hallway, forcing herself not to look back.

Once she had rounded the corner and was safely out of sight, she lent back against the wall, eyes shut, taking huge deep breaths in an attempt to regain control.  She realised she was shaking, literally shaking, and tears unbidden were sliding down her cheeks.  The whole encounter had lasted mere minutes, seconds even, and yet the sheer ordeal of being in such close proximity to Dylan, the onslaught of conflicting emotions she had just experienced, had reduced her to a quivering wreck.

She had endeavoured to harden her heart towards him, to shut off her emotions, to stop feeling, stop caring.  She sighed heavily.  Every time she thought she was coping, thought she was moving on, something happened to shatter her resolve.  Slowly, she retrieved the little velvet box from inside her pocket.  Carefully she removed the broach that was nestled within, and held it in the palm of her hand.  She stared at it, as she done many times before, trying to fathom the mystery of its meaning.  Why had he given it to her?

She frowned.  She had to stop letting him affect her so much, she had to take control.  Decisively she put the broach back in the box, and buried it deep in her pocket.  She had been an unwilling victim in all this, and she didn't like to think of herself as a victim.  It was time she started acting rather than just reacting; the question was what was she going to do? 

Only moments earlier she had resolved to cut Dylan out of her life, to forget about him, to ignore him.  Now she realised that it would be impossible.  As long as she and Dylan walked the same hallways, frequented the same places, there was always the possibility of running in to him, and seeing Dylan was painful in so many different ways.

She wanted to hate him, knew that she should hate him, but she didn't, not anymore.  Her heart had betrayed her head, for her heart wanted to be with Dylan no matter what he had done. The thought of seeing Dylan every day but not being close to him was unbearable.  The thought of seeing him with Kelly was even worse.  In that one moment, she knew that she couldn't stand around and watch Dylan and Kelly spend their lives together, and in that one moment she resolved to do something about it.  

***

Dylan leant back against the wall, and closed his eyes.  Slowly he released the breath he hadn't realised he had been holding.  He felt dizzy, and he was shaking uncontrollably.  It had been a fleeting moment; so quick and so surreal he could almost convince himself that he had imagined it.  After all he had been visualising an encounter with Brenda for weeks now.  Had he imagined it?  His rapid pulse rate, the shaking of his hands, and the beads of sweat on his forehead told him that he hadn't.  

He hadn't been so physically close to Brenda since the day that she had found out, and he had found her presence overpowering.  He had longed to reach out and touch her, but he couldn't, she had told him never to touch her again.  

"Damn" he cursed, banging his fist against the wall, why hadn't he spoken to her?  The answer came to him instantly, because there was nothing he could say.  There wasn't anything he could say to Brenda that would make things right between them.  He almost wished that she had attacked him, screamed or shouted; even physical assault, he could have coped with that, it would have made sense.  But that silence, the way she looked at him as though she could see right in to his soul, it just made him long to be with her in a way that he no longer could.

What was she thinking?  What was she feeling?  He frowned. She wasn't wearing the broach, well that ought to tell him something.  He fished in his pocket, and pulled out the now rather battered envelope that he had taken to carrying around with him.  Carefully he tipped the contents in to the palm of his hand, and closed his fist around it, squeezing until he felt the metal dig in to his palm.  He hadn't known what it meant before, but he had his answer now, and he realised he didn't like it one bit.

***

David Silver shifted impatiently in his seat, and checked his watch for what felt like the thousandth time.  He had been waiting over half an hour now, and at this rate he would never make his meeting with Donna.  They were supposed to be working on their college applications this afternoon, and they were both looking forward to it, to planning their future.  He smiled to himself, agitation briefly forgotten.  He had done it, he had actually done it, and boy did it feel good.  It was gonna be so cool being in college next year, with Donna.  He couldn't remember when he had been so happy.

"David."  Mrs Teasely's assistant interrupted his reverie.  "You can go in now".

Still smiling to himself, David headed towards the principal's office.

Author's Note 

For those of you expecting a big Brenda-Dylan confrontation, don't worry it is coming.  In my mind, given the situation they are in, I didn't think they were ready to talk just yet.  In relation to Crystal's comment on the previous chapter about the ground/floor when I was writing the chapter I envisaged that Brenda was still in the school building and just heading in the general direction of the parking lot – sorry if I didn't make this clear.


	34. Chapter 36

"I don't believe a word of it!"  Brandon Walsh exclaimed in disgust as he pushed the offending piece of paper away from him, as though doing so would distance him from its contents.

            Andrea Zuckerman sighed in exasperation, this was turning out to be more difficult than she had anticipated.  They were comfortably ensconced in their favourite corner booth, but the atmosphere was anything but comfortable.  Right now the peach pit was fairly empty, too early for the evening rush, and too late for lunch.  They pretty much had the place to themselves, and that was exactly how Andrea wanted it, she didn't want anyone listening in on this particular conversation.  Later they were meeting up with the rest of the gang to celebrate the finals results, but right now celebrating was the last thing on Andrea's mind.

            "Look Brandon" she said evenly.  "I don't like it anymore than you do, but you've gotta admit it makes sense."

            Brandon shook his head in disbelief.  "No it doesn't make sense Andrea, it doesn't make any sense at all".  He couldn't believe this.  "How could you even think that David would do something like that?  It's insane." 

            Andrea shook her head "I know it doesn't sound like the sort of thing that David would do, but when you look at the evidence…. Well you said it yourself, he did have a really strong motive for stealing a finals paper." 

            "Yeah sure" Brandon acknowledged reluctantly.  "But so did a lot of other people.  Like me for instance, you know I was having a hard time juggling study and work, then there's Brenda, all that stuff with Dylan and Kelly hit her real hard, must have been tough to concentrate." 

Andrea opened her mouth to protest but Brandon was warming to his theme "And Steve, his Dad's put him under a lot of pressure to get in to a good school, and what about you, you needed good grades to secure a scholarship."  He looked at her triumphantly "and that's just the people that we know, there must be plenty of others."

            "I agree."  Andrea said carefully, leaning forward and lowering her voice "But David had something that none of the rest of us had.

            "What's that?"  Brandon asked, also leaning forward.

            "The means to do it" she announced emphatically, sitting back in her seat and folding her arms resolutely.

            Brandon still wasn't convinced, this felt like a witch-hunt, and he was appalled that Andrea was even pursuing it, especially at the expense of one of their friends.  He shook his head in disbelief "Means, what means?"

            "He was the only one who had access to Mrs Teasely's photocopy code, and the school security code" Andrea replied primly.  For a moment she forgot that it was one of her friends that they were discussing, and instead marvelled again at her own clever piece of deduction. "We know that Donna was helping out in the office that week, and that meant she had access to the photocopy code, and she could easily have gotten hold of the security code." She paused, giving Brandon a meaningful look "It doesn't take a genius to make the connection."

            "So now you're saying that Donna is a cheat too."  Brandon felt as though he were in some alternate reality.  He knew how Andrea got when she was chasing a story, but she had always managed to keep her integrity and sense of perspective before, now here she was accusing two of their closest friends of cheating.

            Andrea looked around nervously in case Brandon's raised voice had attracted any unwanted attention. Luckily Nat was out the back, and the only other customer, a college guy, was busy reading a newspaper and didn't even bother to look up.

            "We know how much Donna loves David" she began carefully.  "And we know how much she wanted him to do well.  Love is a very powerful emotion Brandon; it can make people do crazy things, things that they wouldn't normally do."

            Brandon nodded slowly "Yeah, but come on, this is Donna we're talking about.  I just don't buy it; I mean think about what you're saying here.  You're suggesting that two of our closest friends would knowingly cheat, and then lie about it to all of us."

            Andrea smiled ruefully "Well Kelly and Dylan did exactly that didn't they.  If they can do something like that."  She shrugged. "It's not too big a leap to think that Donna and David might be capable of doing it too, especially when we know for a fact that Donna has lied to us before." 

            She was right of course.  Kelly and Dylan had lied to everyone about their relationship, and Donna had lied to Brenda when she found out about it.  Had she lied about this too?  He rubbed his eyes, as though doing so might enable him to see things more clearly.  He realised that he couldn't be sure of anything anymore. The idea that someone as sweet and innocent as Donna might be mixed up in something like this made him feel physically sick.  The fact that he could even entertain that possibility horrified him, yet he couldn't shake the doubts that had begun to surface.            

Seeing the dismay flicker across his face Andrea reached out and squeezed his arm.  "Hey I'm not saying that any of this is true, I'm just trying to look at the evidence objectively."

            "How can you be objective when you're accusing two of your closest friends of doing something like this?"  Brandon asked morosely.

            "Because that's what journalists have to do Brandon, you know that.  Come on admit it, if this were someone else you'd be as convinced as I am by the evidence and you know it."  Her eyes challenged him to deny it.

            He nodded reluctantly, knowing that she was right.  Slowly, little by little he allowed his journalistic skills to take hold.  Carefully he began to go over the evidence again, turning it over and over in his mind, looking at it from every angle.              "Brandon?"  Andrea asked softly.  "Did you hear me?  I said what are we going to do?"

            Not answering her, Brandon reached for the piece of paper, and read it again more carefully.  He sighed heavily.  What he saw confirmed what he had been thinking.  Reluctantly he looked at Andrea "I hate to admit it Chief, but I think you might be right".

"You do?"  Andrea was astonished at the complete turn around.  "What made you change your mind?"

He looked sheepish. "You were right, I was letting my emotions get in the way of my judgement.  Once I started looking at the evidence objectively, well it's pretty damning.  I mean we know from when we first did the interviews on this story that David doesn't have an alibi for that night.  Then there's the fact that it was the history paper that was copied".  He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and ran a hand through his hair as he spoke, as though subconsciously trying to distract himself from his words.  "Did you take a look at David's grades this morning?"

Andrea nodded a little unsure where he was going with this. "Sure, he did great." 

"You're right, he did.  Except for history, he barely scraped a pass in that."  He shrugged. "My guess, he was banking on getting the paper because he knew it was the one final that might let him down.  He counted off on his fingers "So we got means, we got motive, we got opportunity, and we know that Donna is capable of lying to protect someone.  Whichever way you look at it, it don't look good".

Andrea felt suddenly dejected.  The excitement of solving the mystery had drained away, to be replaced by an uneasy mix of disappointment and apprehension.  What were they going to do now?  She could have dropped the story, just let it go, but oh no not the mighty Andrea Zuckerman, she had to catch the thief, had to prove her investigative skills, now she wished fervently that she hadn't bothered.  She buried her face in her hands and groaned. "What are we going to do Brandon?"

Brandon took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  "Well I guess there's only one thing we can do." 


	35. Chapter 37

Dylan McKay sighed irritably, and put down the book that he had been trying to read for the last half hour, with little success.   "I just don't see what the problem is."

            "No you wouldn't" Kelly snapped. "I mean you have surfing, how could you possibly understand what I'm talking about."

            Dylan frowned in irritation.  His encounter with Brenda had left him feeling edgy, and he needed to work off some of that pent up energy.  He hadn't planned on coming home and picking a fight with Kelly, but for some reason she seemed intent on picking a fight with him, and he was in exactly the kind of mood to oblige.  

"Is this about this weekend again, because I said I wanted to go surfing?" He asked angrily.  "Come on Kel we talked about that."

Kelly scowled, her irritation obvious.  "It's not about that."  She hadn't meant to take her bad mood out on Dylan, but she'd been brooding over Mrs Teasely's words all day, and the uneasy feeling of discontent had grown stronger. She was totally on edge, and couldn't help snapping at him.  

"Then what is it?" Dylan asked, his patience wearing thin.

Kelly hesitated, trying to put in to words just exactly what was bothering her.  "It's just that everyone else has something, something that they're good at, something that really interests them."  She shrugged helplessly "You have your surfing, and your books, Donna has art, David has music, Brenda has acting and …"

"So that's what this is all about."  Dylan interrupted tetchily. "Brenda".  Why did everything always come back to Brenda?  Ever since their encounter this afternoon, he had been trying to get her out of his head.  Being so tantalisingly close to her, smelling her perfume, looking in to her eyes, the images had been tormenting him ever since.  

Brenda had stopped loving him, and she refused to forgive him for what he had done.  He had pushed her away, and now she no longer wanted him, and that hurt.  He knew that it wasn't fair to blame Kelly, but right now it was easier than accepting responsibility himself.  

"No" Kelly exploded in frustration "It's not about her, it's about me."  She shook her head in dismay.  "Why do we always have to talk about Brenda?  Why can't we just talk about what's going on in my life?"

Dylan held his hands up in a gesture of submission. "Okay, okay, so it's not about Brenda."

"It's not."  Kelly said defensively.

Dylan scowled, feeling his temper reach boiling point. "I know. You already said that.  So if it's not about Brenda what is it about?" He demanded crossly, knowing that he was being unreasonable, but unable to stop himself.

Kelly opened her mouth to respond, and then changed her mind "You know what Dylan just forget it, forget I said anything".  She badly needed to talk this through with someone, but she could see he wasn't in the mood to listen to her right now.  She didn't know what had happened to put him in such a bad temper, but it was obvious that neither of them was in the right frame of mind for this kind of discussion.  Abruptly she got up off the couch and started to gather her stuff together.

"Hey" Dylan complained.  "You wanted me to listen, and now I'm listening, so come on, let's hear it." 

Kelly shook her head "I don't think so.  Look Dylan, it's been a rough day, we're both tired, let's just forget it okay."  She retrieved her jacket, and fished in the pocket for her car keys. "I'm gonna go home, we can talk about this tomorrow, when we're both in a better mood."

Leaning over, she dropped a perfunctory kiss on his forehead.  Dylan reached out, grabbed her arm. "Kel, I'm sorry, it's just been a long day that's all."  

He'd acted like a real jerk; let Brenda affect his relationship with Kelly again.  He had already lost Brenda, and if he wasn't careful he'd lose Kelly too, and he didn't want that. 

He patted the couch next to him "Why don't we try again, you tell me what's bothering you, and this time I promise I'll listen."

Kelly raised a wry smile.  It wasn't fair that he could be so infuriating and so adorable at the same time.  She shook her head.  "I still don't think now's the right time."  She sighed heavily. "It's not that important, it can wait."

"Are you sure?  It seemed pretty important a minute ago." Dylan regarded her suspiciously.

Kelly nodded "I'm sure".  One more night wouldn't make any difference, and besides Dylan probably wasn't the best person to talk to about this.  The future wasn't exactly high on his list of priorities, there was no way he'd understand what she was going through.

"Okay, so I'll see you tomorrow."  She said, slinging her bag over her shoulder and beginning to move towards the door.  

"You know you don't have to go" Dylan protested. A slow suggestive smile crossed his face "I'm sure we can find a way to make this day a whole lot better."

Kelly's face finally relaxed in to a smile.  Making love to Dylan McKay was an infinitely more appealing proposition than fighting with him, and besides she really didn't feel like going home to an empty house right now.  "Well when you put it like that." 

***

"Brandon, do you remember just after we moved here and Dad got offered the chance of a promotion back in Minnesota?"  Brenda asked casually.   

Checking his rear view mirror before making the turn, Brandon nodded absently "Yeah sure Bren I remember".  

Brenda sighed, and stared out of the window as though reliving the memory. "We all worked so hard to convince him to stay."  

"Yeah we did" Brandon answered distractedly. They were on their way to the peach pit to meet the rest of the gang.  They were running a little late, and he was on edge.  He and Andrea had agreed not to say anything to David yet, why spoil everyone's night?  Still he felt kind of funny about the whole thing, and he wasn't real comfortable with the prospect of spending an evening at the peach pit pretending that everything was just fine.  

"Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if we had gone back?  Ever think that maybe we made the wrong decision?"  Brenda continued, unaware that Brandon wasn't giving her his full attention.

"No".  Brandon answered automatically.  Then finally realising the implications of her words, he risked taking his eyes off the road for a second to look at her "Do you?"  

Brenda shrugged "I never have before, but now I'm not so sure."

"Okay, that's it". Brandon eased the car to a stop at the side of the road, cut the engine, and then turned to face his sister.  "Just what exactly are you saying Bren?"

Brenda took a deep breath and then let it out slowly.  She hadn't really thought this through fully, was still trying to make sense of it in her own mind.  "I'm saying that maybe Beverly Hills isn't right for me anymore.  Maybe it's time I went home."

Brandon couldn't believe this.  "I thought you said Beverly Hills was home?"

Brenda shifted uncomfortably under Brandon's penetrating stare.  "I thought it was I'm just not so sure anymore" she said softly.

"Don't you think this is a little sudden?"  Brandon demanded.  "I mean I know you're still upset about what's happened with Dylan and Kelly, but running off to Minnesota, isn't that a bit dramatic even for you?"

"Look Brandon for the last few weeks all everyone's been telling me is that I have to get over Dylan and get on with my life" Brenda protested. "I can't do that here, but maybe I can in Minnesota".   

Brandon sighed.  What she was saying made sense it was just that he was convinced that she was making the wrong decision.  "Maybe, but it sounds to me like you're running away."

Brenda shook her head "I'm not running away Brandon I'm making a clean break, there's a difference." She pushed a strand of dark hair behind her ear, and looked at him with a challenge in her eyes. "This morning weren't you the one that said I should make a fresh start meet new people?"

Brandon rubbed his eyes; suddenly feeling incredibly tired.  He had said that, but running back to Minnesota wasn't what he'd had in mind. "I know that's what I said it's just that I think you're doing this for the wrong reason".  Seeing the hurt in her eyes, he spoke more gently "If you're gonna go back to Minnesota it should be because you want to be there, not just because you don't want to be here".

Brenda remained silent, chewing nervously on her lower lip. Brandon decided to press his advantage  "Be honest Bren, if this thing with Kelly and Dylan hadn't happened, you wouldn't have dreamt of going back to Minnesota and you know it."

Brenda sighed heavily, knowing he had a point, but compelled to argue her case. "Maybe you're right Brandon, maybe I wouldn't, but it has happened, and everything's different now."  She swiped angrily at the tears that were threatening.

"Why now?"  Brandon asked suspiciously  "It's been over a month, what's happened to make you suddenly want to leave?"

Brenda took a deep breath, she hadn't even admitted it to herself yet, but the moment she spoke the words she knew that it was true "I still love him Brandon".  She said it so quietly that Brandon had to strain to hear her. 

"I still love Dylan, and I can't bear to stay here and watch him and Kelly be happy together, I can't do it.  Maybe I am running away, but I don't know what else to do."

The last few words came out as a strangled sob, as the tears finally took over.  Appalled Brandon reached out and pulled her to him, cursing his own insensitivity.   For a while they just sat there, Brenda sobbing quietly, Brandon silent, desperately trying to figure out a way to help.

Eventually Brenda pulled away, began wiping her eyes.  She put on a brave smile "Guess we'd better get going, we've got a party to get to and we're already late."

Brandon nodded, aware that the moment had passed, but not quite ready to let it go.  "It's gonna be okay Bren.  We're gonna work this out."

"Maybe" she replied.  She wasn't convinced that she would ever work this out, but at least she had finally admitted her feelings for Dylan, and in a funny kind of way it gave her some closure.  

"Just promise me one thing."  Brandon said earnestly.

"What's that?"  Brenda asked suspiciously.

  "That you won't make any hasty decisions."  He sighed. "Look Bren, I know I said that you should be forgetting about the past, moving on somewhere new, it's just well there's a lot to be said for keeping your options open."

Brenda smiled, grateful that she had his support.  Sometimes she took Brandon for granted, but there were times when she was acutely aware of how much strength she took just from the knowledge that he would always be there for her. 

"Okay" she relented "I promise."

"Good."  Brandon turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life.

"Brandon?" Brenda put a hand on his arm to stop him.

He turned back to her, his eyes questioning.

"You won't tell anyone will you?"  She asked, voice full of concern "You won't tell anyone what I said?"

He squeezed her hand reassuringly "Of course not."

Her face broke in to a smile "Okay, then lets get to that party."

Brandon revved the engine "You got it."

***

Brandon hesitated at the door to the peach pit, and took a deep breath.  They were late, and the rest of the gang were already there.  He wasn't sure if he could go through with this, but he knew that he had no choice.

"Come on Brandon, what are you waiting for?"  Brenda pushed past him, heading towards the booth where their friends were already gathered.  Brandon followed her more slowly.  Before he reached their table he knew that something was wrong.  The usual laughter and light banter was missing, instead the group was strangely quiet.  With a sudden lurch of realisation it struck him that Andrea must have said something.  He braced himself for the ugly scene that was likely to follow.

Brenda, a little ahead of Brandon had noticed it too.  She stopped a few steps short of the table.  "What's going on?  What's wrong?"  She asked hesitantly, her mind conjuring up all manner of dreadful events.

Donna turned to face her, and Brenda gasped in surprise.  Donna's eyes were puffy and red rimmed from crying, and her cheeks were stained by recently shed tears.  She looked such a picture of misery that Brenda couldn't begin to imagine what had happened.

"Oh Bren.  What am I gonna do?"  Donna begged. "Mrs Teasely thinks that David stole the finals paper, and she thinks that I helped him to do it."  As Brenda stared at Donna in abject horror, Brandon's eyes slowly met Andrea's.  What were they going to do now?


	36. Chapter 38

 "Do you really think that David is capable of doing something like that?"  Brenda asked, as she applied the finishing touches to her eye make up.

Appearing behind her in the bathroom mirror, Brandon shrugged "I don't know Bren, Andrea and Mrs Teasely both seem to think so."

Brenda paused, her mascara brush suspended in midair, and turned to fix Brandon with a questioning look  "Yes, but what do you think Brandon?"

Brandon smiled ruefully, typical Brenda, straight for the jugular, she'd never been one to skirt around the issue. "I'd like to think that he didn't, but you have to admit the evidence against him is pretty strong" he confessed reluctantly.

Brenda nodded "I know.  Donna's convinced that they're both going to be arrested for breaking and entering.  I just wish there was something I could do to help."  For a moment she looked hopeful "You're covering the story for the paper, hasn't Mrs Teasely let slip any information to you about what's going to happen?"

Brandon shook his head "So far she's been pretty tight lipped about the whole thing.  I guess they have to make sure of the facts before they do anything official". 

He frowned.  He and Andrea were still arguing about whether to run the story in 'The Blaze', Gil Meyers the faculty advisor had backed off, told them that they had to be the ones to make the decision.  

Andrea felt that they had a moral obligation to print the story, and as a journalist Brandon knew that the student body had a right to know what was happening.   It was just that he felt that doing so was tantamount to betraying his friends, and he wasn't prepared to do that.  Maybe he didn't have what it took to be a journalist after all.

It had been three weeks since David had first been accused, and both he and Donna still maintained that they were innocent.  The problem was that as much as he wanted to, Brandon was having a hard time believing it.  He knew that Mrs Teasely was convinced that Donna and David were involved, and was getting impatient to deal with the matter.  

He couldn't blame her really, as school principal she had to be seen to take a tough line on this kind of thing.  She had given David until today to confess, and then she was going to bring the police back in to the investigation.  If that happened things would get a lot worse for David and Donna. 

As if she had read his mind, Brenda asked anxiously "Do you really think Mrs Teasely will get the police involved?" 

Brandon nodded "Mrs Teasely doesn't make idle threats that's not her style."  He regarded her carefully for a moment "You know Bren you still haven't said what you think about all this".

What are you talking about Brandon?  Of course I have." Brenda protested.

Brandon shook his head "No you haven't. Throughout all this, you've never once said that you believe them." 

He looked at her suspiciously "Ordinarily you'd be storming Mrs Teasely's office in Donna's defence and demanding that we find the real culprit.  It's not like you to keep quiet about something like this. What's going on here Bren? 

Brenda hesitated, and began putting away her make up, careful to avoid Brandon's gaze.  He was right.  She hadn't made a big deal out of all this, because the truth was she wasn't sure if she did believe Donna.  She frowned. What Donna needed right now was support, not a friend who doubted her. She'd kept quiet so far, but it was obvious that Brandon wasn't going to let her off the hook.

  She took a deep breath "You're right Brandon, I guess I haven't said what I think." She hesitated again.  This was difficult to say, even to Brandon. 

"After everything that's happened this year I'm having a hard time trusting anyone right now" she admitted.

"Meaning?"  Brandon asked.

"Meaning I don't know Brandon."  She sighed heavily. "Last year, I would have trusted Donna with my life, and there's no way I would have doubted her not even for a second."

"And now?"  Brandon prodded.

"Now I don't trust any of my friends, not properly, not the way I used to."   Brenda spoke softly as though she were afraid that someone else might hear her admission, even though they were alone in the house.

Brandon regarded her in silence, unsure how to respond.

 "I never thought Dylan and Kelly would cheat on me but they did, I never thought Donna would lie to me but she has."  She shrugged helplessly.  "I don't know what to believe anymore".  

There, she'd said it, and she actually felt better.  She'd been bottling up these feelings for weeks now, refusing to acknowledge them, but they just wouldn't go away.  Ever since Dylan and Kelly's betrayal, things had changed. She felt like she didn't really know any of her friends anymore, and she could no longer trust her own judgement.   Her world was filled with suspicions and doubts.  Years of trust had been wiped out in one moment, and she didn't think it would ever come back. 

Oh on the surface things seemed pretty normal, but the reality was completely different.  She had never been one to keep her own counsel, when something was bothering her she had always turned to her friends to talk it out, but things had changed. Now she was keeping secrets from her friends because she didn't feel that she could trust them. She wanted to trust them, she wanted things to be like they were before, but they couldn't be.  She hadn't talked to Donna about her feelings for Dylan, and she hadn't told anyone that she was thinking of going away to school next year.  She didn't want her friends to know everything about her life, she didn't want to make herself that vulnerable again. 

She'd promised Brandon that she wouldn't make any hasty decisions that she would keep her options open, and she had.  She had included California University amongst her college applications, and had let everyone believe it was her first choice, but in reality she had no intention of going there.  

This latest development with Donna and David had just made her more convinced than ever that she needed to get away, start a new life; make new friends, friends that she could trust.  Then there was Dylan of course, she couldn't move on as long as she was around him.  She knew that if she was going to get over Dylan McKay, she had to get away from here.  The way she had it figured, there were plenty of reasons to leave Beverly Hills, what she didn't have right now was a good enough reason to stay. 

***

"So has David told you what he's gonna do today?" Dylan asked as he eased the Porsche in to his regular parking space.

Kelly shook her head "No.  He won't talk about it, he just keeps saying that he didn't do it". 

Dylan regarded her critically "And you don't believe him?"  It came out more of an accusation than a question.  

"Do you?" she countered, removing her sunglasses and looking at him intently.

Dylan shrugged "I don't know Kel, I mean David has pulled some stupid stunts in the past, but this, I just don't think this is his style. And as for Donna can you really see her doing something like that?  She's just not that kind person."

Kelly looked at him quizzically "What kind of person?"  

Dylan cut the engine and reached around to retrieve his books "The kind of person who would cheat and lie."  

"Like us you mean?"  Kelly asked pointedly.

Dylan winced inwardly.  He wished he'd never started this conversation; it was beginning to make him feel uncomfortable.  He didn't know if Donna and David were guilty of cheating and lying, but he knew that he was.  He had cheated on Brenda, he had lied to her, and he had hurt her.  

If that wasn't bad enough, now he was lying to Kelly.  It had started last week when she had brought up the issue of college and her lousy finals results. It had soon escalated from a discussion about college to a discussion about their relationship.  She'd begun to voice her doubts about what they had done, to question whether he really loved her.  She was worried that she may have thrown away her future for nothing.

He'd lied to her, told her what he knew she wanted to hear.  He'd told her that Brenda wasn't important to him anymore, that she was in the past.  He wasn't sure if Kelly believed him, but she hadn't questioned their relationship again, hadn't talked about college since.  Life would be so much easier if what he had told her was true, but it wasn't true.  Right now he still wasn't sure what Brenda meant to him, didn't know if he meant anything to her, but he knew one thing, he hadn't managed to relegate her to the past.  The truth was he couldn't stop thinking about her; she was constantly on his mind.  He scowled. What was wrong with him?  Why did he always seem to want what he couldn't have?  Why couldn't he just be happy with what he'd got?

After a long silence he finally spoke "We had our reasons for doing what we did" he found he was unable to meet Kelly's eyes.

"Yeah we did."  Kelly agreed. "We did it because we loved each other and we wanted to be together".  She got out of the car and swung the door shut, and then turned back to Dylan who hadn't moved.

 "We didn't do it because we're bad people or because we wanted to hurt anyone, we did it because it was what we had to do to be together. And if you ask me Donna and David aren't any different."

***

"I love you David".

David Silver paused at the door to the sound booth, and turned round to face his girlfriend.  "I know you do Donna.  I love you too."

"David I'm scared."  Donna admitted fiddling nervously with the headphones that were on the desk in front of her.

David sat down on the edge of the desk and gently took the head phones away from her.  Placing them on the desk behind him, he took her hand, and gave it a comforting squeeze.  "I know you're scared Donna, I'm scared too, but everything's gonna be all right."

"How do you know that David?"  Donna asked anxiously, her eyes wide with fear.

 "Because we're innocent Donna, we didn't do it.  Whatever Mrs Teasely does, however hard the police look, they won't be able to find any hard evidence against us because we didn't do it."  David hoped he sounded more convincing than he felt.  

The truth was he was terrified.  This was like some kind of nightmare, except that he didn't get to wake up.  Despite his reassurance to Donna, things were looking pretty bleak.  David knew that the only way to prove his innocence was to find the real thief, but no one was looking.  Mrs Teasely and the school board were keen to resolve this matter quickly, and they weren't going to widen the investigation.  As far as they were concerned they had their man, they didn't need to look any further. 

He knew everyone thought he was guilty, and that he was crazy for not owning up.  Even his father had urged him to confess this morning, before the punishment became more serious.  David had listened in bitter disappointment as Mel Silver had talked about criminal records, detention centres and community service.  If his own father didn't believe him what chance did he have?

He could feel his resolve begin to weaken, and steeled himself to stay strong.  He was on his way to the meeting with Mrs Teasely, her amnesty was almost up, and then she would be calling in the police.  He couldn't crumble now, he had to believe that justice would prevail, that the real culprit would be punished and that he would be exonerated.  He had Donna's trust and support, and that was all that he needed to get through this.

Kissing her lightly on the forehead, he slid off the desk "I'd better get going, I don't want to be late."

Donna nodded "Come and find me as soon as you're done."

David smiled "I will.  And don't worry it's gonna be okay."

As she watched him leave Donna prayed fervently that he was right.

***

            Steve Sanders watched from the shadows as David made his way to Mrs Teasely's office.  He had been waiting outside the principal's office for the last half hour trying to work up the nerve to go in and confess.  This last time he'd gotten as far as the door before heading back to the sanctuary of his hiding place.  He had been horrified when he'd heard that David had been accused of the break in.  It had never occurred to him that something like this might happen.  

For the last three weeks he had prayed that Mrs Teasely would turn up some evidence that would let David off the hook, but so far there was nothing.  He knew that time was running out, he had to confess before Mrs Teasely turned David and Donna over to the police, and everything got a whole lot worse.  He just couldn't find the courage to do it.  

Every time he got close to knocking on Mrs Teasely's door, he thought about how his friends would react, how disappointed his father would be in him, and the bleak future that would lie ahead.  Now he had run out of time, David was in there taking the fall.  Was he really gonna let that happen?****


	37. Chapter 39

The morning sun streamed through the open window, and a warm breeze tugged at the pages of the magazine as Brenda Walsh flicked idly through 'The Stage'.  She liked to read the magazine occasionally to keep up to date with the world of theatre. It helped her feel connected to it, served as a reminder that one day someone might be sitting in this very same library reading a review of one of her performances.  When she read it, she could almost imagine that she was already there, that she was a famous actress and not a high school senior.  Every now and then she broke off from her reading and surveyed her surroundings, enjoying the sensation of the sun on her face and the warm breeze that ruffled her hair. 

The old library was empty save for herself and the on duty librarian, not surprising considering it was a Saturday morning.  Most people her age were out enjoying the spring sunshine, or sleeping in, or shopping at the mall, but right now Brenda didn't feel like most people her age.  She felt older, weighed down by the seriousness of the decision that she had to make.  

She had to decide what she was gonna do next year, and she knew that she wouldn't be able to rest until the dilemma had been resolved.  Over the last few weeks she had become more and more certain that she needed to get away, away from Beverly Hills, away from Dylan.  She'd figured on heading back to Minnesota, but something about it just didn't feel right.  

The idea of stepping right back in to her old life, with her old friends sounded safe, comfortable, like slipping on a favourite sweater that had been forgotten at the back of the closet.  Yet she couldn't quite shake the doubts that crept in to her mind whenever she thought about going back.  She had read somewhere once that you should never go back.  She couldn't even remember where she'd read it, but for some reason the sentiment had stuck.  

She knew it was stupid, but she couldn't help thinking that going back to Minnesota would be a mistake, although she couldn't seem to pin down exactly why she felt that way.  Still there were other places, other schools, and since Brandon was set on California University, there was money to spend on an out of state school if that was what she wanted.  She frowned.  Was that what she wanted?  Should she just start again someplace else, where nobody knew her, where she could reinvent herself just like she had in Paris?  

Irritated she shook her head trying to clear the thoughts that were clouding her mind.  The problem was her feelings about college were all tied up with her feelings about Dylan and Kelly.  Brandon had told her that she had to try and separate the two, but it was impossible.  Dylan had always been an important consideration in her college choice, and even now he was a major factor, although not in the way in which she would have liked.

The breeze whipped around the magazine and Brenda slapped irritably at the pages that twisted in her grip like a wild animal bidding for freedom. It was only when the words became blurred and danced in front of her eyes that she realised that she was close to tears- again.  Decisively she wiped her eyes, and concentrated her attention on the page in front of her. It was too nice a morning for such dismal thoughts; she hadn't intended to get so gloomy, and she'd promised herself that she wasn't gonna get upset about Dylan today.  

She didn't even know what she was doing here; she'd gone out for a walk and somehow ended up outside the library.  She'd been here so often these past few weeks; she guessed her feet had just taken her here on autopilot.  There was something comfortingly familiar about the old library.  The musty smell of the dust-covered books, some of which probably hadn't been opened in years, the peaceful serenity, the sense of history and academia.  Yet today Brenda felt anxious and unsettled.

She'd always loved the library, it was her refuge, where she could lose herself in the fantastical world of literature, and for an hour or so forget all about her problems.  Lately though she hadn't come here to forget, she'd come here to think.  Usually flipping through the books and magazines helped her to relax, to free her mind, but today she just couldn't seem to think straight.

  She checked her watch, almost 10.30am; she was supposed to be meeting Donna in a couple of hours for lunch followed by some much needed retail therapy.  Brenda was amazed at how well Donna was holding up right now.  The police had been investigating the case for three weeks, but they still didn't have anything concrete.  She really didn't know how Donna was managing to stay cheerful throughout the whole ordeal.  Brenda was doing her best to be supportive; to help take Donna's mind off her problems, but she felt pretty useless, she'd had as little success resolving Donna's problem as she had with her own.

She realised that she was too restless for the library this morning; it didn't seem to be having its usual calming effect.  Perhaps what she needed was some fresh air, a walk along the beach might clear her mind, give her some perspective.  Sighing heavily, she began to collect up the assortment of books and magazines that were scattered across the table in front of her.  As she reached for 'The Stage', a strong gust of wind from the open window flipped the pages, propelling it off the table and on to the floor.  As she bent to retrieve it, Brenda shook her head in mild amusement; even the elements seemed to be against her today.

As she placed the rogue magazine on the top of the pile she froze, her heart leaping in excitement.  How could she have missed this before?  It was perfect, exactly what she was looking for, and there were still two weeks to go, plenty of time if she started now.  Already she could feel excitement, and a little fear bubbling up inside her.  This was it, the solution to her dilemma, and it had been right in front of her this whole time.  Determinedly she picked up the magazine and headed for the librarian's desk.  Borrowing pencil and paper she carefully copied down the details.  When she left the library a few minutes later it was with a new sense of purpose, and the hint of a smile on her face.

***

            "How could you?"  David Silver demanded angrily, slamming the newspaper down on the desk in front of Brandon.  Reluctantly Brandon raised his head, and slowly he met David's eyes, wincing at the obvious hurt in David's expression.  He'd known this was coming, had been waiting for David to confront him ever since 'The Blaze' hit the streets this morning.  Now that it was happening he was actually kind of glad that the wait was over.

            Before Brandon could answer, Andrea Zuckerman intervened from her seat on the other side of the newspaper office "Look David, I'm sorry but we didn't have a choice.  This story is of obvious interest to the student body, and as the school paper, 'The Blaze' has a responsibility to report the facts.  She spoke calmly but firmly, her detached professionalism belaying the unease she felt inside.

            "Facts! What facts?"  David demanded hotly.  "The police have been investigating for a month now and they haven't found anything to tie me or Donna to the break in."  He stabbed his finger angrily at the paper "Thanks to this everyone's gonna think that we're guilty anyway, you might as well sign the expulsion papers yourselves."

            "David no one's gonna know it's you" Brandon explained hastily.  "We were careful not to name you in the piece".  

"Besides" Andrea interjected. "Reawakening public interest in the case might help.  Maybe someone will remember seeing or hearing something that could lead the police to the real thief."  

Brandon wished he could believe that.  Ever since Andrea had convinced him to run the story he had experienced misgivings.  He knew that from a journalistic perspective they had done the right thing, but he couldn't help thinking that as a friend he had screwed up badly.

David shook his head in disgust "If someone was gonna remember something don't you think they'd have remembered it by now?  All you've done is fuel the rumours about me and Donna, and made everything a hundred times worse."

Ignoring Brandon's pleas to sit down and talk, he picked up the paper and threw it in the trash.  

"I just hope your precious story is worth it."  He snarled angrily, then spun on his heel and stomped towards the door colliding with Steve who was on his way in.

"Hey David where's the fire?"  Steve exclaimed as he found himself pushed roughly against the wall, but David ignored him and continued walking.

Steve turned to Brandon and Andrea for an explanation "Something I said?"

Brandon shook his head tiredly.  "Don't worry about it man, it's nothing to do with you, we're the one's responsible for David's bad mood."  He retrieved the copy of 'The Blaze' that David had dumped in the trash, and held it up for Steve to examine.

            Steve cringed.  Nothing to do with him, Brandon couldn't be more wrong.  This was all down to him, and it was getting out of hand.  Why hadn't he put a stop to all this when he had a chance?  Why had he let it get this far?  He could have stopped this before the police got involved, but he hadn't.  If only he had had the guts to own up before.  He should have done it as soon as he knew Silver was in the frame, but he hadn't.  Typical Steve Sanders more concerned with saving his own hide than saving his friends.  He'd let the police get involved, he'd let everyone believe that Donna and David were guilty when he was the one person who knew without a shadow of doubt that they were innocent.  

He hated himself for what he had done, but he had backed himself in to a corner, and there was no easy way out.  This had gone beyond trying to steal finals papers, now he had let his friends take the fall for something that he had done, and the way he saw it that was a much greater crime.  If anyone ever found out he could say goodbye to his friends forever, he had broken their trust in the worst way.  He sighed heavily.  He'd pulled some dumb stunts in his time, gotten himself in to his fair share of trouble, and his friends had always forgiven him, but he didn't see any way back from this one.  


	38. Chapter 40

Andrea Zuckerman pushed open the door of the peach pit, and shivered at the noticeable drop in temperature.  It was so unbearably hot outside, that the cool interior of the peach pit was a welcome relief.  Pulling off her sunglasses she headed straight to the counter, intent on ordering the biggest slice of pie Nat had on offer.  It had been a difficult day, and she was feeling bummed out by everything.  A piece of pie was definitely in order, she only hoped it would do the trick.

 "Andrea" Nat beamed, always happy to see one of his favourite customers, especially when business was slow, as it was today.  The current heat wave, hot even by LA standards meant that most people were too busy cooling down in the ocean, or relaxing at home, to bother coming out to eat.  He'd done a fairly slow trade in ice creams and sodas throughout the afternoon, but even that had dropped off now.  Things were so quiet that he'd sent his afternoon staff home, and Brandon wasn't due to start his shift for another couple of hours, frankly he was getting a little bored. 

"And what can I get you on this fine afternoon?" he asked Andrea enthusiastically, producing a pen and pad, and making a show of being ready to take her order.

Andrea sighed heavily.  "A piece of your best peach pie" she said resignedly.

"Oh" Nat wrinkled his brow in a frown, and placed the pen and pad down on the counter.  He prided himself on the fact that he was familiar with the ordering habits of his regular customers, and when Andrea Zuckerman came in and asked for pie it was always a bad sign "It's one of those days."

She nodded "I'm afraid so."

"Anything I can do to help?" He asked expectantly.  Although he wasn't the father of any of these kids, he still thought of them as 'his kids', and he hated to see any one of them upset or in trouble. 

Andrea shook her head sadly "Not this time Nat."

"Okay" Nat conceded, then his expression brightened "Then how about I give you this slice on the house?" he asked, eager to help.

 "Thanks Nat, you're the best."  Andrea tried valiantly to muster some enthusiasm.

He grinned, puffing out his chest importantly "It's all part of the service".  He wrote down her order on his notepad, returned his pen to its usual location behind his ear, and treated Andrea to another grin.  When she didn't respond, he regarded her thoughtfully.  "Can't raise a smile huh?"

Andrea shrugged "I don't really feel much like smiling right now Nat".

Nat shook his head in bemusement "You gonna tell me what's going on with you kids these days?  You all walk around like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders".  

He sighed heavily. "You know Andrea it breaks my heart to see you kids so miserable.  The old place just isn't the same anymore."  He frowned "You don't talk to each other, and you come in here and just sit and stare at your food like it's the end of the world".

"There's a lot of bad stuff going on right now Nat."  Andrea admitted.  "I guess we're all just trying to deal with it in our own way".

Nat nodded.  He knew all about it.  Over the years he'd realised that listening to other people's problems was an important part of his job. There was something about being a waiter or a bar tender that seemed to encourage people to open up, to share their problems.  He guessed it was because waiters and bar tenders didn't tend to pass judgement or even dole out advice, they just listened.  

He sighed.  The way he had it figured, that was one of the problems with the world today, nobody had time to listen.  He knew that the kids had their reasons for all the animosity, but he also knew how important friendship was, and how much they would regret it later if they didn't make the effort now.  He had thrown away far too many friendships in his youth, he wasn't ready to stand by and watch 'his kids' make the same mistake.

"I know you kids got your problems with each other right now, but couldn't you all just sit down and talk about it?"  He asked hopefully.

Andrea sighed heavily.  She would love for things to get back to normal, but she just couldn't see it happening.  It was unlikely that Brenda would ever forgive Dylan and Kelly.  Brandon was still so mad that he refused to even mention Dylan's name, and all of Kelly's reconciliation attempts had been rebuffed.  David wouldn't talk to either her or Brandon because they'd run the legacy key story in the 'Blaze'.  Only today she and Brandon had had another argument about it.  To cap it all off, she had just spent a difficult hour with a tearful Donna begging her to pull the story.  The only person who didn't seem to be fighting with anyone right now was Steve. Things were definitely out of whack when Steve Sanders was the only one without any problems.  

She shook her head in despair, what a lousy senior year.  "I don't see how talking would do any good Nat.  It's gone too far for that."

Nat sighed. "Maybe your right Andrea, maybe it is too late, but it couldn't hurt to try."

"I guess not."  Andrea agreed, thinking that she really ought to call Brandon and apologise.  They kind of parted on bad terms, and she didn't like to let the sun go down on an argument.

"Good." Nat grinned "I was hoping you'd agree.  You can start right now."

"Right now?" Andrea looked at him in confusion.

"Sure."  He grinned again "Get over there and start talking".

 Andrea turned to where he was indicating, and blinked in surprise.  Sitting all alone at a table, and looking the picture of misery was Kelly Taylor.  She was staring morosely in to a bowl of ice cream, and didn't appear to have noticed Andrea at all.

"She's been there for the last hour.  She looks like she could do with someone to talk to, but she doesn't seem to want to talk to me".  He looked at Andrea meaningfully.

Andrea shook her head vehemently "Oh no Nat, I don't think so".  

This whole thing was so awkward.  Andrea had seen very little of Kelly these past few months, and any contact they'd had hadn't been exactly friendly.  It wasn't that she was openly hostile; it was just that she hadn't gone out of her way to be pleasant or approachable.  In fact she and Kelly hadn't exchanged more than a curt 'hello' in weeks.  Now Nat wanted her to go over there and engage in some kind of heart to heart.  She couldn't.  It would be ridiculous, besides after everything that had happened, she wouldn't know where to start.

"Please Andrea. For me." Nat begged.  "You know the place just isn't the same without the old gang, and you kids are so miserable you're driving away my customers."  He put on a pleading face "Have a heart Andrea, you wouldn't want to see me go under now would you?"

Andrea's lips twitched in amusement at his amateur dramatics.  She didn't think it would do much good, but if the gang was ever going to get back together someone had to do something.  She guessed she was as good a person as any to take that first step.  "Okay Nat you win" She relented.  "I'll go talk to her but I'm not making any promises."

Nat beamed in delight "Atta girl.  I'll bring your pie over when it's ready."

***

Brenda Walsh took a deep breath and released it slowly.  She needed to get her emotions under control, she was way too pumped, and this particular piece required a sense of calm, a certain detachment, at least for the first part.  She'd worked on it solidly for two weeks, trying different ways of playing the scene.  Eventually she'd settled on an approach, starting quietly and then building to a crescendo. It was a demanding scene that called for her to run the entire length of her emotional range.  There were lots of things that could go wrong, but if she got it right it would blow them away.  She knew it was good, she knew she was good; she just had to switch off her conscious mind, and let the performance take over.

Glancing around the room she felt another little jolt of fear.  There were so many people here, how would she ever make an impact?  This was only one of several open auditions across the country, and she knew that they wouldn't take more than about ten people today.  There must be over fifty people in this room, and at least another fifty waiting out in the foyer.  She didn't want to calculate the odds on her being one of the lucky few to be chosen.  

She looked around at the other occupants of the waiting room, trying to size up the competition.  They were a strange assortment of people, their dress and demeanour indicating that they came from all walks of life, but they all had one thing in common, they all shared the same dream.  Brenda felt a twinge of unease, what did she have that made her any different or any better than any of them?  She'd already noticed that some of them had brought along resumes that were several pages long.  One or two she even thought she recognised from bit parts and TV ads.  In contrast she had very little in the way of experience.

The girl just ahead of her in the line was puffing frantically on a cigarette, her fifth in the hour that they had been waiting since they moved in here from the foyer.  Narrowing her eyes, Brenda studied her surreptitiously, trying to figure out her story.  It was a game that she and Brandon used to play when they were kids, passing the time on a long journey by inventing lives for the people that they saw on the subway or the bus.  Brandon had grown out of it long ago, but Brenda still did it all the time.  These days she looked upon it as more of an acting exercise, an opportunity to create characters that could be tucked away in the back of her mind, and brought to life one day on the stage.  

Smoker girl looked older then Brenda, though there were probably only a few years between them.  There was something about the way she tossed the shoulder length blonde hair, or maybe it was the faded leather jacket, and the over applied make up, that made her seem jaded.  She acted like she had seen it all, done it all, and hadn't been that impressed.  With a painful lurch, Brenda realised that the girl reminded her a little of Kelly, albeit a downmarket version.  

For a fleeting moment she wished fervently that Kelly was there with her, laughing and gossiping about the other people in the room, and telling her that everything was gonna be fine.  Frowning, she quickly dismissed the thought.  She didn't need Kelly, she'd managed just fine without her for the last few months, and she was gonna go on managing just fine without her.  She just wished this whole thing wasn't so daunting. 

She looked at the girl again.  It was the hair she guessed, that was what had sparked the comparison; she was Kelly's height and build too.  There was a slight facial resemblance, but Kelly wouldn't be seen dead in that much make up, or those clothes.  The real difference lay in the eyes.  Kelly's eyes were warm, compassionate, but this girl's eyes were cold and hard.  There was a brittleness, and a sadness to her, as though she had been let down by life, and had stopped expecting things to go her way. 

Brenda sighed.  The girl was nothing like Kelly, or maybe she was, maybe she was how Kelly might have turned out if things had gone differently.  It reminded her of the conversation she'd had with that crazy priest guy at Christmas.  What was it he'd said?  Something like, it didn't matter what happened to you in life, what mattered was how you dealt with it.  

Kelly had had a tough time, she'd been on a self-destructive path, but with help from friends and family she'd managed to turn things around.  Maybe this girl hadn't been so lucky.  Whatever had happened to her, it was obvious that she was still struggling to come to terms with it.  Brenda felt sorry for her, life could be tough if you had to go through it alone.  She thought about how lucky she had been to have her family around her, to have the support of her friends.  She thought about how things could have turned out very differently for her if she'd let them. 

Lost in thought she jumped when the girl suddenly snarled at her "You got a problem with me?"

Embarrassed to have been caught staring, Brenda averted her eyes "No" she mumbled apologetically.

"Then quit staring" The girl warned, eyeing Brenda menacingly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to it's just that…" Brenda apologised, but the girl had already turned her back, and gone back to puffing on her cigarette.

Unnerved, Brenda searched in her bag for the battered paperback that she'd brought with her to pass the time.  Not for the first time that afternoon, she wondered why she was putting herself through all this.  The problem was that she still didn't really know the answer.  All that she knew was that it felt right.  When she'd seen the advertisement in 'The Stage' she'd known right away that she was meant to do this.  She couldn't explain it; it was just a feeling she'd had. She'd never been surer of anything in her life than she was about coming here today.  She smiled ruefully.  Then why did she wish that she had her best friend with her to help her through it?  

***

            "Mind if I join you?"

            Kelly Taylor looked up, eyes widening in surprise when she saw Andrea Zuckerman hovering uncomfortably by her table. "Sure" she replied, shifting her bag from the seat to make room for Andrea.

            "Thanks" Andrea said stiffly, taking the seat opposite Kelly.

            There was an awkward silence as each tried to think of an opening.  They hadn't really spoken in months, and too much had happened to pretend that things were fine.

Since she had made the first move, Andrea figured that it was only right that she started the conversation. Clearing her throat awkwardly she indicated the two ice cream bowls on the table in front of Kelly.  The first was empty, the second had only a few spoonfuls left "Rough day?"

Kelly sighed "More like rough few months."  She wasn't sure why Andrea had suddenly decided to talk to her after all this time, but she was glad.  Losing Andrea's friendship had bothered her.  She had a lot of respect for Andrea, and at one point it seemed that maybe the respect was mutual, but her relationship with Dylan had destroyed that.  Andrea had never said anything to her about it, that wasn't really her style; instead she had simply withdrawn her friendship.  In some ways that was worse than if Andrea had confronted her, at least then she would have gotten to explain herself.

Andrea hesitated.  She had half expected Kelly to be hostile; after all she was David's stepsister, and Andrea wasn't exactly flavour of the month as far as David was concerned right now. Instead Kelly seemed pretty willing to talk, maybe she was as sick of all the fighting as Andrea was.

"So I take it the ice cream isn't really helping?" she finally asked with just a hint of a smile.

Kelly shook her head "Nope."  She rolled her eyes. "But now I feel guilty about the number of calories I've just blown".  She put down her spoon and pushed the bowls away from her as though she wanted to distance herself from them. 

 "You know whenever I was upset about anything I'd always call Brenda and we'd order huge ice creams and just talk for hours.  It worked every time".  She smiled ruefully "I figured it was the ice cream that did it, but I guess I was wrong."

"You must miss her."  Andrea said, realising it for the first time.  She wasn't dumb; she knew that in life things were rarely as black and white as they initially appeared, but much like Brenda, she had automatically assumed that Kelly was happy with the way things had turned out.

"I do."  Kelly said it so directly that Andrea couldn't help but believe her.

 "I'm sure she misses you too."  Andrea said quietly.

"I doubt it." Kelly sighed. "She doesn't need me, in fact she's doing just great without me.  Anyway she hates me, she told me so."

"Well can you really blame her?"  Andrea asked pointedly.  She hadn't intended to be quite so blunt, but Kelly needed to hear it.

 Kelly winced "You know I never meant to hurt her."

 "The thing is Kelly you did hurt her."  Andrea said earnestly.  She had seen first hand just how much Brenda had been hurt, and it was about time Kelly took some responsibility for that.

    "You must have known how much it would hurt her if you slept with Dylan, but you did it anyway."  She paused for a moment letting her words sink in "How did you expect her to feel?"

Kelly looked sheepish.  She'd wanted an opportunity to explain herself to Andrea, but now that it was here she couldn't seem to find the right words "I guess at the time I wasn't thinking too much about Brenda."

"Obviously" Andrea found that she couldn't keep the bitterness out of her voice.

Kelly looked at her sharply "That's not what I meant."

"Okay" Andrea held up her hands in a gesture of submission "What did you mean?"

"Andrea I love Dylan.  This isn't just some cheap thrill I love him.  Do you really think I'd hurt Brenda this much over a stupid fling?" She sighed heavily "I had to choose between my best friend and the man that I love.  What would you have done?"

Andrea considered for a moment.  Even though they were both dating other people, she had been in love with Brandon Walsh for such a long time now she couldn't imagine ever loving anyone else.  If she had been in Kelly's position would she have done the same thing?  Would she have put Brandon first?  She hadn't made any attempt to steal Brandon away from Nikki, but that didn't mean she didn't want to.  Maybe she wouldn't ever have done what Kelly did, and she certainly didn't condone it, but in that moment she at least thought she understood it.

"Okay I get it."  Andrea finally admitted.  "I don't agree with it, but I get it."  

"Thank you."  Kelly breathed a sigh of relief.  It wasn't forgiveness exactly, she knew she had a long way to go before any of her friends forgave her for what she had done, but it was something.

"You know Kelly there's still one thing I don't get about all this" Andrea sounded perplexed.

"What's that?"  Kelly asked intrigued.

Andrea shrugged. "If you're so in love with Dylan, and you're so sure that you made the right choice, why are you sitting in here alone drowning your sorrows in ice cream?

***

It was late and Dylan was tired.  He'd needed some time to think so he'd taken the Porsche out for a long drive.  He'd spent so long putting the car through its paces that he was almost out of gas, and he was still no closer to sorting out his problems.  He yawned widely and rubbed his tired eyes.  He and Kelly had decided to take the night off from each other, so sleep was definitely on the agenda.  

They'd been spending most of their time together lately, and they could both use a little space.  She hadn't objected when he'd suggested some time apart. If anything she'd seemed a little preoccupied.  He'd gotten the feeling that she was keeping something from him, but he hadn't pushed her, she'd tell him when she was good and ready, and besides there were things he hadn't told her, like the fact that he still loved Brenda.

            Wearily he pushed open the door to the gas station and reached in his pocket to retrieve his wallet.  He was so tired he hardly noticed the other customers, didn't give them a second glance.  He just wanted to pay for the gas and go home to bed.  He felt like he could sleep for a week.  Leaning on the counter he pulled out a wad of dollar bills.  "How much do I owe you man?"  He asked the middle aged grumpy looking guy behind the counter as he peeled off several bills.

            The guy didn't answer; instead his eyes went wide with fear.  Puzzled Dylan turned to see what had spooked the guy so much.  He had hardly begun to move when he felt the cold steel of the gun pressed against the back of his neck, heard the click as the safety was taken off.  "You do as you're told and nobody gets hurt.  You try anything stupid, and I'll blow you away.  You understand?"

**Author's note**

Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter, but I haven't had much writing time lately.  For those people eager for the conclusion of this story, I'm anticipating about five more chapters plus a short epilogue.  I've had all the major plot points planned out from the start, it's just that sometimes it takes more chapters than I expected to fit in everything I need to fit in. Hoping when possible to post a chapter a week from now on, so the end is in sight, but there are a few more exciting scenes coming up, including the Brenda-Dylan confrontation!

Anyway, thanks to all those who have reviewed, hope you enjoy the rest of the story.


	39. Chapter 41

Dylan watched as the red BMW screeched out of sight.  When the taillights had finally disappeared from view, he moved unsteadily away from the window, and dropped on to the couch.  His hands shook as he reached out for the shot glass.  Draining the remaining inch of whisky, he threw the glass at the wall with all his might.  He barely flinched as the glass shattered, tiny shards of glass peppered his bare arms, drawing blood, but he didn't feel it.  Dylan had stopped feeling anything about half a bottle of scotch ago.

To tell the truth, Dylan hadn't been feeling much of anything in the two weeks that had passed since the gas station hold up; he'd made damn sure of that.  Physically he hadn't been hurt, he'd escaped without a scratch, but mentally, mentally it was a whole different story.  He'd been scared before, plenty of times, but this time was different.  He'd probably come closer to death in one of his surfing accidents than he had that night, but he had never felt so utterly powerless as he had in that one moment.

He couldn't sleep; every time he closed his eyes he was back there, looking down the barrel of that gun, waiting for the guy in the ski mask to pull the trigger, to end his life.  He had thought he was going to die that night, that his life was going to end in some down town gas station, and that there was nothing he could do about it.  

He couldn't eat, just the thought of food made him nauseous.  He hadn't left the house in two weeks, and he hadn't talked about what happened at all.  Kelly had tried to make him talk; she kept on trying to make him talk.  She didn't understand he couldn't talk about it, not yet.  She had tried again tonight, pushing him, pressuring him.  In the end he had lost it, yelled at her to leave, he couldn't take anymore of the endless questioning.  They had followed the same dance for the last two weeks. She started off trying to get him to eat, then she tried to get him to talk, then they'd fight, and then she'd leave.  It was the same pattern over and over again.  

Slowly, clumsily, his movements inhibited by the alcohol, he reached in to his pocket for the envelope.  He tipped the contents out on to the coffee table, but didn't reach to pick it up.  Instead he stayed sitting there, just looking at it.  He stayed like that for a long time.

***

            Eyes blurred with tears, Kelly Taylor tried to hold it together as she drove home.  It was late, and her BMW was the only car on the road, which was just as well since Kelly's mind wasn't on her driving.  Catching sight of her reflection in the rear view mirror, she sighed heavily.  She looked like hell.  Her eyes were red rimmed and puffy from too many days of crying, the dark circles contrasting sharply with her general pallor.  She looked tired and defeated, and most of all scared.  When she looked in the mirror it was a frightened little girl that looked back at her.  

Tonight's fight with Dylan had been the worst so far; the atmosphere had become increasingly volatile, and at one point she'd even thought he might turn violent.  In the end he had told her to leave, and not to bother coming back.  She had gotten in her car and just started driving.  It had taken her 15 minutes to get herself together enough to realise that she was on the wrong road.  She'd turned the car around and was now headed towards home, but even now that she knew where she was going, she couldn't shake the feeling of being lost.  Dylan was obviously hurting, and clearly he needed help, but she couldn't seem to reach him, and she had no idea what to do next.  

She frowned. She of all people should know what to do in this situation; she knew pretty much everything there was to know about alcoholism, in fact from her experiences with Jackie, she could write a book on the subject.  If anyone could understand the way Dylan was reacting right now it should be her, yet she couldn't seem to do or say anything right, in fact it seemed like all she had done so far was make things worse.  She was trying to help him, but all she had succeeded in doing was driving him further away. 

Wiping furiously at the tears that spilled down her cheeks she consoled herself with the knowledge that Dylan hadn't meant what he said.  He had been cruel, but it wasn't him, that was the alcohol talking.  Once the cruel streak had worked its way out, there would be crying, begging for forgiveness, a promise that it wouldn't happen again, and then the cycle would repeat, for as long as she allowed it to.  She knew that the only way to break it was for him to get professional help, and she wasn't just talking about AA.  

Dylan needed to go talk to a counsellor, someone who could help him come to terms with what he'd been through.  Right now he wasn't dealing with it, he was drinking to avoid the pain or the fear or whatever it was he was feeling.  She'd been through it with Jackie so many times, and she was afraid, because she knew what would happen to him if he continued on this downward spiral.  

She had seen what alcohol had done to Jackie, hell she hadn't just seen it she'd lived it.  Jackie at her worst had been devastating, the crying, the self-destruction, the lies, the broken promises. Kelly had watched helplessly as her mom had slowly destroyed herself.  It had been the darkest time in Kelly's life.  She was still battling with those demons, but over the last few years, she'd managed to bury them. All this had brought them that much closer to the surface again.

She had an overwhelming urge to run away, distance herself from Dylan and his problems.  She wanted to get away from the black hole that he was in, before he pulled her in there with him.  She knew that it would only be a matter of time before he did.   She hated herself for feeling that way, was ashamed of her cowardice and disloyalty, but she couldn't help it, it was the way she felt.  

The irony of the situation was that before all this had happened, she had actually been thinking about ending their relationship.  Talking to Andrea had helped her to figure a few things out, made her face reality.  It wasn't working out with Dylan, she wasn't happy; she needed to make a change.  She guessed she had known for a while but she hadn't wanted to admit it.  

Kelly had realised that she had been feeling trapped.  She had made a mistake, a big mistake, but how could she admit that now after everything that they had put everyone through so that they could be together?  Even worse she would have to accept that Brenda had been right all along, she and Dylan didn't have anything special.  She knew it was stupid, but she just couldn't bear the thought that Brenda had won.

As much as she knew that she really should end the relationship, she was reluctant to do so.  She couldn't quite give up on her little possibility of happiness, no matter how remote it seemed.  In the end she had decided that she really needed to talk it all through with Dylan, be honest with him about the way she was feeling, maybe they could work it out. The hold up had happened before she'd gotten the chance, and it had changed everything.

Kelly pulled up outside her house, and cut the engine, but she didn't go inside right away.  Instead she sat in the car in the dark, thinking.  No matter what state her relationship with Dylan was in right now, and no matter how much she wished she could run away, she wasn't gonna abandon him.  She was gonna help him get through this, whatever it took.  When she finally got out of the car nearly an hour later, she knew what she had to do.  She didn't like it, she didn't like it one bit, but there wasn't any other way. 

***

             Alone at last, Brenda Walsh retrieved the envelope from its hiding place at the back of her sock drawer.  For once Mom and Dad had gone out for dinner, and with Brandon working at the Peach Pit tonight she had the house to herself.  Carefully she opened the envelope, and unfolded the letter.  She couldn't help smiling as she read the words again.  She'd read it so many times she knew the contents by heart, yet still she couldn't quite believe it.  

It was happening, it was really happening, she was on her way to an exciting new future, and this letter was the confirmation.  She'd known that the audition had gone well, but she hadn't dared to hope that it had gone this well.  It was funny thinking that a few simple sentences typed on a page could change her life so dramatically.  She wondered idly if the person who had typed them had any idea how much they meant.

            She sighed contentedly.  Finally things were coming together; her life was back on track.  For the first time in a long time she felt hopeful, optimistic like she was coming out of the darkness.  She still hadn't told anyone, not even Brandon, she'd wanted to make sure that it was really happening first.  She tried to imagine what everyone would say when she announced her plans.  Would they be shocked, impressed, pleased, jealous, or maybe even a little angry that she had kept it a secret?  She felt a stab of guilt when she thought about Donna's reaction.  The whole legacy key issue still hadn't been resolved, and Donna and David's future was still very much up in the air.  Brenda's smile faded. She was walking out on Donna right when Donna needed her the most.  She consoled herself with the hope that Donna's problems might be over by then. If they weren't, Donna had other friends who would be there for her.  It wasn't like Brenda was leaving her alone.  Still she couldn't quite shake the feeling that she was abandoning her friend.  

            She pushed the doubts out of her mind.  She had to do what was right for her; she couldn't afford to think about anyone else, after all her friends hadn't thought about her had they?  She sighed heavily.  She'd learned that lesson the hard way this year.  Suddenly she felt depressed again.  It had been an awful year, so many things had gone wrong.  She wished it could have been different.  

She was cheered by the consoling thought that in a few short weeks she would be thousands of miles away.  Beverly Hills would just be a distant memory.  She could concentrate on making a new start, and forget all about Kelly Taylor and Dylan McKay and what they had done to her.  Maybe, just maybe she would find happiness again.

She read the letter through one more time, then folded it up and slid it back in to the envelope.  As she reached to put it back in its hiding place in the sock drawer, her hand brushed against the little velvet box.  Regret danced across her heart.  Regret at what had happened; regret that she was leaving, and regret that Dylan was no longer a part of her life.  Sighing heavily, she shut the drawer.  Dylan was her past; she had to focus on her future.

***

Kelly Taylor stood on the doorstep of Cassa Walsh.  She was shivering, but it had little to do with the temperature.  She was shivering because she was afraid. She had always envied Brenda's happy home life and supportive family.  In the last three years she'd probably spent more time with Brenda's family than she had with her own. This house had become her refuge, the place she ran to when she couldn't deal with the harsh realities of her own life.  Even now, despite everything that had gone on between them, her first instinct was still to come here when she was in trouble.  

Tentatively she rang the doorbell. She swallowed nervously past the lump that was suddenly lodged in her throat.  She must be crazy thinking this would work.  What was she supposed to say anyway?  'Hi Mr Walsh, Mrs Walsh, I know I've ruined Brenda's life, but do you think she'll come and help me save the guy that broke her heart?' Even to her ears it sounded ridiculous.  Why on earth had she decided to do this? 

She'd sat in the car for the last hour trying to work up the nerve to walk up the driveway.  It had been three days since she'd last spoken to Dylan, since she had driven off into the night leaving him behind.  In those three days she had steeled herself to do this only to change her mind, and then change it back again several times over.  She dreaded to think what state he would be in by now.  She'd kept hoping he would call, but he hadn't.  She'd been sorely tempted to go round there, but he'd told her to stay away, and her pride stopped her going back.  It didn't stop her worrying about him though, and tonight she had decided that she couldn't take it anymore.  She had to do it.

It had cost her a lot to come here.  Accepting that she needed Brenda's help had been difficult. Not only would she have to confess to Brenda that she and Dylan were having real problems, but she would have to admit that she couldn't get through to him, that there was something lacking in their relationship.  She had always feared that Dylan and Brenda were meant to be together, that she just had him temporarily whilst they worked out their differences.  Asking for Brenda's help now was tantamount to admitting that, that was true.  She had only just admitted that fact to herself, the thought of admitting it to Brenda was killing her.  

Then of course there was the prospect of facing Brenda.  They had hardly spoken since Brenda had found out, what little exchanges there had been had been bitter and vicious.  She was laying herself wide open for a full on attack, and Brenda knew exactly how to hit where it hurt.  Things could get real ugly, real fast. She was asking an awful lot of Brenda tonight, yet the optimist inside her clung to the hope that Brenda would come through for her.  She sighed heavily. Brenda had always come through for her before, but things were very different now.  She wouldn't blame Brenda if she just slammed the door in her face.

 Although the lights were on it seemed that no one was home.  Relief flooded Kelly, she could just leave and no one would be any the wiser.  This had been a stupid idea.  What had she been thinking?  She would just have to try talking to Dylan again.  She would go over there in the morning, maybe take Steve with her, let him have another go at getting through to Dylan.  She turned to walk away then nearly jumped out of her skin as the door was flung open. Standing in the doorway was Brenda.


	40. Chapter 42

There was a long pause. Caught off guard, for an instant they were both incapable of speech or action. Brenda recovered first. "What are you doing here?" She demanded, eyes cold and hard, voice bristling with hostility.

Hesitantly Kelly took a step towards her. "We need to talk" she said meekly.

Brenda's right hand shot out. The slap was a gunshot, reverberating into the night. Kelly gasped, her cheek stinging from the assault, her senses reeling with shock. Slowly Brenda lowered her hand, breathing hard, her palm still tingling from the impact. They stared at each other in stunned silence; both a little shocked by what had just happened. Gingerly Kelly rubbed her cheek, battling to maintain her fragile composure. The left side of her face had turned an angry red where Brenda had caught her, the imprint of a hand still visible on her smooth, pale skin.

"I guess I deserved that" she said quietly.

"Damn right you did" Brenda snapped, fighting emotions that swirled dangerously near the surface.

Kelly took a deep breath, forced herself to remain calm "Look Brenda I didn't come here to fight".

Eyes narrowed dangerously, arms folded across her chest defensively; Brenda glared at Kelly in disbelief "Then why did you come?"

Kelly laughed bitterly "Actually I came here to ask for your help". She shook her head sadly "Obviously I'm wasting my time". 

Brenda watched in silence as Kelly turned and began to walk away. She found herself inexplicably torn. Part of her, the part that remembered what it had been like being Kelly's best friend, wanted to do whatever she could to help. The other part of her, the part that was still smarting from the betrayal, wanted to stand back and watch Kelly suffer. And then there was another part of her, a curious part that wondered just what the hell kind of help Kelly Taylor needed from her. Kelly was almost at her car when Brenda called her back.

***

Kelly sat uncomfortably at the kitchen table and watched nervously as Brenda went about making the coffee. She'd spent countless hours sitting at this table, talking with Brenda over ice cream, sharing a Walsh family dinner, even studying. The two of them sitting at this table sipping coffee should have been the most natural thing in the world. She frowned. Nothing about this felt natural, and the two of them being here like this made it glaringly obvious just how far away from friendship they had travelled. 

Kelly felt awkward, like she was visiting the house for the first time, visiting a stranger. She fiddled nervously with the place mat on the table in front of her. Only the clanking of coffee cups as Brenda retrieved them from the cupboard broke the uncomfortable silence. Kelly sighed. They used to talk about everything, now they couldn't even manage the strained polite conversation of two people who barely knew each other. 'And it's your fault' a little voice inside her head whispered accusingly 'It's all your fault'. Although it remained unspoken, the betrayal was like a physical barrier between them and right now Kelly didn't see how they were ever gonna overcome it. Still Brenda hadn't slammed the door in her face- it was a start. 

As she spooned coffee in to the cups, Brenda fought to regain control. Despite the rush of emotions currently assaulting her, she realised how ludicrous this situation was. She'd cried herself to sleep over Kelly's betrayal, sworn that she would never speak to her again, and now here Kelly was sitting at her kitchen table, and she was actually making her a coffee! It was farcical, and yet there was nothing remotely funny about it. 

After everything that had happened, she had never imagined that they would end up here. She still wasn't sure why she had called Kelly back. It had been instinctive, something inside had screamed at her to do it. The problem was she had no idea what to do next. Making coffee was just an excuse, a chance to stall so that she could get herself together. She had been completely thrown seeing Kelly standing on the doorstep just now. All the pain and hurt and anger that she had so carefully buried had suddenly come rushing to the surface. Dylan was the most precious thing in the world to Brenda, and Kelly had stolen him from her. Then she had the audacity to show up at Brenda's house asking for Brenda's help, how the hell was she supposed to respond to that?

***

Finally when she could stall no longer, she reluctantly took the coffee cups over to the table and sat down opposite Kelly. They stared at each other in silence for a long and awkward moment, the coffee sat untouched before them. Seconds turned in to minutes and still neither could find her voice. 

Eventually Kelly spoke. "Look Brenda this is crazy, I don't even know what I'm doing here." Her chair scrapped across the floor as she got up from the table. "I should just leave."

"No." Brenda spoke with such vehemence that Kelly automatically sat back down. "I want to know what you think gives you the right to just show up on my doorstep and act like the last few months never happened?"

Kelly took a deep breath. She'd been rehearsing this over and over for the last few days. It had sounded okay in the car, but now facing Brenda, the words she had settled upon no longer seemed enough. 

"You know it wasn't easy for me to come here" she admitted. She raised a wry smile "I figured you wouldn't exactly be happy to see me." 

Brenda didn't smile "You got that part right" she said coldly.

To Kelly it seemed as though the temperature in the room had just dropped several degrees. She had been ready for Brenda to be angry, she had anticipated shouting and screaming, but this calm, emotionless Brenda was making her nervous. Brenda had put up walls between them, walls so solid they might as well be made out of bricks. She sighed heavily, she wasn't sure if she would be able to break them down, but she had to try.

"Brenda I know that I'm the last person you want to see right now" she began tentatively. "I honestly wouldn't have come to you unless it was important."

"Okay" Brenda said evenly "Then I'd like to know what's so important that you had to come and ask for my help?"

Kelly paused and nervously sipped her coffee. Brenda eyed her suspiciously trying to figure out where this was going. She couldn't imagine why Kelly would come to her for help. In the past she had always been the first person Kelly ran to when she was in trouble, but now, surely she must be the last.

After what to Brenda seemed like an eternity, Kelly put down her coffee cup. "It's not a what it's a who" she said quietly.

"A who?" Brenda repeated quizzically. 

Kelly hesitated. So far Brenda had treated her with barely concealed hostility, but things could be about to get a whole lot worse. She took a deep breath and shut her eyes for a moment, screwing up her courage. When she opened her eyes, she looked directly at Brenda.

"Brenda, I came to you because you're the only person who can help. You're the only one who can get through to him. I've tried talking to him but he just won't listen to me". 

She paused as if the words were difficult to say 'Brenda I came here tonight because I need your help. I need your help with Dylan'.

Brenda laughed.

Kelly had rehearsed this scene in her mind many times over the last few days. Each time she'd tried to imagine Brenda's reaction and how she in turn would deal with it. She had never imagined Brenda laughing and she was completely taken aback. She stared at Brenda wondering if Brenda had lost her mind.

Brenda finally stopped laughing. When she spoke her voice was cold and full of pain; there was no trace of humour. "You know Kelly I have to admit you're good. What was it, you hadn't hurt me enough already you wanted to come and twist the knife a little more?"

Kelly was completely bewildered. She stared at Brenda in confusion "What are you talking about? I'm not trying to hurt you."

Brenda shook her head in disbelief "You come over here and ask me to help you fix your relationship with Dylan, and you don't think that hurts me. You're unbelievable."

Kelly frowned. "Brenda this isn't about my relationship with Dylan. It's about your relationship with Dylan."

"I don't have a relationship with Dylan, not anymore. You took care of that for me remember." Brenda said bitterly.

Kelly sighed heavily "Look Brenda I really feel bad about what happened" she began earnestly.

"Then why did you do it?" Brenda interrupted. It was a question she'd been torturing herself with for months, now she wanted to hear the answer.

Kelly hesitated unsure how best to respond. "I don't know" she admitted finally, avoiding Brenda's eyes. "It just happened. I tried to stop it I really did. I tried to stay away from him, but I couldn't. I never meant to hurt you."

"I don't believe you" Brenda's eyes glittered dangerously. "I think you had it all planned out. I think you deliberately went after Dylan, and you didn't care what it did to me."

Kelly looked up sharply "That's not true. I thought I was in love with Dylan. I thought we had something special." She glared at Brenda, suddenly finding that she was angry.

"Sneaking around with someone else's boyfriend" Brenda scoffed "Only someone as dysfunctional as you could think that was special."

"Oh that's right, I forgot you're the only one who's allowed to have a special relationship with Dylan" Kelly snapped her voice raised in anger. "Come on Brenda you could hardly claim your relationship was perfect. We all knew the two of you were having problems."

Brenda was incensed "Yeah and you sure made the most of that didn't you. I'll bet you went straight to Dylan telling him I was having doubts, telling him that I was putting college before him."

"I didn't need to tell him anything" Kelly retaliated. "You did a good enough job of sabotaging your relationship all by yourself."

"You waited until I was distracted with finals and Dylan was vulnerable, and then you made a move on him." Brenda said accusingly.

"Oh wake up Brenda! Dylan and I were together way before finals. We were together over the summer" Kelly exclaimed. "While you were away in Paris - with Rick, remember him?" She shook her head derisively "You're not exactly blameless in all this you know Brenda. What did you expect Dylan to do wait around dutifully for you all summer? He was just as keen to get involved as I was."

"No" Brenda screamed "You're lying". She pushed back her chair, moved away from the table, trying to distance herself from the hateful words. She didn't want to believe it, but she knew that it was true. Dylan had told her that he'd been unfaithful over the summer. He'd never told her who had been involved and she'd automatically assumed it had been one of the girls from his programme. Even when she'd found out about Dylan and Kelly it had never once occurred to her that Kelly had been Dylan's summer fling. Now it seemed that it hadn't been a fling at all, it had been more, much more. She couldn't bear it.

"Get out" she ordered "Get out of my house right now".

Reluctantly Kelly stood up, her anger dissipating as quickly as it had arrived. She'd blown it. How could she have been so stupid? She'd come here to make up with Brenda not make things worse. She'd let Brenda get her all riled up and ended up saying something she shouldn't. She couldn't help it; Brenda's smug conviction that her relationship with Dylan was sacrosanct drove her crazy. 

As Brenda led the way to the front door, Kelly trailed after her miserably. "Brenda I'm sorry" she said softly. "I shouldn't have told you like that."

When she turned to face Kelly, Brenda's eyes were bright with unshed tears "Yeah well there's a lot of things you shouldn't have done Kelly." She held the door open. "Now get out".

"No." Kelly said suddenly.

Brenda blinked in surprise "Excuse me?"

"I said no. I'm not done yet." She moved away from the door and sat down on the couch defiantly, refusing to move.

"What are you gonna do?" Brenda sneered. "Sit there all night?" but she sounded uncertain. 

"If I have to" Kelly said firmly. "If that's what it takes. We've obviously still got a lot of things to say to each other, and I think it's about time we said them don't you?"

***

Brenda hesitated, regarding Kelly contemplatively. Kelly was right emotions were running high and they were both harbouring bitterness and resentment. Maybe it was time they cleared the air, got everything out in the open. The truth might be painful, but she figured that at last she was ready to hear it. 

Brenda nodded "Alright." She shut the door with a satisfying bang and took a seat across the room from Kelly. There was a challenge in her eyes when she spoke. "You wanna talk. Let's talk. But I want to hear it all, the whole sordid truth. No holding back."

Kelly swallowed nervously, suddenly wondering if she had done the right thing. She knew that the only way either of them could get any sort of closure on this was to talk it all through, but she was afraid. Afraid of what might be said of what secrets and half-truths might be exposed. There were only two ways tonight could end, very well or very badly. All she knew for certain was that it was gonna be a long night. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, and then she turned to Brenda. When she met Brenda's challenging gaze, her own eyes shone with determination "Deal. The whole truth, and no holding back."

****

Author's note

Just wanted to say thank you to all those who have hung on in there with this story despite its length! The encouraging reviews really do help me to keep going, and we honestly are coming to the end now. Sorry for the delay in delivering this chapter, but it actually turned out to be the most challenging one I've had to write so far. In the end I found I had too much material for just one chapter, so I decided to split it in to two. This is the first one, and hopefully I'll have the second finished off very soon. I know that people are anxious for the Brenda-Dylan confrontation and I promise I'll get to that straight after this section.


	41. Chapt 43

"Alright I'll start" Brenda announced, quickly seizing the initiative "And remember we agreed to tell the truth.

            Kelly licked her lips nervously; her mouth had gone completely dry.  She wished she hadn't left her coffee behind on the kitchen table.  She'd always hated truth games, partly because she hated revealing information about herself, but mostly because in her experience someone always ended up getting hurt.  She'd never really believed that honesty was the best policy; most times people didn't like the truth when they heard it.  She and Brenda could end up tearing each other apart tonight.  But, Brenda had thrown down a challenge and she was damned if she was going to back down.  She nodded at Brenda, hoping she appeared more confident than she felt "Go ahead."

            "You and Dylan. How did it happen?"  Brenda demanded tersely.  She knew that this was going to be painful, but her imagination had tormented her for long enough, now she needed the truth.

            Kelly sighed heavily.  She'd always known that if she was ever gonna make her peace with Brenda, they would have to have this conversation.  It was a conversation she had been dreading. 

 "It was the summer" she began reluctantly.  "You and Donna were away in Paris, everyone was busy with summer jobs or hanging out at the beach club."  She paused, tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear before continuing uneasily.  "I thought it would be fun to spend some time with Jackie and Mel and Erin, and it was fun -at first.  It felt good being part of a real family you know."

Brenda nodded.  "That's right, that's why you didn't go to Paris."  She looked at Kelly intently, clear blue eyes searching her face, looking for a sign that she was finally hearing the truth.   "So what changed?"

            Kelly picked a non-existent piece of lint off the sleeve of her sweater.  "I don't know exactly, but after a while I stopped feeling like part of the family and started feeling like somehow I was intruding."  She paused remembering the unwelcome feelings of loneliness that had engulfed her. "It wasn't their fault, it was just that they were so wrapped up in each other and in Erin".  She hesitated not really wanting to continue "I started spending more and more time at the beach.  Dylan was there…" her voice trailed off and she looked at Brenda helplessly, eyes begging to be allowed to stop.

            "Go on." Brenda prodded, stubbornly refusing to let Kelly off the hook.  She needed to hear Kelly actually say it.

            Kelly cleared her throat awkwardly.  This was excruciating, but Brenda wasn't gonna let up until she'd heard the whole story.  She only hoped that Brenda would appreciate her candour.  Taking a deep breath she forced herself to continue.

"Dylan was there and we started spending more and more time together –just as friends" she added hastily.  "It was nice.  I was feeling lousy about Jake, and being with Dylan made me feel better."  She smiled wistfully at the memory, but the smile quickly faded when she caught sight of Brenda's pained expression. "Anyway" she continued hurriedly "We talked a lot, and he understood me, understood what I was feeling". She blushed and looked down at the floor, suddenly unable to meet Brenda's eyes. "Pretty soon we became more than just friends."

            The words stabbed at Brenda's heart, and she had to fight to keep the tears from falling.  Kelly chewed her bottom lip nervously, waiting for Brenda to say something.  

Brenda tucked her feet up on the couch in front of her and wrapped her arms around her knees protectively as if somehow it would shield her from the pain that was currently assaulting her.  It was a habit she had adopted in childhood and she did it instinctively now as she tried to come to terms with what she had just heard.  

To Kelly she suddenly looked like a little girl who was afraid of the dark or scared of the monster under the bed.  Sometimes she forgot just how vulnerable Brenda really was.  Brenda gave the impression of being strong, but those closest to her knew that she needed reassurance and support just as much as anyone else, more sometimes.  

            Eventually Brenda broke the silence. "Was it really that easy?" She asked in a small voice.  She was appalled at how quickly they had betrayed her.

 "I can't really explain it" Kelly replied "but it was like no one else existed, like nothing else mattered.  I just wanted to be with him, I wasn't thinking about the consequences." 

"And so you kept on seeing him after I got back from Paris" Brenda surmised, her expression registering hurt and disgust.

            Kelly quickly shook her head "No.  The night before you were due back from Paris we agreed to stop seeing each other, because of you."  She looked at Brenda anxiously, knowing that all this must be as difficult for Brenda to hear as it was for her to say.  "Neither of us wanted to lose you, and we knew how much it would hurt you.  We decided to go back to being just friends."

            "That obviously didn't last long." Brenda said bitterly, thinking about all the stolen kisses and secret meetings that must have been going on behind her back.  She felt so stupid.  

            "I tried to stay away from him Brenda honestly I did" Kelly protested feebly.  "I just missed him so much, I was miserable all of the time and you seemed more interested in college than you did in Dylan."

            Brenda flinched at the accusation, and she glared at Kelly angrily.  "So you decided you'd take him off my hands?"  She asked pointedly.

            "I thought you were losing interest in Dylan."  Kelly said defensively.  "I mean you got back from Paris and told me all about your fling with Rick, then you were all excited about going away to College.  What was I supposed to think?"

            Abruptly Brenda got up "I need more coffee" she mumbled, heading quickly in the direction of the kitchen.

"Is that it?"  Kelly protested, bitterly disappointed.  "I'm honest with you and as soon as it's your turn you run away?   

"I'm not the one on trial here.  I didn't do anything wrong".  Brenda tossed back over her shoulder as she continued towards the kitchen.

"Really, are you absolutely sure about that?" Kelly shouted at Brenda's retreating back.  Brenda froze for an instant as the words hit their mark, then she kept walking.

***

            Breathing hard, Brenda filled the kettle and started the water boiling.  She knew that Kelly had a point.  She hadn't exactly made things easy for Dylan.  First there had been the events leading to her banishment to Paris, none of which had been Dylan's fault.  Then there had been her relationship with Rick.  She was deeply ashamed of what had happened with Rick, even though Dylan had forgiven her, she still hadn't forgiven herself.  

Her behaviour since returning from Paris hadn't been exemplary either. She knew that she had been distant and preoccupied, neglecting Dylan in favour of studying. She'd made the mistake of trying to plan his future, and even worse she had tried to change him.  She flushed as she remembered how she had endeavoured to make him more like the type of guy her father would approve of, instead of the guy she knew and loved.  

            Was this all her fault?  Had she inadvertently pushed Dylan in to Kelly's arms?  She frowned.  Dylan didn't deal well with rejection, had she made him think that he wasn't good enough?  Had she driven him away with her hurtful behaviour?  She rubbed the back of her hand across her eyes, stemming the tears that were threatening again.  She didn't want to believe it but what if it was true?  

Brenda realised that she was shaking.  She reached forward and gripped the edge of the sink to steady herself. Closing her eyes, and slowing her breathing, she struggled to calm down, to think clearly.  Somehow she had allowed Kelly to turn the tables, to gain the initiative, she had made herself vulnerable. 

            Her eyes flew open as Kelly's hand touched her shoulder "Come on Brenda, I've been honest with you, all I'm asking is that you do the same."  

Brenda took a deep breath.  After everything that had happened she was reluctant to open up to Kelly.  She was afraid that if she did Kelly would be able to hurt her again, yet she saw only curiosity reflected in Kelly's eyes, there was no trace of cruelty or malice.  

"I was having doubts" she admitted hesitantly.  "I was starting to wonder if Dylan was right for me."  She looked sadly at Kelly "we just seemed to want different things, to be moving in two completely different directions."  She swiped quickly at the tears that had escaped, aware that if she opened the floodgates now she would be unable to stop. 

Kelly nodded sympathetically.  She knew all about Brenda's concerns, after all she thought guiltily, she'd been the one Brenda had shared them with.  "And Rick?"  She asked gently.

Inwardly Brenda cringed, she hadn't been very fair to Rick, and she certainly hadn't been straight with him, at least not at first.  "Everything with Dylan was just so hard, spending time with Rick was a relief."  She smiled ruefully.  Rick was a great guy.  It's just that…."

             "He wasn't Dylan."  Kelly finished the sentence for her.  They both smiled, sharing a brief moment of understanding.   Kelly sighed.  What was it about Dylan McKay?  It wasn't just the dark good looks; the mean and moody exterior masking the little boy vulnerability, there was more to Dylan than that.  It was as though he could get under your skin somehow.  It didn't seem to matter what he said or did he still left you wanting to be with him.

In that brief moment Brenda wanted to tell Kelly how much she had missed her.  She was tempted to say 'lets forget the whole thing, lets go back to being friends.'  Kelly had been honest with her, she hadn't deliberately set out to hurt her, it had just happened, a combination of circumstances.  Didn't she deserve a second chance?  Didn't everyone?  Life would be so much easier if she had her best friend back.  Slowly she began to form the words, hesitantly she opened her mouth to say them, and then jumped at the shrill whistle that signalled that the kettle had boiled.  

            Unaware of just how close she had been to breaking through Brenda's defences, Kelly poured the boiling water in to the cups, added cream and sugar, and carried them over to the table.  She settled back down in her chair, and took a welcome sip of her coffee.  

Brenda watched her in silence, ruminating on what had been said.  She couldn't believe how close she'd been to forgiving Kelly.  Only the timely intervention of the whistling kettle had prevented her from doing so.  It had served as a wake up call, snapped her out of her vulnerable state, and brought her back to reality. She had wanted so desperately to believe Kelly that she had allowed herself to be blinded by her emotions, to let down the walls that she had put up between them. She hadn't been thinking straight, but she was seeing things clearly now and she could see that it didn't add up, it didn't add up at all.  

No matter what she wanted to believe, deep down she knew that if Kelly were really her friend she wouldn't have betrayed her no matter how strongly she felt about Dylan.  The pain and humiliation returned and along with it a fresh surge of anger. 

            "Maybe I was having doubts about Dylan, but that still doesn't excuse what you did" she said icily.

            Kelly blinked in surprise at the sudden change in Brenda's tone.  Disconcerted she fumbled clumsily with her cup and spilt some of her coffee, wincing as the hot liquid splashed her hand.

Brenda regarded her coolly "You'd better get some cold water on that."  

"It's fine." Kelly said awkwardly, pulling the sleeve of her sweater over her hand so that Brenda couldn't see the burn.  She shifted uncomfortably in her seat unable to meet Brenda's eyes.  

She didn't want Brenda to be right; she didn't want to admit that what she had done was wrong.  She'd told herself so many times that it wasn't her fault and that she wasn't to blame.  She had been vulnerable, she'd fallen in love with Dylan, she hadn't been able to help herself, it had just happened.  But deep down she had always known that those were just excuses.  She turned remorseful eyes on Brenda. 

"You're right." she said softly. "What I did to you was wrong".  She hesitated, finding this difficult. "It was all my fault, I've been a terrible friend and I'm sorry, really sorry."

Brenda was startled by the sudden admission.  There were no excuses, no accusations, just an admission of guilt and a plain and simple apology.  She was completely disarmed, and the scathing comments she had been about to utter died on her lips.

Kelly fidgeted uneasily, turning the coffee cup around in her hands.  In silence Brenda walked over to the table.  In silence she sat down, reached for her coffee, and raised it to her lips.  Kelly watched her nervously, waiting, but Brenda remained silent.  Eventually Kelly could stand it no more "Aren't you at least going to say something?" she asked in frustration.

Brenda put down her cup and regarded Kelly contemplatively.  "You want the truth?" she asked.

Kelly nodded anxiously "Yes".

Brenda sighed heavily. "The truth is right now I don't know what to say."

"Well" Kelly began hopefully "You could say that you'll accept my apology."

"I could" Brenda agreed "If I believed it."

"And do you?" Kelly asked, her voice tight with tension.  

Brenda drew in a deep breath and released it slowly "Yes."

Kelly couldn't believe it "Then it's alright, everything's alright."  Her face lit up in a smile. "Oh Brenda you don't know how much I've wanted to sort things out between us.  I've really missed you".  She moved towards Brenda intending to hug her. 

Brenda pulled away sharply.  "Kelly this doesn't change anything.  Things are still not right between us.  We're not friends" she spoke calmly but firmly.

Kelly was stung by the harshness of the words "But I thought that you understood" she stammered.  "I thought you believed me."  She looked at Brenda in confusion "I don't understand".

"Kelly you were my best friend and you betrayed me.  It doesn't matter how sorry you are, it doesn't change the fact that it happened" Brenda said solemnly.

Kelly found that she couldn't stop the tears "Then what do I have to do to make it right.  Just tell me" she begged.

Blinking back her own tears Brenda shook her head sadly "It doesn't work that way Kelly.  What you did, it changed things between us.  We can never go back to the way things were."

"Couldn't we go forward, start again?" Kelly asked hopefully.

Brenda looked at her regretfully "I don't think so."

"I made a mistake" Kelly said bitterly "Am I gonna have to pay for it for the rest of my life."

Brenda shrugged "You have Dylan.  I don't think you're paying too heavily."

Kelly shook her head ruefully "I don't have Dylan.  I never really had Dylan, I only thought I did."

Brenda was completely bewildered.  She looked at Kelly in confusion "What are talking about?"

"Dylan doesn't love me Brenda".  Kelly spoke as if Brenda were a small child "He loves you."  She couldn't keep the resentment out of her voice.  "I guess I should have known you'd win.  You always do."

Brenda's eyes were wide with shock.  She stared at Kelly uncomprehending, unable to form a thought let alone a response.  Dylan still loved her.

Kelly laughed bitterly at Brenda's expression "Oh don't pretend you're surprised, we both know that's the way it always works out, you always come off best"

"Kelly it's not a competition."  Brenda admonished finally finding her voice. 

"Maybe not to you" Kelly agreed.  "But then you've got everything haven't you.  The perfect family, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect life." 

Brenda frowned. There had always been an edge to their friendship, a thread of jealousy on both sides, she'd always feared that one day it would tear them apart.  "You think my life's perfect.  Have you been walking around with your eyes shut these last three years?"  She was incredulous.

Kelly sighed heavily.  "You have no idea how many times I've wished I could trade places with you."

"So you thought you'd start out with my boyfriend.  What was next, were you gonna move in on my family?"  Brenda asked sarcastically.  "You have to create your own life Kelly, you can't just take mine."

"I know and I'm trying."  Kelly protested. "I finally applied to College you know.  Andrea helped me worked out my priorities."  She smiled. "Looks like I'll be joining you at California University next year."

Brenda shifted uncomfortably, unable to meet Kelly's eyes.  Kelly noticed Brenda's discomfort "Is that going to be a problem?"

Brenda hesitated.  She hadn't planned on revealing her secret just yet, but tonight seemed to be the night for confessions.  "I'm not going to California University" she admitted. "I'm going to London right after graduation.  I'm touring in a production of Romeo and Juliet all summer and in the fall I start at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts."

Kelly was stunned.  "I had no idea."  She screwed up her face in concentration "I was sure that Donna said you were going to school here."

"Donna doesn't know."  Brenda admitted stiffly. "In fact nobody knows."

"Is it because of me?  Because of me and Dylan?"  Kelly asked guiltily, her eyes full of remorse.  "Because you don't have to leave.  It's over between us." She winced.  Just saying the words was painful.

"It's not about you, at least not anymore."  Brenda explained.

"What about Dylan?" Kelly asked bluntly.

Brenda frowned.  "What about him?"

"He needs you."  Kelly leant forward eagerly "He needs you Brenda.  If you have any feelings left for him at all you'll help him.  You're the only one who can."

Brenda regarded her warily.  She almost didn't want to ask. "Then I guess you'd better fill me in" she said resignedly.

***

            Kelly talked for the next few minutes without interruption.  Brenda listened, but in her mind she was no longer sitting at the kitchen in table, she was back at the Peach Pit, looking down the barrel of that gun. Kelly was right; she was the only one who could understand what Dylan was going through.  She was the only one who had experienced it.  Even now she had broken out in a cold sweat just thinking about that night.  It had all been over in a matter of seconds.  She hadn't been physically harmed, but the memory of those seconds when that gun was pointed at her would haunt Brenda for the rest of her life.  

Kelly finally finished talking.  It had been quite a speech and she only hoped that she had conveyed the urgency of the situation. She looked at Brenda expectantly.  She knew that she was asking a lot and she wouldn't blame Brenda if she said no.  "So" she said anxiously.  "Will you talk to Dylan?"

Brenda hesitated, already balking at the prospect of being alone with Dylan.

"Well?"  Kelly prodded.

"Okay. I'll do it" Brenda conceded, hoping that she wouldn't live to regret her decision.

Kelly was delighted "I knew you'd come through.  I just knew it" she exclaimed breathlessly.

"Yeah well I only said I'd talk to him I'm not promising anything."  Brenda said hastily.  "You know how stubborn Dylan can be."

"Thank you."  Kelly said softly, meaning it. "I know it can't be easy."

Brenda nodded "You're welcome."

***

            As she stepped out in to the cool night air, Kelly Taylor sighed heavily.  She'd done it, achieved what she'd set out to achieve, she'd gotten Brenda to agree to help.  It had been a remarkable night.  She and Brenda had called a truce and they had finally reached an understanding.  But her happiness was marred by regret.  They might have reached an understanding, but they weren't friends, Brenda had been very clear about that.  As she took one final glance back at the house, she wished with all her heart that they were.

***

            Dylan McKay was drunk.  He couldn't remember exactly when he'd started drinking or indeed how much he'd had, but he was sure of one thing, he hadn't had enough.  The knocking had been going on for about 10 minutes now.  He had been deliberately ignoring it, but whoever it was refused to give up.  Dylan scowled. No doubt it was Kelly come to play counsellor again.  She hadn't been around in a few days; maybe she'd figured he'd be ready to talk by now.  Why couldn't she just go away, leave him alone?  Angrily he stomped over to the door and flung it open. 

 "How many times do I have to tell you I don't want to talk."  He yelled furiously.

Standing on the porch Brenda Walsh smiled tightly "Well that's too bad because you know what Dylan I do."


	42. Chapter 44

**Author's note:  **

**Thanks for your continuing interest in this story – the reviews are really helpful and motivating.  Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter, but I've had zero writing time recently.  This was one chapter I wanted to get right, so I didn't want to rush it off just for the sake of posting.  Hopefully it'll live up to everyone's expectations!  Enjoy!  P.S. In case you wondering, I haven't forgotten about the mysterious object that Dylan is carrying around – it will be revealed before the story's end.**

For a moment Dylan thought he was hallucinating.  He'd put away a lot of liquor tonight; perhaps his alcohol-addled mind was playing tricks on him, conjuring up her image just to torment him.  He blinked, rubbed a hand across his eyes, and took another look.  He was afraid that she would be gone, but she was still there.  He caught his breath.  She was as beautiful as ever; lustrous dark hair tied back, save for the stray tendrils that curled seductively to her chin on either side. Her sweater matched her eyes, making them appear startlingly blue.  She had lost weight he noticed with a jolt.  It suited her, gave her cheekbones that somehow heightened her intensity and made her even more distinctive.  His eyes settled on her lips, tonight painted a dark red, he had always thought that shade suited her.  How he longed to kiss those lips.  Overwhelmed and a little unsteady, he lent against the wall for support.

 He couldn't understand what she was doing here.  Had he called her, asked her to come over?  He'd certainly thought about it often enough, but he didn't remember actually doing it.  Still he had had a lot to drink.  He shook his head trying to clear the fog that was surrounding his brain.  Just being around her awakened all kinds of feelings, feelings that he'd been trying to bury.  He longed to reach out and touch her, but instead he gripped the doorframe tightly.  

"So are you going to invite me in or do I have to stand out here all night?"  Brenda asked, cutting through his chaotic thoughts.  The calmness of her tone belied the inner turmoil she was feeling at the closeness of his presence.  This was just too weird.  She had shared a level of intimacy with Dylan that she had never shared with anyone else.  She had shared more than just her body, she had shared her hopes and dreams, her inner most thoughts and feelings.  Being around him now was incredibly painful and disturbing yet at the same time his familiar presence was strangely comforting.  

They had crossed the boundary from strangers to friends to lovers, but now they were none of those things.  Now she didn't know what they were.  They hadn't re-defined their relationship; there was no rulebook to follow.  They weren't enemies, but they weren't friends either.  He had betrayed her in the worst possible way, he had hurt her terribly and yet she still loved him.  How could you love and hate someone at the same time?  She found herself caught between wanting to hurt him and wanting to help him and she didn't know what to do.  

  Mutely Dylan stepped back from the door, allowing her to enter. He couldn't believe it; she was here, really here.  Despite his intoxication, or perhaps because of it, a feeling of hope welled up inside him.  Could she have come back to him?  Could she have forgiven him for what he had done to her?  He desperately wanted to believe that it was true, but how could it be?  

A little unsteady on his feet, partly from the alcohol, but mostly from the overwhelming effect of suddenly being confronted by Brenda, he weaved his way back to the couch and sank in to it gratefully.  The room was spinning slightly, but he couldn't be sure if it was due to the alcohol or the dizzying feeling of hope that Brenda might still love him.  Leaning his head back against the couch, he squeezed his eyes shut and waited for the room to stop moving.  

***

Stepping through the door, Brenda frowned distastefully as her nose was immediately assaulted by the smell of stale alcohol.  Her gaze flicked around the room, taking in the empty bottles and cans that littered the coffee table and spilled over on to the floor.  There were rumpled clothes slung carelessly across the back of the couch and a stack of unopened mail lay by the door.  He had obviously been this way for several days.  Brenda sighed.  Kelly had warned her what to expect, but that didn't make it any easier. 

"I can't say I like what you've done with the place" she observed wryly.

 Hesitantly Dylan opened his eyes and squinted at his surroundings as if noticing them for the first time. "I haven't had a lot of time for cleaning lately, I've been busy."  He was half apologetic, half defensive.

"I can see that" Brenda retorted, looking pointedly at the empty bottles.

Dylan's eyes shifted guiltily from the bottles to Brenda.   Stubbornly he held her gaze.  Slowly his lips curled in to a half smile.  "Well if I'd known you were dropping by I'd have cleaned the place up.  I wasn't exactly expecting visitors."  His words were ever so slightly slurred, reminding her that he was inebriated and not really himself.

Brenda hesitated.  Dylan looked like hell.  Several inches of stubble graced his chin, his face was deathly pale and dark circles underscored his eyes.  He had lost weight too.  He had always been lean, but now his clothes hung off him and his face was gaunt and strained.  His eyes burned brightly, too brightly.  She wondered uneasily just how much he'd had to drink.  

She wanted to reach out to him, to take him in her arms, to tell him that everything was gonna be okay, but she knew that she couldn't do that.  She couldn't let her emotions take control; she couldn't allow him to hurt her again. Tentatively she took a step towards him "Dylan you need help" she said gently.

Dylan's features contorted in to a frown.  She wasn't here because she loved him, but because she felt sorry for him. "I need help and here you are to save me" he said bitterly.  He shook his head in disgust. "That figures. You Walshes, you never give up do you?"  He laughed but there was no humour in it.  "Haven't you realised by now that I'm a lost cause?"  

He reached for the bottle next to him and clumsily filled a shot glass, spilling some of the scotch on the coffee table.  He didn't seem to notice.  A little unsteadily he offered the glass to Brenda who glared at him furiously.  Shrugging he brought the glass to his lips and downed the contents.  Brenda winced.  She'd seen Dylan drunk before and it was never good.  She wanted to grab the bottle from him, to pour the destructive liquid down the sink, but she knew he'd never let her.

His eyes narrowed and he regarded her critically.  "But you still think you can save me don't you Brenda?  I'll bet right now you're wondering how you can get this bottle out of my hand aren't you?"  

Brenda coloured and looked away guiltily.  It was all the confirmation he needed.

Dylan sighed heavily. "That's the thing about you Bren, you never did know when to quit."

Despite herself Brenda couldn't help rising to the bait "And what's that supposed to mean?"  She demanded.

He found he couldn't look at her.  "It means that you've got to realise that some people don't want to be saved."

"Meaning you?"  She asked, her voice tight with emotion.

"Maybe."  He admitted softly, still refusing to meet her eyes.

Brenda shook her head, eyes glittering with indignation "I don't believe that."

Dylan rolled his eyes in exasperation. "You see right there, that's exactly what I mean" he snapped.

"So what are you saying that I should just walk out of here and leave you to drink yourself to death?"  Brenda asked, desperately trying to quell the rising panic that threatened to consume her.  She'd seen Dylan drunk before, she'd seen him depressed before, but she'd never seen him like this.

 "Yes that's exactly what I'm saying" Dylan spoke so quietly it was practically a whisper.

"Dylan you're scaring me."  The urgency in her voice got his attention and he looked up sharply.  It was then that she realised that he was crying.  She watched in horrified amazement as silent tears slid down his cheeks.

"I'm tired of fighting Bren." He confessed.  "Trying to do the right thing, trying to be like everybody else, but never quite managing to match up."  He wiped a hand across his eyes, gazed at her sadly.  "I can't keep doing it."  He looked at the bottle ruefully "The desire to drink is always there every day, it never goes away.  I just decided to stop fighting it that's all."

"So you're just gonna give in?  Just like that?  After everything you've been through." She shook her head "That's so typical of you to take the easy way out."

Dylan held up his hands in protest "Hey I just decided to be smart for once.  I'm never gonna be good enough, not for people like your father.  I'm never gonna beat my addiction, I'm never gonna be like everybody else."  He shrugged "Why waste my time trying?"

Brenda was furious.  "You're not being smart Dylan, you're being a coward.  You're running away from your problems, hiding from them in the bottom of that bottle."  She rounded on him angrily.   "I don't know why I'm surprised, I mean you run away, you take the easy way out, it's what you do.  It's what you always do."  All the pain, all the resentment was pouring out of her now and she no longer tried to hold it back.

"That's not true" Dylan countered angrily.  "When things got difficult for us I didn't run away, I stayed and fought for us.  I put up with everything that your father threw at me.  I stood by you."

"Not this time you didn't."  Brenda hissed.  "This time you ran away to Kelly".

They stared at each other for a moment in silence, the accusation hung in the air between them.  Brenda realised that she was shaking.  She had bottled up her feelings towards Dylan for so long, the strength of her anger surprised her.

Alcohol had loosened Dylan's tongue and his inhibitions, for once he was ready to say what he really felt and damn the consequences. "You're right I did run away with Kelly and do you know why?" He asked angrily.

"No I don't know why" Brenda replied quietly. "Why don't you tell me." She raised her chin, stubbornly refusing to be intimidated.  Taking a deep breath, she braced herself for whatever painful revelation was coming.

When he looked back at her Dylan's eyes were accusatory  "Because she doesn't expect me to be anything more than what I am."

"What?"  Brenda stammered "Dylan I don't understand."  

Dylan sighed. "It's pretty simple really Bren.  I'm never gonna be what you want me to be".  He shook his head sadly "Everything you've risked, everything you've gone through to be with me, you did that because you believe in me."

"That's right, I do believe in you Dylan, I've always believed in you" Brenda exclaimed tearfully.

Dylan wiped his eyes, a futile attempt to stop the tears that were flowing.  "I don't deserve that belief Bren.  You're looking for a guy that you can be proud of, that your father will accept, a guy who can give you the kind of life you deserve."  He spoke solemnly "Brenda I'm not that guy."

"But I am proud of you Dylan.  Can't you see that?"  Brenda asked desperately.

 Dylan shook his head. "Brenda no matter how hard I try, I'm always gonna let you down.  I know it, your father knows it and you know it.  But you just keep fighting it, you keep trying to make it better, make me better."  

He hesitated, scratched awkwardly at the back of his head "Bren your father felt so strongly about us, that he sent you to Paris for the summer just to get you away from me.  How do you think that made me feel?"

He looked so wretched that Brenda's heart went out to him.  She edged a little closer. "Dylan I know that it's hard, but we've been through so much and we've always come through it together.  I didn't give up on you, why did you give up on me?

 "I've spent my whole life being rejected by the people I love.  I thought your family was different, I thought it was special.  I let myself get close, too close and that's what made the rejection so much harder to take".   He looked at her miserably "I got the message loud and clear, I'm not good enough."

Brenda gasped. "Dylan that's not true, my father was just mad because I lied to him."

Dylan shook his head.  "Brenda if you'd wanted to go to Mexico with someone else, someone like Rick" he winced even as he spoke the name "you wouldn't have had to lie to him, he'd have given you his blessing.  And that's exactly what I've been trying to tell you."

Brenda wanted to argue, to tell him that he was wrong, but she knew that he wasn't.  Her silence spoke volumes, and they regarded each other awkwardly, neither knowing what to do or say.  Eventually Dylan spoke.

"When I was in that gas station and that guy pointed his gun at me, I thought I was gonna die" he said hesitantly.  "I was scared Bren, I was so scared."

"I know."  Brenda said softly, shuddering, as his words dredged up memories of her own that she had tried to bury.

He shook his head.  "I thought that I was gonna die and there was nothing that I could do about it."  His throat was tight with emotion and he had to fight to get the words out " In that moment he had the power to decide whether I lived or died.  One little squeeze of the trigger and my life would have been over."

"I know Dylan, I know what you're going through, I've been there." She squeezed his hand reassuringly.

Dylan continued almost to himself. "I keep replaying it in my head over and over, I can't shut it out, it's always there."

"I know. it was like that for me too."  Brenda admitted. "But it's gonna be okay Dylan, I promise you, you can get through it, I'll help you."

"No."  Dylan shook his head vehemently "It's not going to be okay, it's never going to be okay Bren, you don't understand."

Brenda looked at him anxiously, he was trembling "Then tell me Dylan, make me understand."

"Dylan took a deep breath and then turned tearful eyes on her.  His words were slow and forced as though each one cost him effort "When that gun was pointed at me" he said carefully "I thought about my life, what I'd achieved, the sort of man I've become."  He hesitated, unable to continue.

Puzzled, Brenda nodded.  "It's okay Dylan you can tell me, whatever it is we can deal with it."

He buried his face in his hands. "No we can't deal with it Bren, that's just it, I don't know how to deal with it."

"Dylan what is it?  Tell me?"  Brenda begged, gently pulling his hands away.

"Please Brenda you have to help me" Dylan pleaded. "I don't know what to do."

"I will help you Dylan, I promise, but I can't help you unless you tell me what's wrong" Brenda said gently.  She knew that painful as this was, whatever had happened, she had to get him to talk about it, it was the only way he could move on.  "Please Dylan, tell me what it is" she coaxed.

Dylan swallowed hard.  He had kept this bottled up for so long, refused to deal with it, but Brenda had gotten him to the point where he needed to say it. "I wanted him to pull the trigger" he whispered.  He looked at Brenda intently "I wanted to die.  I've messed up my life and he was offering me an easy way out."  He turned tortured eyes on her.  "So tell me how can anything ever be okay again?"

Brenda felt as though all the breath had been knocked out of her.  She stared at him in stunned silence, her brain reeling, unable to make sense of the words.

Dylan could hold it together no longer, his resolve crumbled the last vestiges of strength drained away.  He was trembling uncontrollably, his entire body wracked by painful sobs.  Brenda reacted instinctively, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him close.  She hugged him tightly, trying to calm him down and at the same time come to terms with her own feelings.

"I need you Bren" Dylan begged. "I need you to save me."  

"I know."  Was all she said.  They stayed like that for a long time, Brenda couldn't tell how long, could have been minutes could have been hours, it was as if time stood still and the whole of the world went away.

***

Slowly, Dylan became aware of his surroundings, aware that his face was buried in Brenda's shoulder, his arms wrapped around her body.  It felt so right so safe. He just wanted to forget about everything and lose himself in her the way that he used to.  Slowly he turned his head; gently he began to kiss her neck.  It felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Carried away with the emotion of the night and her desire for Dylan, Brenda found herself responding to his kisses.  She turned her head so that his lips met hers, and everything else melted away.  Their kissing became more urgent, Dylan reached under Brenda's sweater, his hands hungrily exploring.

"No." Brenda shouted, recoiling so violently that Dylan jumped.  "We can't.  Not now, not like this."

"Why not?" Dylan asked hurt and bewildered.

"Because it's not right.  I want to help you Dylan but not this way."  She sighed heavily.  "If we're ever going to be together again, it has to be for the right reasons."  Dylan opened his mouth to protest but Brenda cut him off "Not because you're scared or you're depressed, or because you think it will make your problems go away."

Slowly, eyes still on Dylan, she got up from the couch.  Reaching in her pocket she retrieved a crumpled piece of paper and placed it on the coffee table in front of him.

Dylan looked at her in confusion.  "I don't understand.  What are you doing?"

"I'm saving you" she said simply, then she walked straight out of the door and she didn't stop until she reached her car.  Sliding in behind the wheel she lent her head back against the seat and shut her eyes, taking several deep breaths.  She had taken a gamble, a huge gamble and she wasn't sure if it was going to pay off.  Dylan was in a terrible state and she had just walked out and left him.  She didn't want to leave him; she wanted to run back in there, to hold him, to tell him that everything was going to be all right.  Instead she turned the key in the ignition and drove off in to the night.

***

            Dylan's gaze moved deliberately from the piece of paper to the bottle of whisky and back again.  He'd been sitting there just staring at the two objects on his coffee table for hours now.  His senses were reeling and his nerves were in tatters.  He had no idea what had just happened between him and Brenda.  She had taken him to the brink of emotional collapse and then brought him right the way back.  And then she had walked out and left him.  He didn't know what to do, what to think, all he knew was that he needed her.  She had said that she was saving him, but he didn't see how.  He badly needed a drink, he was starting to sober up and that meant that he was starting to feel again.  The pain of a hangover he could deal with, but the rest of his problems, he wasn't sure he could deal with those.

Decisively he pushed the bottle of whisky away from him; just looking at it was making him feel nauseous.  Slowly, tentatively he reached for the crumpled paper.  Hesitantly he unfolded it, Brenda's handwriting danced in front of his eyes.

            'I love you Dylan and because I love you I want you to call this number.  You were there for me when I needed you, please let me be here for you now.'  Underneath was written a name and number.


	43. Chapter 45

Brandon Walsh yawned widely, rubbing eyes that were tired from too much reading.  He was exhausted. Needing a brief moment of respite, he put down his pencil and took a bite from the Danish that Andrea had brought him a little earlier. He chewed slowly, savouring the taste of the pastry before washing it down with the coffee that had been slowly cooling next to him for the last few minutes.  Feeling better, he turned his attention back to the pile of articles stacked up on the desk in front of him.  He sighed heavily, he'd been at this for a good two hours now and the stack of unread articles was still higher than the stack of read ones.  Resignedly he retrieved his pencil and reached for the article at the top of the pile.  

From her desk on the other side of the newspaper office Andrea Zuckerman studied him surreptitiously.  They would be graduating in a week, leaving high school behind.  This was her last editorial, soon she would be handing over the reigns of 'The Blaze' and moving on to bigger things, or so she hoped.  She and Brandon wanted to make this farewell edition one to remember.  They were currently sifting through the latest batch of submissions trying to put together the final copy, but for once Andrea was having a hard time concentrating.

At one point senior year had seemed to be stretching endlessly before her, now it was slipping away faster with every passing day.  Moments like this, sitting in 'The Blaze' office with Brandon wrestling over the final layout, hanging out with him at the Peach Pit, studying together in the school library, would soon be a thing of the past.  In the fall she would be leaving for Yale and he would be staying here in California.  Oh sure they would keep in touch, but it wouldn't be the same.  She wouldn't get to see him every day; she wouldn't get to spend time with him.  She frowned.  She envied those who would.

For as long as she could remember she had wanted to go to Yale, it had been a dream since childhood.  Now it was actually happening her feelings about it were bittersweet.  She wanted to go, of course she did, the prospect of furthering her knowledge, pushing herself to her academic limits was intoxicating, it was what she had worked so hard for all these years.  The problem was that going away to Yale would take her away from Brandon and leaving Brandon behind was something she was reluctant to do.

  She sighed heavily.  Brandon didn't love her, at least not in the way that she wanted him to.  At one point she had thought that he might, but nothing had come of it.  Instead she had been relegated to watching from the sidelines while he fell in and out of love with a host of other girls.  Eventually she had decided it would be easiest to bury her feelings, make do with being Brandon's friend.  At least that way she would be able to be close to him and maybe just maybe one day Brandon would realise what had been right in front of him all along.  She sighed heavily.  It hadn't happened and soon she would be leaving.  She was afraid that out of sight would mean out of mind.  

It wasn't even as though either of them was attached anymore.  Brandon and Nikki had gone their separate ways when she moved back to be with her family in San Francisco and her relationship with Jay had finally fallen apart last week.  Whilst she was sad, she wasn't heart broken.  The truth was she had never been in love with Jay.  Her heart belonged to Brandon Walsh; she just couldn't bring herself to tell him. 

Her talk with Kelly a few months back had given her a new perspective on things.  Listening to Kelly had made her realise that as far as love was concerned you had to take a chance.  Maybe things wouldn't turn out the way you wanted them to, but at least you would know you had tried.  She smiled ruefully, things hadn't worked out so well for Kelly, but at least she had taken the risk rather than do nothing and spend the rest of her life wondering about what might have been. 

Andrea had decided that she couldn't leave for Yale without telling Brandon how she really felt about him.  Maybe he wouldn't feel the same way, but there was still that possibility, no matter how remote, that he might.  She'd held back for so long out of deference to their friendship, but now she was ready to take a chance.  If it didn't work out, well she would be leaving anyway and at least she would know for sure.  If it did, if it did work out, the prospect was too thrilling to even contemplate.

She'd been trying to find the right moment for a while now, but every time she had started the conversation something had gotten in the way.  Now here they were alone in the newspaper office, with no distractions and no chance of being interrupted because everyone else had long since left for home.  It was a perfect opportunity and she had to take it.  No regrets, that was her new motto and she was determined to stay true to it.  She swallowed nervously, feeling her heart beat a little faster.  

"Brandon" she began hesitantly "There's something I need to tell you."

Eyes riveted on the article in front of him, Brandon didn't even register that she had spoken.

"Brandon" she tried again a little louder.  

Startled, as though he had been woken suddenly from a deep sleep, Brandon turned towards her.  He had the most curious expression on his face, a mixture of shock, anger, disbelief and something else, something she couldn't quite place.

Andrea looked at him in confusion, wondering what on earth could have provoked such a reaction.  "Brandon, what is it?  What's wrong?" she asked in alarm, all thoughts of confessing her feelings instantly forgotten.

"Andrea" Brandon said stiffly "I think you'd better take a look at this."  

***

"I'm sorry Bren, I am happy for you really I am.  It's just that I don't want you to go" Donna admitted sadly.  "I'll miss you."

Brenda nodded sympathetically "I'll miss you too Donna."  Her face brightened "but you can come visit and there's always the holidays, I'll be back for them."  

"But Christmas is over seven months away" Donna said miserably.  She picked up her slice of pizza, looked at it listlessly and dropped it back on the plate "It won't be the same, we won't be able to hang out everyday, I won't be able to talk to you the way I do now."

"Of course you will Donna, I'll only ever be a phone call away" Brenda reminded her.  

"It's not the same" Donna protested tearfully.  "You say that you'll keep in touch, but you won't. You'll get caught up in your new life and your new friends in London and pretty soon you'll forget all about me."  She pulled another tissue out of her jeans pocket and blew her nose hard.

"Hey come on, you know that's not true." Brenda said gently, putting her arm around Donna's shoulders comfortingly.  "Donna I'll always be there for you, you know that."

Donna broke in to fresh tears "If you were really my friend you wouldn't leave me, not right now."  She turned doleful eyes on Brenda "I need you Bren, please don't go."  

Brenda winced, feeling guilty.  She hated to see Donna so upset, but it couldn't be helped.  "I'm sorry Donna" she said softly "but this is a big opportunity for me.  I have to go." 

"No you don't" Donna exclaimed bitterly.  "You could stay here, go to California University.  They have a great drama programme."  She knew that she wasn't being fair, but she didn't feel very fair right now.  With everything that was going on in her life at the moment she desperately needed the support of her friends and it felt like Brenda was abandoning her.

Brenda shook her head "You know I can't do that Donna" she said firmly.  She frowned.  She would be leaving in a little over a week and every day the thought of going away was getting harder.  The idea of uprooting from Beverly Hills, striking out on her own halfway around the world was daunting.

It was hard.  Leaving behind the people you loved was never easy, but when they were hurt or in trouble, when they needed you, leaving them was agony.  She knew that she was letting Donna down.  She was abandoning her friend right when she needed her most and she felt bad about it, really bad.  She sighed heavily.  Donna wasn't the only one who needed her; there was someone else, someone who needed her even more and she couldn't help but feel that she was letting him down too.

***

Kate Reilly gazed contemplatively at the young man seated opposite her.  He was her last appointment in what had been a hectic day.  She sighed.  Sometimes she hated her job, wished she'd followed her father in to his law practice.  She had turned thirty-two last week but some days she felt so much older.  

'That's what this job'll do to you Kate' her boss Gabe Kirsch had warned her once 'turn you old before your time.'  She smiled at the memory, Gabe was in his late forties, balding and thirty pounds overweight.  His penchant for junk food and his addiction to cheap cigarettes made him a heart attack waiting to happen. His stress levels were through the roof thanks to the demands of his overbearing wife Nadine and their five kids.  His perennially gloomy demeanour and unshakeable conviction that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, had earned him the nickname 'doom' amongst the rest of his staff, most of whom couldn't take him seriously. 

Some days though Kate couldn't help but agree with him.  You couldn't save everyone. It was a hard lesson and one that she had learned early in her career, just after she had qualified.  Back then she had been a young idealistic therapist ready to take on the world.  Now she was a jaded and slightly cynical professional.  Most of the time she could handle it, she had learnt to deal with it, to accept defeat gracefully and move on, but every now and then a patient got to her.

She knew that she was sometimes guilty of getting too involved, of taking her work home with her.  Too many of her relationships had ended because she'd been so caught up in trying to help her patient that she had neglected the man in her life.  Her sister was three years younger and already married with two kids and another on the way, whereas Kate couldn't seem to sustain a long-term relationship.  

Sometimes she wondered if it was all worth it.  Was she wasting her time and her talents toiling away with very little to show for it.  The problem with her line of work was that victories were few and far between.  More often than not, weeks of painstaking work, drawing someone out little by little, ended with the patient relapsing and the whole process had to begin again.

Occasionally though, very occasionally you made a difference and that was what made it all worthwhile.  This patient had really gotten to her and she'd put her heart and soul in to trying to help him.  She knew that the first rule of counselling, was not to get too involved, but something about him about his sadness had called out to her and she had been determined not to add him to the list of failures.  

Over the last two months she had slowly coaxed him in to talking about himself, about his life and the people in it.  At times it had been frustrating when he had shut down, closed himself off, but just when she'd been about to give up she had reached him.  He still had a long way to go, she was astute enough to realise that, but she had brought him through a personal crisis.  Next week he would be leaving the clinic, returning to the outside world stronger and more able to face the challenges ahead and at least a part of that was down to her.

Yep some days she wondered if it was all really worth it, but today wasn't one of those days.   A strand of blonde hair had escaped from her loosely tied ponytail.  Tucking it behind her ear she smiled warmly at the dark haired young man seated opposite her.

"So Dylan, what would you like to talk about today?"  


	44. Chapter 46

**Author's note**

**Sorry for the delay in posting, but work has been crazy!  As you'll notice this is a pretty long chapter, but it had to be, to enable me to tie up all the sub plots.  Thanks for reading!**

"And the condemned man ate a hearty last meal."

Guiltily Steve Sanders looked up from his half-eaten mega burger and fries to find Brandon Walsh standing in front of him.  "So you read it" he concluded sheepishly.

"Yeah I read it" Brandon confirmed. "And now I want an explanation."  Angrily he dumped the offending article down on the table in front of Steve.  

"Breaking in to the school, cheating in the finals and then sitting back and letting Donna and David take the fall."   He shook his head in disgust "Steve you've pulled some lame stunts in the past but this.  What the hell were you thinking?"

"I screwed up Brandon."  Steve admitted softly. "This time I really screwed up."

"You always screw up Steve" Brandon exclaimed in frustration. "You keep on screwing up."  He glared at Steve angrily "And you know something, I'm getting pretty tired of bailing you out of trouble."

"I know."  Steve's face was ashen and he looked as though he hadn't slept properly in weeks.  "Look Brandon" he said desperately "You've gotta believe me I never meant for any of this to happen.  I just wanted to get a look at the finals papers that's all.  Things just got out of control."

            "You never learn do you Steve?"  Brandon snapped, banging his fist on the table and scoring some curious looks from the other patrons of the Peach Pit.  Glancing around nervously, he lowered his voice "I mean cheating, come on you're smarter than that."

Steve shook his head resignedly "That's just it Brandon I'm not smart, at least not smart enough to make it to college without a little extra help."

"Steve if you were having trouble why didn't you just tell me?"  Brandon asked in exasperation.  Steve was his best friend, but sometimes he just didn't understand him at all, it was like they were on entirely different wavelengths.

Steve smiled ruefully, aware of the irony of his words "Because I knew you were getting sick of me being a screw up, I wanted you to think that I could do it on my own."

Brandon rolled his eyes.  "Guess that didn't work out too well for you now did it" he said sarcastically.

"Look Brandon I know that you're mad at me right now and you have every right to be" Steve began tentatively.

            "Mad at you" Brandon interrupted incredulously.  "I'm not mad Steve I'm.."  He paused, searching for the right word "disappointed."  He shook his head in disbelief.  "I thought you were better than this."

            Steve wiped at the tears that suddenly pricked his eyes "I thought so too" he said quietly.  "Brandon I let you down, I let Donna and David down and most of all I let myself down.  I know that, I really do."  He looked at Brandon forlornly "I never thought I'd get caught, no one was supposed to get hurt."

             "But they did get hurt didn't they Steve" Brandon said pointedly.  "You could have stopped it but you didn't, you let it happen."  He was appalled that his best friend could do something so low.

            Steve nodded, his blue eyes laden with guilt.  "I know I should have owned up as soon as David was in the frame, but I was scared.  I figured with my track record I'd get kicked out of school and never make it to college."  He frowned.  "I kept imagining what my father would say when he found out I messed up - again.  I guess I'm just a lousy coward."

            Sighing heavily, Brandon slumped down in the chair opposite Steve.  This was turning out to be a long night and the surge of adrenalin he had felt when he first read the article was beginning to wear off.  The initial flare of anger and disappointment had slowly ebbed away. Now he just felt empty and incredibly tired. 

"Okay" he acknowledged wearily.  "So why the sudden change of heart?"  He eyed Steve suspiciously. "Did you suddenly develop a conscience or is this just another scam?

 Unable to meet Brandon's accusatory gaze, Steve concentrated hard on pushing the fries around on his plate as he spoke.  "I let it go too far" he admitted reluctantly.  "Breaking in to the school and copying the papers that was one thing, but letting David take the blame…"  

He hesitated, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Like you said, I've pulled some dumb stunts before and you've all forgiven me."  Slowly, painfully he wrenched his eyes from the plate, forcing himself to look directly at Brandon.  "I didn't think you'd forgive me for this.  That's why I kept quiet for so long.  I guess somewhere along the line it stopped being about disappointing my father or about missing out on College. It was about disappointing my friends."

Brandon nodded.  He was experiencing a growing sense of unease that somehow he had unwittingly contributed to this whole mess. "So you're saying you backed yourself in to a corner and couldn't find a way out."

Steve managed a wan smile "Exactly."  He sighed heavily.  "But I finally realised that I'd be letting my friends down a whole lot more if I let them take the blame for something I did."  Taking a deep breath he released it slowly.  "I know what I have to do."  He pushed the article back across the table to Brandon.  "I just need your help to do it."  He looked at Brandon imploringly "The question is are you going to help me?" 

***

            Andrea Zuckerman pulled out the top drawer, turned it upside down and unceremoniously dumped the contents.   An assortment of pens, half used notepads, floppy disks and a packet of mints cascaded on to the desk.  Quickly she wiped away the tears that were forming in her eyes.  She couldn't believe she was getting sentimental over a few chewed up biros and a lousy packet of mints.  Still, clearing out her desk in 'The Blaze' office kinda brought home to her the finality of it all.  

They were leaving high school, they were really going, this chapter of her life was really over.  She'd loved her time on 'the Blaze' and it wasn't just about journalism.  Working on the paper had afforded her the opportunity to spend time with Brandon. It was the one thing that they worked on together and now it was over.  She took out a tissue and wiped her eyes - again.

            "Andrea Zuckerman leaving 'The Blaze,' it's like the end of an era."  Brandon Walsh commented from his vantage point at the door.

Startled out of her reverie Andrea looked up sheepishly, wondering just how long he'd been standing there and how much of her soppy sentimentalism he had witnessed.  She smiled ruefully. "I know what you mean."  She sighed heavily hating the finality of it all "Our final edition is out, everything is packed up for the summer and the new editor is fully briefed and ready to take over."  

Brandon returned the smile "Then I guess our work here is done."  

Andrea nodded, gazing fondly around the office.  He was right, there was nothing left to do but clear out her desk and go on home.  It was strange, but the office seemed so much bigger now it was empty. The rest of the newspaper staff had packed up their belongings and vacated the place hours ago, now there was only the two of them left.  As outgoing editor it was her responsibility to lock up the office and return the keys to Mrs Teasely.  She'd been delaying the moment for as long as possible, not wanting to admit that her tenure on the paper had come to an end.  "I guess you're right Brandon, it's time to move on" she admitted reluctantly.

Brandon joined her at her desk, and began wordlessly sorting through the junk that was still lying there.  Finally he broke the silence  "I have to hand it to you chief that was some farewell edition.  Exposing the legacy key trickster, getting his confession in print, that's one hell of a scoop."  He spoke stiffly unable to meet her eyes.

Andrea looked up sharply.  This was the first time he had mentioned the whole legacy key incident since they had put the paper to bed last week.  She knew that he was hurting, but so far he had bottled it all up, refused to discuss his feelings even with her.  Instead he had acted like nothing had happened, almost as though he were in denial.  She had tried so many times to get him to talk to her, this was the break through she had been hoping for.  She squeezed his arm reassuringly "You did the right thing Brandon."

 Brandon nodded.  "I know, it's just that publicly exposing my best friend as a cheat and a liar wasn't exactly what I had planned for my final by line" he said bitterly.

"I know."  Andrea regarded him critically.  His eyes had lost their usual sparkle.  He looked tired, defeated, jaded.  Yes jaded was definitely the right word she decided.  "Do you have any idea what's going to happen to Steve?" she asked gently.

Brandon shook his head "I haven't talked to him.  Not since he got kicked out of school."  He hesitated  " I guess I haven't felt like I wanted to." 

 "Well that's understandable." Andrea said reassuringly.  

Brandon was staring off in to space, lost in his own thoughts.  He didn't seem to register that she had spoken.  Andrea realised with a sudden flash of insight that he wasn't looking for advice or reassurance right now; he just needed someone to listen.  She remained silent, waiting, willing to listen for as long as he needed to talk.

 "You know all through graduation I kept expecting him to turn up, tell me it was a joke, the most elaborate leaving prank ever."  He frowned. "Part of me is just so mad at him for lying to me, for what he put Donna and David through."  Brandon explained.  He rubbed the back of his neck trying to ease the tension that had been a permanent fixture for the past week.  "And the other part of me feels like I let him down.  Like I wasn't a good enough friend" he admitted morosely.

"Brandon you're a great friend."  Andrea interjected unable to allow that to pass unchallenged.  "None of this is your fault.  You're not responsible for what Steve does."

"Aren't I?"  Brandon asked, turning troubled eyes on her.  "I just can't help feeling like I should take some of the blame here."  He shook his head in disgust. 

"Steve figured that he wasn't good enough.  He thought that to be my friend he had to get high grades had to get in to a fancy college, it's like I drove him to cheat just to live up to my high expectations."  

He hung his head guiltily. "But that's not even the worst part.  The worst part is that my best friend was in trouble and he didn't feel like he could come to me for help.  What does that say about me?"

"But he did come to you for help" Andrea pointed out. "Maybe not right away and you're right maybe if he had come to you sooner none of this would have happened."  She looked at him intently, willing him to understand "But in the end Brandon you were the one he turned to, nobody else.  You have to believe that there's a reason for that."

Wearily Brandon sat down on the edge of Andrea's desk.  "Thank you" he said softly.

"What for?"  Andrea asked gently, perching next to him.

"For always being there, for always knowing what to say to make me feel better.  He looked at her earnestly "I thought I had it all figured out you know.  I thought I knew who my friends were.  I thought I was a good judge of character.  Turns out I was wrong."

Andrea shook her head vehemently "No you weren't wrong Brandon, it just feels like that right now."

 "When I found out that Dylan and Kelly had cheated on Brenda and that Donna had covered up for them I couldn't believe it" Brandon continued softly.  "I felt so sorry for Bren having her trust betrayed like that by the people closest to her." 

He laughed bitterly.  "I thought I was lucky in comparison, having a friend like Steve, a friend that I could depend on.  I just feel so stupid for being taken in like that."  

He slammed his fist on the desk in frustration sending a bunch of biros clattering to the floor.  "I don't know what to do Andrea.  First Dylan and Kelly, then Donna, now Steve.  I just don't know who to trust anymore." 

Andrea took hold of his hand, held it tight. "You can trust me Brandon, I won't let you down."

Brandon squeezed her hand in return "I know."  He looked at her intently as though noticing her properly for the first time. "You know if it wasn't for you Andrea, I don't think I could have gotten through this year.  You're the one person I can honestly count as a true friend."  He smiled at her warmly. "I don't ever want to do anything to jeopardise our friendship, it's too important to me.  I want us to stay friends for ever."  

Feeling like her heart was breaking, Andrea forced herself to smile in return. "You're absolutely right Brandon.  You know something, you and me, we'll always be friends, that's what we're meant to be."     

***

            "So it's true, you're really going?"  Kelly Taylor asked as she manoeuvred her way around the assortment of luggage currently blocking the hallway of Cassa Walsh.

            "What's the matter Kelly?"  Brenda retorted "Worried I might change my mind and stay after all?"  A hint of a smile played on her lips; just enough to let Kelly know that she was joking- at least for the most part.

            Kelly rolled her eyes "Would you believe me if I told you I was here to try and talk you out of it?"

            Brenda grinned "Not for a second."

            Kelly returned the smile "Didn't think so" she said lightly.  "Besides it wouldn't do any good.  "If Donna couldn't get you to change your mind I doubt if I'd fare any better."  Her eyes glinted mischievously.  "You can be pretty stubborn once you've set your mind on something."

            "I'm not stubborn, I just know my own mind."  Brenda countered, deliberately taking the bait.  The gentle teasing was one of the signs that they were slowly repairing the damage to their friendship.  They were under no illusions, the damage had been major and there was no guarantee it could be fixed.  The friendship had been blown apart, but over the last two months they had tentatively begun the slow and painstaking task of putting it back together.  It was ironic really that the same thing that had shattered their relationship and ended up being the one thing that had pushed them back together, their mutual feelings for Dylan.  

They had worked together to get him in to rehab and somehow it had reopened the channels of communication and understanding between them.  They didn't hang out together, they didn't call each other, but things were a little less awkward. They had even managed one slightly strained shopping trip chaperoned by Donna when she and David had learned that they were off the hook for the school break in.  Still they were not on good enough terms for Kelly to call round to the house without a reason.  Brenda wondered just what that reason might be.

            "So when are you leaving?"  Kelly asked as she followed Brenda in to the kitchen in the direction of coffee.

            "Today."  Brenda admitted as she filled the kettle and started it boiling.

            "Today!"  Kelly exclaimed in shock "I had no idea you were leaving so soon."

            Brenda nodded "I'm booked on a flight to London tonight."  She tried to sound casual, like starting a new life halfway across the world was no big deal, but inside she was a mass of nerves.  She just wanted to get it over with, to get on the plane already before anyone had the chance to talk her out of it.

            "I'll miss you."  Kelly admitted.  Catching Brenda's incredulous look she continued quietly "I know things are difficult between us, but I don't want you to go anymore than Donna does." 

Brenda was confused. "I thought you'd want me out of the way so that you could have Dylan all to yourself." 

Kelly sighed heavily "I told you, we're finished.  Or at least we will be when he gets out of rehab" she amended.  

She hadn't spoken to Dylan since he had checked in to the clinic.  During his two-month stay he had completely cut himself off from the outside world, the clinic had suggested it would be better that way.  He had been in a dark place the last time she had seen him, a very dark place and she didn't think she could cope with that again.  They had parted on bad terms and she wasn't sure how things would be between them when he got out, but she knew that she had to end it.

"Have you heard from him?" Brenda asked stiffly not sure she really wanted Kelly to answer.

Kelly shook her head "No, not since he went in there."  She eyed Brenda suspiciously "Have you?"

Now Brenda understood "So that's why you came over here, to find out if I'd been in contact with Dylan." She scowled "I should have known.  You know Kelly you keep telling me that it's over between you, but it's obvious you still have feelings for him."

"Of course I still have feelings for him Brenda" Kelly said defensively. "I was in love with Dylan, feelings like that don't just disappear over night."  She looked at Brenda meaningfully  "You of all people should know that."

Brenda looked at her sharply "What's that supposed to mean?"

Kelly laughed "Oh come on Brenda do I have to spell it out?  We might not be close anymore, but we used to be.  I know you remember.  You might be able to fool everybody else, but you can't fool me, I can see it in your eyes, you still love Dylan."

"You're wrong" Brenda snapped. "You don't know what you're talking about.  Maybe you used to know me, but I'm different now and you don't know me anymore."

Kelly held up her hands in mock defeat "Okay if that's the way you want it fine.  But Brenda I want you to think about one thing.  I might have come between you and Dylan this year, I broke up your relationship, I admit that.  But if you're relationship stays broken, it won't be because of me."

Brenda gripped her coffee cup tightly so that Kelly couldn't see that her hands were shaking.  She didn't want to hear this, not now it was too late.  She had made her decision; she was going to London and leaving Dylan behind.  

She regarded Kelly critically "So you came all the way over here to convince me to give Dylan another chance."  She laughed bitterly.  "You'll have to excuse me if I find that hard to believe."

"Actually that's not the reason I came over here" Kelly admitted softly.

"Then why did you come?"  Brenda's eyes were accusatory, she still couldn't trust Kelly and it showed.

Kelly shrugged.  "Actually I just came to say goodbye."  She shifted uncomfortably.  "I figured you probably wouldn't bother calling me and there were some things I wanted to say."

 Brenda took her coffee over to the table "I'm listening."

Kelly hesitated she wasn't good at this heart to heart stuff it just didn't come naturally.  "I guess I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad that you moved here and I'm glad that we became friends. She paused, took a sip of her coffee. "I know that after everything that's happened, you probably won't believe this, but I will always be there for you no matter where you go or what you do."  She looked down at the table, finding this difficult.  "I just wanted you to know that."

Brenda smiled "You know that was pretty good Kel.  Did Donna help you come up with that or did you write it yourself."

Kelly smiled too "Okay she may have had a little to do with it" she admitted. They both laughed.  

Brenda shook her head in amazement "You know you have to hand it to Donna she doesn't give up easily." 

Kelly nodded "She always said she wasn't gonna give up on this friendship.  If she couldn't get you to change your mind about leaving she at least wanted us to part on good terms."  She turned serious for a moment "It didn't just come from Donna you know, I meant every word."

Brenda studied her for a moment trying to determine the sincerity of the admission. Wordlessly she got up from the table and retrieved pen and paper from the Kitchen drawer.  She scrawled some lines on the paper and passed it over to Kelly.

"What's this?"  Kelly asked puzzled.

"My address in London" Brenda explained.  "I guess it would be okay if you wrote to me while I'm over there."

***

            Brenda stared out at the ocean watching as the late afternoon sunlight sparkled on the water.  The beach was one of the things she would miss about LA.  Sure they had beaches in England, but they didn't enjoy this kind of weather, not often anyway.  She was spending the afternoon visiting her favourite haunts of the past three years, saying her own silent goodbye to Beverly Hills.  She tried to focus on the moment, memorise the scene before her and capture it in her imagination so that she could take it with her to London.  

She'd already said goodbye to her friends and it had been hard, even harder than she had expected, but now it was done.  Without her permission her mind flipped back to her conversation with Kelly.  She was glad that they had built some bridges before she left.  Who knows maybe being in different countries would make their friendship work, at least then they wouldn't be competing with each other anymore.  

Yes she was glad that she had seen Kelly, except that she couldn't get Kelly's words out of her head.  The problem was Kelly was right; she was still in love with Dylan.  It didn't matter anymore.  She checked her watch.  In a couple of hours she would be on her way to the airport, on the way to her new life.  By the time Dylan got out of rehab she would be long gone.

***

            Kate Reilly signed the last form and handed the sheaf of papers to the receptionist behind the desk.   "Okay Dylan that's you sprung, you're officially a free man."  She looked at him inquiringly "So do you have any idea what you're gonna do now you're outta here?"

            Dylan nodded, determination flashing in his eyes "I've got a pretty good idea."


	45. Chapter 47

At the first peel of the doorbell, Kelly sighed heavily and tossed aside the novel she'd been half-heartedly reading.  Steve was early.

"Kel would you do me a favour and get the door."  Jackie Taylor called from the nursery along the hallway.  Her voice was strained, irritable.

'I'm already on it Mom' Kelly called back, swinging her legs over the side of her double bed and pushing her blonde hair back behind her ears.

"And whoever it is please try and get rid of them' Jackie continued tiredly. 'I've just gotten Erin off and I want to get some rest myself while I've got the chance."  She groaned 'It's just so darned hot today everything seems to take twice the effort!'

"Don't worry I'll take care of it."  Kelly promised.  

She knew her mom was exhausted right now.  Erin was barely a year old and already a handful and her mom wasn't exactly getting any younger.  At first Kelly had been a little resentful of the amount of time Jackie spent with Erin, but now she understood just how much work having a child in the house entailed.  

Mel was real busy at the surgery right now and Jackie was thankful for any help she could get.  Although she sometimes complained, Kelly was actually enjoying helping out.  At various points in her life, she had dreamed of having a brother or sister.  Okay so the reality didn't quite match the fantasy, but still she loved the little girl dearly and couldn't imagine life without her.

She smiled. Things at home had gotten a lot better recently, especially since David had been cleared of the break in.  In fact, life in the Taylor-Silver household had pretty much returned to normal - or at least as normal as it could ever be with David Silver as a stepbrother!  With a sigh, she paused briefly in front of the large mirror in the hallway and screwed up her face at her own reflection. 

'Great look Kel' she muttered sarcastically.  

Getting back from Cassa Walsh, she'd quickly discarded her carefully selected attire and pulled on an outfit more fitting for a lazy afternoon in the sun.  Last year's strawberry red shorts, which still sported a black ink stain on the pocket from the faulty biro she'd thoughtlessly stashed there, her old tennis shoes that were scuffed on the toes, a black bikini top and her hair piled carelessly on the top of her head.  The make-up she'd put on to see Brenda had long since rubbed off.  Although the afternoon was now ebbing in to early evening, the heat of the day lingered uncomfortably.  It was just too hot to worry about glamour, even for Kelly Taylor, and besides right now it wasn't like she had anyone to dress up for.

The doorbell rang again.

'I'm coming Steve' she called, making a fruitless, token attempt to improve her appearance.  She'd planned to change before he showed up, but his early arrival had put paid to that.  She could just make out his outline through the frosted glass of the front door.  He was turned away from her, looking out towards the street.

She hadn't talked to him in a couple of days and she was worried about him.  She'd been mad at him at first, they all had, but she knew that he didn't need another lecture.  Steve didn't need her or anyone else to tell him that what he had done was wrong, he already knew that.  What he needed was someone on his side, someone willing to give him a second chance.  When she'd needed a friend, Steve Sanders had given her that second chance and right now it was time for her to return the favour.  Their relationship was strictly platonic these days, but that special bond they had created was still there and she hoped it always would be, no matter what else was going on in their lives.

Buoyed up by her conversation with Brenda that morning, she'd invited Steve over in the hope that she could initiate a reconciliation between him and David.  Now he was actually here though, she was beginning to doubt the wisdom of her plan.   She swallowed nervously suddenly afraid.  What if she made things worse instead of better?  It was too late now though, because Steve was here and she was gonna have to let him in.  Taking a deep breath and fixing a smile on her face she opened the front door. 

Her heart caught in her chest.

 "Hello Kel" Dylan said solemnly.

***

She looked at him, drinking him in.  He stood on the front step silently gazing back, his eyes searching hers.   Neither of them spoke.  For Kelly, everything else disappeared – Erin, her mother, Steve, all were instantly forgotten.  Sporting his habitual leather jacket and white tee, he looked cool and collected, remarkably unaffected by the heat that had overpowered everyone else.  He looked perfect.  On the light breeze that tugged at the loose tendrils of her hair, she caught the faint tang of his aftershave, a fragrance she'd bought for him.

Kelly swallowed hard.  He was exactly as she'd pictured him in her dreams.  Part of her needed to reach out and touch him, to check that he was real, that this wasn't another useless fantasy that would elude her in the harsh light of day.  She'd imagined this moment, longed for it even, but now it was here, she found she was at a loss for words.  A single tear rolled down her cheek.

Slowly, oh so slowly, he took a step towards her.  Hesitantly, he reached out a hand as if to wipe away the tear.  Awkwardly he paused, his hand hanging indecisively in the air between them.  She could almost see the battle raging across his face.  He made another move towards her and then dropped his hand, letting it hang redundantly by his side.

'I'm sorry Kel' he said sadly.

"Dylan what are you.. I mean how are you …  you're here."  Kelly finally stammered, frantically wiping at her eyes.

Dylan nodded "I'm like a bad penny" he said ruefully.  "I always turn up."

"You look good" she observed awkwardly "better".

"I'm sober Kel, if that's what you're wondering" he said softly.

"Dylan that's great" she said, a smile breaking out on her face at last.  

Instinctively she reached to place a hand on his arm.  She touched the cool leather of his jacket and then hesitated, suddenly unsure of the boundaries.  The last time they'd spoken he'd told her to leave, to leave and not to come back.  She realised that she had no idea how things stood between them right now.  Giving his arm a cursory squeeze, she quickly dropped her hand back to her side.

Dylan cleared his throat "Kel I wanted to apologise' he began 'The things I said .."

"We both said things Dylan" Kelly admitted, but he shook his head refuting her argument.

"I was in a mess Kel" he continued urgently "you've gotta understand, it wasn't me."

"I know it wasn't you Dylan" she said slowly.  Looking him straight in the eye she took a deep breath "It was us."

***

"Brenda, your cab's here."  Cindy Walsh called excitedly from the kitchen.

"I'm coming mom," Brenda answered, taking one last look around her room; it would be six months before she saw it again.  By the time she returned summer would be a distant memory, and fall would have given way to winter or what passed for winter in sunny California. She sighed heavily.  The next time she saw the house, it would be decorated for Christmas.  It was a sobering thought.

She wondered briefly what her room in London would be like.  She wouldn't see it until the fall.  She would have one night in a hotel in London and then she would be off on tour travelling the length and breadth of the country.  She relished the prospect of such a nomadic existence, being out on the road, a different city every week, living out of a suitcase.  Then when the tour was over, she would return to London to at last start her training at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Arts. 

She took a deep breath, picked up her bag and after one more lingering look, closed her bedroom door firmly behind her.  She was finally ready to move on, to leave Beverly Hills behind.  This was it, the start of her big adventure, the first day of the rest of her life.  A thrill of excitement ran through her and she shivered despite the heat.  

By the time she'd reached the bottom of the stairs her dad and Brandon had already loaded her trunk in to the back of the cab.  She could hear them through the open window, making idle conversation with the cab driver, inevitably talking sports.  Squinting against the brightness of the sun as she stepped outside, Brenda walked slowly over to join her mom on the driveway.

"Oh honey I wish you'd let us go with you to the airport" Cindy Walsh exclaimed wistfully.

Brenda shook her head "Mom we've been through this.  It'll just make it harder on me, I'd rather say goodbye here, I don't want to drag it out."

"I know you're right" Cindy said resignedly wiping away a tear "It's just I'm gonna miss you so much."

"I'll miss you too mom" Brenda admitted fighting tears herself.

"Just remember Brenda your mother and I are only ever a phone call away and we'll always be here for you." Jim Walsh said solemnly as he and Brandon joined them.  Brenda hugged him tightly, reluctant to let go.  She felt safe and secure in her father's arms and the thought of striking out on her own suddenly seemed daunting.  

"I know you're a grown woman now Brenda" Jim admitted as he finally released her.  "But you're still my little girl and I want you to promise that you'll take care of yourself while you're over there."

"I will Dad I promise."  Brenda said earnestly wanting to reassure him.

"You know Dad maybe you could pay for me to take a trip over there this summer."  Brandon interjected.  "I could check up on her, make sure everything's fine."  He grinned wickedly.  "You know I've always been the more responsible twin.  If Brenda does go off the rails I'm just the person to get her back on track."  He puffed out his chest in mock pride.  "I've done a pretty good job of taking care of her so far."  

"Hey!" Brenda exclaimed pretending to be insulted "I can take of myself."

Brandon pulled a face and spoke in a stage whisper.  "I know you can Bren, but I'm trying to score a free vacation here, can't you just play along with me for old time's sake?"

Brenda laughed.  "I'm gonna miss you Brandon."

"I'm gonna miss you too Bren."  Brandon responded serious for a moment.  He wagged a finger at her  "Now don't you go enjoying London too much d'ya hear.  We don't want you staying over there and forgetting all about us."

"I won't."  Brenda promised.  She hugged him fiercely, burying her face in his shoulder so that he wouldn't notice the tears that were threatening.  She wished that he were coming with her.  They had never really been separated before and not having him around would be weird.  She knew that she sometimes took him for granted, but she had always been grateful for the closeness of their relationship, the knowledge that he was always there, always looking out for her.

As they broke free, Brandon felt as though a part of him was being torn away.  He couldn't even begin to imagine life without Brenda.  Her move to London would be a big change for all of them and things were gonna be pretty strange without her around.  No doubt about it, it was gonna take some getting used to.

"Just one more thing before you go." He announced mysteriously, signalling for Brenda to stay put.

Curiously Brenda watched as he jogged back in to the house.  Normally she loved surprises, but right now she was a little on edge.  Her friends had been trying to convince her to stay for the last few weeks and she wouldn't put it past Brandon or Donna to make one final attempt to change her mind.  She half expected to see the whole gang appear on the doorstep.  To her relief Brandon emerged alone from the cool darkness of the house.  He was carrying a brown paper bag.

"What's this?"  She asked intrigued and a little suspicious.  

"Call it a going away gift."  Brandon explained. "We didn't want you to leave without a little something to remember us by."  He held it out to her a smile playing at his lips.  "We all clubbed together."  

Brenda looked inquiringly at her parents, but they were as bemused as she was.  Taking the bag from Brandon, she reached inside and retrieved - an umbrella!

"I hear they get a lot of rain in London" Brandon offered by way of explanation, laughing at her confused expression.  "We figured this might come in useful.  We didn't want to think of you all cold and wet in London, while we were here with endless days of blue skies and beautiful sunshine."

"Very funny." Brenda retorted punching him playfully on the arm. Still she took the umbrella and stowed it safely in her bag, he was right it would come in handy.  "Be sure and thank everyone for me won't you" she instructed, suddenly emotional. 

Brandon nodded understanding the poignancy of her words "I will."  He gave her arm a final squeeze "Don't be a stranger okay Bren."

Brenda smiled "Have a good summer Brandon and don't work too hard when you get to CU.  Try and have a little fun."

"Brenda you'd better get going" Jim interrupted "You don't want to miss your flight."

Brenda nodded, he was right it was time to go.  After giving her mom a final hug she picked up her bag and strode determinedly over to the cab where the driver was waiting patiently, reading a newspaper.  She was ready to do this, ready to start her new life.  This was it, no turning back now. 

As the cab pulled out of the driveway and the waving figures of her parents and Brandon grew smaller and smaller until finally disappearing from view, Brenda reached under the lapel of her jacket and felt the cold metal of the little broach.  Her fingers traced the outlines of the masks of tragedy and comedy.  The broach had become her lucky mascot since the audition and she hoped it would work its magic again this summer.  It was the only reminder of Dylan that she had brought with her and although its presence gave some comfort, she felt a pang of regret that she was moving on and leaving him behind.****

***

Seated on opposite sides of the couch, Kelly and Dylan surveyed each other in awkward silence.  

Kelly began tentatively "Dylan, we need to talk."

"Yeah we do" he agreed, picking at the cushion next to him.

They lapsed into silence again and Kelly shifted nervously in her seat.  Painfully aware of her ink stained shorts, old bikini top and untidy hair, she picked up the chiffon wrap she had discarded earlier that afternoon and pulled it closer around her shoulders. She wished fervently that she had re-applied her make up before answering the door or at least sprayed on some perfume.  

They hadn't seen each other in over two months and she had wanted to look her best for him when she did finally see him again.   Her looks were usually the one thing that gave her confidence, but today even her appearance made her feel awkward and uneasy.  He had taken her completely by surprise and she was at a distinct disadvantage. 

Dylan tapped his foot, gazing for a moment out the window at the heat haze that shimmered over the back lawn.  He ran a finger around the inside of his jacket collar; it really was unbearably hot, yet it wasn't the weather that was making him feel uncomfortable right now. 

'I guess one of us needs to start' Kelly said in a small voice, interrupting his thoughts.

He nodded, knowing it had to be him.  This was a whole lot harder than he'd thought it was gonna be.  When he'd left the clinic everything had been clear, but now, seeing her again …

"Dylan how did it come to this?" Kelly asked suddenly "How did we come to this?"

He leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees and looked into her deep blue eyes.  He felt his heart twinge "I don't know Kel" he said sadly " I wanted it to work, wanted us to work …"

"But it didn't" she said quietly "we didn't."  Even though she had admitted it to herself a long time ago she still found the words painful.  She had been so sure that breaking up was the right thing to do, but now seeing him again, back to his old self, she felt her resolve weakening.  Maybe, just maybe she had been too hasty maybe they could try again.

"No" he said finally, shattering her hopes with a single word.  "We didn't work."

"Dylan" she said softly, only the slightest break in her voice giving away the emotion she struggled so valiantly to control "Did you ever really love me?"

He looked at her then, saw the brave defiance in her eyes, the slight tremble of her lower lip "Yes Kel" he said simply "I did."

"But you didn't love me enough" she said, the tears beginning to threaten, as much as she tried to contain them.

He shook his head "I'm sorry."  This time he did wipe away her tears, letting his fingers gently trace the outline of her face.

"That night at the hold up' he said quietly "I wanted it to end, I wanted it to be over."

"Us?" Kelly asked wiping at fresh tears that she now couldn't stop.

"Me" he said "I wanted me to be over".

He looked at her for a long moment and suddenly she understood.

"Oh Dylan" she said, her heart breaking.  She looked at him, eyes wide with shock.  "What did I do?" she said to herself, shaking her head in disbelief "How did I hurt you so much?"

"Kel, no" he said urgently, desperate to stop her tirade.  But she wasn't listening.

 She pulled away from him, pacing up and down, fists clenching and unclenching "It's all my fault" she said bitterly, still talking to herself.

 "No" Dylan said "Don't do this to yourself Kel, it wasn't your fault, it wasn't anyone's fault."

She was standing now, pacing "I hurt you, I hurt Brenda, I hurt my friends .." She spun angrily "It's me isn't it" she said "I'll never change.  I always screw up."

Standing up Dylan caught her by the arms and held her tightly "No Kel" he said.  "It isn't you."  He sighed heavily "I'm the one who screwed up."

Gently he guided her back to the couch and eased her into a sitting position.  Sitting opposite her he took her hands.  Unable to meet her tear filled eyes, he dropped his gaze, concentrating on the scuffed toes of her old tennis shoes.  Even dressed down she still looked beautiful.  

Taking a deep breath he looked up once more "I've been a coward Kel" he admitted. "All you asked me to do was make a choice and I couldn't.  I didn't know what I wanted, who I wanted.  I couldn't bring myself to choose."

Kelly looked at him ruefully "But now you can?" she asked in a small voice already knowing the answer, already knowing the decision.

He nodded resolutely "Now I can."

***

Brenda Walsh carried her coffee over to one of the few remaining empty chairs and carefully placed it on the floor in front of her.  The departure lounge was hot and overcrowded and the decibel level had increased steadily over the past hour. A spate of delays had meant that the lounge was fuller than usual and boredom had turned to impatience for many frustrated travellers.

 Brenda exchanged a sympathetic smile with the young mother seated next to her who was trying valiantly to keep her mischievous toddler under control, whilst gently rocking a sleeping baby.  The middle-aged woman opposite had her head buried in the latest Jackie Collins, whilst her husband whiled away the time snoring quietly, his head resting against his wife's shoulder.  

Needing a distraction, Brenda dug around in her bag and retrieved the battered paperback she had brought for the journey.  Checking her watch she realised she had a little over an hour until her flight.  She shifted in her seat trying to get comfortable on the hard airport chair and opened her book hoping the hour would pass quickly.

***

            His heart hammering against his ribcage Dylan McKay drove the Porsche with little consideration for his own safety or the speed limit.  For all he knew he could already be too late.  Kelly had said that Brenda was leaving tonight, but she hadn't known what time.  Logically he knew that Brenda could be halfway to London by now, but his heart refused to accept it.  There was still time, there had to be, he had to have his chance to talk to her, to explain, to tell her how he felt.  

Reluctantly he slammed on the brakes for a red light, fingers drumming impatiently on the steering wheel as he waited.  Minutes felt like hours and Dylan screamed silently in frustration. As soon as the lights changed he stomped on the gas, roaring away in a screech of rubber. 

***

            "Alright, alright I'm coming."  Brandon Walsh yelled irritably, as the pounding on the door grew louder and more insistent.  He had a shift at the Peach Pit tonight and he was already running late.  He hoped that whoever this was wouldn't hold him up too long.  Yanking the door open his eyes widened in surprise to find Dylan McKay standing in front of him.

            "Where's Brenda?  I have to talk to her" Dylan demanded, attempting to barge past Brandon into the house.  He spoke so quickly that Brandon had difficulty understanding him.

            "Whoah, slow down there, I don't think you're in any condition to talk to Brenda" Brandon insisted, placing both hands on Dylan's chest and pushing him backwards, away from the door.  He figured Dylan was drunk and in the mood for trouble.  

            Dylan's frustration threatened to boil over.  He balled his left fist and drew back his arm preparing to knock Brandon down.  

Brandon stood his ground, his eyes challenging Dylan to try it.  Dylan was just about desperate enough to do it and a few months ago he probably would have, but not now.  Reluctantly he dropped his arm down by his side and took a step back signalling to Brandon that he wasn't about to do anything stupid.   

"Look Brandon I'm not drunk if that's what you think" he said tiredly.  "I just need to talk to Brenda."

            "I think you've hurt Brenda enough already, don't you?"  Brandon asked, the resentment evident in his voice.  He stood firm, arms across his chest, blocking Dylan's path.

            Dylan scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "While I was in rehab I did a lot of thinking."  He looked faintly embarrassed "I had some counselling and it helped me figure a few things out.  Now I know what I want." He paused meaningfully "Who I want."

            Brandon shook his head in disbelief.  "It's not just about what you want Dylan" he said angrily. "What about Brenda, what about what she wants?"

             "Have you asked her Brandon, have you asked her what she wants?"  Dylan demanded, fear making him impatient.

            "She doesn't want you."  Brandon said with an air of finality.  "She's moved on and she doesn't need you back in her life messing things up.  She's starting a new life in London, a life without you."

Dylan swallowed hard, fighting the panic that rose inside him.  "Look Brandon I know I messed up, I hurt Brenda, I dug myself a very deep hole and for a while there I didn't think I could get out of it."  He hesitated finding it difficult to put into words the emotional torment of the last few months.  "But I did get out of it" he said resolutely.  "I am out of it."

Brandon surveyed him coolly.  He was angry, angry with Dylan for hurting Brenda, angry with Dylan for driving her away, angry too that he had broken the bonds of friendship.  Obviously Dylan's spell in rehab had done him good.  He seemed together, in control, but Dylan was only ever one drink away from destruction and Brandon's faith in his friend had been badly shaken.

"So now what?"  He asked bitterly "You get out of rehab and show up here expecting us to roll out the red carpet, welcome you back in to the fold like nothing ever happened?"

Dylan sighed heavily; he didn't blame Brandon for being hostile, the guy had every right to hate him.  "I don't expect anything" he said stiffly.  "I made a mistake.  All I'm asking for is the chance to apologise, to explain."   He looked at Brandon imploringly. "Please just let me talk to Brenda."

Brandon hesitated.  He couldn't believe that after everything that had happened it had come to this one moment.  He had the opportunity to finish it right here right now, to remove Dylan McKay from Brenda's life for good.  All he had to do was lie, tell Dylan that he was too late, that the plane had already left.  He swallowed hard, struggling with the decision.

"You know Dylan I've always been on your side" he said eventually.  "Even when things got really bad, I always supported you and Brenda because I honestly believed that you loved her."

"I do love her Brandon" Dylan responded without hesitation.  "I love her and I want to be with her."

Brandon shook his head "Well you've got a funny way of showing it."

"I know.  That's why I need to talk to her" Dylan said desperately.  "Please Brandon.  If Brenda doesn't want to listen to me then that's up to her, but at least give her that option.  If not for me then for her."  

Brandon took a deep breath and slowly released it.  There was something about the desperation in Dylan's eyes, the urgency in his voice that made Brandon believe him.  Briefly he closed his eyes trying to concentrate.  Months ago Brenda had confessed to him that she was still in love with Dylan.  Maybe she would take him back and maybe she wouldn't, but Brandon knew that it had to be Brenda's decision and that whatever he felt about Dylan right now, he had to give her the opportunity to make it.  

Reluctantly he opened his eyes and faced Dylan.  "She's at the airport booked on an eight-thirty flight to London.  If you go now you might just get there in time."

Dylan felt relief wash over him; there was still a chance.  "Thank you" he said simply.  

As Dylan headed back to his car Brandon called after him.  "Dylan.  Don't make me regret this."  He watched as the Porsche screeched out of sight and wondered uneasily if he had done the right thing.

***

            Dylan charged in to the departure lounge and came to a stop breathing heavily.  His eyes scanned the room desperate to find her.  He whirled around, checking every direction.  A glimpse of long dark hair sparked a glimmer of hope.  He started to move, then felt sick with disappointment when the girl turned around.   It wasn't her.  He checked his watch 8.29pm; of course, she would be at the gate by now.  

Racing over to the bank of computer screens he searched frantically for her flight number.  Panic rose in his throat, he couldn't see it, it wasn't there.  Forcing himself to slow down he took a deep breath and looked again working his way methodically through the list.  Precious seconds ticked away as he made painfully slow progress and then suddenly he saw it - Gate 12.  He took off at a run leaping over hand luggage that someone had carelessly left in the aisle, barrelling in to a young couple that were blocking his path.

Reaching the gate he raced along the line frantically trying to locate her.  His tee shirt soaked through with sweat clung to his back; his breath came in ragged bursts and his lungs burned, but he didn't slow down. Confused he reached the end of the line - she wasn't there.  He ran back along the line somehow he had missed her, but still nothing.  At a loss he slowed to a stop, suddenly unsure what to do.  

"Is this the London flight?"  He rasped breathlessly at a young guy who was lounging against the wall, reading a magazine.

Startled the guy glanced up "No man, this one's going to Paris."  He winked and indicated his girlfriend a petite redhead who was re-applying her make up. "We're on our way to the city of love.  I'm hoping I'm gonna get me some lovin there, if ya know what I mean."

Dylan nodded mutely, walking slowly away.  He lent against the wall, closing his eyes in defeat.  Dark, empty disappointment engulfed him and he sank to his knees, buried his head in his hands.  He was too late.  She'd gone.

He jumped as a hand touched his shoulder.  "Are you alright?  Are you sick?" an elderly, English voice asked firmly and clearly.

Blinking distractedly, he found himself staring in to the concerned eyes of a well dressed woman in her seventies.  "I'm fine" he mumbled embarrassed, struggling to his feet.  "Thank you."  It was a brief exchange, but it broke his inertia.  He had failed and now there was nothing to do but go home.

In a daze Dylan walked back to the departure lounge.  Head down he paid no attention to his surroundings, automatically placing one foot in front of the other.

"Dylan! What are you doing here?"  Her voice, immediately recognisable to him, cut into his thoughts, touched his very soul.

Dylan spun around in shocked disbelief.  She was standing behind him barely two feet away, her dark hair tied up in a loose knot on the top of her head, tendrils framing her face.

Brenda froze in place two steps from the café; the bagel she'd just bought dropped from her hands and tumbled to the floor.

"I thought you'd gone" Dylan stammered "Your plane.."

"Got delayed" Brenda explained coolly, a slight edge to her voice.  She stared at him in stunned silence, her heart somersaulting painfully in her chest.  She couldn't believe that fate could play such a cruel trick on her, especially so late in the game.  It just wasn't fair.  She had been ready to get on that plane, would have done so by now if it hadn't been delayed.  But it had been delayed and here she was and now here Dylan was.  

 Then again maybe it wasn't a cruel trick, maybe it was a second chance, their second chance.  Call it luck, call it coincidence, but if her plane hadn't been delayed she would have gone and she never would have known that Dylan had come after her.  Had the fates or destiny somehow conspired to bring them back together?  She longed to believe that, to once again have faith in the knowledge that Dylan McKay was her soul mate, but after everything that had happened this year, everything he had put her through, she wasn't ready to believe it.

Hesitantly Dylan took a step towards her.  The last time he had seen her, he had made a drunken pass and she had ultimately rejected him, pushed him away telling him that it was wrong.  After everything he had put her through, he didn't dare to believe that she might still have feelings for him.  And yet the note she had left behind, the note that he clutched in his left hand, said that she loved him.  They were just words written on a piece of paper, words designed to convince him to seek help.  He had no way of knowing whether she had actually meant them, but it was enough.  It had been enough to carry him through two months of rehab and it had been enough to bring him here today.

Awkwardly he cleared his throat "Brenda we need to talk."

"No."  Brenda said fiercely, her eyes glittering dangerously.  "You don't get to do that, not anymore.  You don't get to show up out of the blue and start interfering in my life.  You lost that right a long time ago."

Dylan took a deep breath, released it slowly. "I know" he said softly, eyes filled with pain and guilt. 

"Well if you know that then why are you here?"  Brenda asked sharply, fighting to keep a grip on her emotions.

Dylan took a step closer until they were only inches apart.  "Two months ago you accused me of being a coward, of giving up, running away."  He looked at her intently  "I decided I wasn't gonna run away anymore."

"What are you saying Dylan?"  Brenda asked, her voice tight with emotion.

He reached out, took her hand. "I'm saying that I love you Bren and that I want to be with you."

Brenda pulled her hand away, not ready yet to believe him. "And Kelly?" she asked suspiciously.  

 "It's over." He said resolutely.  "We both agreed that it had to end."

Brenda regarded him critically "Why did it start?"

Dylan shifted uncomfortably "I don't know, I guess in a way you were right, I was running away.  Things between us just got too difficult, too many battles to fight.  With Kelly it was all so simple, straightforward."  He shrugged.  "We filled a need in each other. We were two people in the same emotional place at the same time.  But it didn't work, couldn't work."

Why not?"  Brenda asked, her voice almost a whisper, her eyes bright with unshed tears.

"Because I never stopped loving you" he admitted, eyes filled with remorse.  "I thought I could make it work with Kelly, but I couldn't. You were always there and I just couldn't let go."  He sighed heavily. "Me and Kelly never stood a chance, not really." 

"What do want from me Dylan?"  Brenda asked, her eyes searching his face trying to read him the way she used to.

"The truth" he said simply.  He held out the piece of paper, tentatively she took it.  "When you wrote this note you said that you loved me.  I need to know if you meant it."  

Brenda didn't read the note, she didn't need to, she already knew what it said.  "Yes I meant it."  She said without hesitation "I love you Dylan, I never stopped loving you."

Dylan released a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding.  "Then stay."  He said fiercely.  "Don't go to London stay here with me.  We can try again, we can make it work."

Brenda wiped frantically at the tears that were flowing freely now.  "You're not being fair, you're asking me to choose between my acting career and you."  

"I'm not asking you to choose me, I'm asking you to choose us."  Dylan said desperately.

Brenda closed her eyes trying to block out the confusion.  "I don't know" she stammered.  "You're asking a lot Dylan.  You're asking me to give up on my acting dream for what, for a relationship that's gone wrong so many times?  You say you love me, you say that you've changed, but how can I believe you?  How do I know that this time it will work out?"

Dylan took her hand again and this time she didn't pull away.  "If you're asking for guarantees I can't give you any. You can never know for sure Bren.  You just have to have faith in me, in us, believe that we're meant to be together, that we can make it work."

"That's the problem Dylan."  Brenda admitted tearfully "I don't know if I do believe it anymore.  I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry" Dylan begged. "Be sure. Be sure about what it is that you want." 

A conversation half forgotten suddenly came sharply in to focus.  Christmas Eve in a deserted church, a young priest had spoken to her, given her hope.  His words flashed in her mind.

  'You're approaching a cross roads in your life's path. Choose one road, and your life will turn out one way, choose the other and it'll be completely different.'  This was it; this was her crossroads, her defining moment, her test.  Brenda felt a chill run through her.  It had happened exactly as he had said it would, fate had brought her to this moment and now it was up to her to decide what happened next.  She truly was standing at a crossroads in her life.  One road led back to Beverly Hills and Dylan, the other to London and an exciting acting career.  The problem was she no idea which road to choose.

**Author's note**

**Thanks for the reviews and I'm sorry for the delay, but as you'll have noticed this was a pretty long chapter!  For those of you wondering who/what Brenda is going to choose, don't worry there is an Epilogue coming soon (and I haven't forgotten about the envelope that Dylan is carrying round with him – All will be revealed!).  We're nearly there now I promise!**


	46. Epilogue

As she made her way down the academy steps and on to the street, Brenda Walsh zipped up her jacket and pulled her scarf more tightly around her neck.  As she walked, the snow crunched under her boots and soft flakes fell on to her hair and jacket, glittering momentarily in the moonlight before melting away.  It was mid December and for the first time this winter London was covered in a light dusting of snow.  

Already people were speculating eagerly on the odds of it being a white Christmas.  Brenda couldn't help being amused at the fervour created by a few lousy flakes of snow.  In Minnesota a white Christmas was pretty much a given and the first snowfall of the year was often lamented rather than celebrated.  Still their enthusiasm was infectious and even she couldn't help feeling just a little excited.

Oxford Street was always crowded, but tonight, with a little over a week to go to the holidays, the streets were buzzing with late night shoppers who hadn't been deterred by the weather.  On the corner, a street vendor handed out steaming bags of roast chestnuts and as she hurried past him she could hear the strains of 'We wish you a Merry Christmas' from the brass band of the Salvation Army playing on the next street.  

Brenda couldn't believe that it was Christmas already.  Her first semester at the Academy had flown by.  It'd been tough to begin with, a new city, a new life.  But she had stuck it out and she was glad.  Her classes were exciting and each day had brought new challenges and discoveries. Already she could sense that she was making progress, developing as an actress.  She had a long way to go before she fulfilled her dreams, but somehow she knew that she was on the right path. 

She had fallen in love with London immediately.  The city was vibrant and cosmopolitan, yet at the same time the sense of history and tradition was so strong she could almost taste it.  There was something about old London town that tugged at Brenda; awakened feelings she never knew existed.  Each morning as she looked out of the window of her digs, she was filled with a rush of excitement.  Here she was a budding actress in London.  She was no longer dreaming about her life, she was living her dream.

She'd immersed herself completely in academy life.  Her evenings were spent with her classmates, sitting in dark and dingy cafes full of the oddest assortment of colourful characters.  Her parents would have been horrified, but Brenda would watch them enthralled, storing away their foibles and accents, in case she needed them for a part. The evenings were full of laughter and companionship, drinking what passed for coffee and munching sticky buns, whilst attempting to learn lines for whatever play they were currently rehearsing.  

Religiously she'd leaf through back issues of 'The Stage' lamenting along with countless others, the lack of strong parts for young women.  She'd been to almost all the student productions, during which she'd studied every nuance of the female leads' performances, in her head figuring how she'd play it herself.  She'd even blown some of her allowance on fringe theatre productions and the occasional West End show.  

She'd loved it all.  

It still amazed her how quickly she had managed to blend in and feel at home.  She had gathered around her a diverse assortment of friends from the Academy.   Their personalities were as different as their ages and backgrounds, but they all shared a love of acting, a love, which bonded them together. As they struggled to learn new techniques, to open up and lay their emotions on the line in the name of art, they had come to depend upon each other.  These people had become her surrogate family, an integral part of her day-to-day life.

But today the academy had shut its doors for the Christmas vacation.  Already she had said goodbye to friends who had returned to their families for holidays, travelling to places she'd never heard of, like Leeds, Wolverhampton and Manchester.  She'd even brushed away a couple of tears as they'd leant out of train windows waving frantically and wishing her a Merry Christmas.   Tomorrow she would be leaving London and heading back to Beverly Hills to spend the holidays with her own family.  

Tonight, shivering in snow-covered London, it was difficult to picture the sun soaked beaches of LA.  Tomorrow she would be there. But she wasn't sure she was ready to go back.  Being in London had given her the breathing space she'd needed and she didn't relish the prospect of giving that up.  

Guiltily she thought about how she had let her correspondence slip.  Donna had written to her faithfully every week, whereas she hadn't been nearly so diligent.  Although her days were packed with activities and she often fell in to bed exhausted at night, she knew that her busy schedule was just an excuse.  She could make time to write if she wanted to.  She'd had every intention of keeping in touch, but it had been nice to cut herself off for a while, to enjoy her new life and some time alone.

Time alone with him.

As she turned the corner and reached Trafalgar square, she gasped in delight at the magical scene before her.  The giant fir tree, an annual gift from the people of Norway to the people of Britain, stood resplendent dominating the skyline.  Hundreds of coloured fairy lights danced in front of her eyes and the water in the fountains sparkled under the spell of the bright white floodlights.  Around her the air was filled with the sweet harmony of the carol singers crowded under the tree. 

Then she saw him.  He was standing with his back to her, hands jammed in to his pockets, collar turned up against the cold.  She wondered how long he'd been waiting.  A mischievous glint in her eyes, she snuck up behind him, the snow muffling her footsteps.  "Guess who?"  She demanded covering his eyes with her hands.

"Oh I don't know, seems familiar.  Something about that perfume I'm sure I've smelt it before and that voice.  Don't tell me."  He paused dramatically pretending to think. "Could it possibly be Brenda Walsh, up and coming star of the London theatrical scene?" He asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"The very same." Brenda confirmed, removing her hands and grinning as he turned to face her.

"So, what do you think?"  He asked, gesturing to the festive scene around them. "Was this a great idea or what?"

"I think it's beautiful Dylan." Brenda responded warmly "It was a wonderful idea."  She sighed.  It was perfect; exactly the way she wanted to spend her last night in London.  She still couldn't believe that they were here together.  When she'd walked away from him at the airport last summer, when she'd gotten on the plane she'd thought that was it, but she'd been wrong. 

Dylan had been in the audience on the third night of the tour and had been a constant at every subsequent performance.  At first she had asked him to leave, tried to run away, but his persistence had won her over.  He had refused to give up, determined to prove to her how much he loved her.  He'd even followed her back to London when the tour finished.  He had rented a flat near the academy and registered for an English degree at the University.

Tentatively they had renewed their friendship. At first Dylan had accompanied Brenda and her friends on outings, but gradually they had begun to spend time together, just the two of them, catching a movie, going to a fringe production or just seeing the sights.  They had started again from the beginning, slowly getting to know each other. Brenda didn't know quite when it had happened, but at some point she had begun to trust him again, begun to feel comfortable with him again.

They were still in the first few weeks of their new relationship and both were trying hard to make it work.  Tonight they were having dinner together in town; tomorrow they would both be flying back to Beverly Hills to spend Christmas with her family.  She was apprehensive about the reaction they would get, but she wasn't going to worry about that tonight, tonight she was just going to enjoy the moment.

"So?"  She asked archly "About my Christmas gift, you promised you'd give me another clue."

"Actually I can do better than that." Dylan beamed, reaching in to his pocket and retrieving the battered envelope "I've got it right here."  Teasingly he held it behind his back.

"Can I open it now?" Brenda asked intrigued and a little excited.

Dylan shrugged "I was going to wrap it, but if you want to open it now."

"Definitely now."  Brenda decided, taking the envelope from him and tipping the contents in to the palm of her hand.  She stared in surprise at the heart shaped pendant that Dylan had bought her for Christmas two years ago.

She looked at him in confusion. "Dylan I don't understand."

He nodded, swallowing hard, preparing to explain.  "Brenda when I gave you this pendant, it was my way of saying that I loved you and that I wanted to be with you, that you made my life complete.  When you wore it I always knew that you felt the same way, that we were meant to be together."

"Dylan what are saying?"  Brenda asked nervously.

"I'm saying that I still love you Bren and I want to be with you.  I'm asking you if you'll take it back, take me back?"

Taking a deep breath, Brenda looked up at the night sky and a multitude of stars blinked back at her.  Christmas Eve a year ago, a young priest had insisted that when it came to this moment, she would know what to do.   He was right.  

She smiled.  "Yes Dylan, I will."  

**THE END**

**Author's note**

**Well that's it; we've finally reached the end of the story.  I had that ending planned right from the start.  I hope you have enjoyed reading the story as much as I enjoyed writing it.  I have to admit although I had planned it out in advance it took on a life of its own and ended up being much longer than I ever imagined.  A year is a long time to write one story and I would like to thank all those who reviewed for their kind and constructive comments and for keeping me motivated.  Special thanks to Crystal who I think reviewed almost every chapter.  As for writing another Beverly Hills story, I could be tempted, although I'll have to wait until I have another story to tell.  I can promise you that if I do write another, it won't be a work in progress, far too stressful!**

**Keep writing and reviewing!!**


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